da.therestaurantattheendoftheuniverse-第7部分
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〃I go up;〃 said the elevator; 〃or down。〃
〃Good;〃 said Zaphod; 〃We're going up。〃
〃Or down;〃 the elevator reminded him。
〃Yeah; OK; up please。〃
There was a moment of silence。
〃Down's very nice;〃 suggested the elevator hopefully。
〃Oh yeah?〃
〃Super。〃
〃Good;〃 said Zaphod; 〃Now will you take us up?〃
〃May I ask you;〃 inquired the elevator in its sweetest; most reasonable voice; 〃if you've considered all the possibilities that down might offer you?〃
Zaphod knocked one of his heads against the inside wall。 He didn't need this; he thought to himself; this of all things he had no need of。 He hadn't asked to be here。 If he was asked at this moment where he would like to be he would probably have said he would like to be lying on the beach with at least fifty beautiful women and a small team of experts working out new ways they could be nice to him; which was his usual reply。 To this he would probably have added something passionate on the subject of food。
One thing he didn't want to be doing was chasing after the man who ruled the Universe; who was only doing a job which he might as well keep at; because if it wasn't him it would only be someone else。 Most of all he didn't want to be standing in an office block arguing with an elevator。
〃Like what other possibilities?〃 he asked wearily。
〃Well;〃 the voice trickled on like honey on biscuits; 〃there's the basement; the microfiles; the heating system。。。 er。。。〃
It paused。
〃Nothing particularly exciting;〃 it admitted; 〃but they are alternatives。〃
〃Holy Zarquon;〃 muttered Zaphod; 〃did I ask for an existentialist elevator?〃 he beat his fists against the wall。
〃What's the matter with the thing?〃 he spat。
〃It doesn't want to go up;〃 said Marvin simply; 〃I think it's afraid。〃
〃Afraid?〃 cried Zaphod; 〃Of what? Heights? An elevator that's afraid of heights?〃
〃No;〃 said the elevator miserably; 〃of the future。。。〃
〃The future?〃 exclaimed Zaphod; 〃What does the wretched thing want; a pension scheme?〃
At that moment a motion broke out in the reception hall behind them。 From the walls around them came the sound of suddenly active machinery。
〃We can all see into the future;〃 whispered the elevator in what sounded like terror; 〃it's part of our programming。〃
Zaphod looked out of the elevator … an agitated crowd had gathered round the elevator area; pointing and shouting。
Every elevator in the building was ing down; very fast。
He ducked back in。
〃Marvin;〃 he said; 〃just get this elevator go up will you? We've got to get to Zarniwoop。〃
〃Why?〃 asked Marvin dolefully。
〃I don't know;〃 said Zaphod; 〃but when I find him; he'd better have a very good reason for me wanting to see him。〃
Modern elevators are strange and plex entities。 The ancient electric winch and 〃maximum…capacity…eight…persons〃 jobs bear as much relation to a Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Happy Vertical People Transporter as a packet of mixed nuts does to the entire west wing of the Sirian State Mental Hospital。
This is because they operate on the curios principle of 〃defocused temporal perception〃。 In other words they have the capacity to see dimly into the immediate future; which enables the elevator to be on the right floor to pick you up even before you knew you wanted it; thus eliminating all the tedious chatting; relaxing; and making friends that people were previously forced to do whist waiting for elevators。
Not unnaturally; many elevators imbued with intelligence and precognition became terribly frustrated with the mindless business of going up and down; up and down; experimented briefly with the notion of going sideways; as a sort of existential protest; demanded participation in the decision…making process and finally took to squatting in basements sulking。
An impoverished hitch…hiker visiting any planets in the Sirius star system these days can pick up easy money working as a counsellor for neurotic elevators。
At the fifteenth floor the elevator doors opened quickly。
〃Fifteenth;〃 said the elevator; 〃and remember; I'm only doing this because I like your robot。〃
Zaphod and Marvin bundled out of the elevator which instantly snapped its doors shut and dropped as fast as its mechanism would take it。
Zaphod looked around warily。 The corridor was deserted and silent and gave no clue as to where Zarniwoop might be found。 All the doors that led off the corridor were closed and unmarked。
They were standing close to the bridge which led across from one tower of the building to the other。 Through a large window the brilliant sun of Ursa Minor Beta threw blocks of light in which danced small specks of dust。 A shadow flitted past momentarily。
〃Left in the lurch by a lift;〃 muttered Zaphod; who was feeling at his least jaunty。
They both stood and looked in both directions。
〃You know something?〃 said Zaphod to Marvin。
〃More that you can possibly imagine。〃
〃I'm dead certain this building shouldn't be shaking;〃 Zaphod said。
It was just a light tremor through the soles of his feet … and another one。 In the sunbeams the flecks of dust danced more vigorously。 Another shadow flitted past。
Zaphod looked at the floor。
〃Either;〃 he said; not very confidently; 〃they've got some vibro system for toning up your muscles while you work; or。。。〃
He walked across to the window and suddenly stumbled because at that moment his Joo Janta 200 Super…Chromatic Peril Sensitive sunglasses had turned utterly black。 A large shadow flitted past the window with a sharp buzz。
Zaphod ripped off his sunglasses; and as he did so the building shook with a thunderous roar。 He leapt to the window。
〃Or;〃 he said; 〃this building's being bombed!〃
Another roar cracked through the building。
〃Who in the Galaxy would want to bomb a publishing pany?〃 asked Zaphod; but never heard Marvin's reply because at that moment the building shook with another bomb attack。 He tried to stagger back to the elevator … a pointless manoeuvre he realized; but the only one he could think of。
Suddenly; at the end of the corridor leading at right angles from this one; he caught sight of a figure as it lunged into view; a man。 The man saw him。
〃Beeblebrox; over here!〃 he shouted。
Zaphod eyed him with distrust as another bomb blast rocked the building。
〃No;〃 called Zaphod; 〃Beeblebrox over here! Who are you?〃
〃A friend!〃 shouted back the man。 He ran towards Zaphod。
〃Oh yeah?〃 said Zaphod; 〃Anyone's friend in particular; or just generally well disposed of people?〃
The man raced along the corridor; the floor bucking beneath his feet like an excited blanket。 He was short; stocky and weatherbeaten and his clothes looked as if they'd been twice round the Galaxy and back with him in them。
〃Do you know;〃 Zaphod shouted in his ear when he arrived; 〃your building's being bombed?〃
The man indicated his awareness。
It suddenly stopped being light。 Glancing round at the window to see why; Zaphod gaped as a huge sluglike; gunmetal…green spacecraft crept through the air past the building。 Two more followed it。
〃The government you deserted is out to get you; Zaphod;〃 hissed the man; 〃they've sent a squadron of Frogstar Fighters。〃
〃Frogstar Fighters!〃 muttered Zaphod; 〃Zarquon!〃
〃You get the picture?〃
〃What are Frogstar Fighters?〃 Zaphod was sure he'd heard someone talk about them when he was President; but he never paid much attention to official matters。
The man was pulling him back through a door。 He went with him。 With a searing whine a small black spider…like object shot through the air and disappeared down the corridor。
〃What was that?〃 hissed Zaphod。
〃Frogstar Scout robot class A out looking for you;〃 said the man。
〃Hey yeah?〃
〃Get down!〃
From the opposite direction came a larger black spider…like object。 It zapped past them。
〃And that was。。。?〃
〃A Frogstar Scout robot class B out looking for you。〃
〃And that?〃 said Zaphod; as a third one seared through the air。
〃A Frogstar Scout robot class C out looking for you。〃
〃Hey;〃 chuckled Zaphod to himself; 〃pretty stupid robots eh?〃
From over the bridge came a massive rumbling hum。 A gigantic black shape was moving over it from the opposite tower; the size and shape of a tank。
〃Holy photon; what's that?〃
〃A tank;〃 said the man; 〃Frogstar Scout robot class D e to get you。〃
〃Should we leave?〃
〃I think we should。〃
〃Marvin!〃 called Zaphod。
〃What do you want?〃
Marvin rose from a pile of rubble further down the corridor and looked at them。
〃You see that robot ing towards us?〃
Marvin looked at the gigantic black shape edging forward towards them over the bridge。 He looked down at his own small metal body。 He looked back up at the tank。
〃I suppose you want me to stop it;〃 he said。
〃Yeah。〃
〃Whilst you save your skins。〃
〃Yeah;〃 said Zaphod; 〃get in there!〃
〃Just so long;〃 said Marvin; 〃as I know where I stand。〃
The man tugged at Zaphod's arm; and Zaphod followed him off down the corridor。
A point occurred to him about this。
〃Where are we going?〃