amc.killashandra-第66部分

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　〃I　don't　believe　this；　Trag。　This　can't　be　right。　How　do　we　appeal？〃
　〃I　do　not　believe　that　we　can；　Killashandra。　This　is　the　Federal　Court。　We　have　no　right　of　appeal。　If　there　is　one　available　to　Lars；　I　am　certain　that　Olav　will　invoke　it。　But　we　have　no　further　right。　e。　Lars　will　he　taken　care　of。〃
　〃That's　what　I'm　fardling　afraid　of；〃　Killashandra　cried。　〃I　know　what　penalties　and　disciplines　the　Judicial　Branch　can　use。　I　had　Civics　like　any　other　schoolchild。　I　can't　go；　Trag。　I　can't　leave　him。　Not　like　this。　Not　without　any　sort　of　a。。。〃　Tears　so　choked　her　that　she　could　not　continue　and　a　sudden　disastrous　inability　to　stand　made　her　wobble　so　that　Trag　only　just　kept　her　from　falling。
　She　didn't　realize　at　first　that　Trag　was　supporting　her　out　of　the　room。　When　she　found　them　in　the　hall；　she　tried　to　wrench　herself　out　of　Trag's　grasp　but　there　was　someone　else　by　then；　assisting　Trag　and　between　the　two　of　them；　she　was　wrestled　into　the　lift。　She　struggled；　screaming　imprecations　and　threats；　and　although　she　heard　Trag　protesting　as　sternly　as　he　could；　she　was　put　in　padded　restraints。　The　ignominy　of　such　a　humiliating　expedient　bined　with　fear；　disappointment；　and　her　recent　physical　ordeal　sent　Killashandra　into　a　trembling　posture　of　aggrieved　and　contained　fury。
　By　the　time　they　reached　the　shuttle　transport　to　the　Regulus　transfer　moon；　she　had　exhausted　her　scant　store　of　energy　and　crouched　in　the　seat；　sullen　and　silent；　too　proud　to　ask　for　her　release　from　the　restraints。　She　let　Trag　and　the　medic　lead　her　where　they　would；　and　didn't　protest　when　they　undressed　her　for　immersion　in　a　radiant　fluid　tank。　Legitimate　protest　and　recourse　denied　her；　she　submitted　to　everything　then；　despairing　and　listless。　Over　and　over　she　reviewed　her　moments　in　the　witness　chair；　when　her　body；　the　body　which　had　loved　and　been　loved　so　by　Lars；　had　betrayed　them　both　with　false　testimony。　She　was　appalled　at　that　treachery；　and　obsessed　by　the　horrifying　guilt　that　she；　herself；　her　anxieties　and　idiotic　presentiments；　had　condemned　Lars　on　the　one　count　which　had　not　been　dismissed　by　the　Court。　She　could　never　forgive　herself。　Somehow；　sometime；　she　would　be　able　to　face　Lars；　and　beg　his　forgiveness。　That　she　promised　herself。
　All　the　way　back　to　Ballybran；　she　said　not　a　single　word　to　anyone；　nodding　or　shaking　her　head　in　answer　to　the　few　questions　that　were　put　directly　to　her　by　officials。　Trag　supervised　her　meals；　immersed　her　in　radiant　fluid　whenever　such　facilities　were　available；　and　remained　by　her　side　during　her　wakeful　hours。　If　he　resented　her　silence　or　interpreted　it　as　an　accusation；　he　gave　no　indication　of　regret；　remorse；　or　penitence。　She　was　too　immersed　in　her　obsession　with　the　Outrageous　circumstance　of　Lars's　betrayal　to　try　to　explain　the　plexities　of　her　depression。
　By　the　time　she　and　Trag　had　pleted　the　long　journey　to　Ballybran's　surface；　Killashandra　was　pletely　restored　to　physical　health。　She　paused　only　long　enough　in　her　quarters　to　check；　as　she　had　begun　to　do　toward　the　end　of　the　trip；　with　galactic　updates。　There　was　no　further　word　on　the　Optherian　situation　beyond　the　original　bulletin　announcing　the　arrival　of　Revision　troops　on　the　planet　to　〃correct　legislative　anomalies。〃　She　refused　to　consider　what　that　statement　might　mean　for　Lars。　Dumping　her　carisak；　she　changed　into　a　shipsuit。　Then　she　headed　for　the　Fisherman's　bailiwick　and；　with　a　voice　grown　gruff　from　disuse；　demanded　her　sonic　cutter。　While　waiting　for　him　to　retrieve　it　from　storage；　she　checked　with　Meterology　and；　with　a　twinge　of　satisfaction；　learned　that　the　forecast　predicted　a　settled　period　of　weather　for　the　next　nine　days。
　She　backed　her　sled　out　of　its　rack　herself；　though　she　could　see　the　wild　protesting　signals　of　the　duty　officer　trying　to　abort　her　precipitous　departure。　As　soon　as　she　was　clear　of　the　Hangar；　she　poured　on　the　power　and；　in　an　undeviating　line；　fled　for　the　Ranges。
　It　was　all　part　of　the　miserable　web　of　ironic　coincidence　that　she　found　black　crystal　again　in　the　deep；　sunless　ravine　in　which　she　had　hoped　to　bury　herself　and　her　grief　for　the　reason　and　manner　of　her　parting　with　Lars　Dahl。
　EPILOGUE
　Stolidly　Killashandra　watched；　arms　folded　across　her　breasts；　as　Enthor　reverently　unpacked　the　nine　black　crystal　shafts。
　〃Interstellar；　at　the　least；　Killashandra；〃　he　said；　blinking　his　eyes　back　to　normal　vision　as　he　stepped　back　to　sigh　over　the　big　crystals。　〃And　this　is　all　from　that　vein　you　struck　last　year？〃
　Killashandra　nodded。　Not　much　moved　her　to　words　these　days。　Working　the　new　claim；　she　had　quickly　recouped　her　losses　on　the　Optherian　contract；　Heptite　rules　and　regs　had　required　her　to　part　with　a　percentage　of　that　fee　to　Trag。　She　accepted　that　as　passively　as　she　had　accepted　everything　since　that　day　in　Court　on　Regulus。　Not　even　Rimbol　had　been　able　to　penetrate　her　apathy；　though　he　and　Antona　continued　their　attempts。　Lanzecki　had　spoken　pleasantly　to　her　after　her　first　return　from　the　Ranges；　plimented　her　on　the　new　black　crystal　vein　but　their　early　relationship　could　never　have　been　revived　even　if　Lanzecki　had　persisted。
　She　didn't　see　him。　She　saw　no　one　but　Lars；　a　laughing　Lars；　garland…wreathed；　his　blue　eyes　gleaming；　teeth　white　in　his　tanned　face；　his　bronzed　body　poised　on　the　deck　of　the　Pearl　Fisher。　She　woke　sometimes；　sure　she　felt　his　hand　on　her　hip；　heard　his　voice　in　the　whisper　of　the　wind　in　the　deep　ravine；　or　in　the　tenor　of　warming　crystal　at　noon；　when　the　sun　finally　touched　the　cliff。　She　made　two　attempts　to　succumb　to　crystal　thrall　but　each　time　the　symbiont　had　somehow　pulled　her　back。　Not　even　that　enchantment　was　powerful　enough　to　break　through　her　emotions；　obsessed　as　she　was　by　the　guilty　betrayal　of　her　body　in　the　witness　chair　on　Regulus。
　She　had　kept　informed　of　the　situation　on　Optheria　and　often；　on　the　nights　brilliant　with　crystal　song；　she　posed　letters　to　Lars；　asking　to　be　forgiven　that　betrayal。　She　wrote　imaginary　letters　to　Nahia　and　Hauness；　knowing　that　they　would　be　passionate；　and　intercede　for　her　with　Lars。　In　her　better　moments；　mon　sense　dictated　that　Lars　would　not　have　held　that　bizarre　psychoanalysis　against　her　for　he；　of　them　all；　knew　how　much　she　treasured　and　admired　him。　But　he　had　not　heard　her　impassioned　plea　to　the　Court；　and　she　doubted　if　〃I　love　you〃　had　been　included　in　the　hard　copy　of　the　hearing　transcript。　And　he　had　other　plans　for　the　rest　of　his　life。
　She　frequently　entertained　the　notion　of　returning　to　Optheria　to　see　how　he　was　getting　on；　even　if　she　never　made　actual　contact　with　him。　He　might　have　found　another　woman　with　whom　he　could　share　his　life　on　Optheria。　Sometimes　she　returned　from　the　Ranges；　full　of　determination　to　end　her　wretched　half…life；　one　way　or　another。　She　had　more　than　enough　credit　for　a　fiercely　expensive　galactic　call：　ironically　through　some　of　the　black　crystal　she　had　herself　cut。　But　would　she　reach　Lars　on　Optheria？　Maybe；　once　he　had　pleted　that　disciplinary　action　and　his　subordination　to　the　Federal　investigation　of　Optheria；　he　had　found　another　channel　for　his　abilities　and　energies。　Once　he　discovered　his　freedom　to　travel　the　stars；　they　might　have　won　him　from　his　love　of　the　sea。
　At　her　most　rational；　she　recognized　all　the　ifs　ands　and　buts　as　procrastination's。　Yet；　it　was　not　exactly　an　unwillingness　to　chance　her　luck　that　restrained　her：　it　was　a　deep　and　instinctive　〃knowing〃　that　she　must　remain　in　this　period　of　suspension　for　a　while　yet。　That　she　had　to　wait。　When　the　time　was　right；　action　would　follow　logically。　She　settled　down　to　wait；　and　perfected　the　art。
　〃You're　in　early；　too；　you　know；〃　Enthor　was　saying　to　her。　〃Storm　warnings　only　just　gone　out。〃
　〃Aren't　those　good　enough？〃　Killashandra　asked。　〃No　need　to　risk　life　and　limb；　is　there？〃
　〃No；　no；〃　Enthor　hastily　assured　her。
　Killashandra　had；　in　fact；　answered　the　storm　warning　her　symbiont　had　given　her。　She　was　used　to　listening　to　it　because　it　so　often　proved　the　most　accurate　sense　she　had。
　〃You've　enough　here　to　spend　a　year　on　Maxim；〃　Enthor　went　on　with　a　sly　sideways　glance。　〃You　haven't　gone　off　in　a　long　time；　Killashandra。　You　should；　you　know。〃
　Killashandra　shrugged　her　shoulders；　glancing　impassively　at　a　credit　line　that　would　once　have　made　her　chortle　in　triumph。　〃I　don't　have　enough　resonance　to　have　to　leave；〃　she　said　tonelessly。　〃I'll　wait。　Thanks；　Enthor。〃
　〃Killa；　if　talking　would　help。。。〃
　She　looked　down　at　the　light　hand　the　old　Sorter　had　put　on　her　arm；　mildly　surprised　at　the　contact。　His　unexpected　solicitude；　the　concern　on　his　lined　face　nudged　the　thick　shell　which　encased　her　mind　and　spirit。　She　smiled　slightly　as　she　shook　her　head。　〃Talking　wouldn't　help。　But　you　were　kind　to　offer。〃
　And　he　had　been。　Sorters　and　singers　were　more　often　at　loggerheads　than　empathetic。　The　northeaster　which　her　symbiont　had　sensed　swept　a　fair　number　of　singers　in　from　the　Ranges　to　the　safety　of　the　plex。　The　lift；　the　hall；　the　corridors　were　crowded　but　she　wended　her　way　through；　and　no　one　spoke　to　her。　She　didn't　exist　for　herself　so　she　didn't　exist　f