pgw.psmith,journalist-第9部分

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t's　say；　'Where's　your　running　water　on　each　floor？　That's　what　the　law　says　you've　got　to　have；　and　here　are　these　people　having　to　go　downstairs　and　out　of　doors　to　fetch　their　water　supplies；'　the　landlord　simply　replies；　'Nothing　doing。　This　isn't　a　tenement　house　at　all。　There　are　only　two　families　here。'　And　when　the　fuss　has　blown　over；　back　e　the　rest　of　the　crowd；　and　things　go　on　the　same　as　before。〃
　〃I　see；〃　said　Psmith。　〃A　very　cheery　scheme。〃
　〃Then　there's　another　thing。　You　can't　get　hold　of　the　man　who's　really　responsible；　unless　you're　prepared　to　spend　thousands　ferreting　out　evidence。　The　land　belongs　in　the　first　place　to　some　corporation　or　other。　They　lease　it　to　a　lessee。　When　there's　a　fuss；　they　say　they　aren't　responsible；　it's　up　to　the　lessee。　And　he　lies　so　low　that　you　can't　find　out　who　he　is。　It's　all　just　like　the　East。　Everything　in　the　East　is　as　crooked　as　Pearl　Street。　If　you　want　a　square　deal；　you've　got　to　e　out　Wyoming　way。〃
　〃The　main　problem；　then；〃　said　Psmith；　〃appears　to　be　the　discovery　of　the　lessee；　lad？　Surely　a　powerful　organ　like　Cosy　Moments；　with　its　vast　ramifications；　could　bring　off　a　thing　like　that？〃
　〃I　doubt　it。　We'll　try；　anyway。　There's　no　knowing　but　what　we　may　have　luck。〃
　〃Precisely；〃　said　Psmith。　〃Full　steam　ahead；　and　trust　to　luck。　The　chances　are　that；　if　we　go　on　long　enough；　we　shall　eventually　arrive　somewhere。　After　all；　Columbus　didn't　know　that　America　existed　when　he　set　out。　All　he　knew　was　some　highly　interesting　fact　about　an　egg。　What　that　was；　I　do　not　at　the　moment　recall；　but　it　bucked　Columbus　up　like　a　tonic。　It　made　him　fizz　ahead　like　a　two…year…old。　The　facts　which　will　nerve　us　to　effort　are　two。　In　the　first　place；　we　know　that　there　must　be　some　one　at　the　bottom　of　the　business。　Secondly；　as　there　appears　to　be　no　law　of　libel　whatsoever　in　this　great　and　free　country；　we　shall　be　enabled　to　haul　up　our　slacks　with　a　considerable　absence　of　restraint。〃
　〃Sure；〃　said　Billy　Windsor。　〃Which　of　us　is　going　to　write　the　first　article？
　〃You　may　leave　it　to　me；　rade　Windsor。　I　am　no　hardened　old　journalist；　I　fear；　but　I　have　certain　qualifications　for　the　post。　A　young　man　once　called　at　the　office　of　a　certain　newspaper；　and　asked　for　a　job。　'Have　you　any　special　line？'　asked　the　editor。　'Yes；'　said　the　bright　lad；　'I　am　rather　good　at　invective。'　'Any　special　kind　of　invective？'　queried　the　man　up　top。　'No；'　replied　our　hero；　'just　general　invective。'　Such　is　my　own　case；　rade　Windsor。　I　am　a　very　fair　purveyor　of　good；　general　invective。　And　as　my　visit　to　Pleasant　Street　is　of　such　recent　date；　I　am　tolerably　full　of　my　subject。　Taking　full　advantage　of　the　benevolent　laws　of　this　country　governing　libel；　I　fancy　I　will　produce　a　screed　which　will　make　this　anonymous　lessee　feel　as　if　he　had　inadvertently　seated　himself　upon　a　tin…tack。　Give　me　pen　and　paper；　rade　Windsor；　instruct　rade　Maloney　to　suspend　his　whistling　till　such　time　as　I　am　better　able　to　listen　to　it；　and　I　think　we　have　got　a　success。〃
　
　CHAPTER　X
　GOING　SOME
　
　THERE　was　once　an　editor　of　a　paper　in　the　Far　West　who　was　sitting　at　his　desk；　musing　pleasantly　of　life；　when　a　bullet　crashed　through　the　window　and　embedded　itself　in　the　wall　at　the　back　of　his　head。　A　happy　smile　lit　up　the　editor's　face。　〃Ah；〃　he　said　placently；　〃I　knew　that　Personal　column　of　ours　was　going　to　be　a　success！〃
　What　the　bullet　was　to　the　Far　West　editor；　the　visit　of　Mr。　Francis　Parker　to　the　offices　of　Cosy　Moments　was　to　Billy　Windsor。
　It　occurred　in　the　third　week　of　the　new　regime　of　the　paper。　Cosy　Moments；　under　its　new　management；　had　bounded　ahead　like　a　motor…car　when　the　throttle　is　opened。　Incessant　work　had　been　the　order　of　the　day。　Billy　Windsor's　hair　had　bee　more　dishevelled　than　ever；　and　even　Psmith　had　at　moments　lost　a　certain　amount　of　his　dignified　calm。　Sandwiched　in　between　the　painful　case　of　Kid　Brady　and　the　matter　of　the　tenements；　which　formed　the　star　items　of　the　paper's　contents；　was　a　mass　of　bright　reading　dealing　with　the　events　of　the　day。　Billy　Windsor's　newspaper　friends　had　turned　in　some　fine；　snappy　stuff　in　their　best　Yellow　Journal　manner；　relating　to　the　more　stirring　happenings　in　the　city。　Psmith；　who　had　constituted　himself　guardian　of　the　literary　and　dramatic　interests　of　the　paper；　had　employed　his　gift　of　general　invective　to　considerable　effect；　as　was　shown　by　a　conversation　between　Master　Maloney　and　a　visitor　one　morning；　heard　through　the　open　door。
　〃I　wish　to　see　the　editor　of　this　paper；〃　said　the　visitor。
　〃Editor　not　in；〃　said　Master　Maloney；　untruthfully。
　〃Ha！　Then　when　he　returns　I　wish　you　to　give　him　a　message。〃
　〃Sure。〃
　〃I　am　Aubrey　Bodkin；　of　the　National　Theatre。　Give　him　my　pliments；　and　tell　him　that　Mr。　Bodkin　does　not　lightly　forget。〃
　An　unsolicited　testimonial　which　caused　Psmith　the　keenest　satisfaction。
　The　section　of　the　paper　devoted　to　Kid　Brady　was　attractive　to　all　those　with　sporting　blood　in　them。　Each　week　there　appeared　in　the　same　place　on　the　same　page　a　portrait　of　the　Kid；　looking　moody　and　important；　in　an　attitude　of　self…defence；　and　under　the　portrait　the　legend；　〃Jimmy　Garvin　must　meet　this　boy。〃　Jimmy　was　the　present　holder　of　the　light…weight　title。　He　had　won　it　a　year　before；　and　since　then　had　confined　himself　to　smoking　cigars　as　long　as　walking…sticks　and　appearing　nightly　as　the　star　in　a　music…hall　sketch　entitled　〃A　Fight　for　Honour。〃　His　reminiscences　were　appearing　weekly　in　a　Sunday　paper。　It　was　this　that　gave　Psmith　the　idea　of　publishing　Kid　Brady's　autobiography　in　Cosy　Moments；　an　idea　which　made　the　Kid　his　devoted　adherent　from　then　on。　Like　most　pugilists；　the　Kid　had　a　passion　for　bursting　into　print；　and　his　life　had　been　saddened　up　to　the　present　by　the　refusal　of　the　press　to　publish　his　reminiscences。　To　appear　in　print　is　the　fighter's　accolade。　It　signifies　that　he　has　arrived。　Psmith　extended　the　hospitality　of　page　four　of　Cosy　Moments　to　Kid　Brady；　and　the　latter　leaped　at　the　chance。　He　was　grateful　to　Psmith　for　not　editing　his　contributions。　Other　pugilists；　contributing　to　other　papers；　groaned　under　the　supervision　of　a　member　of　the　staff　who　cut　out　their　best　passages　and　altered　the　rest　into　Addisonian　English。　The　readers　of　Cosy　Moments　got　Kid　Brady　raw。
　〃rade　Brady；〃　said　Psmith　to　Billy；　〃has　a　singularly　pure　and　pleasing　style。　It　is　bound　to　appeal　powerfully　to　the　many…headed。　Listen　to　this　bit。　Our　hero　is　fighting　Battling　Jack　Benson　in　that　eminent　artist's　native　town　of　Louisville；　and　the　citizens　have　given　their　native　son　the　Approving　Hand；　while　receiving　rade　Brady　with　chilly　silence。　Here　is　the　Kid　on　the　subject：　'I　looked　around　that　house；　and　I　seen　I　hadn't　a　friend　in　it。　And　then　the　gong　goes；　and　I　says　to　myself　how　I　has　one　friend；　my　poor　old　mother　way　out　in　Wyoming；　and　I　goes　in　and　mixes　it；　and　then　I　seen　Benson　losing　his　goat；　so　I　ups　with　an　awful　half…scissor　hook　to　the　plexus；　and　in　the　next　round　I　seen　Benson　has　a　chunk　of　yellow；　and　I　gets　in　with　a　hay…maker　and　I　picks　up　another　sleep…producer　from　the　floor　and　hands　it　him；　and　he　takes　the　count　all　right。'　。　。　Crisp；　lucid；　and　to　the　point。　That　is　what　the　public　wants。　If　this　does　not　bring　rade　Garvin　up　to　the　scratch；　nothing　will。〃
　But　the　feature　of　the　paper　was　the　〃Tenement〃　series。　It　was　late　summer　now；　and　there　was　nothing　much　going　on　in　New　York。　The　public　was　consequently　free　to　take　notice。　The　sale　of　Cosy　Moments　proceeded　briskly。　As　Psmith　had　predicted；　the　change　of　policy　had　the　effect　of　improving　the　sales　to　a　marked　extent。　Letters　of　plaint　from　old　subscribers　poured　into　the　office　daily。　But；　as　Billy　Windsor　placently　remarked；　they　had　paid　their　subscriptions；　so　that　the　money　was　safe　whether　they　read　the　paper　or　not。　And；　meanwhile；　a　large　new　public　had　sprung　up　and　was　growing　every　week。　Advertisements　came　trooping　in。　Cosy　Moments；　in　short；　was　passing　through　an　era　of　prosperity　undreamed　of　in　its　history。
　〃Young　blood；〃　said　Psmith　nonchalantly；　〃young　blood。　That　is　the　secret。　A　paper　must　keep　up　to　date；　or　it　falls　behind　its　petitors　in　the　race。　rade　Wilberfloss's　methods　were　possibly　sound；　but　too　limited　and　archaic。　They　lacked　ginger。　We　of　the　younger　generation　have　our　fingers　more　firmly　on　the　public　pulse。　We　read　off　the　public's　unspoken　wishes　as　if　by　intuition。　We　know　the　game　from　A　to　Z。〃
　At　this　moment　Master　Maloney　entered；　bearing　in　his　hand　a　card。
　〃'Francis　Parker'？〃　said　Billy；　taking　it。　〃Don't　know　him。〃
　〃Nor　I；〃　said　Psmith。　〃We　make　new　friends　daily。〃
　〃He's　a　guy　with　a　tall…shaped　hat；〃　volunteered　Master　Maloney；　〃an'　he's　wearin'　a　dude　suit　an'　shiny　shoes。〃
　〃rade　Parker；〃　said　Psmith　approvingly；　〃has　evidently　not　been　blind　to　the　importance　of　a　visit　to　Cosy　Moments。　He　has　dressed　himself　in　his　best。　He　has　felt；　rightly；　that　this　is　no　occasion　for　the　old　straw　hat　and　the　baggy　flannels。　I　would　not　have　it　otherwise。　It　is　the　right　spirit。　Shall　we　give　him　audience；　rade　Windsor？
　〃I　wonder　what　he　wants。〃
　〃That；〃　said　Psmith；　〃we　shall　ascertain　more　cle