hr.thecarpetbaggers-第141部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


　from　my　own　soul；　I　could　not　bring　him　back。
　The　door　opened　and　I　looked　up。　Rosa　came　into　the　room；　followed　by　an　intern　and　a　nurse　wheeling　a　small　cart。　She　came　over　to　the　left　side　of　my　bed　and　stood　there；　smiling　down　at　me。　〃Hello；　Jonas。〃
　〃Hello；　Rosa；〃　I　mumbled　through　the　bandages。　〃Is　it　time　to　change　them　again？　I　didn't　expect　you　until　the　day　after　tomorrow。〃
　〃The　war　is　over。〃
　〃Yes；〃　I　said。　〃I　know。〃
　〃And　when　I　got　up　this　morning；　it　was　such　a　beautiful　morning；　I　decided　to　fly　down　here　and　take　off　your　bandages。〃
　I　peered　up　at　her。　〃I　see；〃　I　said。　〃I　always　wondered　where　doctors　got　their　logic。〃
　〃That　isn't　doctor's　logic；　that's　woman's　logic。　I　have　the　advantage　of　having　been　a　woman　long　before　I　became　a　doctor。〃
　I　laughed。　〃I'm　grateful　for　the　logic；　whichever　one　of　you　it　belongs　to。　It　will　be　nice　to　have　the　bandages　off；　even　for　a　little　while。〃
　She　was　still　smiling；　though　her　eyes　were　serious。　〃This　time；　they're　ing　off　for　good；　Jonas。〃
　I　stared　at　her　as　she　picked　up　a　scissors　from　the　cart。　I　reached　up　and　stayed　her　hand。　Suddenly；　I　was　afraid　to　have　her　remove　the　bandages。　I　felt　safe　having　them　wrapped　about　my　face　like　a　cocoon；　shielding　me　from　the　prying　eyes　of　the　world。　〃Is　it　soon　enough？　Will　it　be　all　right？〃
　She　sensed　my　feeling。　〃Your　face　will　be　sore　for　a　while　yet；〃　she　said；　snipping　away　at　the　cocoon。　〃It　will　be　even　sorer　as　the　flesh　and　muscles　take　up　their　work　again。　But　that　will　pass。　We　can't　spend　forever　hiding　behind　a　mask；　can　we？〃
　That　was　the　doctor　talking；　not　the　woman。　I　looked　up　at　her　face　as　she　snipped　and　unwound；　snipped　and　uncovered；　until　all　the　bandage　was　gone　and　I　felt　as　naked　as　a　newborn　baby；　with　a　strange　coolness　on　my　cheeks。　I　tried　to　see　myself　reflected　in　her　eyes　but　they　were　calm　and　expressionless；　impersonal　and　professionally　detached。　I　felt　her　fingers　press　against　my　cheek；　the　flesh　under　my　chin；　smooth　the　hair　back　from　my　temples。　〃Close　your　eyes。〃
　I　closed　them。　I　felt　her　fingers　touch　the　lids　lightly。　〃Open。〃
　I　opened　them。　Her　face　was　still　quiet　and　unrevealing。　〃Smile；〃　she　said。　〃Like　this。〃　She　made　with　a　wide；　humorless　grin　that　was　a　slapstick　parody　of　her　usual　warm　smile。
　I　grinned。　I　grinned　until　the　tiny　pains　that　came　to　my　cheeks　began　to　burn　like　hell。　And　still　I　grinned。
　〃O。K。；〃　she　said；　suddenly　smiling　now。　Really　smiling。　〃You　can　stop　now。〃
　I　stopped　and　stared　up　at　her。　〃How　is　it；　Doc？〃　I　tried　to　keep　it　light。　〃Pretty　horrible？〃
　〃It's　not　bad；〃　she　said　nonmittally。　〃You　were　never　a　raving　beauty；　you　know。〃　She　picked　up　a　mirror　from　the　cart。　〃Here。　See　for　yourself。〃
　I　didn't　look　at　the　mirror。　I　didn't　want　to　see　myself　just　yet。　〃Can　I　have　a　cigarette　first；　Doc？〃
　Silently　she　put　the　mirror　back　on　the　cart　and　took　a　package　of　cigarettes　from　her　coat　pocket。　She　sat　down　on　the　edge　of　my　bed；　put　one　in　her　mouth；　lit　it；　then　passed　it　to　me。　I　could　taste　the　faint　sweetness　of　her　lipstick　as　I　drew　the　smoke　into　me。
　〃You　were　cut　pretty　badly　when　Winthrop　pushed　you　through　that　port。　But　fortunately…　〃
　〃You　knew　about　that？〃　I　asked；　interrupting。　〃About　Amos；　I　mean。　How　did　you　find　out？〃
　〃From　you。　While　you　were　under　the　anesthetic。　We　kept　getting　the　story　in　fragments；　along　with　the　fragments　of　glass　we　were　picking　out　of　your　face。　Fortunately；　none　of　your　important　facial　muscles　were　severely　damaged。　It　was　largely　a　matter　of　surface　lesions。　We　were　able　to　make　the　necessary　skin　grafts　quickly。　And　successfully；　I　might　add。〃
　I　held　out　my　hand。　〃I'll　take　the　mirror　now；　Doc。〃
　She　took　my　cigarette　and　handed　me　the　mirror。　I　raised　it　and　when　I　looked　into　it；　I　felt　a　chill　go　through　me。
　〃Doc；〃　I　said　hoarsely。　〃I　look　exactly　like　my　father！〃
　She　took　the　mirror　from　my　hand　and　I　looked　up　at　her。　She　was　smiling。　〃Do　you；　Jonas？　But　that's　the　way　you've　always　looked。〃
　
　Later　that　morning；　Robair　brought　me　the　papers。　They　were　filled　with　the　story　of　Japan's　capitulation。　I　glanced　at　them　carelessly　and　tossed　them　aside。　〃Can　I　get　you　something　else　to　read；　Mr。　Jonas？〃
　〃No；〃　I　said。　〃No；　thanks。　I　just　don't　feel　much　like　reading。〃
　〃All　right；　Mr。　Jonas。　Maybe　you'd　like　to　sleep　some。〃　He　moved　toward　the　door。
　〃Robair。〃
　〃Yes；　Mr。　Jonas？〃
　〃Did　I…　〃　I　hesitated；　my　fingers　automatically　touching　my　cheek。　〃Did　I　always　look　like　this？〃
　His　white　teeth　flashed　in　a　smile。　〃Yes；　Mr。　Jonas。〃
　〃Like　my　father？〃
　〃Like　his　spittin'　image。〃
　I　was　silent。　Strange　how　all　your　life　you　tried　not　to　be　like　someone；　only　to　learn　that　you'd　been　stamped　indelibly　by　the　blood　that　ran　in　your　veins。
　〃Is　there　anything　else；　Mr。　Jonas？〃
　I　looked　up　at　Robair　and　shook　my　head。　〃I'll　try　to　sleep　now。〃
　I　leaned　back　against　the　pillow　and　closed　my　eyes。　I　heard　the　door　close　and　gradually　the　noise　from　the　street　faded　to　the　periphery　of　my　consciousness。　I　slept。　It　seemed　to　me　I'd　been　sleeping　a　great　deal　lately。　As　if　I　was　trying　to　catch　up　on　all　the　sleep　I'd　denied　myself　for　the　past　few　hundred　years。　But　I　could　not　have　slept　long　before　I　became　aware　that　someone　was　in　the　room。
　I　opened　my　eyes。　Jennie　was　standing　next　to　my　bed；　looking　down　at　me。　When　she　saw　my　eyes　open；　she　smiled。　〃Hello；　Jonas。〃
　〃I　was　sleeping；〃　I　said；　like　a　child　just　waking　from　a　nap。　〃I　was　dreaming　something　foolish。　I　was　dreaming　I　was　hundreds　of　years　old。〃
　〃It　was　a　happy　dream；　then。　I'm　glad。　Happy　dreams　will　help　you　get　well　faster。〃
　I　raised　myself　up　on　one　elbow　and　the　pulleys　squeaked　as　I　reached　for　the　cigarettes　on　the　table　next　to　the　bed。　Quickly　she　fluffed　the　pillows　and　moved　them　in　behind　me　to　support　my　back。　I　dragged　on　the　cigarette。　The　smoke　drove　the　sleep　from　my　brain。
　〃In　another　few　weeks；　they'll　have　the　cast　off　your　leg　and　you　can　go　home。〃
　〃I　hope　so；　Jennie；〃　I　said。
　Suddenly；　I　realized　she　wasn't　wearing　her　hospital　white。　〃This　is　the　first　time　I've　seen　you　in　a　black　veil；　Jennie。　Is　it　something　special？〃
　〃No；　Jonas。　This　is　what　I　always　wear；　except　when　I'm　on　duty　in　the　hospital。〃
　〃Then　this　is　your　day　off？〃
　〃There　are　no　days　off　in　the　service　of　Our　Saviour；〃　she　said　simply。　〃No；　Jonas；　I've　e　to　say　good…by。〃
　〃Good…by？　But　I　don't　understand。　You　said　it　would　be　a　few　weeks　before　I…　〃
　〃I'm　going　away；　Jonas。〃
　I　stared　up　at　her　stupidly。　〃Going　away？〃
　〃Yes；　Jonas；〃　she　said　quietly。　〃I've　only　been　here　at　Mercy　Hospital　until　I　could　get　transportation　to　the　Philippines。　We're　rebuilding　a　hospital　there　that　was　destroyed　in　the　war。　Now　I　am　free　to　leave；　by　plane。〃
　〃But　you　can't；　Jennie；〃　I　said。　〃You　can't　leave　the　people　you　know；　the　language　you　speak。　You'll　be　a　stranger　there；　you'll　be　alone。〃
　Her　fingers　touched　the　crucifix　hanging　from　the　black　leather　cincture　beneath　her　garment。　A　quiet　look　of　calm　deepened　in　her　gray　eyes。　〃I　am　never　alone；〃　she　said　simply。　〃He　is　always　with　me。〃
　〃You　don't　have　to；　Jennie；〃　I　said。　I　took　the　pamphlet　that　I'd　found　on　the　table　by　my　bed　and　opened　it。　〃You've　only　made　a　temporary　profession。　You　can　resign　any　time　you　want。　There's　still　a　three…year　probationary　period　before　you　take　your　final　vows。　You　don't　belong　here；　Jennie。　It's　only　because　you　were　hurt　and　angry。　You're　much　too　young　and　beautiful　to　hide　your　life　away　behind　a　black　veil。〃
　She　still　did　not　answer。
　〃Don't　you　understand　what　I'm　saying；　Jennie？　I　want　you　to　e　back　where　you　belong。〃
　She　closed　her　eyes　slowly　and　when　she　opened　them；　they　were　misted　with　tears。　But　when　she　spoke；　her　voice　was　steady　with　the　sureness　of　her　knowledge　and　faith。　〃It's　you　who　don't　understand；　Jonas；〃　she　said。　〃I　have　no　place　to　which　I　desire　to　return；　for　it　is　here；　in　His　house；　that　I　belong。〃
　I　started　to　speak　but　she　raised　her　hand　gently。　〃You　think　I　came　to　Him　out　of　hurt　and　anger？　You're　wrong；〃　she　said　quietly。　〃One　does　not　run　from　life　to　God；　one　runs　to　God　for　life。　All　my　years　I　sought　Him；　without　knowing　what　I　was　seeking。　The　love　I　found　out　there　was　a　mere　mockery　of　what　I　knew　love　could　be；　the　charity　I　gave　was　but　the　smallest　fraction　of　the　charity　in　me　to　give；　the　mercy　I　showed　was　nothing　pared　with　His　mercy　within　me。　Here；　in　His　house　and　in　His　work；　I　have　found　a　greater　love　than　any　I　have　ever　known。　Through　His　love；　I　have　found　security　and　contentment　and　happiness；　in　accordance　with　His　divine　will。〃
　She　paused　for　a　moment；　looking　down　at　the　crucifix　in　her　fingers。　When　she　looked　up　again；　her　eyes　were　clear　and　untroubled。　〃Is　there　anything　in　this　world；　Jonas；　that　can　offer　more　than　God？〃
　I　didn't　answer。
　Slowly　she　held　out　her　left　hand　toward　me。　I　looked　down　and　saw　the　heavy　silver　ring　on　her　third　finger。　〃He　has　invited　me　into　His　house；〃　she　said　softly；　〃and　I　have　taken　His　ring　to　wear　so　that　I　may　dwell　in　His　glory　forever。〃
　I　took　her　hand　and　pressed　my　lips　to　the　ring。　I　felt　her　fingers　brush　my　hair　lig