anner.bloodandgold-第42部分

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t。　。。。　I　do　not。　。　。　。　Hold　tight　to　me。　Where　did　you　get　the　courage　to　move　against　our　own　Queen？〃
　　　〃She　was　about　to　destroy　you；〃　I　said。　〃She　was　about　to　answer　my　prayer。〃
　　　〃And　what　prayer　was　that？〃　she　asked。
　　　She　let　me　go。　I　brought　up　a　chair　to　sit　beside　her。
　　　Her　face　was　drawn　and　tragic；　her　eyes　brilliant。　She　reached　out　and　clung　to　my　sleeve。
　　　〃I　asked　for　a　sign　of　her　pleasure；〃　I　said。　〃Would　she　be　given　over　to　you　or　remain　with　me？　She's　spoken。　And　you　see　how　it　is。〃
　　　She　shook　her　head；　but　it　was　not　a　negation　to　anything　that　I'd　said。　She　was　trying　to　recover　her　clarity　of　mind。　She　tried　to　rise　from　the　couch　and　then　fell　backwards。
　　　
　　　
　　　For　a　long　time；　she　merely　lay　there；　staring　at　the　ceiling　and　I　couldn't　know　her　thoughts。　I　tried　to　take　her　hand；　but　she　withdrew　it　from　me。
　　　Then　in　a　low　voice；　she　said：
　　　〃You've　drunk　her　blood。　You　have　the　Fire　Gift；　and　you've　drunk　her　blood。　And　this　she　has　done　in　answer　to　your　prayer。〃
　　　〃Tell　me；〃　I　said。　〃What　prompted　you　to　offer　yourself　to　her？　Why　did　you　say　such　words？　Had　you　ever　spoken　them　in　Egypt？　〃
　　　〃Never；〃　she　said　in　a　heated　murmur。　〃I　had　forgotten　the　beauty。〃　She　looked　confused；　weak。　〃I　had　forgotten　the　timelessness；〃　she　whispered。　〃I　had　forgotten　the　silence　gathered　around　them…as　if　it　were　so　many　veils。〃
　　　She　turned　and　looked　at　me　languidly。　She　looked　about　her。　I　sensed　her　hunger；　her　weakness。
　　　〃Yes；〃　she　sighed。　〃Bring　my　slaves　to　me；〃　she　said。　〃Let　them　go　out　and　obtain　for　me　a　sacrifice；　for　I'm　too　weak　from　having　been　the　sacrifice　myself。〃
　　　I　went　into　the　courtyard　garden　and　told　her　little　gang　of　exquisite　
　　　blood　drinkers　to　go　to　her。　She　could　give　them　this　disagreeable　order　on　her　own。
　　　When　they　had　gone　on　their　dismal　errand；　I　returned　to　her。　She　was　sitting　up；　her　face　still　drawn　and　her　white　hands　trembling。
　　　〃Perhaps　I　should　have　died；〃　she　said　to　me。　〃Perhaps　it　was　meant　to　be。〃
　　　〃What's　meant？〃　I　asked　scornfully。　〃What's　meant　is　that　we　must　both　live　in　Constantinople；　you　in　your　house　with　your　little　panions　and　I　here　with　mine。　And　we　must　have　a　mingling　of　households　from　time　to　time　that　is　agreeable。　I　say　that　is　what　is　meant。〃
　　　She　looked　at　me　thoughtfully　as　if　she　were　pondering　this　as　much　as　she　could　ponder　anything　after　what　had　befallen　her　in　the　shrine。
　　　〃Trust　in　me；〃　I　said　desperately　in　a　low　voice。　〃Trust　in　me　for　some　little　while。　And　then　if　we　should　part；　let　it　be　amicable。〃
　　　She　smiled。　〃As　if　we　were　old　Greeks？〃　she　asked。
　　　〃Why　must　we　lose　our　manners？〃　I　said。　〃Weren't　they　nourished　in　brilliance；　like　the　arts　which　still　surround　us；　the　poetry　that　still　forts　us；　and　the　stirring　tales　of　heroism　which　distract　us　from　the　cruel　passage　of　time？　〃
　　　
　　　〃Our　manners；〃　she　repeated　thoughtfully。　〃What　a　strange　creature
　　　　you　are。〃
　　　Was　she　my　enemy　or　my　friend？　I　didn't　know。
　　　All　too　quickly；　her　blood　drinker　slaves　appeared　with　a　miserable　and　terrified　victim；　a　rich　merchant　who　glared　at　all　of　us　with　bulbous　eyes。　Frankly　he　offered　us　money　for　his　life。
　　　I　wanted　to　stop　this　abomination。　When　had　I　ever　taken　a　victim　under　my　roof？　And　this　was　to　happen　within　my　house　to　one　who　appealed　to　me　for　mercy。
　　　But　within　seconds；　the　man　was　forced　down　upon　his　knees　and　Eudoxia　then　gave　herself　over　to　drinking　blood　from　him　with　no　regard　for　my　standing　there　and　watching　this　spectacle；　and　I　turned　on　my　heel　and　went　out　of　the　library　and　remained　away；　until　the　man　was　dead；　and　his　richly　dressed　body　was　taken　away。
　　　At　last　I　came　back　into　my　library；　exhausted；　horrified　and　confused。
　　　Eudoxia　was　much　better　for　having　feasted　on　the　poor　wretch　and　she　was　staring　at　me　intently。
　　　I　sat　down　now；　for　I　saw　no　reason　to　stand　indignantly　with　regard　to　something　that　was　finished；　and　I　felt　myself　plunged　into　thought。
　　　〃Will　we　share　this　city？〃　I　asked　calmly。　I　looked　at　her。　〃Can　that　be　done　in　peace？〃
　　　〃I　don't　know　the　answer　to　your　questions；〃　she　said。　There　was　something　wrong　in　her　voice；　wrong　in　her　eyes；　wrong　in　her　
　　　manner。　〃I　want　to　leave　you　now。　We　will　talk　again。〃
　　　She　gathered　her　band　of　followers　and　all　of　them　left　quietly；　by　request；　through　the　rear　door　of　the　house。
　　　I　sat　there　very　still　and　weary　from　what　had　taken　place；　and　　wondering　if　there　would　be　any　change　in　Akasha　who　had　moved　to　drink　Eudoxia's　blood。
　　　Of　course　there　would　be　no　change。　I　thought　back　to　my　first　years　with　Akasha；　when　I'd　been　so　certain　that　I　could　bring　her　back　to　life。　And　here；　she　had　moved；　yes；　she　had　moved；　but　how　ghastly　had　been　the　expression　on　her　smooth　innocent　face；　more　blank　than　the　faces　of　mortals　after　death。
　　　An　awful　foreboding　came　over　me；　in　which　the　subtle　force　of　Eudoxia　seemed　both　a　charm　and　a　curse。
　　　And　in　the　midst　of　this　foreboding　I　came　to　know　a　terrible
　　　　temptation；　a　terrible　rebellious　thought。　Why　hadn't　I　given　over　tie
　　　
　　　
　　　Mother　and　Father　to　Eudoxia？　I　would　have　been　rid　of　them；　rid　of　this　burden　which　I　had　carried　since　the　earliest　nights　of　my　life　among　the　Undead？　Why　hadn't　I　done　it？
　　　It　would　have　been　so　simple。　And　I　would　have　been　free。
　　　And　as　I　recognized　this　guilty　desire　inside　of　me；　as　I　saw　it　flare　up　like　a　fire　fed　by　the　bellows；　I　realized　that　during　those　long　nights　at　sea；　on　the　voyage　to　Constantinople；　I　had　secretly　wished　that　our　ship　would　meet　with　misadventure；　that　we　would　be　sunk　and　Those　Who　Must　Be　Kept　would　have　gone　down　to　the　bottom　of　the　ocean；　never　to　surface　again。　I　could　have　survived　any　shipwreck。　But　they　would　have　been　buried　just　as　the　Elder　in　Egypt　had　long　ago　mentioned　to　me；　cursing　and　carrying　on；　saying；　〃Why　do　I　not　sink　them　into　the　sea？　〃
　　　Oh；　these　were　terrible　thoughts。　Did　I　not　love　Akasha？　Had　I　not　pledged　my　soul？
　　　I　was　consumed　with　self…hatred　and　dread　that　the　Queen　would　know　my　petty　secret…that　I　wished　to　be　rid　of　her；　that　I　wished　to　be　rid　of　all　of　them…Avicus；　Mael；　Eudoxia　most　certainly…that　I　wished…for　the　very　first　time…to　wander　a　vagabond　like　so　many　others；　that　I　wished　to　have　no　name　and　no　place　and　no　destination；　but　to　be　alone。
　　　These　thoughts　were　too　dreadful。　They　divided　me　from　all　that　I　valued。　I　had　to　banish　them　from　my　mind。
　　　But　before　I　could　get　my　wits　about　me；　Mael　and　Avicus　came　rushing　into　the　library。　There　was　some　sort　of　disturbance　outside　the　house。
　　　〃Can　you　hear　it？　〃　Avicus　said　frantically。
　　　〃Yea　gods；〃　I　said；　〃why　are　all　those　people　shouting　in　the　streets？〃
　　　I　realized　there　was　a　great　clamor；　and　that　some　of　these　people　were　beating　on　our　windows　and　doors。　Rocks　were　being　thrown　at　our　house。　The　wooden　shutters　were　about　to　be　broken　in。
　　　〃What　is　happening？　What　is　the　reason　for　this？〃　Mael　asked　desperately。
　　　〃Listen！〃　I　said　desperately。　〃They're　saying　that　we　seduced　a　rich　merchant　into　the　house；　and　then　murdered　him；　and　threw　his　corpse　out　to　rot！　Oh；　damn　Eudoxia；　don't　you　see　what　she's　done；　it　was　she　who　murdered　the　merchant！　She's　caused　a　mob　to　rise　against　us。　We　have　only　time　to　retreat　to　the　shrine。〃
　　　
　　　
　　　I　led　them　to　the　entrance；　lifted　the　heavy　marble　door；　and　we　were　soon　inside　the　passage；　knowing　full　well　that　we　were
　　　　protected；　but　unable　to　defend　our　house。
　　　Then　all　we　could　do　was　listen　helplessly　as　the　mob　broke　in　and　sacked　our　entire　dwelling；　destroying　my　new　library　and　all　I　　possessed。　We　did　not　have　to　hear　their　voices　to　know　when　they　had　set　the　house　ablaze。
　　　At　last；　when　it　was　quiet　above；　when　a　few　looters　picked　their　way　through　the　smoldering　rafters　and　debris；　we　came　up　out　of　the　tunnel；　and　stared　at　the　ruins　in　utter　disgust。
　　　We　scared　off　the　riffraff。　Then　we　made　certain　that　the　entrance　to　the　shrine　was　in　fact　secure　and　disguised；　which　it　was；　and　finally；　we　went　off　to　a　crowded　tavern；　where；　huddled　at　a　table　amid　mortals；　we　could　talk。
　　　Such　a　retreat　was；　for　us；　quite　incredible；　but　what　else　could　we　do？
　　　I　told　Avicus　and　Mael　what　had　happened　in　the　shrine；　how　Eudoxia　had　been　nearly　drained　of　all　blood　by　the　Mother　and　how　I　had　intervened　to　save　Eudoxia's　life。　I　then　explained　with　regard　to　the　mortal　merchant；　for　they　had　seen　him　brought　in；　and　seen　him　removed；　but　had　not　understood。
　　　〃They　dumped　his　body　where　it　would　be　found；〃　said　Avicus。　〃They　baited　the　crowd　to　gather　as　it　did。〃
　　　〃Yes。　Our　dwelling　is　gone；〃　I　said　finally；　〃and　the　shrine　will　be　lost　to　us　until　such　time　as　I　go　to　bizarre　and　plex　legal　measures　to　purchase　under　a　new　name　what　already　belongs　to　me　under　an　old　one；　and　the　family　of　the　merchant　will　demand　justice　against　the　unfortunate　individual；　whom　I　was　before；　if　you　follow　me；　so　that　I　might　not　be　able　to　buy　the　property　at　all。〃
　　　〃What　does　she　expect　of　us？〃　asked　Avicus。
　　　〃This　is　an　insult　to　Those　Who　Must　Be　Kep