cw.imarriedadeadman-第20部分

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　For　herself　she　took　very　little；　only　what　was　of　absolute　necessity。　Underthings；　an　extra　pair　or　two　of　stockings…
　Things；　things。　What　did　things　matter；　when　your　whole　world　was　breaking　up　and　crumbling　about　you？　Your　world？　It　wasn't　your　world；　it　was　a　world　you　had　no　right　to　be　in。
　She　dropped　the　lid　of　the　valise；　latched　it　impatiently　on　what　it　held；　indifferent　to　whether　it　held　enough；　or　too　much；　or　too　little。　A　little　tongue　of　white　stuff　was　trapped；　left　protruding　through　the　seam；　and　she　let　it　be。
　She　put　on　the　hat　and　coat　she'd　left　in　readiness　across　the　foot　of　the　bed。　The　hat　without　consulting　a　mirror；　though　there　was　one　right　at　her　shoulder。　She　picked　up　her　handbag；　and　probed　into　it　with　questing　hand。　She　brought　out　a　key；　the　key　to　this　house；　and　put　it　down　on　the　dresser。　Then　she　brought　out　a　small　change…purse　and　shook　it　out。　A　cabbagy　cluster　of　interfolded　currency　fell　out　soundlessly；　and　a　sprinkling　of　coins；　these　last　with　a　tinkling　sound　and　some　rolling　about。　She　swept　them　all　closer　together；　and　then　left　them　there　on　top　of　the　dresser。　Then　she　picked　uj　the　seventeen　cents　and　dropped　that　into　the　changepurse　instead；　and　replaced　it　in　the　handbag；　and　thrust　that　under　her　arm。
　She　went　over　beside　the　crib；　then；　and　lowered　its　side。　She　crouched　down　on　a　level　with　the　small　sleeping　face。　She　kissed　it　lightly　on　each　eyelid。　〃I'll　be　back　for　you　in　a　minute；〃　she　whispered。　〃I　have　to　take　the　bag　down　first　and　stand　it　at　the　door。　I　can't　manage　you　both　on　those　stairs；　I'm　afraid。〃　She　straightened　up；　lingered　a　moment；　looking　down　at　him。　〃We're　going　for　a　ride；　you　and　I；　we　don't　know　where；　and　we　don't　care。　Straight　out；　along　the　way　the　trains　go。　We'll　find　someone　along　the　road　who'll　let　us　in　next　to　him…〃
　The　clock　said　a　little　after　one　now。
　She　went　over　to　the　door；　softly　opened　it；　and　carried　the　valise　outside　with　her。　She　eased　it　closed　behind　her；　and　then　she　started　down　the　stairs　valise　in　hand；　with　infinite　slowness；　as　though　it　weighed　a　lot。　Yet　it　couldn't　have　been　the　valise　alone　that　seemed　to　pull　her　arm　down　so；　it　must　have　been　the　leadenness　of　her　heart。
　Suddenly　she'd　stopped；　and　allowed　the　valise　to　e　to　rest　on　the　step　beside　her。　They　were　sthnding　there　without　a　sound；　down　below　her　by　the　front　door；　the　two　of　them。　Father　Hazzard　and　Doctor　Parker。　She　hadn't　heard　them　until　now；　for　they　hadn't　been　saying　anything。　They　must　have　been　standing　there　in　a　sort　of　momentary　mournful　silence；　just　preceding　leavetaking。
　They　broke　it　now；　as　she　stood　there　unseen；　above　the　bend　of　the　stairs。
　〃Well；　goodnight；　Donald；〃　the　doctor　said　at　last；　and　she　saw　him　put　his　hand　to　Father　Hazzard's　shoulder　in　an　attempt　at　consolation；　then　let　it　trail　heavily　off　again。　〃Get　some　sleep。　She'll　be　all　right。〃　He　opened　the　door；　then　he　added：　〃But　no　excitement；　no　stress　of　any　kind　from　now　on；　you　understand　that；　Donald？　That'll　be　your　job；　to　keep　all　that　away　from　her。　Can　I　count　on　you？〃
　〃You　can　count　on　me；〃　Father　Hazzard　said　forlornly。
　The　door　closed；　and　he　turned　away　and　started　up　the　stairs；　to　where　she　stood　riveted。　She　moved　down　a　step　or　two　around　the　turn　to　meet　him；　leaving　the　valise　behind　her；　doffed　hat　and　coat　flung　atop　it　now。
　He　looked　up　and　he　saw　her；　without　much　surprise；　without　much　of　anything　except　a　sort　of　stony　sadness。
　〃Oh；　it's　you；　Patrice；〃　he　said　dully。　〃Did　you　hear　him？　Did　you　hear　what　he　just　said？〃
　〃Who　is　it…Mother？〃
　〃She　had　another　of　those　spells　soon　after　we　retired。　He's　been　in　there　with　her　for　over　an　hour　and　a　half。　It　was　touch　and　go；　for　a　few　minutes；　at　first…〃
　〃But　Father！　Why　didn't　you…？〃
　He　sat　down　heavily　on　the　stair…step。　She　sat　down　beside　him；　slung　one　arm　about　his　shoulders。
　〃Why　should　I　bother　you；　dear？　There　wouldn't　have　been　anything　you　could　have…　You　have　the　baby　on　your　hands　all　day　long；　you　need　your　rest。　Besides；　this　isn't　anything　new。　Her　heart's　always　been　weak。　Way　back　before　the　boys　were　born…〃
　〃I　never　knew。　You　never　told　me…　But　is　it　getting　worse？〃
　〃Things　like　that　don't　improve　as　you　get　on　in　years；〃　he　said　gently。
　She　let　her　head　slant　to　rest　against　his　shoulder；　in　punction。
　He　patted　her　hand　consolingly。　〃She'll　be　all　right　We'll　see　that　she　is；　you　and　I；　between　us；　won't。we？〃
　She　shivered　a　little；　involuntarily；　at　that。
　〃It's　just　that　we've　got　to　cushion　her　against　all　shocks　and　upsets；〃　he　said。　〃You　and　the　young　fellow；　you're　about　the　best　medicine　for　her　there　is。　Just　having　you　around…〃
　And　if　in　the　morning　she　had　asked　for　Patrice；　asked　for　her　grandchild；　and　he'd　had　to　tell　her…She　fell　strangely　silent；　looking　down　at　the　steps　under　their　feet；　but　no　longer　seeing　them。　And　if　she'd　e　out　of　her　room　five　minutes　later；　just　missing　the　doctor　as　he　left；　she　might　have　brought　death　into　this　house；　in　repayment　for　all　the　love　that　had　been　lavished　on　her。　Killed　the　only　mother　she'd　ever　known。
　He　misunderstood　her　abstraction；　pressed　her　chin　with　the　cleft　of　his　hand。　〃Now　don't　take　it　like　that；　she　wouldn't　want　you　to；　you　know。　And　Pat；　don't　let　her　know　you've　found　out　about　it。　Let　her　keep　on　thinking　it's　her　secret　and　mine。　I　know　she'll　be　happier　that　way。〃
　She　sighed　deeply。　It　was　a　sigh　of　decision；　of　capitulation　to　the　inevitable。　She　turned　and　kissed　him　briefly　on　the　side　of　the　head　and　stroked　his　hair　a　couple　of　times。　Then　she　stood　up。
　〃I'm　going　up；〃　she　said　quietly。　〃Go　down　and　put　out　the　halllight　after　us；　a　minute。〃
　He　retraced　his　steps　momentarily。　She　picked　up　the　valise；　the　coat；　the　hat；　and　quietly　reopened　the　door　of　her　own　room。
　〃Goodnight；　Patrice。〃
　〃Goodnight；　Father；　I'll　see　you　in　the　morning。〃
　She　carried　them　in　with　her；　and　closed　the　door；　and　in　the　darkness　on　the　other　side　she　stood　still　a　minute。　A　silent；　choking　prayer　welled　up　in　her。
　〃Give　me　strength；　for　there's　no　running　away；　I　see　that　now。　The　battle　must　be　fought　out　here　where　I　stand；　and　I　dare　not　even　cry　out〃
　
　
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　Then　they　stopped　suddenly。　There　were　no　more。　No　more　came。　The　days　became　a　week；　the　week　became　a　month。　The　month　lengthened　toward　two。　And　no　more　came。
　It　was　as　though　the　battle　had　been　won　without　striking　a　blow。　No；　she　knew　that　wasn't　so；　it　was　as　though　the　battle　had　been　broken　off；　held　in　abeyance；　at　the　whim　of　the　crafty；　shadowy　adversary。
　She　clutched　at　straws…straws　of　attempted　prehension…and　they　all　failed　her。
　Mother　Hazzard　said：　〃Edna　Harding　got　back　today；　she's　been　visiting　their　folks　in　Philadelphia　the　past　several　weeks。〃
　But　no　more　came。
　Bill　remarked：　〃I　ran　into　Tom　Bryant　today；　he　tells　me　his　older　sister　Marilyn's　been　laid　up　with　pleurisy；　she　only　got　out　of　bed　for　the　first　time　today。〃
　〃I　thought　I　hadn't　seen　her。〃
　But　no　more　came。
　Caulfield：　Population；　203；000；　she　thought。　That　was　what　the　atlas　in　the　library　said。　And　a　pair　of　hands　to　each　living　soul　of　them。　One　to　hold　down　the　flap　of　a　letter…box；　on　some　secret　shadowy　corner；　the　other　to　quickly；　furtively　slip　an　envelope　through　the　slot。
　No　more　came。　Yet　the　enigma　remained。　What　was　it？　Who　was　it？　Or　rather；　what　had　it　been？　Who　had　it　been？
　Yet　deep　in　her　innermost　heart　she　knew　somehow　the　present　tense　still　fitted　it；　none　other　would　do。　Things　like　that　didn't　just　happen　and　then　stop。　They　either　never　began　at　all；　or　else　they　ran　on　to　their　shattering；　destructive　conclusion。
　But　in　spite　of　that；　security　crept　back　a　little；　frightened　off　once　and　not　so　bold　now　as　before；　but　crept　tentatively　back　toward　her　a　little。
　In　the　mornings　the　world　was　bitter…sweet　to　look　at；　seeming　to　hold　its　breath；　waiting　to　see…
　
　
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　Mother　Hazzard　knocked　on　her　door　just　as　she'd　finished　tucking　Hughie　in。　There　wasn't　anything　exceptional　about　this；　it　was　a　nightly　event；　the　filching　of　a　last　grandmotherly　kiss　just　before　the　light　went　out。　Tonight；　however；　she　seemed　to　want　to　talk　to　Patrice　herself。　And　not　to　know　how　to　go　about　it。
　She　lingered　on　after　she'd　kissed　him；　and　the　side　of　the　crib　had　been　lifted　into　place。　She　stood　there　somewhat　uncertainly；　her　continued　presence　preventing　Patrice　from　switching　out　the　light
　There　was　a　moment's　awkwardness。
　〃Patrice。〃
　〃Yes；　Mother？〃
　Suddenly　she'd　blurted　it　out。　〃Bill　wants　to　take　you　to　the　Country　Club　dance　with　him　tonight　He's　waiting　down　there　now。〃
　Patrice　was　so　pletely　taken　back　she　didn't　answer　for　a　moment；　just　stood　there　looking　at　her。
　〃He　told　me　to　e　up　and　ask　you　if　you'd　go　with　him。〃　Then　she　rushed　on；　as　if　trying　to　talk　her　into　it　by　sheer　profusion　of　wordage；　〃They　have　one　about　once　each　month；　you　know；　and　he's　going　himself；　he　usually　does；　and…why　don't　you　get　dressed　and　go　with　him？〃　she　ended　up　on　a　coaxing　note。
　〃But　I…I〃　Patrice　stammered。
　〃Patrice；　you've　got　to　begin　sooner　or　later。　It　isn't　good　for　you　not