iancaldwell&dustinthomason.theruleoffour-第45部分

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watch　her　there；　beneath　Blair　Arch；　warming　herself　in　Donald　Morgan's　arms；　would　strip　the　pearls　and　diamonds　from　my　future。
　And　then　it　happened：　just　as　I'd　reached　the　full　bloom　of　self…pity；　a　knock　came　at　the　door。　It　was　followed　by　a　turning　of　the　knob；　and　the　same　way　it　had　happened　a　hundred　times　before；　Katie　let　herself　in。　Beneath　her　coat　I　could　see　she　was　wearing　my　favorite　of　her　sweaters；　the　emerald…colored　one　that　matched　her　eyes。
　〃You're　supposed　to　be　at　the　arch　sing〃　was　the　first　thing　I　managed　to　say；　and　of　all　the　monkey…written　binations；　it　was　probably　the　worst。
　〃So　are　you；〃　she　said；　staring　me　up　and　down。
　I　knew　how　I　must　look　to　her。　The　wolf　Charlie　had　shown　me　in　the　mirror　was　the　one　Katie　saw　now。
　〃Why　are　you　here？〃　I　said；　glancing　at　the　door。
　〃They're　not　ing。〃　She　forced　herself　back　into　my　focus。　〃I'm　here　so　you　can　apologize。〃
　For　a　second　I　thought　Gil　had　put　her　up　to　this；　inventing　something　about　how　bad　I　felt；　how　I　just　didn't　know　what　to　say。　But　another　glance　told　me　otherwise。　She　knew　I　had　no　intention　of　saying　I　was　sorry。
　〃Well？〃
　〃You　think　this　is　my　fault？〃　I　asked。
　〃Everyone　does。〃
　〃What　everyone？〃
　〃Do　it；　Tom。　Apologize。〃
　Arguing　with　her　was　only　making　me　angrier　with　myself。
　〃Fine。　I　love　you。　I　wish　things　had　worked　out。　I'm　sorry　they　didn't。〃
　〃If　you　wish　things　had　worked　out；　why　didn't　you　do　anything？〃
　〃Look　at　me；〃　I　told　her。　The　four…day　beard；　the　unkempt　hair。　〃This　is　what　I　did。〃
　〃You　did　that　for　the　book。〃
　〃It's　the　same　thing。〃
　〃I'm　the　same　as　the　book？〃
　〃Yes。〃
　She　glared　at　me　as　if　I'd　dug　myself　a　hole。　But　she　knew　what　I　was　about　to　say；　she'd　just　never　accepted　it。
　〃My　father　spent　his　life　on　the　Hypnerotomachia；〃　I　told　her。　〃I've　never　felt　more　excited　than　when　I'm　working　on　it。　I　lose　sleep　over　it；　I　don't　eat　because　of　it；　I　have　dreams　about　it。〃　I　found　myself　looking　around；　searching　for　words。　〃I　don't　know　how　else　to　say　it。　It's　like　going　to　the　battlefield　to　see　your　tree。　Being　near　it　makes　me　feel　like　everything's　right；　like　I'm　not　lost　anymore。〃　I　kept　my　eyes　away　from　her。　〃So　are　you　the　same　as　the　book　to　me？　Yes。　Of　course　you　are。　You're　the　only　thing　that's　the　same　as　the　book　to　me。〃
　I　made　a　mistake。　I　thought　I　could　have　you　both。　I　was　wrong。
　〃Why　am　I　here；　Tom？〃
　〃To　rub　it　in。〃
　〃Why？〃
　〃To　make　me　apologi…〃
　〃Tom。〃　She　stopped　me　with　a　look。　〃Why　am　I　here？〃
　Because　you　feel　the　same　way　I　do。
　Yes。
　Because　this　was　too　important　to　leave　it　up　to　me。
　Yes。
　〃What　do　you　want？〃　I　said。
　〃I　want　you　to　stop　working　on　the　book。〃
　〃That's　all？〃
　〃That's　all？　That's　all？〃
　Now；　suddenly；　emotion。
　〃I'm　supposed　to　feel　sorry　for　you　because　you　gave　up　on　us　to　act　like　a　slob　and　live　in　that　book？　You　ass；　I　spent　four　days　with　my　shades　down　and　my　door　locked。　Karen　called　my　parents。　My　mom　flew　down　from　New　Hampshire。〃
　〃I'm　sor…〃
　〃Shut　up。　It　isn't　your　turn　to　talk。　I　went　out　to　the　battlefield　to　see　my　tree；　and　I　couldn't。　I　couldn't；　because　now　it's　our　tree。　I　can't　listen　to　music；　because　every　song　is　something　we　sang　in　the　car；　or　in　my　room；　or　in　here。　It　takes　me　an　hour　to　get　ready　for　class；　because　I　feel　like　I'm　dazed　half　the　time。　I　can't　find　my　socks；　I　can't　find　my　favorite　black　bra。　Donald's　always　asking　me；　'Honey；　what's　wrong；　Honey；　what's　wrong？'　Nothing's　wrong；　Donald。〃　She　pushed　her　wrists　into　her　cuffs　and　blotted　her　eyes。
　〃That's　not　wh…〃　I　began　again。
　But　it　still　wasn't　my　turn。
　〃At　least　with　Peter　I　could　understand。　We　weren't　perfect　together。　He　loved　lacrosse　more　than　he　loved　me；　I　knew　that。　He　wanted　to　get　me　in　bed；　and　after　that　he　lost　interest。〃　She　moved　a　hand　through　her　hair；　trying　to　push　away　the　bangs　that　had　gotten　snarled　in　tears。　〃But　you。　I　fought　for　you。　I　waited　a　month　before　I　let　you　kiss　me　the　first　time。　I　cried　the　night　after　we　slept　together；　because　I　thought　I　was　going　to　lose　you。〃　She　stopped；　galled　by　the　thought。　〃And　now　I'm　losing　you　to　a　book。　A　book。　At　least　tell　me　it's　not　what　I　think；　Tom。　Tell　me　you've　been　seeing　a　senior　on　the　side　all　this　time。　Tell　me　it's　because　she　doesn't　do　all　the　stupid　things　I　do；　she　doesn't　dance　naked　in　front　of　you　like　some　kind　of　idiot　because　she　thinks　you　enjoy　her　singing；　or　wake　you　up　at　6　A。M。　to　go　running　because　she　wants　to　make　sure；　every　single　morning；　that　you're　still　there。　Tell　me　something。〃
　She　looked　up　at　me；　broken　in　a　way　that　I　know　ashamed　her；　and　I　could　only　think　of　one　thing。　There　was　a　night；　not　long　after　the　accident；　when　I　accused　my　mother　of　not　caring　for　my　father。　If　you　loved　him；　I　said　to　her；　you　would've　supported　his　work。　The　look　that　crossed　her　face；　which　I　can't　begin　to　describe；　told　me　there　was　nothing　more　shameful　in　the　world　than　what　I　had　just　said。
　〃I　love　you；〃　I　told　Katie；　stepping　toward　her　so　that　she　could　press　her　face　into　my　shirt　and　be　invisible　for　a　moment。　〃I'm　so　sorry。〃
　And　that　was　the　moment；　I　think；　when　the　tide　began　to　change。　My　terminal　condition；　the　love　affair　I　thought　was　in　my　genes；　slowly　started　to　lose　its　grip　on　me。　The　triangle　was　collapsing。　In　its　place　stood　a　pair　of　points；　a　binary　star；　separated　by　the　smallest　possible　distance。
　A　jumble　of　silences　followed；　all　the　things　she　needed　to　say　but　knew　she　shouldn't　have　to；　all　the　things　I　wanted　to　say　but　didn't　know　how　to。
　〃I'll　tell　Paul；〃　I　said；　the　best　and　most　truthful　thing　I　could；　〃I'm　going　to　stop　working　on　the　book。〃
　Redemption。　The　realization　that　I　wasn't　putting　up　a　fight；　that　I'd　finally　figured　out　what　was　best　for　my　own　happiness；　was　enough　to　make　Katie　do　something　I　think　she　was　saving　for　much　later；　after　I　was　back　on　the　wagon　for　sure。　She　kissed　me。　And　that　moment　of　contact；　like　the　lightning　that　gave　the　monster　his　second　shot　at　life；　created　a　new　beginning。
　I　didn't　see　Paul　that　night；　I　spent　it　with　Katie　and　ended　up　telling　him　my　decision　the　next　day　at　Dod。　He；　too；　seemed　unsurprised。　I'd　been　suffering　so　much　with　Colonna　that　he　sensed　I　might　throw　in　the　towel　at　the　first　sign　of　relief。　He'd　been　persuaded　by　Gil　and　Charlie　that　it　was　the　best　thing　anyway；　and　somehow　he　didn't　hold　it　against　me。　Maybe　he　guessed　I'd　be　back。　Maybe　he'd　e　far　enough　to　think　he　could　finish　the　riddles　alone。　Whatever　it　was；　when　I　finally　told　him　my　reasoning…the　lesson　of　Jenny　Harlow　and　Carracci's　engraving…he　seemed　to　agree。　I　could　tell　from　his　expression　that　he　knew　more　about　Carracci　than　I　did；　but　he　never　once　corrected　me。　Paul；　who　had　more　reasons　than　anyone　to　believe　that　some　interpretations　are　better　than　others；　and　that　the　right　ones　make　all　the　difference；　was　generous　about　my　spin　on　things；　the　same　way　he'd　always　been。　It　was　more　than　his　way　of　showing　respect；　I　think；　it　was　his　way　of　showing　friendship。
　〃It's　better　to　love　something　that　can　love　you　back；〃　he　told　me。
　It　was　the　only　thing　he　needed　to　say。
　　
　What　began　as　Paul's　thesis；　then；　became　Paul's　thesis　once　more。　At　first；　it　looked　as　if　he　might　pull　it　off　alone。　The　fourth　riddle；　which　had　taken　a　whip　to　me；　came　to　him　in　three　days。　I　suspect　he'd　had　the　idea　all　along；　but　kept　it　from　me　because　he　knew　I　wouldn't　take　his　advice。　The　answer　was　in　a　book　called　the　Hieroglyphica；　by　a　man　named　Horapollo；　which　turned　up　in　Renaissance　Italy　in　the　1420s；　purporting　to　solve　the　ages…old　problem　of　interpreting　Egyptian　hieroglyphics。　Horapollo；　taken　by　humanists　to　be　some　kind　of　ancient　Egyptian　sage；　was　in　fact　a　fifth…century　scholar　who　wrote　in　Greek　and　probably　didn't　know　much　more　about　hieroglyphics　than　Eskimos　know　about　summer。　Some　of　the　symbols　in　his　Hieroglyphica　involve　animals　that　aren't　even　Egyptian。　Still；　amidst　the　humanist　fervor　over　new　knowledge；　the　text　became　wildly　popular；　at　least　in　the　small　circles　where　wild　popularity　and　dead　languages　weren't　mutually　exclusive。
　The　night…owl；　according　to　Horapollo；　is　a　symbol　of　death；　for　the　night…owl　suddenly　descends　upon　the　young　of　the　crow　in　the　night；　as　death　es　upon　a　man　suddenly。　An　eagle　with　a　twisted　beak；　Horapollo　wrote；　signifies　an　old　man　dying　of　hunger；　for　when　the　eagle　grows　old；　he　twists　his　beak　and　dies　of　hunger。　The　blind　beetle；　finally；　is　a　glyph　that　means　a　man　has　died　from　sunstroke；　for　a　beetle　dies　when　blinded　by　the　sun。　Cryptic　as　Horapollo's　reasoning　was；　Paul　knew　immediately　that　he'd　fixed　on　the　right　source。　And　he　saw　very　quickly　what　the　three　animals　had　in　mon：　death。　Applying　the　Latin　word　for　it；　mors；　as　his　cipher；　he　produced　Colonna's　fourth　message。
　
　You　who　have　e　so　far　are　joined　by　the　philosophers　of　my　day；　who　in　your　time　are　perhaps　the　dust　of　ages；　but　who　in　mine　were　the　giants　of　mankind。　I　am　soon　to　put　upon　you　the　burden　of　what　remains；　for　there　is　much　to　tell　and　I　grow　fearful　that　my　secret　is　too　easily　spread。　But　first；　out　of　deference　to　your　acplishment；