mc.prey-第16部分

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al　knowledge　doesn't　work　if　you　look　in　a　mirror。　This　bizarre　fact　is；　as　far　as　I　know；　unexplained。　Personally；　I　always　thought　there　was　a　clue　from　puter　programming；　in　a　procedure　called　recursion。　Recursion　means　making　the　program　loop　back　on　itself；　to　use　its　own　information　to　do　things　over　and　over　until　it　gets　a　result。　You　use　recursion　for　certain　data…sorting　algorithms　and　things　like　that。　But　it's　got　to　be　done　carefully；　or　you　risk　having　the　machine　fall　into　what　is　called　an　infinite　regress。　It's　the　programming　equivalent　of　those　funhouse　mirrors　that　reflect　mirrors；　and　mirrors；　ever　smaller　and　smaller；　stretching　away　to　infinity。　The　program　keeps　going；　repeating　and　repeating；　but　nothing　happens。　The　machine　hangs。
　I　always　figured　something　similar　must　happen　when　people　turn　their　psychological　insight…apparatus　on　themselves。　The　brain　hangs。　The　thought　process　goes　and　goes；　but　it　doesn't　get　anywhere。　It　must　be　something　like　that；　because　we　know　that　people　can　think　about　themselves　indefinitely。　Some　people　think　of　little　else。　Yet　people　never　seem　to　change　as　a　result　of　their　intensive　introspection。　They　never　understand　themselves　better。　It's　very　rare　to　find　genuine　self…knowledge。
　It's　almost　as　if　you　need　someone　else　to　tell　you　who　you　are；　or　to　hold　up　the　mirror　for　you。　Which；　if　you　think　about　it；　is　very　weird。
　Or　maybe　it's　not。
　There's　an　old　question　in　artificial　intelligence　about　whether　a　program　can　ever　be　aware　of　itself。　Most　programmers　will　say　it　was　impossible。　People　have　tried　to　do　it；　and　failed。　But　there's　a　more　fundamental　version　of　the　question；　a　philosophical　question　about　whether　any　machine　can　understand　its　own　workings。　Some　people　say　that's　impossible；　too。　The　machine　can't　know　itself　for　the　same　reason　you　can't　bite　your　own　teeth。　And　it　certainly　seems　to　be　impossible：　the　human　brain　is　the　most　plicated　structure　in　the　known　universe；　but　brains　still　know　very　little　about　themselves。　For　the　last　thirty　years；　such　questions　have　been　fun　to　kick　around　with　a　beer　on　Friday　afternoons　after　work。　They　were　never　taken　seriously。　But　lately　these　philosophical　questions　have　taken　on　new　importance　because　there　has　been　rapid　progress　in　reproducing　certain　brain　functions。　Not　the　entire　brain；　just　certain　functions。　For　example；　before　I　was　fired；　my　development　team　was　using　multi…agent　processing　to　enable　puters　to　learn；　to　recognize　patterns　in　data；　to　understand　natural　languages；　to　prioritize　and　switch　tasks。　What　was　important　about　the　programs　was　that　the　machines　literally　learned。　They　got　better　at　their　jobs　with　experience。　Which　is　more　than　some　human　beings　can　claim。　The　phone　rang。　It　was　Ellen。　〃Did　you　call　your　lawyer？〃
　〃Not　yet。　For　Christ's　sake。〃
　〃I'm　on　the　2：10　to　San　Jose。　I'll　see　you　around　five　at　your　house。〃
　〃Listen；　Ellen；　it　really　isn't　necessary…〃
　〃I　know　that。　I'm　just　getting　out　of　town。　I　need　a　break。　See　you　soon；　Jack。〃　And　she　hung　up。
　So　now　she　was　handling　me。
　In　any　case；　I　figured　there　was　no　point　in　calling　a　lawyer　today。　I　had　too　much　to　do。　The　dry　cleaning　had　to　be　picked　up；　so　I　did　that。　There　was　a　Starbucks　across　the　street；　and　I　went　over　to　get　a　latte　to　take　with　me。
　And　there　was　Gary　Marder；　my　attorney；　with　a　very　young　blonde　in　low…cut　jeans　and　crop　top　that　left　her　belly　exposed。　They　were　nuzzling　each　other　in　the　checkout　line。　She　didn't　look　much　older　than　a　college　student。　I　was　embarrassed　and　was　turning　to　leave　when　Gary　saw　me；　and　waved。
　〃Hey；　Jack。〃
　〃Hi；　Gary。〃
　He　held　out　his　hand；　and　I　shook　it。　He　said；　〃Say　hello　to　Melissa。〃
　I　said；　〃Hi；　Melissa。〃
　〃Oh　hi。〃　She　seemed　vaguely　annoyed　at　this　interruption；　although　I　couldn't　be　sure。　She　had　that　vacant　look　some　young　girls　get　around　men。　It　occurred　to　me　that　she　couldn't　be　more　than　six　years　older　than　Nicole。　What　was　she　doing　with　a　guy　like　Gary？　〃So。　How's　it　going；　Jack？〃　Gary　said；　slipping　his　arm　around　Melissa's　bare　waist。
　〃Okay；〃　I　said。　〃Pretty　good。〃
　〃Yeah？　That's　good。〃　But　he　was　frowning　at　me。
　〃Well；　uh；　yeah　。。。〃　I　stood　there；　hesitating；　feeling　foolish　in　front　of　the　girl。　She　clearly　wanted　me　to　leave。　But　I　was　thinking　of　what　Ellen　would　say：　You　ran　into　your　lawyer　and　you　didn't　even　ask　him？
　So　I　said；　〃Gary；　could　I　speak　to　you　for　a　minute？〃
　〃Of　course。〃　He　gave　the　girl　money　to　pay　for　the　coffee；　and　we　stepped　to　one　side　of　the　room。
　I　lowered　my　voice。　〃Listen；　Gary；〃　I　said；　〃I　think　I　need　to　see　a　divorce　lawyer。〃
　〃Because　what？〃
　〃Because　I　think　Julia　is　having　an　affair。〃
　〃You　think？　Or　you　know　for　a　fact？〃
　〃No。　I　don't　know　for　sure。〃
　〃So　you　just　suspect　it？〃
　〃Yes。〃
　Gary　sighed。　He　gave　me　a　look。
　I　said；　〃And　there's　other　things　going　on；　too。　She's　starting　to　say　that　I　am　turning　the　kids　against　her。〃
　〃Alienation　of　affection；〃　he　said；　nodding。　〃Legal　cliché　du　jour。　She　makes　these　statements　when？〃
　〃When　we　have　fights。〃
　Another　sigh。　〃Jack；　couples　say　all　kinds　of　shit　when　they　fight。　It　doesn't　necessarily　mean　anything。〃
　〃I　think　it　does。　I'm　worried　it　does。〃
　〃This　is　upsetting　you？〃
　〃Yes。〃
　〃Have　you　seen　a　marriage　counselor？〃
　〃No。〃
　〃See　one。〃
　〃Why？〃
　〃Two　reasons。　First；　because　you　should。　You've　been　married　to　Julia　a　long　time；　and　as　far　as　I　know　it's　been　mostly　good。　And　second；　because　you'll　start　to　establish　a　record　of　trying　to　save　the　marriage；　which　contradicts　a　claim　of　alienation　of　affection。〃
　〃Yes；　but…〃
　〃If　you're　right　that　she　is　starting　to　build　a　case；　then　you　have　to　be　extremely　careful；　my　friend。　Alienation　of　affection　is　a　tough　argument　to　defend　against。　The　kids　are　pissed　at　Mom；　and　she　says　you're　behind　it。　How　can　you　prove　it's　not　true？　You　can't。　Plus　you've　been　home　a　lot；　so　it's　easier　to　imagine　that　it　might　be　true。　The　court　will　see　you　as　dissatisfied；　and　possibly　resentful　of　your　working　spouse。〃　He　held　up　his　hand。　〃I　know；　I　know　none　of　that's　true；　Jack；　but　it's　an　easy　argument　to　make；　that's　my　point。　And　her　attorney　will　make　it。　In　your　resentment；　you　turned　the　kids　against　her。〃
　〃That's　bullshit。〃
　〃Of　course。　I　know　that。〃　He　slapped　me　on　the　shoulder。　〃So　see　a　good　counselor。　If　you　need　names；　call　my　office　and　Barbara'll　give　you　a　couple　of　reputable　ones。〃　I　called　Julia　to　tell　her　that　Ellen　was　ing　up　for　a　few　days。　Of　course；　I　didn't　reach　Julia；　just　her　voice　mail。　I　left　a　longish　message；　explaining　what　was　happening。　Then　I　went　to　do　the　shopping　because　with　Ellen　staying　over；　we'd　need　some　extra　supplies。　I　was　rolling　my　cart　down　the　supermarket　aisle　when　I　got　a　call　from　the　hospital。　It　was　the　beardless　ER　doctor　again。　He　was　calling　to　check　on　Amanda　and　I　said　her　bruises　were　almost　gone。
　〃That's　good；〃　he　said。　〃Glad　to　hear　it。〃
　I　said；　〃What　about　the　MRI？〃
　The　doctor　said　the　MRI　results　were　not　relevant；　because　the　machine　had　malfunctioned　and　had　never　examined　Amanda。　〃In　fact；　we're　worried　about　all　the　readings　for　the　last　few　weeks；〃　he　said。　〃Because　apparently　the　machine　was　slowly　breaking　down。〃
　〃How　do　you　mean？〃
　〃It　was　being　corroded　or　something。　All　the　memory　chips　were　turning　to　powder。〃
　I　felt　a　chill；　remembering　Eric's　MP3　player。　〃Why　would　that　happen？〃　I　said。　〃The　best　guess　is　it's　been　corroded　by　some　gas　that　escaped　from　the　wall　lines；　probably　during　the　night。　Like　chlorine　gas；　that'd　do　it。　Except　the　thing　is；　only　the　memory　chips　were　damaged。　The　other　chips　were　fine。〃
　Things　were　getting　stranger　by　the　minute。　And　they　got　stranger　still　a　few　minutes　later；　when　Julia　called　all　cheerful　and　upbeat；　to　announce　that　she　was　ing　home　in　the　afternoon　and　would　be　there　in　plenty　of　time　for　dinner。
　〃It'll　be　great　to　see　Ellen；〃　she　said。　〃Why　is　she　ing？〃
　〃I　think　she　just　wanted　to　get　out　of　town。〃
　〃Well；　it'll　be　great　for　you　to　have　her　around　for　a　few　days。　Some　grown…up　pany。〃
　〃You　bet；〃　I　said。
　I　waited　for　her　to　explain　why　she　hadn't　e　home。　But　all　she　said　was；　〃Hey；　I　got　to　run；　Jack；　I'll　talk　to　you　later…〃
　〃Julia；〃　I　said。　〃Wait　a　minute。〃
　〃What？〃
　I　hesitated；　wondering　how　to　put　it。　I　said；　〃I　was　worried　about　you　last　night。〃
　〃You　were？　Why？〃
　〃When　you　didn't　e　home。〃
　〃Honey；　I　called　you。　I　got　stuck　out　at　the　plant。　Didn't　you　check　your　messages？〃
　〃Yes　。。。〃
　〃And　you　didn't　have　a　message　from　me？〃
　〃No。　I　didn't。〃
　〃Well；　I　don't　know　what　happened。　I　left　you　a　message；　Jack。　I　called　the　house　first　and　got　Maria；　but　she　couldn't；　you　know；　it　was　too　plicated　。。。　So　then　I　called　your　cell　and　I　left　you　a　message　that　I　was　stuck　at　the　plant　until　today。〃
　〃Well；　I　didn't　get　it；〃　I　said；　trying　not　to　sound　like　I　was　pouting。　〃Sorry　about　that；　honey；　but　check　your　service。　Anyway　listen；　I　really　have　to　go。　See　you　tonight；　okay？　Kiss　kiss。〃
　And　she　hung　up。
　I　pulled　my　cell　phone　out　of　my　pocket　and　checked　it。　There　was　no　message。　I　checked　the　phone　log。　There　were　no　calls　last　n