rj.theshadowrising-第39部分

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　　　　　　　〃I　am。。。　trying　to　decide　what　to　do。〃　He　looked　embarrassed；　he　had　a　right　to；　in　her　opinion。
　　　　　　　〃I　hope　you　are　not　thinking　of　trying　to　leave。　You　know　how　important　you　are。　You　cannot　run　away　from　it；　Mat。〃
　　　　　　　〃You　think　I　don't　know　that？　I　don't　think　I　could　leave　if　Moiraine　told　me　I　could。　Believe　me；　Egwene；　I　am　not　going　anywhere。　I　just　want　to　know　what's　going　to　happen。〃　He　gave　a　rough　shake　of　his　head；　and　his　voice　grew　tighter。　〃What　es　next？　What's　in　these　holes　in　my　memory？　There　are　chunks　of　my　life　that　aren't　even　there；　they　don't　exist；　as　if　they　never　happened！　Why　do　I　find　myself　spouting　gibberish？　People　say　it's　the　Old　Tongue；　but　it's　goose　gabble　to　me。　I　want　to　know；　Egwene。　I　have　to　know；　before　I　go　as　crazy　as　Rand。〃
　　　　　　　〃Rand　is　not　crazy；〃　she　said　automatically。　So　Mat　was　not　trying　to　run　away。　That　was　a　pleasant　surprise；　he　had　not　seemed　to　believe　in　responsibility。　But　there　was　pain　and　worry　in　his　voice。　Mat　never　worried；　or　never　let　anyone　see　it　if　he　did。　〃I　do　not　know　the　answers；　Mat；〃　she　said　gently。　〃Perhaps　Moiraine　…〃
　　　　　　　〃No！〃　He　was　on　his　feet　in　a　bound。　〃No　Aes　Sedai！　I　mean。。。　You're　different。　I　know　you；　and　you　aren't。。。　Didn't　they　teach　you　anything　in　the　Tower；　some　trick　or　other；　something　that　would　serve？〃
〃Oh；　Mat；　I　am　sorry。　I　am　so　sorry。〃
　　　　　　　His　laugh　reminded　her　of　their　childhood。　Just　so　he　had　always　laughed　when　his　grandest　expectations　went　astray。　〃Ah；　well；　I　guess　it　does　not　matter。　It'd　still　be　the　Tower；　if　at　second　hand。　No　offense　to　you。〃　Just　so　he　had　moaned　over　a　splinter　in　his　finger　and　treated　a　broken　leg　as　if　it　were　nothing　at　all。
　　　　　　　〃There　might　be　a　way；〃　she　said　slowly。　〃If　Moiraine　says　it　is　all　right。　She　might。〃
　　　　　　　〃Moiraine！　Haven't　you　heard　a　word　I　said？　The　last　thing　I　want　is　Moiraine　meddling。　What　way？〃
　　　　　　　Mat　had　always　been　rash。　But　he　wanted　no　more　than　she　did；　to　know。　If　only　he　showed　a　little　sense　and　caution　for　once。　A　passing　Tairen　noblewoman　with　dark　braids　coiled　about　her　head；　shoulders　bare　above　yellow　linen；　bent　her　knee　slightly；　looking　at　them　with　no　expression；　she　walked　on　quickly；　with　a　stiff　back。　Egwene　watched　her　until　she　was　well　beyond　earshot；　and　they　were　alone。　Unless　the　gardeners；　thirty　feet　below；　counted。　Mat　was　staring　at　her　expectantly。
　　　　　　　In　the　end；　she　told　him　of　the　ter'angreal；　the　twisted　doorway　that　held　answers　on　its　other　side。　It　was　the　dangers　she　emphasized；　the　consequences　of　foolish　questions；　or　those　touching　the　Shadow；　the　dangers　even　Aes　Sedai　might　not　know。　She　was　more　than　flattered　that　he　had　e　to　her；　but　he　had　to　show　a　little　sense。　〃You　must　remember　this；　Mat。　Frivolous　questions　can　get　you　killed；　so　if　you　do　use　it；　you　will　have　to　be　serious　for　a　change。　And　you　mustn't　ask　any　questions　that　touch　the　Shadow。〃
　　　　　　　He　had　listened　with　greater　and　greater　incredulity。　When　she　was　done；　he　exclaimed；　〃Three　questions？　You　go　in　like　Bili；　I　suppose；　spend　a　night　and　e　out　ten　years　later　with　a　purse　that's　always　full　of　gold　and　a　…〃
　　　　　　　〃For　once　in　your　life；　Matrim　Cauthon；〃　she　snapped；　〃do　not　talk　like　a　fool。　You　know　very　well　ter'angreal　are　not　stories。　It's　the　dangers　you　have　to　be　aware　of。　Maybe　the　answers　you　seek　are　inside　this　one；　but　you　must　not　try　it　before　Moiraine　says　you　can。　You　must　promise　me　that；　or　I　promise　you　I　will　take　you　to　her　like　a　trout　on　a　string。　You　know　I　can。〃
　　　　　　　He　gave　a　loud　snort。　〃I'd　be　a　fool　if　I　did　try　it；　no　matter　what　Moiraine　says。　Walk　into　a　bloody　ter'angreal！　It's　less　I　want　to　do　with　the　bloody　Power；　not　more。　You　can　blot　it　right　out　of　your　mind。〃
　　　　　　　〃It　is　the　only　chance　I　know；　Mat。〃
　　　　　　　〃Not　for　me；　it　isn't；〃　he　said　firmly。　〃No　chance　at　all　is　better　than　that。〃
　　　　　　　Despite　his　tone；　she　wanted　to　put　an　arm　around　him。　Only　he　would　likely　make　some　joke　at　her　expense；　and　try　to　goose　her。　He　had　been　incorrigible　from　the　day　he　was　born。　But　he　had　e　to　her　for　help。　〃I'm　sorry；　Mat。　What　will　you　do？〃
　　　　　　　〃Oh；　play　cards；　I　suppose。　If　anyone　will　play　with　me。　Play　stones　with　Thom。　Dice　in　the　taverns。　I　can　still　go　as　far　as　the　city；　at　least。〃　His　gaze　strayed　toward　a　passing　maidservant；　a　slender；　dark…eyed　girl；　near　his　own　age。　〃I'll　find　something　to　take　up　time。〃
　　　　　　　Her　hand　itched　to　slap　him；　but　instead　she　said　cautiously；　〃Mat；　you　really　aren't　thinking　of　leaving；　are　you？〃
　　　　　　　〃Would　you　tell　Moiraine；　if　I　was？〃　He　put　up　his　hands　to　forestall　her。　〃Well；　there's　no　need。　I　told　you　I　wouldn't。　I'll　not　pretend　I'd　not　like　to；　but　I　won't。　Is　that　good　enough　for　you？〃　A　pensive　frown　crept　onto　his　face。　〃Egwene；　do　you　ever　wish　you　were　back　home？　That　none　of　this　had　ever　happened？〃
　　　　　　　It　was　a　startling　question；　ing　from　him；　but　she　knew　her　answer。　〃No。　Even　with　everything；　no。　Do　you？〃
　　　　　　　〃I　would　be　a　fool　then；　wouldn't　I？〃　he　laughed。　〃It's　cities　I　like；　and　this　one　will　do　for　now。　This　one　will　do。　Egwene；　you　won't　tell　Moiraine　about　this；　will　you？　About　me　asking　for　advice　and　all？〃
　　　　　　　〃Why　shouldn't　I？〃　she　asked　suspiciously。　He　was　Mat；　after　all。
　　　　　　　He　gave　an　embarrassed　hitch　of　his　shoulders。　〃I've　been　keeping　wider　of　her　than　I　have　of。。。　Anyway；　I've　been　staying　clear；　especially　when　she　wants　to　root　around　in　my　head。　She　might　think　I'm　weakening。　You　won't　tell　her；　will　you？〃
　　　　　　　〃I　won't；〃　she　said；　〃if　you　promise　me　you　will　not　go　near　that　ter'angreal　without　asking　her　permission。　I　shouldn't　even　have　told　you　about　it。〃
　　　　　　　〃I　promise。〃　He　grinned。　〃I　won't　go　near　that　thing　unless　my　life　depends　on　it。　I　swear。〃　He　finished　with　mock　solemnity。
　　　　　　　Egwene　shook　her　head。　However　much　everything　else　changed；　Mat　just　never　would。

　
Chapter　9
（Crescent　Moon　and　Stars）
Decisions

　　　　　　　Three　days　passed　with　heat　and　damp　that　seemed　to　sap　even　the　Tairens'　strength。　The　city　slowed　to　a　lethargic　walk；　the　Stone　to　a　crawl。　Servants　worked　nearly　in　their　sleep；　the　majhere　tore　her　coiled　braids　in　frustration；　but　even　she　could　not　find　the　energy　to　rap　knuckles　or　flick　ears　with　a　hard　finger。　Defenders　of　the　Stone　slumped　at　their　posts　like　half…melted　candles；　and　the　officers　showed　more　interest　in　chilled　wine　than　in　making　their　rounds。　The　High　Lords　kept　largely　to　their　apartments；　sleeping　through　the　hottest　part　of　the　day；　and　a　few　left　the　Stone　entirely　for　the　relative　cool　of　estates　far　to　the　east；　on　the　slopes　of　the　Spine　of　the　World。　Oddly；　only　the　outlanders；　who　felt　the　heat　worst　of　all；　pushed　on　with　their　lives　as　hard　as　ever；　if　not　harder。　For　them；　the　heavy　heat　did　not　weigh　nearly　as　much　as　did　the　hours　rushing　by。
　　　　　　　Mat　quickly　discovered　that　he　had　been　right　about　the　young　lords　who　saw　the　playing　cards　try　to　kill　him。　Not　only　did　they　avoid　him；　they　spread　the　word　among　their　friends；　often　garbled；　no　one　in　the　Stone　who　had　two　pieces　of　silver　in　hand　would　say　more　than　hasty　excuses　while　backing　away。　The　rumors　spread　beyond　the　lordlings。　More　than　one　serving　woman　who　had　enjoyed　a　cuddle　now　declined；　too；　and　two　said　uneasily　that　they　had　heard　it　was　dangerous　to　be　alone　with　him。　Perrin　appeared　all　wrapped　up　in　his　own　worries；　and　Thom　seemed　to　vanish　by　sleight　of　hand；　Mat　had　no　idea　what　occupied　the　gleeman；　but　he　was　seldom　to　be　found；　day　or　night；　Moiraine；　the　one　person　Mat　wished　would　ignore　him；　instead　seemed　to　be　there　whenever　he　turned　around；　she　was　just　passing　by；　or　crossing　the　corridor　in　the　distance；　but　her　eyes　met　his　every　last　time；　looking　as　if　she　knew　what　he　was　thinking　and　what　he　wanted；　knew　how　she　was　going　to　make　him　do　exactly　what　she　wanted　instead。　None　of　it　made　any　difference　in　one　respect；　he　still　managed　to　find　excuses　to　put　off　leaving　for　another　day。　As　he　saw　it；　he　had　not　promised　Egwene　he　would　stay。　But　he　did。
　　　　　　　Once；　he　carried　a　lamp　down　into　the　belly　of　the　Stone；　to　the　so…called　Great　Holding；　as　far　as　the　dry…rotted　door　at　the　far　end　of　the　narrow　hallway。　A　few　minutes　of　peering　into　the　shadowy　interior　at　dim　shapes　covered　with　dusty　canvas；　roughly　stacked　crates　and　barrels；　their　flat　ends　used　as　shelves　for　jumbles　of　figurines　and　carvings　and　peculiar　things　of　crystal　and　glass　and　metal　…　a　few　minutes　of　that；　and　he　hurried　away；　muttering；　〃I'd　have　to　be　the　biggest　bloody　fool　in　the　whole　bloody　world！〃
　　　　　　　Nothing　kept　him　from　going　into　the　city；　though；　and　there　was　no　chance　at　all　of　meeting　Moiraine　in　the　dockside　taverns　of　the　Maule；　the　port　district；　or　the　inns　in　the　Chalm；　where　the　warehouses　were；　dimly　lit；　cramped；　often　dirty　places　of　cheap　wine；　bad　ale；　occasional　fights　and　unending　dice　games。　The　stakes　in　the　dice　games　were　small；　pared　to　what　he　had　grown　used　to；　but　that　was　not　why　he　always　found　himself　back　in　the　Stone　after　a　few　hours。　He　tried　not　to　think　about　what　always　drew　him　back；　near　to　Rand。
　　　　　　　Perrin　sometimes　saw　Mat　in　the　waterfront　taverns；