lh.narcissusinchains-第98部分

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　〃They　do；〃　I　said。
　〃The　snake　things　didn't。〃
　〃No；　they　didn't。〃
　We　looked　at　each　other。　〃You're　saying　they　weren't　shapeshifters？〃
　〃No；　I'm　saying　I　don't　know　what　the　hell　they　are。　There　are　snake　men　in　a　lot　of　different　mythologies。　Hindu；　vaudun。　They　could　be　something　that　was　never　human　to　begin　with。〃
　〃You　mean　like　the　naga　you　pulled　out　of　the　river　two　years　ago？〃　he　said。
　〃The　naga　was　truly　immortal。　These　things；　whatever　they　are；　couldn't　stand　up　to　silver　bullets。〃
　He　closed　his　eyes　for　a　second；　and　when　he　looked　at　me　again；　I　saw　how　tired　he　was。　Not　a　physical　tiredness；　but　a　tiredness　of　the　heart；　as　if　he'd　been　carrying　some　emotional　burden　around　a　little　too　long。
　〃What's　wrong；　Dolph？　What's　got　you　so　。。。　riled　up？〃
　He　gave　a　small　smile。　〃Riled　up。〃　He　shook　his　head　and　pushed　away　from　the　dresser。　He　sat　on　the　edge　of　the　bed；　and　I　turned　in　the　chair；　so　I　was　straddling　the　back　of　it　and　could　see　him　better。
　〃You　asked　what　woman　in　my　life　was　sleeping　with　the　undead。〃
　〃I　shouldn't　have　said　that。　I'm　sorry。〃
　He　shook　his　head。　〃No；　I　was　being　a　bastard。〃　His　eyes　were　fierce　again。　〃I　don't　understand　how　you　can　let　that　。。。　thing　touch　you。〃　His　revulsion　was　so　strong　that　I　could　almost　feel　it　against　my　skin。
　〃We've　had　this　discussion　before。　You're　not　my　father。〃
　〃But　I　am　Darrin's　father。〃
　I　gave　him　wide　eyes。　〃Your　oldest；　the　lawyer？〃　I　asked。
　He　nodded。
　I　watched　his　face；　tried　to　catch　a　clue；　afraid　to　say　anything。　Afraid　I'd　misunderstood　him。　〃What　about　Darrin？〃
　〃He's　engaged。〃
　I　watched　the　terrible　seriousness　of　his　face。　〃Why　do　I　get　the　idea　that　congratulations　aren't　in　order？〃
　〃She's　a　vampire；　Anita；　a　fucking　vampire。〃
　I　blinked　at　him。　I　didn't　know　what　to　say。
　Those　angry　eyes　glared　at　me。　〃Say　something。〃
　〃I　don't　know　what　you　want　me　to　say；　Dolph。　Darrin's　older　than　I　am。　He's　a　big　boy。　He　has　the　right　to　be　with　whoever　he　wants　to　be　with。〃
　〃She's　a　corpse；　Anita。　She　is　a　walking　corpse。〃
　I　nodded。　〃Yeah。〃
　He　stood；　pacing　the　room　in　long　angry　strides。　〃She's　dead；　Anita；　she's　fucking　dead；　and　you　can't　get　grandchildren　from　a　corpse。〃
　I　almost　laughed　at　that；　but　my　sense　of　self…preservation　is　stronger　than　that。　I　finally　said；　〃I'm　sorry；　Dolph；　I　。。。　it's　true　that；　as　far　as　I　know；　female　vamps　can't　carry　a　baby　to　term。　But　your　youngest；　Paul；　the　engineer；　he's　married。〃
　Dolph　shook　his　head。　〃They　can't　have　kids。〃
　I　watched　him　pace　the　room；　back　and　forth；　back　and　forth。　〃I　didn't　know；　I'm　sorry。〃
　He　sat　back　down　on　the　bed；　broad　shoulders　slumping　suddenly。　〃No　grandchildren；　Anita。〃
　I　didn't　know　what　to　say；　again。　I　couldn't　remember　Dolph　ever　sharing　this　much　of　his　personal　life　with　me；　or　anyone　for　that　matter。　I　was　both　flattered　and　almost　panicked。　I　am　not　a　natural　caregiver；　and　I　just　didn't　know　what　to　do。　If　he　had　been　Nathaniel　or　one　of　the　leopards；　or　even　one　of　the　wolves；　I'd　have　hugged　him；　petted　him；　but　he　was　Dolph；　and　I　just　wasn't　sure　he　was　a　petting　kind　of　guy。
　He　just　sat　there　staring　blindly　at　the　floor；　his　big　hands　limp　in　his　lap。　He　looked　so　lost。　I　got　up　from　the　chair　and　went　to　stand　beside　him。　He　never　moved。　I　touched　his　shoulder。　〃I'm　so　sorry；　Dolph。〃
　He　nodded。　〃Lucille　cried　herself　to　sleep　after　Darrin　made　his　little　announcement。〃
　〃Is　it　the　vampire　issue　or　the　no…grandchildren　issue？〃　I　asked。
　〃She　says　she's　too　young　to　be　a　grandmother；　but　。。。　〃　He　looked　up　suddenly；　and　what　I　saw　in　his　eyes　was　so　raw；　I　wanted　to　look　away。　I　had　to　force　myself　to　meet　that　pained　gaze；　to　hold　it　and　take　in　everything　that　he　was　offering。　Dolph　was　letting　me　see　further　inside　him　than　ever　before；　and　I　had　to　honor　that。　I　had　to　look　at　him；　let　him　see　that　I　saw　it　all。　If　he　had　been　a　girlfriend；　I'd　have　hugged　him。　If　he　had　been　most　any　of　my　male　friends；　I'd　have　hugged　him；　but　he　was　Dolph；　and　I　just　wasn't　sure。
　He　turned　his　face　away；　and　only　then；　when　he'd　given　me　all　the　pain　in　his　eyes；　did　I　try　to　hug　him。　He　didn't　let　me　do　it。　He　stood　up；　moving　away　from　me。　But　I'd　tried；　and　that　was　the　best　I　could　do。
　When　he　turned　back　towards　me；　his　eyes　were　blank；　his　face　set　in　that　mask　he　usually　wore；　his　cop　face。　〃If　you　are　holding　out　on　me；　Anita；　I　will　bust　your　ass。〃
　I　nodded；　my　own　face　falling　back　into　a　mask　as　empty　as　his。　The　moment　of　sharing　was　over；　and　he　was　unfortable　with　it；　so　we'd　go　back　to　familiar　ground。　Fine　with　me。　I　hadn't　known　what　to　say　anyway。　But　I'd　remember　he　let　me　see　inside。　I'd　remember；　though　I　wasn't　sure　what　good　it　would　do　either　of　us。
　〃A　group　of　shapeshifters；　or　whatever；　attacks　me　in　my　own　home；　kills　one　of　my　guests；　wounds　another；　and　you'll　bust　me。　What　the　hell　for？〃
　He　shook　his　head。　〃You　are　holding　out　on　me；　Anita。　Sometimes　I　think　you　do　it　out　of　habit；　sometimes　just　to　be　a　pain　in　the　ass；　but　you　don't　tell　me　everything　anymore。〃
　I　shrugged　again。　〃I'm　not　saying　I'm　holding　out　anything　about　today；　but　I　tell　you　what　I　can；　Dolph；　when　I　can。〃
　〃How　about　the　new　boyfriend　with　the　cat　eyes？〃
　I　blinked　at　him。　〃I　don't　know　what　you　mean。〃
　〃Micah　Callahan。　I　saw　him　touch　you。〃
　〃He　brushed　my　hand；　Dolph。〃
　He　shook　his　head。　〃It　was　the　way　he　touched　you；　the　way　your　face　softened　when　he　did　it。〃
　It　was　my　turn　to　look　down。　I　didn't　look　up　until　I　was　sure　I　could　keep　an　empty　face。　〃I'm　not　sure　I'd　call　Micah　my　boyfriend。〃
　〃What　would　you　call　him？〃
　〃I　appreciate　you　sharing　your　personal　life　with　me；　Dolph；　I　really　do；　but　I　don't　have　to　return　the　favor。〃
　His　eyes　hardened。　〃What　is　it　with　you　and　the　monsters；　Anita？　Us　poor　humans　not　good　enough　for　you？〃
　〃It's　none　of　your　business　who　I　date；　Dolph。〃
　〃I　don't　mind　the　dating；　but　I　still　don't　know　how　you　can　stand　for　them　to　touch　you。〃
　〃If　it's　none　of　your　business　who　I　date；　it　sure　as　hell　isn't　any　of　your　business　who　I　have　sex　with。〃
　〃You　fucking　Micah　Callahan？〃　he　asked。
　I　met　his　angry　eyes　with　my　own；　and　said；　〃Yeah；　yeah　I　am。〃
　He　stood　trembling　in　front　of　me；　big　hands　in　fists　at　his　side；　and　for　just　a　second；　I　thought　he　might　do　something；　something　violent；　something　we'd　both　regret。　Then　he　turned　his　back　on　me。　〃Get　out；　Anita；　just　get　out。〃
　I　started　to　reach　out；　to　touch　him；　then　let　my　hand　drop。　I　wanted　to　apologize；　but　that　would　have　made　it　worse。　I　was　unfortable　with　the　fact　that　I　had　sex　with　Micah；　and　that　made　me　touchy。　Dolph　deserved　better。　I　did　the　best　I　could　to　make　up　for　it。　〃The　heart　wants　what　the　heart　wants；　Dolph。　You　don't　plan　on　making　your　life　plicated；　it　just　happens；　and　you　don't　do　it　on　purpose；　and　you　don't　do　it　to　hurt　the　people　who　love　you。　It　just　turns　out　that　way　sometimes。〃
　He　nodded；　still　turned　away　from　me。　〃Lucille　wants　to　call　you　and　talk　about　vampires　sometime　　wants　to　understand　them　better。〃
　〃I'd　be　happy　to　answer　any　questions　she　has。〃
　He　nodded　again；　but　wouldn't　look　at　me。　〃I'll　tell　her　to　call。〃
　〃I'll　look　for　the　call。〃
　We　both　stood　there；　him　still　not　looking　at　me。　The　silence　stretched　between　us；　and　it　wasn't　panionable；　it　was　strained。　〃I　don't　have　any　more　questions；　Anita。　Go　on　out。〃
　I　stopped　at　the　door；　looked　back　at　him。　He　was　still　carefully　turned　away；　and　I　wondered　if　he　was　crying。　I　might　have　been　able　to　sniff　the　air　and　use　my　newfound　leopard　senses　to　answer　the　question；　but　I　didn't。　He'd　turned　away　so　I　wouldn't　see；　wouldn't　know。　I　respected　that。　I　opened　the　door　and　closed　it　quietly　behind　me；　leaving　him　alone　with　his　grief　and　his　anger。　Whether　Dolph　cried　or　not　was　his　business；　not　mine。
　
　42
　
　WHEN　THE　LAST　policeman　had　wandered　away；　the　last　emergency　vehicle　driven　off；　the　summer　silence　settled　over　the　house。　The　kitchen　was　a　mess…broken　glass　ground　into　the　floor；　blood　drying　to　black…red　puddles　on　the　polished　wood。　I'd　never　get　all　the　blood　out　from　the　crevices　in　the　wood。　It　would　be　there　forever；　a　reminder　that　superior　fire　power　had　prevailed　but　not　without　cost。
　I　was　going　to　have　to　call　Rafael　and　tell　him　I'd　gotten　his　man　killed　and　his　woman　wounded。　I　had　to　admit　that　it　had　been　a　damn　good　thing　I'd　had　them。　The　two　extra　guns　had　made　the　difference。　If　I'd　been　the　only　one　armed；　things　might　have　gone　differently。　Okay；　I　might　be　dead。
　A　noise　behind　me　whirled　me　around。　Nathaniel　stood　in　the　doorway　with　a　broom；　a　dustpan；　and　a　small　bucket。　〃I　thought　I'd　clean　up　the　glass。〃
　I　nodded；　my　heart　in　my　throat　too　much　to　talk。　I　hadn't　heard　him　e　up　behind　me。　He　was　only　in　the　doorway；　not　so　close；　but　close　enough　if　he'd　been　a　bad　guy　with　a　gun。
　I　had　been　utterly　calm　through　everything。　I　hadn't　fallen　apart　when　the　police　were　here；　but　suddenly　I　was　shaking；　a　faint　trembling。　A　nice　delayed　reaction；　damn。
　Nathaniel　set　the　dustpan　and　the　bucket　on　the　table；　propped　the　broom　against　a　chair；　and　walked　slowly　to　me。　He　peer