anner.bloodandgold-第26部分

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　　　〃Things　are　better　for　us；〃　said　Avicus。　〃Mael　heals　well。〃
　　　〃I　want　to　tell　you　certain　things；〃　I　menced　without　asking　whether　or　not　they　wanted　such　knowledge。　〃I　don't　believe　from　what　happened　that　either　of　you　know　your　own　strength。　I　know　from　my　own　experience　that　power　increases　with　age；　as　I　am　now　more　agile　and　strong　than　I　was　when　I　was　made。　You　too　are　quite　strong；　and　this　incident　with　the　drunken　mortals　need　not　have　ever　taken　place。　YOU　could　have　gone　up　the　wall　when　you　were　surrounded。〃　　〃Oh；　leave　off　with　this！〃　said　Mael　suddenly。
　　　I　was　aghast　at　this　rudeness。　I　merely　shrugged。
　　　　　〃I　saw　things；〃　said　Mael　in　a　small　hard　voice；　as　though　the　confidential　manner　of　it　would　make　his　words　all　the　more　important。　〃I　things　when　I　drank　from　you　which　you　could　not　prevent　me　from　seeing。　I　saw　a　Queen　upon　a　throne。〃
　　　I　sighed。
　　　His　tone　was　not　as　venomous　as　it　had　been　before。　He　wanted　the
　　　truth　and　knew　he　could　not　get　it　by　hostile　means。
　　　
　　　As　for　me　I　was　so　fearful　that　I　dared　riot　move　or　speak。　Naturally　I　was　defeated　by　this　news　from　him；　dreadfully　defeated；　and　I　didn't　know　what　chance　I　had　of　preventing　everything　from　being　known。　I　stared　at　my　paintings。　I　wished　I　had　painted　a　better　garden。　I　might　have　mentally　transported　myself　into　a　garden。　Vaguely　I　came　to　thinking；　But　you　have　a　beautiful　garden　right　outside　through　the　doors。
　　　〃Will　you　not　tell　me　what　you　found　in　Egypt？〃　Mael　asked。　〃I　biow　that　you　went　there。　I　know　that　the　God　of　the　Grove　wanted　to　send　you　there。　Will　you　not　have　that　much　mercy　as　to　tell　me　what　you　found？　〃
　　　''And　why　would　I　have　mercy？〃　I　asked　politely。　〃Even　if　I　had　found　miracles　or　mysteries　in　Egypt。　Why　would　I　tell　you？　You　won't　even　be　seated　under　my　roof　like　a　proper　guest。　What　is　there　between　us？　Hatred　and　miracles？〃　I　stopped。　I　had　bee　too　heated。　It　was　anger。　It　was　weakness。　You　know　my　theme。
　　　At　this；　he　took　a　chair　beside　Avicus　and　he　stared　before　him　as　he　had　done　on　that　night　when　he　told　me　how　he'd　been　made。
　　　I　saw　now　as　I　looked　at　him　more　closely　that　his　throat　was　still　bruised　from　his　ordeal。　As　for　his　shoulder；　his　cloak　covered　it　but　I　imagined　it　to　be　the　same。
　　　My　eyes　moved　to　Avicus　and　I　was　surprised　to　see　his　eyebrows　knit　in　a　strange　little　frown。
　　　Suddenly　he　looked　to　Mael　and　he　spoke。
　　　〃The　fact　is；　Marius　can't　tell　us　what　he　discovered；〃　he　said；　his　voice　calm。　〃And　we　mustn't　ask　him　again。　Marius　bears　some　terrible　burden。　Marius　has　a　secret　which　has　to　do　with　all　of　us　and　how　long　we　can　endure。〃
　　　I　was　dreadfully　aggrieved。　I'd　failed　to　keep　my　mind　veiled　and　they　had　discovered　all　but　everything。　I　had　little　hope　of　preventing　their　penetration　into　the　sanctum　itself。
　　　I　didn't　know　precisely　what　to　do。　I　couldn't　even　consider　things　in　their　presence。　It　was　too　dangerous。　Yes；　dangerous　as　it　was；　I　had　an　impulse　to　tell　them　all。
　　　Mael　was　alarmed　and　excited　by　what　Avicus　had　said。
　　　〃Are　you　certain　of　this？〃　he　asked　Avicus。
　　　〃Yes；〃　Avicus　answered。　〃Over　the　years　my　mind　had　grown　stronger。　Prompted　by　what　I've　seen　of　Marius；　I've　tested　my　powers。　I　can　penetrate　Marius's　thoughts　even　when　I　don't　want　to　do　it。　And　on　the　night　when　Marius　came　to　help　us；　as　Marius　sat　beside　you；　as　he　watched　you　heal　from　your　wounds　as　you　drank　from　me；　Marius　thought　of　many　mysteries　and　secrets；　and　though　I　gave　you　blood；　I　read　Marius's　mind。〃
　　　I　was　too　saddened　by　this　to　respond　to　anything　said　by　either　of　them。　My　eyes　drifted　to　the　garden　outside。　I　listened　for　the　sound　of　the　fountain。　Then　I　sat　back　in　my　chair　and　looked　at　the　various　scrolls　of　my　journal　which　lay　about　helter…skelter　on　my　desk　for　anyone　to　pillage　and　read。　Oh；　but　you've　written　everything　in　code；　I　thought。　And　then　again；　a　clever　blood　drinker　might　decipher　it。　What　does　it　all　matter　now？
　　　Suddenly　I　felt　a　strong　impulse　to　try　to　reason　with　Mael。
　　　Once　again　I　saw　the　weakness　of　anger。　I　had　to　put　aside　anger　and　contempt　and　plead　with　him　to　understand。
　　　〃This　is　so；〃　I　said。　〃In　Egypt；　I　did　find　things。　But　you　must　believe　me　that　nothing　I　found　matters。　If　there　is　a　Queen；　a　Mother　as　you　call　her；　and　mind　you；　I　don't　say　she　exists；　imagine　for　the　moment　that　she　is　ancient　and　unresponsive　and　can　give　nothing　to　her　children　any　longer；　that　so　many　centuries　have　passed　since　our　dim　beginnings　that　no　one　with　any　reason　understands　them；　and　the　matter　is　left　quite　literally　buried　for　it　matters　not　one　jot。〃
　　　I　had　admitted　far　more　than　I　intended；　and　I　looked　from　one　to　the　other　of　them　for　understanding　and　acceptance　of　what　I'd　said。
　　　Mael　wore　the　astonished　expression　of　an　innocent。　But　the　look　on　the　face　of　Avicus　was　something　else。
　　　He　studied　me　as　if　he　wanted　desperately　to　tell　me　many　things。　Indeed　his　eyes　spoke　in　silence　though　his　mind　gave　me　nothing　and　then　he　said；
　　　〃Long　centuries　ago；　before　I　was　sent　to　Britain　to　take　up　my　time　in　the　oak　as　the　god；　I　was　brought　before　her。　You　remember　I　told　you　this。〃
　　　〃Yes；〃　I　said。
　　　〃I　saw　her！〃　He　paused。　It　seemed　quite　painful　for　him　to　relive　this　moment。　〃I　was　humiliated　before　her；　made　to　kneel；　made　to　recite　my　vows。　I　remember　hating　those　around　me。　As　for　her；　I　thought　she　was　a　statue；　but　now　I　understand　the　strange　words　that　they　spoke。　And　then　when　the　Magic　Blood　was　given　me；　I
　　　surrendered　to　the　miracle。　I　kissed　her　feet。〃
　　　　〃Why　have　you　never　told　me　this！〃　begged　Mael。　He　seemed　more　injured　and　confounded　than　angry　or　outraged。
　　　〃I　told　you　part　of　it；〃　said　Avicus。　〃It's　only　now　that　I　see　it　all。　My　existence　was　wretched；　don't　you　understand？〃　He　looked　to　me　and　then　to　Mael；　and　his　tone　became　a　little　more　reasonable　and　soft。　〃Mael；　don't　you　see？〃　he　asked。　〃Marius　is　trying　to　tell　you。　This　path　in　the　past　is　a　path　of　pain！〃
　　　〃But　who　is　she　and　what　is　she？〃　Mael　demanded。　In　that　fatal　instant　my　mind　was　decided。　Anger　did　move　me　and　perhaps　in　the　wrong　way。
　　　〃She　is　the　first　of　us；〃　I　said　in　quiet　fury。　〃That　is　the　old　tale。　She　and　her　consort　or　King；　they　are　the　Divine　Parents。　There's　no　more　to　it　than　that。〃
　　　〃And　you　saw　them；〃　Mael　said；　as　if　nothing　could　make　him　pause　in　his　relentless　questioning。
　　　〃They　exist；　they　are…safe；〃　I　said。　〃Listen　to　what　Avicus　tells　you。　What　was　Avicus　told？　〃
　　　Avicus　was　desperately　trying　to　remember。　He　was　searching　so　far　back　that　he　was　discovering　his　own　age。　At　last　he　spoke　in　the　same　respectful　and　polite　voice　as　before。
　　　〃Both　of　them　contain　the　seed　from　which　we　all　spring！〃　he　answered。　〃They　cannot　be　destroyed　on　that　account　for　if　they　were；　we　would　die　with　them。　Ah；　don't　you　see？〃　He　looked　at　Mael。　〃I　know　now　the　cause　of　the　Terrible　Fire。　Someone　seeking　to　destroy　us　burnt　them　or　placed　them　in　the　sun。〃
　　　I　was　utterly　defeated。　He　had　revealed　one　of　the　most　precious　secrets。　Would　he　know　the　other？　I　sat　in　sullen　silence。
　　　He　rose　from　the　chair　and　began　to　walk　about　the　room；　incensed　by　his　memories；
　　　〃How　long　did　they　remain　in　the　fire？　Or　was　it　only　one　day's
　　　passage　in　the　desert　sand？〃　He　turned　to　me。　〃They　were　white　as　marble　when　I　saw　them。　'This　is　the　Divine　Mother；'　they　said　to　me。　My　lips　touched　her　foot。　The　priest　pressed　his　heel　to　the　back　of　rny　neck。　When　the　Terrible　Fire　came　I　had　been　so　long　in　the　oak　I　remembered　nothing。　I　had　deliberately　slain　my　memory。　I　had　slain　all　sense　of　time。　I　lived　for　the　monthly　blood　sacrifice　and　the　yearly　Sanhaim。　I　starved　and　dreamed　as　I'd　been　manded　to　do。　My　life　was　in　rising　at　Sanhaim　to　judge　the　wicked；　to　look　into　the　hearts　of
　　　those　who　were　accused　and　pronounce　on　their　guilt　or　innocence。
　　　〃But　now　I　remember。　I　remember　the　sight　of　them…the　Mother　and　the　Father…for　I　saw　both　of　them　before　they　pressed　my　lips　to　her　feet。　How　cold　she　was。　How　awful　it　was。　And　I　was　unwilling。　I　was　so　filled　with　anger　and　fear。　And　it　was　a　brave　man's　fear。〃
　　　　　
　　　I　winced　at　his　last　words。　I　knew　what　he　meant。　What　must　a　brave　general　feel　when　he　knows　the　battle　has　gone　against　him　and　nothing　remains　but　death？　　Mael　looked　up　at　Avicus　with　a　face　full　of　sorrow　and　sympathy。
　　　But　Avicus　was　not　finished。　On　he　went　with　his　walking；　seeing　nothing　before　him　but　memory；　his　thick　black　hair　falling　forward　as　he　dipped　his　head　under　the　weight　of　memories　he　bore。
　　　His　black　eyes　were　lustrous　in　the　light　of　the　many　lamps。　But　his　expression　was　his　finest　feature。
　　　〃Was　it　the　sun；　or　was　it　a　Terrible　Fire？〃　he　asked。　〃Did　someone　try　to　burn　them？　Did　someone　believe　such　a　thing　could　be　done？　（Oh；　it's　so　simple。　I　should　have　remembered。　But　memory　is　desperate　to　leave　us。　Memory　knows　that　we　cannot　endure　its　pany。　
　　　　　Memory　would　reduce　us　to　fools。　Ah；　listen　to　old　mortals　when　they　have　nothing　but　memories　of　childhood。　How　they　go　on　mistaking　those　around　them　for　persons　long　dead；　and　no　one