epeters.amorbidtasteforbones-第31部分
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〃He cannot！〃 he cried hoarsely from behind the shielding palm。 〃He cannot accuse me！ I am not guilty of murder！ What I did was done when Rhisiart was already dead！〃
A great； gasping sigh passed like a sudden wind round the clearing and over the tangled grave； and subsided into a vast silence。 It was a long minute before Father Huw broke it； for this was his sheep； not Prior Robert's； a child of his flock； and hitherto a child of grace； now stricken into wild self…accusation of some terrible sin not yet explained； but to do with violent death。
〃Son Peredur；〃 said Father Huw firmly； 〃you have not been charged with any ill…doing by any other but yourself。 We are waiting only for you to do what Sioned has asked of you； for her asking was a grace。 Therefore do her bidding； or speak out why you will not； and speak plainly。〃
Peredur heard； and ceased to tremble。 A little while he kneeled and gathered his shattered posure about him doggedly； like a cloak。 Then he uncovered his face； which was pale； despairing but eased； no longer in bat with truth but consenting to it。 He was a young man of courage。 He got to his feet and faced them squarely。
〃Father I e to confession by constraint； and not gladly； and I am as ashamed of that as of what I have to confess。 But it is not murder。 I did not kill Rhisiart。 I found him dead。〃
〃At what hour？〃 asked Brother Cadfael； wholly without right； but nobody questioned the interruption。
〃I went out after the rain stopped。 You remember it rained。〃 They remembered。 They had good reason。 〃It would be a little after noon。 I was going up to the pasture our side of Bryn； and I found him lying on his face in that place where afterwards we all saw him。 He was dead then； I swear it！ And I was grieved； but also I was tempted； for there was nothing in this world I could do for Rhisiart； but I saw a way。。。。〃 Peredur swallowed and sighed； bracing his forehead against his fate； and went on。 〃I saw a means of ridding myself of a rival。 Of the favoured rival。 Rhisiart had refused his daughter to Engelard； but Sioned had not refused him； and well I knew there was no hope for me； however her father urged her； while Engelard was there between us。 Men might easily believe that Engelard should kill Rhisiart； if…if there was some proof。。。。〃
〃But you did not believe it；〃 said Cadfael； so softly that hardly anyone noticed the interruption； it was accepted and answered without thought。
〃No！〃 said Peredur almost scornfully。 〃I knew him； he never would！〃
〃Yet you were willing he should be taken and accused。 It was all one to you if it was death that removed him out of your way； so he was removed。〃
〃No！〃 said Peredur again； smouldering but aware that he was justly lashed。 〃No； not that！ I thought he would run； take himself away again into England； and leave us alone； Sioned and me。 I never wished him worse than that。 I thought； with him gone； in the end Sioned would do what her father had wished； and marry me。 I could wait！ I would have waited years。。。。〃
He did not say； but there were two there； at least； who knew； and remembered in his favour； that he had opened the way for Engelard to break out of the ring that penned him in； and deliberately let him pass； just as Brother John； with a better conscience； had frustrated the pursuit。
Brother Cadfael said sternly： 〃But you went so far as to steal one of this unfortunate young man's arrows； to make sure all eyes turned on him。〃
〃I did not steal it； though no less discredit to me that I used it as I did。 I was out with Engelard after game； not a week earlier； with Rhisiart's permission。 When we retrieved our arrows； I took one of his by error among mine。 I had it with me then。〃
Peredur's shoulders had straightened； his head was up； his hands； the right still holding Sioned's cross； hung gently and resignedly at his sides。 His face was pale but calm。 He had got the worst of it off his back； after what he had borne alone these last days confession and penance were balm。
〃Let me tell the whole of it； all the thing I did； that has made me a monster in my own eyes ever since。 I will not make it less than it was； and it was hideous。 Rhisiart was stabbed in the back； and the dagger withdrawn and gone。 I turned him over on his back； and I turned that wound back to front； and I tell you； my hands burn now； but I did it。 He was dead； he suffered nothing。 I pierced my own flesh； not his。 I could tell the line of the wound； for the dagger had gone right through him； though the breast wound was small。 I took my own dagger； and opened the way for Engelard's arrow to follow； and I thrust it through and left it standing in him for witness。 And I have not had one quiet moment； night or day；〃 said Peredur； not asking pity； rather grateful that now his silence was broken and his infamy known； and nothing more to hide； 〃since I did this small； vile thing； and now I am glad it's out； whatever bees of me。 And at least grant me this； I did not make my trap in such a way as to accuse Engelard of shooting a man in the back！ I knew him！ I lived almost side by side with him since he came here a fugitive； we were of an age； we could match each other。 I have liked him； hunted with him； fought with him； been jealous of him； even hated him because he was loved where I was not。 Love makes men do terrible things；〃 said Peredur； not pleading； marvelling； 〃even to their friends。〃
He had created； all unconsciously； a tremendous hush all about him； of awe at his blasphemy； of startled pity for his desolation； of chastened wonder at their own misconceivings。 The truth fell like thunder； subduing them all。 Rhisiart had not been shot down with an arrow； but felled from behind at close quarters； out of thick cover； a coward's killing。 Not saints； but men； deal in that kind of treachery。
Father Huw broke the silence。 In his own providence； where no alien dignitaries dared intrude； he grew taller and more secure in his gentle； neighbourly authority。 And great violence had been done to what he knew to be right； and great requital was due from the sinner； and great passion due to him。
〃Son Peredur；〃 he said； 〃you stand in dire sin； and cannot be excused。 Such violation of the image of God； such misuse of a clean affection…for such I know you had with Rhisiart…and such malice towards an innocent man…for such you proclaimed Engelard…cannot go unpunished。〃
〃God forbid；〃 said Peredur humbly； 〃that I should escape any part of what is due。 I want it！ I cannot live with myself if I have only this present self to live with！〃
〃Child； if you mean that； then give yourself into my hands； to be delivered up both to secular and religious justice。 As to the law； I shall speak with the prince's bailiff。 As to the penance due before God； that is for me as your confessor； and I require that you shall wait my considered judgment。〃
〃So I will； Father；〃 said Peredur。 〃I want no unearned pardon。 I take penance willingly。〃
〃Then you need not despair of grace。 Go home now； and remain withindoors until I send for you。〃
〃I will be obedient to you in all things。 But I have one prayer before I go。〃 He turned slowly and faced Sioned。 She was standing quite still where the awful dread had fallen upon her； her hands clutched to her cheeks； her eyes fixed in fascination and pain upon the boy who had grown up as her playfellow。 But the rigidity had ebbed out of her； for though he called himself a monster； he was not； after all； the monster she had briefly thought him。 〃May I now do what you asked of me？ I am not afraid now。 He was a fair man always。 He won't accuse me of more than my due。〃
He was both asking her pardon and saying his farewell to any hope he had still cherished of winning her； for now that was irrevocably over。 And the strange thing was that now he could approach her； even after so great an offence； without constraint； almost without jealousy。 Nor did her face express any great heat or bitterness against him。 It was thoughtful and intent。
〃Yes；〃 she said； 〃I still wish it。〃 If he had spoken the whole truth； and she was persuaded that he had； it was well that he should take his appeal to Rhisiart； in a form every man there would acknowledge。 In otherworldly justice the body would clear him of the evil he had not mitted； now that confession was made of what he had。
Peredur went forward steadily enough now； sank to his knees beside Rhisiart's body； and laid first his hand； and then Sioned's cross； upon the heart he had pierced； and no gush of blood sprang at his touch。 And if there was one thing certain； it was that here was a man who did believe。 He hesitated a moment； still kneeling； and then； feeling a need rather to give thanks for this acceptance than to make any late and unfitting display of affection； stooped and kissed the right hand that lay quiet over the left on Rhisiart's breast； their clasped shape showing through the close shroud。 That done； he rose and went firmly away by the downhill path towards his father's house。 The people parted to let him through in a great silence； and Cadwallon； starting out of a trance of unbelieving misery； lurched forward in haste and went trotting after his son。
Chapter Nine
The evening was drawing in by the time they had buri
