gns.throwback-第3部分

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　few　awful　minutes　（hours？）　she　had　weakened；　felt　abominably　ill；　but　now　that　sensation　had　passed。　She　refrained　from　looking　down　at　herself；　didn't　want　to　know；　it　was　as　if　she　had　been　given　another　body；　a　strong　coarse　squat　butch　frame。　A　sex　change？　God；　she'd　never　look　at　herself　again。
　　
　　Hurry；　your　mind　could　go　again　at　any　second　and　then　you'll　be　lost！
　　
　　It　was　a　long　way；　maybe　two　miles。　Over　the　English　Bridge；　turning　to　the　right；　preferring　to　walk　in　the　road　because　there　were　people　about　again；　most　of　them　sticking　to　the　pavements；　an　instinct　that　was　too　ingrained　in　them　for　them　to　venture　on　to　the　highway。　Yet。
　　
　　A　jumble　of　motor　vehicles；　a　dozen　or　more　minor　crashes　except　for　the　one　in　the　middle　of　the　road　where　a　lorry　had　shot　the　lights　and　gone　over　a　Mini。　The　lights　were　still　working；　eerily；　pointlessly；　red；　amber；　green；　but　nobody　was　going　anywhere。
　　
　　A　body　lay　on　the　tarmac；　stark　naked。　Man　or　woman；　it　was　hard　to　tell　because　it　was　mangled　and　bloody；　probably　thrown　from　the　crushed　car。　Jackie　thought　she　might　spew　again　but　that　feeling　of　nausea　was　stopped　instantly　by　an　animal…like　roar　that　had　her　forgetting　the　carnage。
　　
　　A　man　was　ing　round　the　back　of　a　bumped　Ford　pick…up；　shouting　hoarsely；　pointing　at　Jackie。　In　one　fleeting　second　she　saw　and　understood。　He　was　big　and　muscular；　blotched　skin　like　everybody　else；　and　naked　from　the　waist　downwards。　He　wanted　her；　all　right；　and　for　one　reason　only！
　　
　　She　broke　into　a　run；　her　carrier　bags　bumping　and　jogging　against　her；　fast　strides　that　scarcely　affected　her　rate　of　breathing。　Weaving　her　way　through　the　line　of　cars；　aware　of　his　padding　bare　footsteps。　Louder；　closer；　he　would　catch　her　soon；　it　was　inevitable。　Her　heartbeats　speeded　up　in　time　with　her　pounding　head。
　　

　　And　then　she　heard　a　scream；　half…checked　and　turned　her　head　back　to　look。　Her　pursuer　had　altered　his　course；　spied　a　woman　propped　up　in　a　newsagent's　doorway。　A　couple　of　bounds　and　he　had　her；　threw　her　roughly　down　on　the　concrete。　She　struggled；　screamed　again　but　it　was　futile。　So　deliberate；　so　fast；　a　stag　taking　his　hind　by　force　on　the　rutting　stand。　A　forced　mating；　any　female　was　fair　game。
　　
　　Jackie　fled；　veered　to　the　other　side　of　the　road　because　she　spied　a　bunch　of　youths　and　wanted　to　avoid　passing　close　to　them。　They　did　not　appear　to　notice　her。　More　than　her　life　was　at　stake。
　　
　　With　relief　she　saw　and　recognised　the　Monkmoor　lights。　A　phone　box；　an　idea　that　hurt　like　a　migraine　stab　almost　blanked　her　out　again。　She　would　ring　Jon；　he　would　e　and　rescue　her。　Whatever　had　been　between　them　in　the　past　was　a　strong　enough　link。　He　would　not　desert　her　in　her　terrible　hour　of　need。
　　
　　Jackie　Quinn　glanced　around；　furtively；　guiltily。　A　youth　on　the　opposite　side　of　the　road　was　watching　her；　yet　his　expression　was　not　one　of　lust　like　the　man　who　had　chased　her；　rather　vacant　as　though　he　saw　but　did　not　understand；　almost　hypnotised。
　　
　　She　dragged　the　heavy　glass　door　open；　went　inside　and　let　it　bang　shut　behind　her；　a　vibration　which　jarred　her　nerves；　speeded　up　the　thumping　in　her　head。　Jon　would　e；　he　did　not　have　to　drive　through　the　blocked　town。　Down　the　A49；　she　could　even　walk　down　and　meet　him　there。　Another　thought；　perhaps　he　would　not　believe　her；　think　that　it　was　some　ruse　on　her　part　or　else　she　had　gone　mad。　Everything　up　in　the　hills　would　be　perfectly　normal；　nothing　untoward　ever　happened　up　there。　You've　got　to　believe　me；　Jon。　Something's　happened；　everybody's　e　out　in　ghastly　rashes　and　nobody　knows　what　they're　doing。　Except　me　and　I　might　go　on　the　blink　at　any　second。　It's　the　Russians！　I　know　it　is　because　。。。　a　man　told　me　it　was。　Oh　God；　it　sounded　lame；　a　kid's　fantasy。　You've　got　to　believe　me；　please。　Her　head　was　vibrating　as　though　there　were　steam　pistons　in　her　brain。　A　robot；　controlled　by　。。。　Oh　Christ　Alive；　her　vision　was　tunnelling　again；　like　looking　down　a　telescope　from　the　wrong　end；　seeing　just　a　circle　with　a　tiny　grey　telephone　ringed　in　it。　Start　dialling　now　before　it's　too　late！
　　
　　Her　forefinger　was　almost　too　thick　to　go　in　the　hole。　Fumbling；　missing　and　having　to　start　again。　Pushing　with　all　her　psychological　strength；　a　tremendous　effort。
　　
　　0。。。　5。　。。8。　。。8。　。。4。　。。It　was　going　to　take　hours。　The　dialling　tone　started　up　another　vibration　in　her　brain；　a　minute　pneumatic　drill　boring　into　her　so　that　the　tunnel　was　being　even　narrower。　She　could　barely　make　out　the　numbers　now。　8　。。。　4　。。。　One　slip　and　you'll　have　to　start　all　over　again。　5　。。。　5　。。。
　　
　　And　then　everything　went　black　and　red　and　the　receiver　was　swinging　on　its　flex　like　a　pendulum　gone　berserk；　banging　against　the　pay…box。
　　
　　It　took　Jackie　Quinn　some　time　to　work　out　exactly　where　she　was。　A　wide　main　road；　totally　deserted；　not　even　an　abandoned　vehicle。　The　river　below；　a　deep　muddy　current；　the　grass　on　either　side　brown　and　sun…scorched；　dying。
　　
　　Just　walking；　aimlessly；　because　there　was　nothing　else　to　do；　accepting　what　she　saw　with　numbed　apathy。　The　fear；　the　pain　were　gone。　There　was　nothing　left。
　　
　　She　still　carried　the　plastic　bags　filled　with　mushed　food　because　it　never　occurred　to　her　to　discard　them；　a　mindless　living　thing　in　a　dead　world。
　　
　　Scattered　trees　that　appeared　to　have　gone　into　their　annual　leaf…fall；　but　if　you　looked　close　you　saw　that　the　foliage　was　shrivelled　and　blackened　instead　of　a　golden　brown　tint。　Heat　scorched。　But　Jackie　Quinn　was　not　aware　of　this　nor　anything　else。
　　
　　The　thumping　in　her　head　began　again；　more　persistent　and　painful　than　before；　bringing　with　it　a　glimmering　of　fear；　the　beginnings　of　realisation　again。　Stopping；　holding　on　to　a　low　branch　of　a　withered　tree。　Waiting。
　　
　　The　pain　came　back；　brought　everything　else　with　it。　Oh　God；　she　hadn't　managed　to　phone　Jon；　hadn't　made　it　in　time。　A　sensation　of　helplessness；　hopelessness；　seeing　the　scorched　countryside　and　knowing　that　it　was　not　just　a　month　of　hot　June　weather　that　had　done　this。　It　was　。　。　。　she　didn't　know　what　it　was；　only　that　suddenly　the　whole　world　had　changed。
　　
　　She　would　go　on　to　Pauline's　mother's　house。　There　was　a　phone　there　and　she　would　try　again。　The　blackouts　were　being　more　frequent；　she　had　to　hurry。
　　
　　Almost　running　when　she　saw　the　traffic　island。　Miraculously　she　had　continued　in　the　right　direction；　not　far　now。
　　
　　The　pub；　its　doors　closed；　an　atmosphere　of　finality　about　it。　The　housing　estates　beyond；　people　standing　about；　flesh…scarred　caricatures　of　their　former　selves；　not　understanding；　not　caring。　Just　living；　but　for　how　long？　Death　was　surely　the　next　stage；　Jackie　prayed　that　it　was　because　to　go　on　living　like　this　was　too　awful　to　contemplate。
　　
　　There　had　been　a　pile…up　on　the　island；　a　car　and　a　van　meeting　head…on；　an　articulated　lorry　ploughing　the　wreckage　up　on　to　the　concrete；　flattening　it；　a　body　in　the　road。　No　help　had　arrived　and　it　certainly　would　not　be　ing　now。　Even　if　it　did　it　was　too　late。
　　
　　She　broke　into　a　run；　felt　her　vision　beginning　to　channel　before　it　actually　did；　forced　into　the　road　again　where　the　kerb　had　been　built　up　in　Sundorne　Road；　not　a　footpath；　just　a　meaningless　raised　stretch　of　tarmac；　dangerous　because　one　could　so　easily　fall　back　into　the　road；　but　it　didn't　matter　anymore。　There　would　not　be　any　traffic　again；　ever。
　　
　　Turning　left　into　First　Terrace；　sensing　her　power　of　reasoning　beginning　to　fade。　Number　One；　she　knew　it　so　well。　Almost　derelict；　broken　slates　on　the　roof；　a　square　hole　dug　out　by　the　front　door　where　the　surveyors　had　attempted　to　investigate　the　subsidence　cracking。　The　grass　lawn　a　foot　high；　withered　as　though　it　had　been　sprayed　with　paraquat；　the　flowering　bushes　in　an　advanced　state　of　macabre　autumnal　change。　There　had　been　no　rain　for　months。
　　
　　She　saw　the　front　gates　framed　in　a　tiny　circle；　dilapidated　woodwork　that　hung　heavy　on　the　concrete；　her　hands　closing　over　them　even　though　they　seemed　a　hundred　yards　away。　Pushing；　dragging；　almost　falling　headlong　as　they　yielded　to　her　efforts；　a　tinkling　of　metal　as　a　rusted　hinge　snapped　and　clinked　on　the　ground。
　　
　　The　throbbing　was　fading；　that　tiny　circle　magnifying；　knowing　only　too　well　now　what　was　happening　to　her。　The　feeling　came　and　went；　her　logic　an　early…morning　mist　evaporating　in　the　warmth　of　sunlight。　So　much　stronger　again；　the　waistband　of　her　jeans　straining　as　her　body　filled　with　unnatural　physical　strength。
　　
　　Another　couple　of　strides　and　then　everything　was　gone。　She　stood　there　on　the　short　weed…covered　drive　not　knowing　where　she　was　nor　why　she　was　here；　not　questioning；　still　holding　on　to　the　carrier　bags　because　there　was　no　reason　to　jettison　them。
　　
　　She　breathed　deeply　then　found　a　new　rhythm；　one　that　flared　her　nostrils　into　wide　squat　cavities；　her　lips　pulled　back　to　expose　strong　white　teeth；　realising　that　her　body　cried　out　for　something　but　not　knowing　what。　Then　her　stomach　rumbled　and　she　knew　that　she　needed　food