sk.petsematary-第9部分

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　　Louis　gave　up　the　pretense　of　working　on　his　model　and　gestured　for　her　to　e。　She　sat　on　his　lap；　and　he　was　again　struck　by　her　beauty；　which　was　emphasized　now　by　her　emotional　upset。　She　was　dark…skinned；　almost　Levantine。　Tony　Benton；　one　of　the　doctors　he　had　worked　with　in　Chicago；　used　to　call　her　the　Indian　Princess。
　　〃Honey；〃　he　said；　〃if　it　was　up　to　me；　I'd　let　Church　live　to　be　a　hundred。　But　I　don't　make　the　rules。〃
　　〃Who　does？〃　she　asked；　and　then；　with　infinite　scorn：
　　〃God；　I　suppose。〃
　　Louis　stifled　the　urge　to　laugh。　It　was　too　serious。　〃God　or　Somebody；〃　he　said。　〃Clocks　run　down…that's　all　I　know。　There　are　no　guarantees；　babe。〃
　　〃I　don't　want　Church　to　be　like　all　those　dead　pets！〃　she　burst　out；　suddenly　tearful　and　furious。　〃I　don't　want　Church　to　ever　be　dead！　He's　my　cat！　He's　not　God's　cat！　Let　God　have　His　own　cat！　Let　God　have　all　the　damn　old　cats　He　wants；　and　kill　them　all！　Church　is　mine！〃
　　There　were　footsteps　across　the　kitchen；　and　Rachel　looked　in；　startled。　Ellie　was　now　weeping　against　Louis's　chest。　The　horror　had　been　articulated；　it　was　out；　its　face　had　been　drawn　and　could　be　regarded。　Now；　even　if　it　could　not　be　changed；　it　could　at　least　be　wept　over。　
　　〃Ellie；〃　he　said；　rocking　her；　〃Ellie；　Ellie；　Church　isn't　dead；　he's　right　over　there；　sleeping。〃
　　〃But　he　could　be；〃　she　wept。　〃He　could　be；　any　time。〃　He　held　her　and　rocked　her；　believing；　rightly　or　wrongly；　that　Ellie　wept　for　the　very　intractability　of　death；　its　imperviousness　to　argument　or　to　a　little　girl's　tears；　that　she　wept　over　its　cruel　unpredictability；　and　that　she　wept　because　of　the　human　being's　wonderful；　deadly　ability　to　translate　symbols　into　conclusions　that　were　either　fine　and　noble　or　blackly　terrifying。　If　all　those　animals　had　died　and　been　buried；　then　Church　could　die
　　（any　time！）
　　and　beburied；　and　if　that　could　happen　to　Church；　it　could　happen　to　her　mother；　her　father；　her　baby　brother。　To　herself。　Death　was　a　vague　idea；　the　Pet　Sematary　was　real。
　　In　the　texture　of　those　rude　markers　were　truths　which　even　a　child's　hands　could　feel。
　　It　would　be　easy　to　lie　at　this　point；　the　way　he　had　lied　earlier　about　the　life　expectancy　of　tomcats。　But　a　lie　would　be　remembered　later　and　perhaps　finally　totted　up　on　the　report　card　all　children　hand　in　to　themselves　on　their　parents。　His　own　mother　had　told　him　such　a　lie；　an　innocuous　one　about　women　finding　babies　in　the　dewy　grass　when　they　really　wanted　them；　and　as　innocuous　as　the　lie　had　been；　Louis　had　never　forgiven　his　mother　for　telling　it…or　himself　for　believing　it。
　　〃Honey；〃　he　said；　〃it　happens。　It's　a　part　of　life。〃
　　〃It's　a　bad　part！〃　she　cried。　〃It's　a　really　bad　part！〃
　　There　was　no　answer　for　this。　She　wept。　Eventually　her　tears　would　stop。　It　was　a　necessary　first　step　on　the　way　to。　making　an　uneasy　peace　with　a　truth　that　was　never　going　to　go　away。
　　He　held　his　daughter　and　listened　to　church　bells　on　Sunday　morning；　floating　across　the　September　fields；　and　it　was　some　time　after　her　tears　had　stopped　before　he　realized　that；　like　Church；　she　had　gone　to　sleep。
　　He　put　her　up　in　her　bed　and　then；　came　downstairs　to　the　kitchen；　where　Rachel　was　beating　cake　batter　too　hard。　He　mentioned　his　surprise　that　Ellie　should　just　cork　off　like　that　in　the　middle　of　the　morning；　it　wasn't　like　her。
　　〃No；〃　Rachel　said；　setting　the　bowl　down　on　the　counter　with　a　decisive　thump。　〃It　isn't；　but　I　think　she　was　awake　most　of　last　night。　I　heard　her　tossing　around；　and　Church　cried　to　go　out　around　three。　He　only　does　that　when　she's　restless。〃
　　〃Why　would　she　。　。　。　？〃
　　〃Oh；　you　know　why！〃　Rachel　said；　angrily。　〃That　damned　pet　cemetery　is　why！　It　really　upset　her；　Lou。　It　was　the　first　cemetery　of　any　kind　for　her；　and　it　just　。　。　。　upset　her。　I　don't　think　I'll　write　your　friend　Jud　Crandall　any　thank…you　notes　for　that　little　hike。〃
　　All　at　once　he's　my　friend；　Louis　thought；　bemused　and　distressed　at　the　same　time。
　　〃Rachel…〃
　　〃And　I　don't　want　her　going　up　there　again。〃
　　〃Rachel；　what　Jud　said　about　the　path　is　true。〃
　　〃It's　not　the　path　and　you　know　it；〃　Rachel　said。　She　picked　up　the　bowl　again　and　began　beating　the　cake　batter　even　faster。　〃it's　that　damned　place。　It's　unhealthy。　Kids　going　up　there　and　tending　the　graves；　keeping　the　path　fucking　morbid　is　what　it　is。　Whatever　disease　the　kids　in　this　town　have　got；　I　don't　want　Ellie　to　catch　it。〃
　　Louis　stared　at　her；　nonplussed。　He　more　than　half　suspected　that　one　of　the　things　which　had　kept　their　marriage　together　when　it　seemed　as　if　each　year　brought　the　news　that　two　or　three　of　their　friends'　marriages　had　collapsed　was　their　respect　of　the　mystery…the　half…grasped　but　never　spoken　idea　that　maybe；　when　you　got　right　down　to　the　place　where　the　cheese　binds；　there　was　no　such　thing　as　marriage；　no　such　thing　as　union；　that　each　soul　stood　alone　and　ultimately　defied　rationality。　That　was　the　mystery。　And　no　matter　how　well　you　thought　you　knew　your　partner；　you　occasionally　ran　into　blank　walls　or　fell　into　pits。　And　sometimes　（rarely；　thank　God）　you　ran　into　a　full…fledged　pocket　of　alien　strangeness；　something　like　the　clear…air　turbulence　that　can　buffet　an　airliner　for　no　reason　at　all。　An　attitude　or　belief　which　you　had　never　suspected；　one　so　peculiar　（at　least　to　you）　that　it　seemed　nearly　psychotic。　And　then　you　trod　lightly；　if　you　valued　your　marriage　and　your　peace　of　mind；　you　tried　to　remember　that　anger　at　such　a　discovery　was　the　province　of　fools　who　really　believed　it　was　possible　for　one　mind　to　know　another。
　　〃Honey；　it's　just　a　pet　cemetery；〃　he　said。
　　〃The　way　she　was　crying　in　there　just　now；〃　Rachel　said；　gesturing　toward　the　door　to　his　office　with　a　batter…covered　spoon；　〃do　you　think　it's　just　a　pet　cemetery　to　her？　It's　going　to　leave　a　scar；　Lou。　No。　She's　not　going　up　there　anymore。　It's　not　the　path；　it's　the　place。　Here　she　is　already　thinking　Church　is　going　to　die。〃
　　For　a　moment　Louis　had　the　crazy　impression　that　he　was　still　talking　to　Ellie；　she　had　simply　donned　stilts；　one　of　her　mother's　dresses；　and　a　very　clever；　very　realistic　Rachel　mask。　Even　the　expression　was　the　same…set　and　a　bit　sullen　on　top；　but　wounded　beneath。
　　He　groped；　because　suddenly　the　issue　seemed　large　to　him；　not　a　thing　to　be　simply　passed　over　in　deference　to　that　mystery　。　。　。　or　that　aloneness。　He　groped　because　it　seemed　to　him　that　she　was　missing　something　so　large　it　nearly　filled　the　landscape；　and　you　couldn't　do　that　unless　you　were　deliberately　closing　your　eyes　to　it。
　　〃Rachel；〃　he　said；　〃Church　is　going　to　die。〃
　　She　stared　at　him　angrily。　〃That　is　hardly　the　point；〃　she　said；　enunciating　each　word　carefully；　speaking　as　one　might　speak　to　a　backward　child。　〃Church　is　not　going　to　die　today；　or　tomorrow…〃
　　〃I　tried　to　tell　her　that…〃
　　〃Or　the　day　after　that；　or　probably　for　years…〃
　　〃Honey；　we　can't　be　sure　of　th…〃
　　〃Of　course　we　can！〃　she　shouted。　〃We　take　good　care　。of　him；　he's　not　going　to　die；　no　one　is　going　to　die　around　here；　and　so　why　do　you　want　to　go　and　get　a　little　girl　all　upset　about　something　she　can't　understand　until　she's　much　older？〃
　　〃Rachel；　listen。〃
　　But　Rachel　had　no　intention　of　listening。　She　was　blazing。　〃It's　bad　enough　to　try　and　cope　with　a　death…a　pet　or　a　friend　or　a　relative…when　it　happens；　without　turning　it　into　a。　。　。　a　goddam　tourist　attraction。　。　。　a　F…F…Forest　Lawn　for　a…animals。　。　。〃　Tears　were　running　down　her　cheeks。
　　〃Rachel；〃　he　said　and　tried　to　put　his　hands　on　her　shoulders。　She　shrugged　them　off　in　a　quick；　hard　gesture。
　　〃Never　mind；〃　she　said。　〃You　don't　have　the　slightest　idea　what　I'm　talking　about。〃
　　He　sighed。　〃I　feel　like　I　fell　through　a　hidden　trapdoor　and　into　a　giant　Mixmaster；〃　he　said；　hoping　for　a　smile。　He　got　none；　only　her　eyes；　locked　on　his；　black　and　blazing。　She　was　furious；　he　realized；　not　just　angry；　but　absolutely　furious。　〃Rachel；〃　he　said　suddenly；　not　fully　sure　what　he　was　going　to　say　until　it　was　out；　〃how　did　you　sleep　last　night？〃
　　〃Oh　boy；〃　she　said　scornfully；　turning　away…but　not　before　he　had　seen　a　wounded　flicker　in　her　eyes。　〃That's　really　intelligent。　Really　intelligent。　You　never　change；　Louis。　When　something　isn't　going　right；　blame　Rachel；　right？　Rachel's　just　having　one　of　her　weird　emotional　reactions。〃
　　〃That's　not　fair。〃
　　〃No？〃　She　took　the　bowl　of　cake　batter　over　to　the　far　counter　by　the　stove　and　set　it　down　with　another　bang。　She　began　to　grease　a　cake　tin；　her　lips　pressed　tightly　together。
　　He　said　patiently；　〃There's　nothing　wrong　with　a　child　finding　out　something　about　death；　Rachel。　In　fact；　I'd　call　it　a　necessary　thing。　Ellie's　reaction…her　crying…that　seemed　perfectly　natural　to　me。　It…〃
　　〃Oh；　it　sounded　natural；〃　Rachel　said；　whirling　on　him　again。　〃It　sounded　very　natural　to　hear　her　weeping　her　heart　out　over　her　cat　which　is　perfectly　fine…〃
　　〃Stop　it；〃　he　said。　〃You're　not　making　any　sense。〃
　　〃I　don't　want　to　discuss　it　anymore。〃
　　〃Yes；　but　we're　going　to；〃　he　said；　angry　himself　now。　〃You　had　your　at…batshow　about　giving　me　mine？〃
　　〃She's　not