gns.throwback-第12部分

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　　But　it　hadn't　happened　and　he　had　e　to　the　decision　that　just　by　letting　the　affair　continue；　it　wouldn't。　It　might　go　on　for　years。　Basically　it　boiled　down　to　this　bloody　job。　Reps　were　married　to　their　firms。　You　gave　them　everything　or　else　you　were　out　on　your　ear。　They　bought　your　marriage；　your　life；　months　and　years　which　you　could　never　retrieve；　all　for　a　pittance　of　a　salary　offset　by　reasonable　expenses。
　　
　　So　he　let　it　go；　just　like　that。　Every　weekend　he　came　home　to　an　organic　diet　that　had　a　distinct　Quinn　flavour　about　it；　got　a　thrill　out　of　screwing　Sylvia　in　the　same　way　that　he　had　that　night　when　Al　had　first　had　her；　and　it　would　be　this　way　until　he　retired　at　65。　Fuck　the　firm；　they　didn't　even　offer　him　a　redundancy　when　they　had　drastic　cut…backs　three　years　ago。　No　golden　handshake　for　him。　Maybe　it　was　as　well；　though；　because　if　he　fouled　up　Sylvia's　little　game　she　might　take　off　and　go　and　live　with　Quinn。　Don't　poke　the　sleeping　lion；　as　the　saying　went。
　　
　　Marlene　was　the　nearest　he'd　found　to　Sylvia　yet。　Sophisticated；　sexy；　her　husband　was　an　'area　manager'；　an　up…market　rep。　He　sometimes　stayed　away　weekends　too；　it　was　a　vicious　circle；　they　were　all　on　the　same　roundabout。　Sometimes　you　lose；　sometimes　you　win。　You　paid　your　money　and　gambled　your　luck。
　　
　　She　wore　a　long　evening　gown　tonight　that　showed　off　every　curve；　didn't　leave　you　with　much　to　guess；　the　kind　that　gave　you　a　hard…on　under　the　table　and　you　hoped　that　the　other　diners　thought　she　was　your　wife。　She　was　class　and　she　gave　you　class。　Yet　tonight　she　was　strangely　sombre；　long　periods　when　she　concentrated　on　her　food　and　didn't　speak　at　all。　There　was　definitely　something　on　her　mind　but　he　knew　her　well　enough　to　know　that　if　she　wanted　to　tell　him　she　would　do　so　in　her　own　good　time。　If　she　didn't　want　to；　she　wouldn't。　You　knew　where　you　stood　with　Marlene；　no　bullshit。　That　pensated　for　a　lot。
　　
　　She　played　with　the　stem　of　her　wine…glass；　regarded　him　thoughtfully。　Shall　I　tell　him　or　not？　Decision　time。　Finally　she　decided　to　tell　him。
　　
　　'Joey's　left　me。'　She　said　it　just　like　that。　She　might　have　said　Tm　going　to　mow　the　front　lawn　tomorrow。'
　　
　　'Oh！'　For　once　he　felt　incredibly　stupid。　His　vision　swam；　something　clutched　at　his　heart　and　stopped　it　for　a　second；　restarted　it　almost　immediately。　Tm　sorry。'　He　didn't　know　whether　he　was　or　not；　if　he　was；　he　was　sorry　for　himself。
　　
　　'He's　had　a　woman　down　in　Lampeter　for　a　long　time。'　She　talked　easier　now　that　she　had　made　her　decision。　'I　knew　about　it；　of　course；　but　there　was　nothing　I　could　do　about　it　even　if　I'd　wanted　to。　I　just　let　things　take　their　course；　it's　often　the　best　way　because　they　generally　work　out。　I'm　not　sorry　because　our　marriage　as　such　was　finished　three　years　ago。　Divorces　are　easy；　don't　take　long　these　days；　but　I　guess　right　now　I'm　a　free　woman；　Eric。1　The　bail's　in　your　court。
　　
　　Suddenly　his　Kentucky　fried　chicken　tasted　sour；　the　dry　white　wine　so　bitter　that　he　grimaced。　Sylvia；　darling；　I　love　you。　This　is　only　a　game　like　yours。　Our　marriage　isn't　over；　it's　just　gone　into　a　recession　like　everything　else　in　this　damned　crazy　world。　Given　time　it'll　e　back。　It　has　to。
　　
　　'Oh；　I　see。'　He　did；　only　too　well。　'What　。　。　。　what　are　your　plans　then？'　Don't　answer　that　because　I　don't　want　to　hear；　I　don't　want　to　jettison　my　fantasies。　I　don't　want　reality。
　　
　　'Do　you　really　need　to　ask？'　The　twin　candlelight　had　her　dark　eyes　glistening　and　because　he　couldn't　meet　her　gaze　he　found　himself　looking　down　at　her　cleavage。　Small　perfectly　shaped　breasts　that　had　never　been　suckled　by　a　babe；　just　himself。　And　others。　But　he　topped　the　poll　at　the　moment。
　　
　　'No；　I　suppose　I　don't。'　He　tried　to　laugh　but　it　came　out　wrong。　False。
　　
　　'That's　fine　then。'　She　didn't　appear　to　notice。　Tve　been　married　to　a　right　bastard　for　more　years　than　I　care　to　remember　and　you've　been　hitched　to　a　bitch　who　goes　and　screws　with　any　guy　who　gives　her　the　eye。'
　　
　　He　felt　himself　cringe；　wanted　to　leap　to　his　feet　and　yell；　'No；　she's　not　like　that　at　all。　It's　me。　I've　screwed　another　bird　already　this　week。　That's　all　I'm　after。　Sex。　I　don't　want　a　permanent　relationship　with　any　woman　except　my　wife。1　But　he　didn't　because　he　was　too　scared。
　　
　　'You've　told　me　often　enough　that　you're　in　love　with　me；'　she　went　on。　'Well；　I'm　in　love　with　you　too；　Eric；　and　at　last　it　looks　like　we'll　be　able　to　share　each　other　for　ever　instead　of　continuing　with　this　nerve…racking　affair；　wondering　ail　the　time　if　somebody　who　knows　us　will　see　us。'
　　
　　'Yes；　it'll　be　nice；'　he　said　politely。　'For　both　of　us。　I'll　talk　to　Sylvia　about　it　this　weekend。'
　　
　　'Will　you；　really？'　Euphoric　relief　in　her　tone；　her　slim　fingers　ing　across　the　table　in　search　of　his。　'I　knew　I　hadn't　made　a　mistake　about　you；　Eric。　I　confess　that　at　one　time　I　thought　that　maybe　I　was　just　your　once…a…week　woman；　a　bit　on　the　side　and　then　shelved　for　another　week。　I　know　now　that　I　was　wrong。　Let's　treat　tonight　as　a　celebration　because　everything's　working　out。　When　we　go　upstairs　tonight　I　really　will　feel　that　I'm　Mrs　Atkinson　at　long　last。'
　　
　　Mrs　Marlene　Atkinson！　There　was　a　glisten　of　perspiration　on　Eric's　forehead　as　they　went　up　in　the　elevator　after　dinner。　Mr　and　Mrs　Atkinson！　Jesus　Christ；　he　wouldn't　be　able　to　stall　this　one　for　long。　I've　spoken　to　Sylvia；　Marlene；　and　she　says　that's　fine　but　we've　got　to　straighten　a　few　things　out　first。　It　won't　take　long。　Marlene　wasn't　the　kind　to　hang　about。　Everything　was　going　to　blow　up　in　his　face；　one　way　or　the　other；　very　soon。
　　
　　Her　naked　body　didn't　look　so　alluring　tonight　and　he　knew　he　had　got　to　put　on　another　act；　the　clandestine　lover　who　has　finally　got　his　woman　for　keeps。　She　was　eager　for　him；　helping　him　off　with　his　clothes；　her　sensuous　fingers　straying　all　the　time；　then　pulling　him　down　on　the　bed　with　her。
　　
　　'Just　think；　Eric；　it'll　always　be　like　this　with　us　from　now　on。　And　maybe　you　can　get　another　job　so　that　you　won't　have　to　be　away　from　home　all　the　time。'　Not　that　I　don't　trust　you　but　I　want　you　all　to　myself。
　　
　　She　was　good；　very；　very　good。　Any　other　night　it　would　have　been　sheer　ecstasy　but　tonight　he　had　to　struggle　to　keep　up　with　her。　You　are　getting　fat。　So　he　let　her　do　all　the　work　but　she　did　not　appear　to　notice　because　she　was　doing　everything　she　wanted　to　do。　Astride　him；　gyrating　like　an　eastern　belly…dancer；　teasing　him；　tiring　both　of　them　so　that　finally　they　sank　down　exhausted；　not　bothering　to　retrieve　the　sheets　off　the　floor　because　the　night　was　too　warm；　anyway。
　　
　　Eric　Atkinson　was　dimly　aware　that　it　was　light；　a　kind　of　guilty　feeling　that　it　was　time　to　be　up　and　doing。　Sitting　up；　rubbing　the　sleep　out　of　his　eyes。
　　
　　He　didn't　know　where　he　was；　didn't　even　try　to　work　it　out；　just　accepted　the　fact　that　he　was　in　some　strange　place　with　four　symmetrical　walls　around　him　and　a　hole　through　which　the　daylight　shafted　in。　Frightening；　suddenly。
　　
　　Then　he　sa。w　the　woman；　She　was　lying　on　her　stomach；　head　buried　in　the　pillow。　Sleeping。　He　grunted；　forgot　his　claustrophobia；　reached　out　a　thick　coarse　hand　and　touched　her　buttocks。　She　stirred　slightly。　His　head　hurt；　a　throbbing　pain　behind　the　eyes　which　distorted　his　vision　but　he　fought　against　it。　An　urgent　need　had　to　be　satisfied；　a　priority　in　any　situation。
　　
　　The　woman　was　not　fully　awake　but　he　had　no　reason　to　wait。　His　hands　slipped　beneath　her　thighs；　dragged　her　up　into　a　kneeling　position；　her　head　still　resting　on　the　pillow。　She　seemed　to　understand；　parted　her　legs　without　disturbing　her　position；　half…kneeling　now；　gave　a　kind　of　low　whine　which　was　interpreted　as　willingness；　not　that　it　would　have　mattered　to　him　anyway。
　　
　　He　caught　a　glimpse　of　his　reflection　in　the　long　mirror；　almost　shied　away　from　it；　not　because　he　saw　his　own　naked　body　matted　with　coarse　fair　hair　like　some　subtropical　tree…dwelling　species　but　because　for　a　moment　he　thought　that　a　rival　was　contesting　for　his　mate。　Then　he　seemed　to　understand；　did　he　not　see　his　own　features　when　he　stooped　to　drink　from　a　clear　pool？　He　did　not　investigate　further　because　he　had　other　things　on　his　mind。
　　
　　He　pushed　hard　with　his　thighs；　thrust　fiercely　to　penetrate　her；　pulling　her　back　on　to　him　as　he　found　her　entrance。　A　minute；　possibly　two；　and　then　he　was　arching　his　back；　shuddering；　ing　out　of　her　because　it　was　all　over　and　there　was　no　point　in　remaining　coupled。
　　
　　He　sprang　from　the　bed；　rushed　to　the　window。　He　saw　towering　bare　brickwork　interspersed　with　windows　that　had　the　misfortune　to　look　out　on　to　the　rear　of　these　buildings。　An　untidiness　thirty　feet　below；　an　array　of　dustbins　and　empty　cardboard　cartons；　litter　everywhere。
　　
　　Eric　stretched　out　a　hand；　jerked　it　back　with　a　cry　of　surprise　as　he　touched　the　glass；　an　invisible　barrier　which　frightened　him。　His　teeth　were　bared　in　a　snarl　of　defiance；　glancing　back　towards　Marlene　as　though　she　had　the　answer。　She　cringed；　whined；　wo