lh.narcissusinchains-第99部分

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　Nathaniel　set　the　dustpan　and　the　bucket　on　the　table；　propped　the　broom　against　a　chair；　and　walked　slowly　to　me。　He　peered　into　my　face；　lilac　eyes　concerned。　〃Are　you　alright？〃
　I　started　to　open　my　mouth　and　lie；　but　a　small　sound　came　out　when　my　lips　parted；　almost　a　whimper。　I　closed　my　mouth　tight　to　hold　the　sounds　in；　but　the　shaking　got　worse。　If　you're　too　damn　stubborn　to　let　yourself　cry；　then　your　body　finds　other　ways　to　let　it　out。
　Nathaniel　touched　my　shoulder；　tentatively；　as　if　not　sure　he　was　wele。　For　some　reason　that　made　my　eyes　burn；　my　chest　tighten。　I　clutched　my　arms　tight　around　myself；　as　if　by　holding　tight　I　could　keep　the　tears　squeezed　inside。　He　started　to　move　in；　started　to　hug　me。　I　pulled　away；　because　I　knew　that　if　he　held　me　I'd　cry。　I'd　already　cried　once　today；　that　was　all　I　was　allowed。　Hell；　if　I　cried　every　time　someone　tried　to　kill　me；　I'd　have　drowned　in　my　tears　by　now。
　Nathaniel　sighed。　〃If　you　found　me　like　this；　you'd　hold　me；　make　me　feel　better。　Let　me　do　the　same　for　you。〃
　My　voice　came　out　squeezed　tight。　〃I　fell　apart　once　today。　Once　is　enough。〃
　He　grabbed　my　arm。　Almost　anyone　else　I'd　have　been　watching　for　it；　but　not　Nathaniel。　I　thought　of　him　as　safe。　His　fingers　squeezed　my　arm；　not　hard　enough　to　hurt；　but　hard　enough　to　let　me　know　he　was　serious。　I　stopped　shaking；　like　a　switch　had　been　thrown。　I　was　focused；　not　even　close　to　tears。
　He　shook　me　by　the　arm；　hard　enough　to　have　me　glare　at　him。　〃You　wouldn't　take　a　hug。　I　knew　that　this；〃　he　squeezed　the　arm　a　little　harder；　〃would　help。〃
　〃Let　go　of　me；　Nathaniel；　now。〃　My　voice　was　low　and　careful；　purring　with　anger。　Nathaniel　had　never　laid　hands　on　me　before　in　any　way　that　was　close　to　violent。　Underneath　the　anger　was　sadness。　He　was　supposed　to　be　safe；　and　now　he　wasn't。　He　was　being　a　person；　not　just　a　submissive　mess；　and　it　hadn't　occurred　to　me　until　just　this　moment　that　I　might　not　like　everything　that　Nathaniel　would　grow　into。
　I　felt　movement；　as　if　the　very　air　had　changed　current；　just　before　Micah　stepped　through　the　doorway　of　the　kitchen。　His　hair　was　still　wet　from　the　shower；　slicked　back　from　his　face；　giving　me　the　first　real　glimpse　I'd　ever　had　of　that　face　without　the　curls　to　distract　the　eyes。
　His　face　was　as　delicate　as　the　rest　of　him。　I'd　assumed　the　long　curls　only　made　him　seem　more　delicate；　but　it　was　bone　structure；　just　him。　If　you　could　ignore　the　broadening　of　his　shoulders；　going　down　into　that　slender　waist；　the　straight　line　of　his　hips；　you　might　almost　say；　girl。　He　wasn't　really　anymore　feminine　looking　than　Jean…Claude；　but　he　was　more　delicately　boned；　slighter。　It　was　just　easier　to　pull　off　being　masculine　when　you　were　an　inch　away　from　six　feet　than　when　you　were　an　inch　away　from　five…feet…five。　Only　one　thing　ruined　the　delicacy　of　his　face。　His　nose　wasn't　quite　perfectly　straight；　it　had　been　badly　broken　once　upon　a　time　and　not　healed　quite　right。　It　should　have　ruined　the　near…perfection　of　his　face；　but　it　didn't。　It；　like　his　eyes；　seemed　to　add　to　Micah；　make　him　more　interesting；　not　less　attractive。　Maybe　I'd　just　had　my　fill　of　perfect　men。
　He'd　added　an　oversized　T…shirt　to　the　sweatpants。　The　shirt　hit　him　at　mid…thigh；　which　hid　more　of　his　body　than　it　showed；　but　even　covered；　I　was　aware　of　him。　Aware　of　him　in　a　way　that　I　was　aware　of　Richard　and　Jean…Claude。　I'd　always　assumed　it　was　love　mixed　with　lust；　but　I　didn't　know　Micah　well　enough　to　love　him。　Either　pure　lust　felt　pretty　much　like　love；　or　there　was　more　than　one　kind　of　love。　It　was　too　confusing　for　me。
　〃What's　wrong？〃　he　asked。
　Nathaniel　went　back　to　his　broom；　bucket；　and　dustpan。　He　picked　them　up　and　began　to　sweep　the　glass　up；　ignoring　us。
　〃Nothing；　what's　up？〃
　He　frowned　at　me。　〃You're　both　upset。〃
　I　shrugged。　〃We'll　get　over　it。〃
　He　closed　the　distance　between　us；　but　the　movement　was　too　sudden　after　Nathaniel's　grab；　and　I　backed　up。
　Micah　stopped；　looked　at　me；　clearly　puzzled。　〃What　happened？　You　didn't　look　this　spooked　when　the　guns　were　out。〃
　I　glanced　at　Nathaniel；　who　was　kneeling；　sweeping　glass　into　the　dustpan。　He　was　studiously　avoiding　looking　at　me；　at　us。　〃We　had　a　disagreement。〃
　Nathaniel　stiffened　then；　his　whole　body　reacting　to　what　I'd　said。　He　turned　slowly　around　until　he　looked　up　at　me　with　those　flower…colored　eyes。　〃That　wasn't　fair；　Anita。　I've　never　disagreed　with　you　in　anything。〃
　I　sighed；　not　because　he　was　right；　but　because　of　the　hurt　in　his　eyes。　I　went　to　him；　balanced　on　my　heels；　because　I　didn't　dare　try　to　kneel　in　the　glass。　I　touched　his　bare　shoulder；　the　side　of　his　face。　〃I'm　sorry；　Nathaniel　you　just　caught　me　off　guard。〃
　〃Why　won't　you　let　me　in；　Anita；　why？　I　know　you　want　to。〃
　I　touched　his　back　where　the　bite　marks　had　almost　healed；　dim　reddish　circles。　〃I　don't　let　anyone　in　without　a　fight；　Nathaniel。　You　should　know　that　by　now。〃
　〃Not　everything　has　to　be　a　fight；〃　he　said。　His　eyes　were　very　wide；　glittering。
　〃For　me　it　does。〃
　He　shook　his　head；　closing　his　eyes；　and　tears　trailed　down　his　cheeks。　I　helped　him　stand；　because　I　was　still　worried　about　the　glass。　When　we　were　standing；　I　eased　my　arms　around　him　until　my　face　touched　his　bare　skin；　my　mouth　pressed　into　the　hollow　of　his　shoulder　where　the　collarbone　spoons　inward。　His　arms　wrapped　around　me；　held　me　close。　His　skin　was　so　soft；　so　warm。　I　took　a　deep　shaking　breath。　He　smelled　of　vanilla；　like　always。　I　was　never　sure　whether　it　was　soap；　shampoo；　cologne；　or　just　him。　But　underneath　was　a　ranker　scent　　one　that　no　perfume…maker　in　the　world　would　bottle。　Something　feral　and　far　too　real；　the　scent　of　leopard；　of　pard。
　I　felt　Micah　at　my　back。　I　knew　the　feel　of　his　body；　like　a　line　of　heat　before　he　pressed　himself　against　me。　But　his　arms　didn't　encircle　me；　they　touched　Nathaniel。　Micah's　body　spooned　against　mine　as　we　stood；　but　his　hands；　his　arms　traced　mine；　holding　Nathaniel　to　us；　embracing　him。
　Nathaniel　let　out　a　trembling　breath。　A　deep；　rumbling　sound　came　out　of　Micah's　throat；　and　it　took　me　a　second　to　realize　he　was　purring；　a　deep　rhythm　of　contentment。　The　purr　vibrated　against　my　back。　Nathaniel　started　to　cry；　and　I　heard　myself　say；　〃We're　here；　Nathaniel；　we're　here。〃　We're　here。　Pressed　into　the　rich　vanilla　of　Nathaniel's　skin；　Micah's　purr　thrumming　against　my　body；　the　feel　of　both　their　bodies　so　solid；　so　real；　and　I　did　cry。　I　held　Nathaniel；　Micah　held　both　of　us；　we　cried；　and　it　was　okay。
　
　43
　
　SOMEONE　CLEARED　THEIR　throat　loudly　from　the　doorway。　I　blinked　through　the　soft　tears　and　found　Zane　standing　there。　〃Sorry　to　interrupt；　but　we've　got　a　crowd　out　here。〃
　〃What　do　you　mean？〃　Micah　asked。
　〃The　swan　king；　his　swanmanes；　and　pretty　much　at　least　one　representative　from　every　other　wereanimal　in　the　city；　as　far　as　I　can　tell。〃
　Nathaniel　and　Micah　pulled　away　from　me。　We　all　rubbed　at　our　faces；　even　Micah　had　been　crying。　I　wasn't　sure　why；　maybe　he　was　just　an　emotional　kind　of　guy。　〃What　do　they　want？〃　I　asked。
　〃To　see　you；　Anita。〃
　〃Why？〃
　Zane　shrugged。　〃The　swan　king　won't　talk　to　us　flunkies。　He　insists　that　he　talk　to　Anita；　and　her　Nimir…Raj；　if　she　pleases。〃
　Micah　and　I　exchanged　glances。　We　both　looked　as　puzzled　as　I　felt。　〃Tell　Reece　that　I　need　a　bit　more　info　before　I　grant　an　interview。　I'm　a　little　preoccupied。〃
　Zane　grinned　wide　enough　to　flash　his　upper　and　lower　cat　fangs。　〃We　deny　him　entrance　to　the　house　until　he　tells　us　peons　what　he　wants。　I　like　it；　but　he　won't。〃
　I　sighed。　〃I　don't　want　to　start　a　fight　just　because　he　shows　up　without　calling。　Shit。〃　I　started　to　walk　out；　but　Micah　caught　my　hand　as　I　went　by。　I　turned　back　to　look　at　him。
　〃May　your　Nimir…Raj　acpany　you？〃
　I　smiled；　partly　because　he'd　asked；　rather　than　assumed；　and　partly　because　looking　at　him　made　me　smile。　I　squeezed　his　hand；　and　his　hand　closed　around　mine；　pressing　back。　What　I　wanted　to　say　was；　〃I'd　love　the　pany；〃　what　came　out　was；　〃Sure。〃
　He　smiled；　and　for　the　first　time　it　wasn't　mixed；　it　was　just　a　smile。　He　raised　my　hand　to　his　lips　and　pressed　his　mouth　against　my　knuckles。　The　gesture　reminded　me　of　Jean…Claude。　How　was　it　going　to　be　to　have　Micah　and　Jean…Claude　in　the　same　room　at　the　same　time　with　me？
　Micah　frowned。　〃You　don't　look　happy　now。　Did　I　do　something　wrong？〃
　I　shook　my　head；　squeezed　his　hand；　and　led　him　towards　the　living　room。　He　pulled　me　back　towards　him。　〃No；　you　thought　of　something　that　bothered　you。　What　was　it？〃
　I　sighed。　〃Truth？〃
　He　nodded。　〃Truth。〃
　〃Just　wondering　how　awkward　it's　going　to　be　when　you　and　I　are　in　the　same　room　with　Jean…Claude。〃
　He　pulled　on　my　hand；　drawing　me　against　him。　I　put　a　hand　up　to　keep　our　bodies　from　touching　pletely；　and　found　his　heartbeat　under　the　palm　of　my　hand。　Even　through　the　cotton　shirt；　I　could　feel　the　thud　of　his　body；　as　if　his　heart　were　naked　in　my　hand。　I　had　to　raise　my　head　just　a　little　to　meet　the　green　gold　depths　of　his　eyes。
　His　voice　came　out　a　little　breathy。　〃I　told　you；　I　want　to　be　your　Nimir…Raj；　whatever　that　means；　whatever　it　takes。〃
　My　own　voice　wasn't　doing