pdouglas.thecodex-第46部分
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stay here and take care of Philip。〃 He looked around。 〃No giving up。〃
They all stood up shakily； and Tom was glad to see a rousing of energy among them。 He collected the line and hooks and pushed off into the jungle。 He went in a straight line away from the Sierra Azul； tearing notches in the sides of ferns as he passed to mark his trail and keeping an eye out for any edible plants。 The rain was still falling steadily。 Two hours later he arrived； exhausted； at a muddy cascade of water； having caught a small lizard to use as bait。 He hooked the struggling reptile on the hook and tossed it into the boiling torrent。
Five hours later； with just enough light to get back to camp； he quit。 He had lost three of six hooks and a good portion of fishing line and had caught nothing。 He returned to camp before dark to find Vernon tending the fire。 Sally was still out。
〃How is Philip？〃
〃Not good。〃
Tom looked in on Philip and found him tossing in a restless sleep； drifting in and out of a dreamlike state； muttering snatches of conversation。 The slackness in his face and lips scared Tom： it reminded him of Don Alfonso's last moments。 Philip seemed to be having a one…sided conversation with their father； a broken series of grievances and accusations。 His own name came into it； and Vernon's； and Philip's mother； whom he had not seen in twenty years。 And then Philip seemed to be at a birthday party； a child's party。 It was his fifth birthday； it seemed； and he was opening presents and exclaiming with joy。
Tom went away pained and saddened。 He sat down next to Vernon at the fire。 Vernon put his arm around him。 〃He's been like that all day。〃 He handed him a mug of tea。
Tom took the mug and drank。 His own hand looked like the hand of an old man； veiny and splotched。 His stomach felt hollow； but he was not hungry。
〃Sally hasn't e back？〃
〃No； but I heard a couple of shots。〃
As if on cue； they heard the rustle of vegetation and Sally appeared。 She said nothing； just slung her rifle down and sat by the fire。
〃No luck？〃 Tom asked。
〃Bagged a couple of stumps。〃
Tom smiled and took her hand。 〃None of the stumps in the forest will be safe as long as the great hunter Sally stalks her prey。〃
Sally wiped the mud off her face。 〃I'm sorry。〃
〃Tomorrow；〃 said Tom； 〃if I leave early I might be able to hike back to the river where we found Philip。 I'll be gone overnight； but that was a big river； and I'm sure I'll catch a mess of fish。〃
〃Great idea； Tom；〃 said Vernon； his voice strained。
〃We're not going to give up。〃
〃No；〃 said Sally。
Vernon shook his head。 〃I wonder what Father would think if he saw us now。〃
Tom shook his head。 He was past thinking of Maxwell Broadbent。 If he knew what he'd done； sent his three sons to their deaths 。。。 It didn't bear thinking about。 They'd failed him while he was alive； and now they'd failed him after his death。
Tom stared at the fire for a while and then asked； 〃Are you angry at Father？〃
Vernon hesitated。 〃Yes。〃
Tom made a helpless gesture with his hand。 〃Do you think we'll be able to forgive him？〃
〃Does it matter？〃
Tom woke up before dawn with a strange feeling of pressure at the base of his skull。 It was still dark； and it was raining。 The sound of the rain seemed to be crawling inside his head。 He turned； turned again on the damp ground； and the pressure became a headache。 He swung his feet around and sat up； only to find； with huge surprise； that he could barely keep himself upright。 He sank back； his head reeling； staring up into the darkness； which seemed to fill with confused swirls of red and brown and the whispering of voices。 He heard the soft； worried chatter of Bugger's voice near him。 He looked around and finally； in the darkness； located the little monkey sitting on the ground near him； making anxious sucking noises。 He knew something was wrong。
It was more than just the effects of hunger。 Tom realized he was sick。 Oh God； he thought； not now。 He turned his head and tried to seek out Sally or Vernon in the swirling darkness； but he could see nothing。 His nose seemed to be filled with the cloying smell of rotting vegetation； rain； and loam。 The sound of the rain drumming on the forest leaves all around him was drilling into his skull。 He felt himself drift off to sleep； and then he opened his eyes and there was Sally； peering at him with a flashlight in the dark。
〃I'm going fishing today；〃 Tom said。
〃You're not going anywhere；〃 she answered。 She reached down and felt his forehead； and she was not able to hide from him the look of fright on her face。 〃I'll bring you some tea。〃
She came back with a steaming mug and helped Tom drink it down。 〃You sleep；〃 she said。
Tom slept。
When he woke； it was brighter but still raining。 Sally was crouching over him。 When she saw his eyes open； she tried to smile。
Despite the suffocating heat under the log； he shivered。 〃Philip？〃 he managed to ask。
〃The same。〃
〃Vernon？〃
〃He's sick； too。〃
〃Damn。〃 He looked at Sally and felt alarmed。 〃And you？ How are you？〃 Her face looked flushed。 〃You're not getting sick； too？〃
Sally laid a hand on his cheek。 〃Yes； I'm getting sick； too。〃
〃I'll get better；〃 Tom said。 〃And then I'll take care of you。 We'll get out of this mess。〃
She shook her head。 〃No； Tom； we won't。〃
The simple assertion of fact seemed to clear his throbbing head。 He closed his eyes。 That was it； then。 They were going to die in the rain under that rotten log； and the wild animals would tear them apart。 And no one would ever know what had happened to them。 He tried to say this was the fever talking to him； that actually things weren't that bad； but deep down he knew it was true。 His head swirled。 They were going to die。 He opened his eyes。
She was still there； her hand on his cheek。 She looked at him for a long time。 Her face was dirty； scratched； bitten； her hair tangled and dull； her eyes hollow。 If there was any resemblance to the girl who had galloped after him bareback in Utah； it was gone…except the intense turquoise color of her eyes and the way her lower lip still stuck out a little。
Finally she spoke。 〃We don't have much time。〃 She paused； looking at him steadily。 〃I need to tell you something； Tom。〃
〃What？〃
〃It seems I've fallen in love with you。〃
Reality returned with sudden clarity。 Tom couldn't quite speak。
She went on briskly。 〃Anyway； there…now it's said。〃
〃But what about…？〃
〃Julian？ He's the perfect dream guy； handsome； brilliant； with all the right opinions。 He's the guy your parents want you to marry。 He's my Sarah。 Who wants that？ The feeling I had for him isn't at all like what I feel for you； with all your 。。。〃 She hesitated and smiled。 〃Imperfections？〃
With those words all plications had been swept away； and now everything was clear and simple。 He tried to speak； finally managed to croak out the words。 〃I love you； too。〃
She smiled； and a little glimmer of her former radiance came through。 〃I know that and I'm glad。 I'm sorry I was cranky with you。 I was in denial。〃
They were silent for a moment。
〃I guess I loved you from the moment you stole my horse and came riding after me back there in Utah；〃 said Tom。 〃But I really knew it when you wouldn't shoot that jaguar。 I'll always love you for that。〃
〃When you brought me outside to look at that glowing forest；〃 Sally said； 〃that's when〃 I realized that I was falling in love with you。〃
〃You never said anything。〃
〃It took me a while to work it out。 As you may have noticed； I'm stubborn。 I didn't want to admit I was wrong。〃
He swallowed。 His head was beginning to spin。 〃But I'm just a normal guy。 I didn't go to Stanford at sixteen…〃
〃Normal？ A man who fights in hand…to…hand bat with jaguars and anacondas？ Who leads an expedition into the heart of darkness with courage and good humor？〃
〃I only did those things because I was forced to。〃
〃That's another one of your good points： You're modest。 Being with you； I began to see what kind of a person Julian is。 He didn't want to e with me because he figured it would be inconvenient。 It would interrupt his work。 And I think； underneath it all； he was afraid。 Julian； I realized； is the kind of person who doesn't attempt anything unless he's absolutely sure he's going to succeed。 You； on the other hand； would attempt the impossible。〃
His head began to swim again。 He struggled to hold it still。 He loved what he was hearing。
She smiled sadly and laid her head on his chest。 〃I'm sorry we've both run out of time。〃
He put his hand on her hair。 〃This is a hell of a place to fall in love。〃
〃You're not kidding。〃
〃Maybe in another life 。。。〃 Tom struggled to maintain his hold on reality。 〃We'll have another chance； somehow 。。。 somewhere 。。。〃 His mind began to whirl。 What was he trying to say？ He closed his eyes； trying to steady the vertigo； but that only made it worse。 He tried opening his eyes； but there was nothing but a swirl of green and brown； and he wondered briefly if it all hadn't just been a dream； all of it； his father's cancer； the journey； the jungle； Sally； his dying brother。 Yes； in fact it had been a dream； he realized； long and strange； and he was going to wake up in his own bed； a little boy aga
