rh.royalassassin-第40部分

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hen　to　stand　there；　tying　your　tongue　in　knots　about　the　word　‘love。'　Could　not　you　simply　have　said　it；　a　long　time　ago？〃
　　　　　　　I　stood　stupid　in　the　circle　of　her　arms。　I　looked　down　at　her。　Yes；　I　realized　dully；　I　had　grown　that　much　taller　than　she。
　　　　　　　〃Well？〃　she　prompted；　and　for　a　moment　I　was　puzzled。
　　　　　　　〃I　love　you；　Molly。〃　So　easy　to　say；　after　all。　And　such　a　relief。　Slowly；　cautiously；　I　put　my　arms　around　her。
　　　　　　　She　smiled　up　at　me。　〃And　I　love　you。〃
　　　　　　　So；　finally；　I　kissed　her。　In　the　moment　of　that　kiss；　somewhere　near　Buckkeep；　a　wolf　lifted　up　his　voice　in　a　joyous　ululation　that　set　every　hound　to　baying　and　every　dog　to　barking　in　a　chorus　that　rang　against　the　brittle　night　sky。
　　　　　　　
　　　　　　　CHAPTER　NINE
　　　　　　　Guards　and　Bonds
　　　　　　　
　　　　　　　OFTENTIMES　I　UNDERSTAND　and　mend　Fedwren's　stated　dream。　Had　he　his　way；　paper　would　be　as　mon　as　bread；　and　every　child　would　learn　his　letters　before　he　was　thirteen。　But　even　were　it　so；　I　do　not　think　this　would　bring　to　pass　all　he　hopes。　He　mourns　of　all　the　knowledge　that　goes　into　a　grave　each　time　a　man　dies；　even　the　monest　of　men。　He　speaks　of　a　time　to　e　when　a　blacksmith's　way　of　setting　a　shoe；　or　a　shipwright's　knack　for　pulling　a　drawknife　would　be　set　down　in　letters；　that　any　who　could　read　could　learn　to　do　as　well。　I　do　not　believe　it　is　so；　or　ever　will　be。　Some　things　may　be　learned　from　words　on　a　page；　but　some　skills　are　learned　first　by　a　man's　hands　and　heart；　and　later　by　his　head。　I　have　believed　this　ever　since　I　saw　Mastfish　set　the　fish…shaped　block　of　wood　that　he　was　named　after　into　Verity's　first　ship。　His　eyes　had　seen　that　mastfish　before　it　existed；　and　he　set　his　hands　to　shaping　what　his　heart　knew　must　be。　This　is　not　a　thing　that　can　be　learned　from　words　on　a　page。　Perhaps　it　cannot　be　learned　at　all；　but　es；　as　does　the　Skill　or　the　Wit；　from　the　blood　of　one's　forebears。
　　　　　　　
　　　　　　　I　returned　to　my　own　chamber　and　sat　watching　the　dying　embers　in　my　hearth；　waiting　for　the　rest　of　the　Keep　to　awaken。　I　should　have　been　exhausted。　Instead；　I　almost　trembled　with　the　energy　rushing　through　me。　I　fancied　that　if　I　sat　very　still；　I　could　still　feel　the　warmth　of　Molly's　arms　around　me。　I　knew　precisely　where　her　cheek　had　touched　mine。　A　very　faint　scent　of　her　clung　to　my　shirt　from　our　brief　embrace；　and　I　agonized　over　whether　to　wear　the　shirt　that　day；　to　carry　that　scent　with　me；　or　to　set　it　aside　carefully　in　my　clothing　chest；　to　preserve　it。　I　did　not　think　it　a　foolish　thing　at　all　to　care　so　much　about　that。　Looking　back；　I　smile；　but　it　is　at　my　wisdom；　not　my　folly。
　　　　　　　Morning　brought　storm　winds　and　falling　snow　to　Buckkeep　Castle；　but　to　me　it　only　made　all　inside　the　cozier。　Perhaps　it　would　give　us　all　a　chance　to　recover　ourselves　from　yesterday。　I　did　not　want　to　think　about　those　poor　ragged　bodies；　or　bathing　the　still；　cold　faces。　Nor　of　the　roaring　flames　and　heat　that　had　consumed　Kerry's　body。　We　could　all　use　a　quiet　day　inside　the　Keep。　Perhaps　the　evening　would　find　all　gathered　about　the　hearths；　for　storytelling；　music；　and　conversation。　I　hoped　so。　I　left　my　chambers　to　go　to　Patience　and　Lacey。
　　　　　　　I　tormented　myself；　knowing　well　the　exact　moment　when　Molly　would　descend　the　stairs　to　fetch　a　breakfast　tray　for　Patience；　and　also　when　she　would　ascend　the　stairs　carrying　it。　I　could　be　on　the　stairs　or　in　the　hallway　as　she　passed。　It　would　be　a　minor　thing；　a　coincidence。　But　I　had　no　question　that　there　were　those　who　had　been　set　to　watching　me；　and　they　would　make　note　of　such　〃coincidences〃　if　they　occurred　too　often。　No。　I　had　to　heed　the　warnings　that　both　the　King　and　Chade　had　given　me。　I　would　show　Molly　I　had　a　man's　self…control　and　forbearance。　If　I　must　wait　before　I　could　court　her；　then　I　would。
　　　　　　　So　I　sat　in　my　room　and　agonized　until　I　was　sure　that　she　would　have　left　Patience's　chambers。　Then　I　descended；　to　tap　upon　the　door。　As　I　waited　for　Lacey　to　open　it　I　reflected　that　redoubling　my　watch　upon　Patience　and　Lacey　was　easier　said　than　done。　But　I　had　a　few　ideas。　I　had　begun　last　night；　by　extracting　a　promise　from　Molly　that　she　would　bring　up　no　food　she　had　not　prepared　herself；　or　taken　fresh　from　the　mon　serving　pots。　She　had　snorted　at　this；　for　it　had　e　after　a　most　ardent　good…bye。　〃Now　you　sound　just　like　Lacey；〃　she　had　rebuked　me；　and　gently　closed　the　door　in　my　face。　She　opened　it　a　moment　later；　to　find　me　still　staring　at　it。　〃Go　to　bed；〃　she　chided　me。　Blushing；　she　added；　〃And　dream　of　me。　I　hope　I　have　plagued　your　dreams　lately　as　much　as　you　have　mine。〃　Those　words　sent　me　fleeing　down　to　my　room；　and　every　time　I　thought　of　it；　I　blushed　again。
　　　　　　　Now；　as　I　entered　Patience's　room；　I　tried　to　put　all　such　thoughts　from　my　mind。　I　was　here　on　business；　even　if　Patience　and　Lacey　must　believe　it　a　social　call。　Keep　my　mind　on　my　tasks。　I　cast　my　eyes　over　the　latch　that　had　secured　the　door　and　found　it　well　to　my　liking。　No　one　would　be　slipping　that　with　a　belt　knife。　As　for　the　window；　even　if　anyone　had　scaled　the　outer　wall　to　it；　they　must　burst　through　not　only　stoutly　barred　wooden　shutters；　but　a　tapestry；　and　then　rank　upon　rank　of　pots　of　plants；　soldiered　in　rows　before　the　closed　window。　It　was　a　route　no　professional　would　willingly　choose。　Lacey　resettled　herself　with　a　bit　of　mending　while　Patience　greeted　me。　Lady　Patience　herself　was　seemingly　idle；　seated　on　the　hearth　before　the　fire　as　if　she　were　but　a　girl。　She　poked　at　the　coals　a　bit。　〃Did　you　know；〃　she　asked　me　suddenly；　〃that　there　is　a　substantial　history　of　strong　Queens　at　Buckkeep？　Not　just　those　born　as　Farseers；　either。　Many　a　Farseer　Prince　has　married　a　woman　whose　name　came　to　overshadow　his　in　the　telling　of　deeds。〃
　　　　　　　〃Do　you　think　Kettricken　will　bee　such　a　Queen？〃　I　asked　politely。　I　had　no　idea　where　this　conversation　would　lead。
　　　　　　　〃I　do　not　know；〃　she　said　softly。　She　stirred　the　coals　idly　again。　〃I　only　know　that　I　would　not　have　been　one。〃　She　sighed　heavily；　then　lifted　her　eyes　to　say　almost　apologetically；　〃I　am　having　one　of　those　mornings；　Fitz；　when　all　that　fills　my　head　is　what　might　have　been　and　what　could　have　been。　I　should　never　have　allowed　him　to　abdicate。　I'd　wager　he'd　be　alive　today；　if　he　had　not。〃
　　　　　　　There　seemed　little　reply　I　could　make。　to　such　a　statement。　She　sighed　again；　and　drew　on　the　hearthstones　with　the　ash　coated　poker。　〃I　am　a　woman　of　longings　today；　Fitz。　While　everyone　else　yesterday　was　stirred　to　amazement　at　what　Kettricken　did；　it　awakened　in　me　the　deepest　discontent　with　myself。　Had　I　been　in　her　position；　I　would　have　hidden　away　in　my　chamber。　Just　as　I　do　now。　But　your　grandmother　would　not　have。　Now　there　was　a　Queen。　Like　Kettricken　in　some　ways。　Constance　was　a　woman　who　spurred　others　to　action。　Other　women　especially。　When　she　was　queen；　over　half　our　guard　was　female。　Did　you　know　that？　Ask　Hod　about　her　sometime。　I　understand　that　Hod　came　with　her　when　Constance　came　here　to　be　Shrewd's　queen。〃　Patience　fell　silent。　For　a　few　moments　she　was　so　quiet　I　thought　she　was　finished　speaking。　Then　she　added　softly；　〃She　liked　me；　Queen　Constance　did。〃　She　smiled　almost　shyly。
　　　　　　　〃She　knew　I　did　not　care　for　crowds。　So；　sometimes；　she　would　summon　me；　and　only　me；　to　e　and　attend　her　in　her　garden。　And　we　would　not　even　speak　much；　but　only　work　quietly　in　the　soil　and　the　sunlight。　Some　of　my　pleasantest　memories　of　Buckkeep　are　of　those　times。〃　She　looked　up　at　me　suddenly。　〃I　was　just　a　little　girl　then。　And　your　father　was　just　a　boy；　and　we　had　not　ever　really　met。　My　parents　brought　me　to　Buckkeep；　the　times　they　came　to　court；　even　though　they　knew　I　did　not　much　care　for　all　the　folderol　of　court　life。　What　a　woman　Queen　Constance　was；　to　notice　a　homely；　quiet　little　girl；　and　give　her　of　her　time。　But　she　was　like　that。　Buckkeep　was　a　different　place　then；　a　much　merrier　court。　Times　were　safer；　and　all　was　more　stable。　But　then　Constance　died；　and　her　infant　daughter　with　her；　of　a　birth　fever。　And　Shrewd　remarried　a　few　years　later；　and　。。。〃　She　paused　and　sighed　again　suddenly。　Then　her　lips　firmed。　She　patted　the　hearth　beside　her。
　　　　　　　〃e　and　sit　here。　There　are　things　we　must　speak　of。〃
　　　　　　　I　did　as　she　bid　me；　likewise　sitting　on　the　hearthstones。　I　had　never　seen　Patience　so　serious；　nor　so　focused。　All　of　this；　I　felt；　was　leading　up　to　something。　It　was　so　different　from　her　usual　fey　prattle　that　it　almost　frightened　me。　Once　I　was　seated；　she　motioned　me　closer。　I　scooted　forward　until　I　was　nearly　in　her　lap。　She　leaned　forward　and　whispered；　〃Some　things　are　best　not　spoken　of。　But　there　es　a　time　when　they　must　be　spoken　of。　FitzChivalry；　my　dear；　do　not　think　me　mean…spirited。　But　I　must　warn　you　that　your　uncle　Regal　is　not　as　well　disposed　toward　you　as　you　might　believe。〃
　　　　　　　I　couldn't　help　it。　l　laughed。
　　　　　　　Patience　was　instantly　indignant。　〃You　must　attend　me！〃　she　whispered　more　urgently。　〃Oh；　I　know　he　is　gay　and　charming　and　witty。　I　know　what　a　flatterer　he　can　be；　and　I　have　marked　well　how　all　the　young　women　of　the　court　flutter　their　fans　at　him；　and　how　all　the　young　men　mimic　his　clothe