ericlustbader.the ninja-第92部分

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e　spot　where　he　and　Yukio　had　rolled　over　one　another　as　they　had　made　love。　Of　what　things　Cheong　and　Itami　spoke　at　those　times　Nicholas　had　no　idea。
　One　day　he　came　home　from　his　studies　earlier　than　usual　and　found　the　Colonel　still　outside。　He　was　huddled　inside　his　old　English　great　coat。　It　seemed　far　too　big　for　him　now。
　Nicholas　skirted　the　house；　went　to　sit　beside　him。　He　was　appalled　to　see　the　sharp　bones　standing　out　along　the　ridges　of　the　Colonel's　cheeks。
　'How　are　you？'　he　said。　His　breath　frosted　in　a　miniature　cloud　in　front　of　him。
　…^Pine；'　the　Colonel　said。　'I　am　just　…　tired。'　He　smiled　wistfully。　'Just　tired；　that's　all。'　His　thin　hands　fluttered　like　birds。　The　backs　were　dark　with　liver　spots。　They　settled　restlessly　on　his　thighs。　'Don't　worry　about　me。　You　know；　I　am　thinking　of　taking　your　mother　away　somewhere　for　a　rest。　She's　still　not　got　over　this　thing。　She　needs　to　get　away　from　here　for　a　while。　Forget　all　about　grief。　Your　aunt　hangs　on　to　her　now　as　if　she　were　her　only　lifeline。　It　isn't　fair。〃
　'It'll　be　all　right；　Dad。'
　The　Colonel　sighed。　'I　don't　know　about　that。　The　world　is　changing。　It's　bee　too　plex。　I'll　never　understand　it。　Perhaps　you　will。　I　hope　so。'　He　rubbed　his　palms　up　and　down　his　thighs　as　if　they　ached。　'Nothing's　the　way　it　once　was。'　He　looked　away；　into　the　sky。　The　last　of　the　geese　were　moving　south　in　giant　vees；　two　fingers　lifted　triumphantly：　the　victory　sign。　'I　had　such　dreams　when　I　came　here。　There　was　so　much　I　could　have　done。'
　'And　you　have。　You've　acplished　so　much。'
　'Like　ashes；'　the　Colonel　said。　'I　feel　as　if　I've　done　nothing；　merely　slid　with　the　tide；　taken　by　forces　I　knew　nothing　of。'　He　shook　his　head。　'I　cannot　escape　the　feelings　that　perhaps　I　didn't　try　hard　enough。'
　'How　can　you　say　that？　You　gave　them　everything。　Everything。'

　'I　thought　it　was　the　right　thing　to　do。　Did　I　do　wrong？　I　can't　say　now。　I'm　pulled　in　two　directions。　I　wish　I　had　given　them　more；　gone　to　Washington；　pleaded　our　case　there。　I　wish　I　had　given　them　less；　spent　more　time　with　you　and　your　mother。'
　Nicholas　put　his　arm　around　the　Colonel's　shoulders。　How　thin　they　had　bee。　Where　had　all　the　hard　muscle　gone？　Not　even　to　fat。　It　had　just　disappeared。
　'It's　all　right；　Dad。'　Such　an　inane　phrase；　connoting　nothing。　He　seemed　tongue…tied。　'It's　all　right'
　What　was　it　he　really　wanted　to　say？
　But　something　irrevocable　had　taken　place　in　the　Colonel's　life　and　it　wasn't　all　right。
　Despite　repeated　trips　to　the　physician；　despite　a　prescription　of　potent　pills；　eating　and；　finally；　injections；　he　continued　to　lose　weight　until　there　was　nothing　more　anyone　could　do　to　sustain　him。　Ten　days　after　his　talk　with　Nicholas　in　the　Zen　garden；　he　died　in　his　sleep。
　The　funeral　was　immense。　Most　of　the　arrangements　were　taken　care　of　by　the　American　military　in　Tokyo。　Mourners　came　from　all　over　the　Pacific　and　President　Johnson　sent　a　personal　envoy　from　Washington。　Nicholas　thought　this　man's　presence　highly　ironic；　given　what　he　knew　of　his　father's　failed　ambitions。　The　Americans　had　been　unwilling　to　listen　to　him　in　life　but　were　anxious　to　extol　him　in　death。　He　could　not　help　but　resent　the　man；　despite　his　charm　and　extreme　courtesy；　seeing　in　him　not　a　little　of　Mark　Anthony。
　The　Japanese　government；　as　was　its　wont；　was　somewhat　more　honest。　The　Prime　Minister　himself　attended；　as　did　many　members　of　the　Diet。　The　Japanese　would　not　forget　the　Colonel's　awesome　contributions　to　their　country　and　they　paid　their　debt　…　some　time　later；　after　a　decent　interval；　Nicholas　was　approached　for　training　for　a　high…level　governmental　post。　He　politely　declined；　pleased　none　the　less。
　As　requested　in　the　Colonel's　will；　the　American　Army　rabbi　conducted　the　ceremony；　which　no　doubt　nonplussed　many　of　the　attendance；　especially　those　who　had　believed　they　knew　the　Colonel　well。　The　rabbi　had　known　the　Colonel　for　a　long　time　and　when　he　spoke　the　eulogy　it　was　with　enormous　conviction。　It　was；　in　retrospect；　quite　a　beautiful　ceremony。
　'The　Tenshin　Shoden　Katori　ryu　is　the　only　answer　now。'
　'I　believe　that　is　so。　Yes。'
　'I　want　to　leave　and　I　do　not　want　to　leave。'
　'I　understand　this　fully；　Nicholas。'
　Kansatsu's　cat's　eyes　were　bright　and　alive。
　He　and　Nicholas　knelt　facing　each　other。　Around　them　was　the　gleaming　empty　expanse　of　the　dojd；　a　deserted　beach　in　the　sunlight。
　'What　will　happen　to　me　…　there？'
　'I　am　afraid　that　I　cannot　tell　you。　I　do　not　know。'
　'Will　I　be　safe？'
　'Only　you　can　answer　that。　But　the　strength　to　be　so　is　within　you。'
　'I　am　glad　you　came　to　the　funeral。'　…'Your　father　was　a　fine　man；　Nicholas。　I　knew　him　well。'
　'I　did　not　know。〃
　'No。'
　'Well。。。'
　'I　have　prepared　your　letters　of　introduction。　These　include　your　graduation　certificates　…　with　highest　honours　…　from　this　ryu。'　His　eyes；　focused　on　Nicholas's　face；　were　unwavering；　bits　of　flashing　jet。　He　withdrew　from　his　wide　sleeve　three　tightly　rolled　sheets　of　mulberry　paper　tied　with　a　thin　black　cord。　He　extended　them　and；　when　Nicholas　touched　them；　it　was　the　only　physical　link　between　them。　'Remember；'　he　said；　'there　is　a　chain。　Thin。　Link　by　link　it　goes。　Take　care　you　discover　the　identity　of　the　next　link　on；　lest　the　chain　break　in　your　hands　and　you　are　left　defenceless。'　Then　he　handed　over　the　sheets。　His　hand　lowered　with　a　kind　of　grave　finality。
　'Sayonara；　Nicholas。'
　'Sayonara；　sensei。'　Tears　filled　his　eyes　so　fully　that　he　could　see　only　a　blur　rise　and　leave　the　room。　I　love　you；　he　thought。　It　was　what　he　had　wanted　to　say　to　the　Colonel　that　day　in　the　Zen　garden　and　hadn't。
　He　heard　no　door　click　shut　but　abruptly　he　knew　that　he　was　alone　in　the　house　of　cedar。
　Oddly；　the　first　thing　he　noticed　was　that　the　woodbine　had　died。　Ataki　no　longer　came；　and　during　the　last　weeks　the　Colonel　had　been　too　ill　to　think　of　hiring　a　replacement。　The　hedges；　always　so　carefully　pruned　even　in　winter；　were　spiky　with　branches　left　unchecked。　The　ground　was　hard　with　ice　and　frozen　snow。
　He　felt　a　rising　desire　to　run　inside　and　tell　Cheong　that　he　was　leaving　but　he　was　so　uncertain　of　her　response　that　he　lingered　awhile　outside。
　Above　him　the　sky　was　a　rich　cobalt　blue　with　just　a　few　tracings　of　high　cirrus　clouds　and；　farther　down；　orange　along　the　horizon　where　the　sun　slid　through　the　thick　haze。　Far　away；　he　thought　he　could　hear　the　rumbling　drone　of　a　707　ing　down　at　Haneda。
　Now　he　might　have　regretted　canceling　his　dinner　date　with　a　couple　of　school　chums　in　the　city；　he　had　told　Cheong　this　morning　he'd　be　home　late。　But；　the　decision　being　made　to　leave　for　Kyoto　where　the　new　ryu　was　located；　he　had　felt　the　need　for　pletion。　And　that　would　not　e　until　he　had　told　her。
　Inside；　the　house　was　quite　still　as　it　had　been　since　the　moment　he　had　returned　home　from　Kumamoto；　as　if　that　had　bee　some　inexplicable　nexus　point　in　all　their　lives。　Loss　had　followed　gain　and　he　wondered　now　if　it　had　been　worth　it。　He　thought　once　more　of　the　day　of　Roku…No…Miya　and　her　certitude　of　the　implacability　of　fate。　Thought；　too；　of　the　Colonel's　conviction　that　he　had　been　taken　by　forces　he　knew　nothing　of。　Life　could　not　be　so　cruelly　unfathomable。
　He　went　through　the　darkened　hall；　wondering　that　none　of　the　lights　had　been　lit。
　The　kitchen　was　deserted。　No　one　answered　his　call。　He　shrugged　off　his　coat；　threw　it　over　the　back　of　a　chair；　went　towards　the　back　of　the　house。　Stillness　nodded　deferentially　to　him；　ancient　as　time。
　He　came；　at　length　to　his　parents'　room。　The　thin　paper　shoji　was　closed　but；　beyond；　a　light　was　on　and　he　caught　the　edge　of　a　shadow；　moving。
　He　hesitated；　reluctant　to　disturb　Cheong　if　she　was　about　to　rest。　Tomorrow；　he　promised　himself；　he　would　take　her　to　the　grave　and　together　they　would　kneel　before　the　marker　of　new　cedar；　lighting　the　incense　and　saying　the　prayers　in　English　and　in　Japanese。
　The　shadow　moved　again　and　he　called　out　her　name　softly　into　the　falling　night。　No　answer　came　and　cautiously　he　opened　the　shoji。
　He　stood　perfectly　still；　one　foot　in；　one　out；　staring。　All　the　breath　had　gone　out　of　him。　His　head　pounded　and　he　felt　a　shock　at　the　base　of　his　neck　as　if　from　contact　with　a　live　wire。　All　the　tatamis　save　one　had　been　taken　outside。　The　futon　was　folded　in　a　neat　pile　in　the　far　corner。　One　round　white　paper…shaded　lamp　was　on　against　the　right　wall。　Beyond；　outside　the　glass　panels　of　the　far　wall；　lay　the　blue…whiteness　of　the　snow；　virgin；　without　one　footprint　to　mar　its　granular　surface。　It　seemed　unnaturally　pale　against　the　black　backdrop　of　the　croptomeria　and　pine　forest。　There　were　no　lights　in　the　sky。　The　one　remaining　tatami　had　been　placed　in　the　centre　of　the　room；　the　surrounding　wood　floor　seemed　naked；　like　raw　flesh　with　the　skin　stripped　away。　On　it　Cheong　knelt　with　her　back　to　him。　She　wore　a　formal　light　grey　kimono　with　obi。　The　one　with　the　pink　roses　embroidered　across　it。　Her　back　was　bowed；　her　head　down　as　if　in　prayer。　The　light　gleamed　on　her　blue…black　hair；　immaculately　coiffed。
　At　her　right　side　tiny　Itami　knelt；　sitting　at　right　angles　so　that　he　could　see　her　profi