gns.throwback-第1部分

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　　　SUMMER
　　　
　　　CHAPTER　ONE
　　
　　GRADUALLY　THE　girl　came　to　the　conclusion　that　she　was　ill。　It　could　not　be　anything　else。
　　
　　She　pushed　her　way　across　the　pavement；　stood　with　her　back　against　a　brick　wall；　felt　the　rough　surface　scraping　her　skin　through　her　blouse　and　jeans。　The　brickwork　seemed　to　move；　like　a　piece　of　automatically　operated　emery　paper。　Up；　down；　up；　down。　Her　groping　fingers　found　a　doorpost；　gripped　it；　it　was　moving　too。　Up；　down；　up；　down；　gyrating。
　　
　　People　pushed　past　her；　bumped　into　her。　A　woman　clutched　at　her；　almost　pulled　her　down；　but　somehow　she　held　on。　Everybody　was　rushing；　a　seething　mass　of　hastening　humanity　as　though　everybody　was　ill；　that　they　were　hurrying　back　to　their　homes　before　they　collapsed　in　the　street。　A　street　that　undulated　like　a　slow…motion　roller…coaster；　had　you　clinging　on　to　anything　you　could　find；　throwing　up。　Somebody　had　been　sick；　she　could　smell　it。　It　might　even　have　been　herself。
　　
　　Jackie　Quinn　just　stood　there；　made　a　supreme　physical　effort　to　stay　upright。　That　feeling　of　faintness　kept　ing　and　going；　waves　of　black　and　red；　hot　and　cold。　Sweating　and　shivering。　A　hubbub　of　voices；　louder；　dying　away；　rising　again；　human　voices　crying　out　inarticulately；　but　nobody　stopped；　they　all　had　somewhere　to　go。　Maybe　she　ought　to　join　them；　stagger　along　with　the　shambling　tide。
　　
　　Her　brain　wasn't　working　properly；　even　her　terror　was　numbed　by　a　sense　of　inprehension。　Frightened　one　second；　accepting　the　situation　the　next。　I'm　Jackie　Quinn。　I　don't　know　who　I　am；　where　I　am。　Yes；　you　do；　you're　in　Shrewsbury。　Where's　Shrewsbury？　How　did　I　get　here；　where　am　I　supposed　to　be　going？　I　don't　know；　just　stay　where　you　are；　you　can't　do　anything　else。
　　
　　She　narrowed　her　eyes；　exerted　all　her　remaining　will　power　in　one　big　push　to　adjust　her　vision；　pushed　again　and　made　it　for　a　second　or　two。　The　street　was　a　sloping　bend；　traffic　at　a　standstill；　some　of　the　vehicles　empty；　abandoned　by　their　drivers　as　they；　too；　joined　the　lemming…like　stampede。　Run；　because　you　can't　do　anything　else。　But　Jackie　remained　where　she　was。
　　
　　There　was　definitely　something　wrong　with　her　eyesight。　Like　tunnel　vision；　the　tunnel　being　narrower　and　darker；　people　fleeing。　Fleeing　from　her？　An　awful　sensation　of　guilt；　blurred　faces　glancing　back　every　so　often。　She　could　not　quite　make　out　the　fear　in　their　expressions　but　she　knew　it　was　there。　You've　done　this　to　us；　Jackie　Quinn。
　　
　　No；　that　was　damned　stupid。　Whatever　was　the　matter　with　her　was　the　matter　with　them　also。　Only　I'm　not　going　with　you；　wherever　you're　going。　I'm　going　to　stay　right　here；　try　and　work　it　all　out　for　myself。　Then　the　tunnel　darkened；　blanked　everything　out。　Who　am　I；　where　am　1？　I　don't　know。
　　

　　A　shrieking　wailing　sound；　a　dazzling　blue　light　that　seared　her　eyeballs；　the　concrete　beneath　her　starting　to　heave　up　again。　She　felt　her　stomach　ing　up；　didn't　try　to　stop　it；　turned　her　head　away　and　let　the　spew　e　with　its　own　force。　Falling；　hitting　the　hard　pavement　but　still　hanging　on　to　that　wooden　post；　if　you　let　go　you'll　be　swept　away。
　　
　　After　she　had　vomited　Jackie　felt　marginally　better。　Another　flash　of　lucidity；　much　stronger　than　the　last　one；　opening　her　eyes　but　the　light　was　too　bright。　Not　just　the　flashing　bulbs　of　ambulances　and　police　cars　caught　up　in　the　stationary　traffic　but　dazzling　sunlight　like　you　found　in　tropical　areas。　Squinting；　determined　to　watch　what　was　going　on。　Noise　that　had　her　wincing；　cowering　back。　A　police　car；　a　red　and　white　one；　had　ploughed　into　the　standing　cars　and　an　ambulance　had　gone　into　the　back　of　it。　Vehicles　were　shunted；　buckled。
　　
　　People　were　screaming。　Everybody　had　gone　mad。
　　
　　I'm　mad；　too；　she　thought。　But　what　the　hell　is　the　matter　with　me？　She　had　to　find　out；　get　help。　Still　holding　on　to　that　wooden　upright　she　twisted　herself　round。　People　buffeted　her　as　they　streamed　past　but　she　managed　to　maintain　her　grasp。　A　shop　window；　some　kind　of　display；　but　it　did　not　register　in　her　brain　because　she　wasn't　interested；　only　in　the　reflection　in　the　glass。　That　familiar　street　scene　but　she　forced　herself　to　dismiss　it；　didn't　want　to　see　it　again。　Only　herself！
　　
　　Oh　God！　Her　own　image　came　at　her；　barely　recognisable　from　the　one　she　had　studied　in　the　mirror　before　leaving　the　house　that　morning。
　　
　　Which　morning？
　　
　　It　was　her　face。　She　pressed　herself　up　against　the　heavy…duty　glass　pane　in　her　anguish。　Her　smooth　skin　had　bee　blotched　and　rough；　almost　raw　in　places。　The　eyes　had　sunk　back　into　dark　sockets；　pinpoints　of　blue　that　glistened　unnaturally。　Her　pert　nose　and　lips　were　thick；　squat；　almost　mongolotd　in　appearance。　Smooth　silky　carefully　groomed　blonde　hair　was　tangled　and　awry；　coarser；　as　though　a　new　growth　predominated；　darker　too。　Her　breasts　appeared　to　have　inflated；　she　could　feel　them　pushing　against　the　restriction　of　her　bra。　And　then　the　vision　faded；　darkened；　and　she　thought　she　was　going　to　pass　out。
　　
　　She　sank　down　to　her　knees；　sobbed。　It　was　like　a　feverish　nightmare　where　weird　fantasy　became　macabre　reality　amidst　a　heap　of　sweat…soaked　bedsheets。　You　kicked　and　tossed；　fought　your　own　battle；　sweated　it　out；　and　eventually　everything　turned　out　all　right。　Closing　her　eyes；　trying　to　pray　only　she　could　not　remember　the　words；　not　a　single　one。　Crying　with　frustration　and　fear；　beating　her　fists　on　the　hard　pavement。　The　concrete　should　have　been　damp　linen；　it　wasn't。　It　was　concrete；　real　concrete。　Reality！
　　
　　She　slumped　against　the　wall；　cried　out　with　pain　as　a　passer…by　trod　on　her　outstretched　foot；　kicked　it　in　blind　anger　before　stumbling　on。　She　was　trembling；　pushing　hard　in　an　attempt　to　make　her　brain　work；　a　motorist　jamming　his　finger　on　the　starter…button　on　a　frozen　winter's　morning。　e　on；　for　God's　sake　e　on；　you　bastard！
　　
　　It　hurt；　like　a　darning　needle　penetrating　her　brain；　bringing　with　it　blinding　migraine　pains；　darkness　streaked　with　crimson；　a　crazy　reflection　of　the　workings　of　her　own　mind；　loose　wires　that　did　not　connect。　Fusing。
　　
　　Then；　without　warning；　everything　came　right　again。　You're　ill　and　you're　lying　in　a　street；　Shrewsbury。　You　came　here　shopping　like　you　do　every　week　but　something　went　wrong。　She　could　see；　painful　in　the　bright　sunlight；　but　she　could　see　all　right。　Oh　Jesus；　what　was　the　matter　with　everybody？
　　
　　Crowds　everywhere；　a　shambling　disorientated　throng　which　surged　one　way　then　the　other　like　mobs　of　rival　soccer　hooligans　charging　one　another；　climbing　over　the　tangled　heap　of　crushed　metal　where　the　police　car　and　the　ambulance　had　shunted　the　traffic　jam；　uniformed　figures　sitting　motionless　inside　the　vehicles　seemingly　oblivious　to　everything　around　them；　they　might　even　have　been　dead；　held　upright　by　their　seat…belts。　Fighting；　falling；　being　crushed　by　motiveless　feet。
　　
　　Jackie　pressed　herself　back　against　the　wall；　took　a　deep　breath　but　did　not　close　her　eyes　in　case　her　vision　went　again。　Try　to　think　logically。　It　wasn't　easy；　a　man　with　a　blistered　face　came　gambolling　down　the　pavement；　saw　her　and　checked。　Stooping；　peering；　tongue　licking　festered　lips；　eyes　bright　orbs　that　glowed　with　primordial　lust。　A　hand　reached　out；　would　have　grabbed　her　had　not　somebody　bumped　into　him；　sent　him　staggering。　A　shriek　like　that　of　a　wounded　animal　at　bay　came　from　those　diseased　lips　and　then　he；　too；　was　swept　up　by　the　tide　of　relentless；　purposeless　movement；　and　was　gone　for　ever。
　　
　　Jackie　scanned　faces；　wild　and　fevered　all　of　them；　a　hopelessness　about　their　expressions。　Some　fought；　but　only　because　others　got　in　their　way。　A　kind　of　exodus　but　nobody　was　going　anywhere　in　particular。
　　
　　They're　ill；　she　thought；　like　me。　But　how　can　everybody　be　ill？　Her　brain　threatened　to　blank　out　again；　a　flickering　hesitating　light　bulb　in　a　thunderstorm；　a　transformer　that　could　not　take　the　additional　load。　A　helmetless　policeman　in　the　midst　of　a　bunch　of　teenagers；　his　headgear　a　football；　the　game　being　played　under　elementary　rules。　Kick　it；　watch　it　bounce；　kick　it　again。　The　officer　joined　in；　booted　it　high　into　the　air　but　nobody　went　after　it；　everybody　was　too　busy　going　nowhere　in　particular。
　　
　　She　told　herself　she　could　not　stop　here。　I　have　to　go　home。　Where's　home？　Thinking　again；　overloading　her　delicate　aching　thought…mechanism　so　that　it　bleeped　and　gave　off　a　mass　of　red　floaters　in　front　of　her　eyes。　Her　home　was　up　in　the　hills　thirty　miles　away　from　all　this　madness。　Jon；　her　husband；　would　be　there；　totally　oblivious　to　all　of　this。　Maybe　he　wouldn't　even　care　if　he　did　know　because　their　marriage　was　finished　and　no　doubt　he　had　that　Atkinson　girl　with　him。　A　kind　of　mutual　agreement　that　you　came　to　when　there　was　nothing　else　left　between　you。　You　both　had　lovers；　made　a　pretence　of　keeping　it　a　secret　from　each　other　but　it　was　all　a　waste　of　time　because　you　both　knew　anyway。　A　facade；　a　game　you　played。　Go　and　enjoy　your　day's　shopping；　dear；　I'll　be　OK　（because　Sylvia　will　get　my　lunch　and　I'll　be　able　to　screw　her）。　S