lh.narcissusinchains-第76部分

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that　opens　the　way　for　our　beast。　If　you　can　deprive　a　shapeshifter　of　that　response；　then　you　can　keep　them　from　shifting。〃
　〃Indefinitely？〃　I　asked。
　〃No；　the　full　moon　will　bring　it　on；　no　matter　what　drugs　you　pump　into　someone。〃
　〃How　long　until　Gregory's　back　to　normal？〃
　Her　eyes　flicked　downward；　then　up；　and　I　didn't　like　that　she'd　needed　that　second　to　school　her　eyes；　as　if　something　bad　were　ing。
　〃The　drugs　will　probably　wear　off　in　about　eight　hours；　maybe　more；　maybe　less。　It　depends　on　so　many　things。〃
　〃So　he　stays　here　until　the　drugs　wear　off；　then　he　shapeshifts　and　he's　fine；　right？〃　I　put　a　lilt　at　the　end；　making　it　a　question；　because　I　knew　the　atmosphere　was　too　serious　for　it　to　be　that　easy。
　〃I'm　afraid　not；〃　she　said。
　〃What's　wrong；　doc；　why　so　solemn？〃
　She　gave　a　small　smile。　〃In　eight　hours　the　damage　to　Gregory's　ears　may　be　permanent。〃
　I　blinked　at　her。　〃You　mean　he'll　stay　deaf？〃
　〃Yes。〃
　〃That's　not　acceptable；〃　I　said。
　Her　smile　widened。　〃You　say　that　as　if　by　sheer　will　you　can　change　things；　Anita。　It　makes　you　seem　very　young。〃
　〃Are　you　telling　me　that　there's　nothing　we　can　do　to　heal　him？〃
　〃No；　I'm　not　saying　that。〃
　〃Please；　doc；　just　tell　me。〃
　〃If　you　were　truly　Nimir…Ra；　then　you　might　be　able　to　call　his　beast　out　of　his　flesh　and　force　the　change；　even　with　the　drugs　in　his　system。〃
　〃If　someone　can　tell　me　how　to　do　it；　I'm　willing　to　give　it　a　shot。〃
　〃So　you　believe　that　you　will　be　Nimir…Ra　in　truth　e　full　moon？〃　Lillian　asked。
　I　shrugged　and　sipped　my　coffee。　〃Not　a　hundred　percent　sure；　no；　but　the　evidence　is　sort　of　mounting　up。〃
　〃How　do　you　feel　about　that？〃
　〃Being　Nimir…Ra　for　real？〃　I　asked。
　She　nodded。
　〃I'm　trying　really　hard　not　to　think　too　much　about　it。〃
　〃Ignoring　it　won't　make　it　go　away；　Anita。〃
　〃I　know　that；　but　worrying　about　it　won't　change　things　either。〃
　〃Very　practical　of　you；　if　you　can　pull　it　off。〃
　〃What；　not　worrying？〃
　She　nodded　again。
　I　shrugged。　〃I'll　worry　about　each　disaster　as　it　happens。〃
　〃Can　you　really　partmentalize　to　that　degree？〃
　〃How　do　we　fix　Gregory？〃
　〃I　take　that　as　a　yes；〃　she　said。
　I　smiled。　〃Yes。〃
　〃As　I　said；　if　you　were　a　Nimir…Ra　in　full　power；　you　might　be　able　to　call　his　beast；　even　through　the　drugs。〃
　〃But　since　I　haven't　shifted　yet；　I　can't？〃
　〃I　doubt　it。　It's　a　rather　specialized　skill；　even　among　full　shapeshifters。〃
　〃Can　Rafael　do　it？〃
　She　smiled；　the　smile　that　most　of　the　wererats　got　when　you　asked　about　their　king。　It　was　a　smile　that　held　warmth　and　pride。　They　liked　and　respected　him。　Let's　hear　it　for　good　leadership。
　〃No。〃
　That　surprised　me；　and　it　must　have　shown　on　my　face。
　〃I　told　you；　it　is　a　rare　talent。　Your　Ulfric　can　do　it。〃
　I　looked　at　her。　〃You　mean　Richard？〃
　〃Do　you　have　another　Ulfric？〃　she　asked；　smiling。
　I　almost　smiled　back。　〃No；　but　we　need　someone　who　can　call　leopards；　right？〃
　She　nodded。
　〃How　about　Micah？〃
　〃I've　already　asked　him。　Neither　he　nor　Merle　can　call　another's　beast。　Micah　did　offer　to　try　and　heal　Gregory　by　calling　flesh；　but　the　injuries　are　beyond　him。〃
　〃When　did　Micah　try　and　heal　Gregory？〃
　〃While　you　were　cleaning　up；〃　she　said。
　〃I　took　a　quick　shower。〃
　〃It　didn't　take　long　for　him　to　be　certain　that　Gregory's　injuries　were　above　his　abilities。〃
　〃You　wouldn't　be　belaboring　the　point　if　there　wasn't　some　hope。〃
　〃I　can　use　other　drugs　to　try　and　overe　the　effects。〃
　〃But　。。。　〃　I　said。
　〃But　the　mix　of　the　drugs　could　explode　his　heart　or　rupture　enough　blood　vessels　in　other　major　organs　to　kill　him。〃
　I　stared　at　her　for　a　heartbeat　or　two。　〃How　bad　are　the　odds？〃
　〃Bad　enough　that　I　need　his　Nimir…Ra's　permission　before　trying。〃
　〃Has　Gregory　given　his　permission？〃
　〃He's　terrified。　He　wants　to　be　able　to　hear　again。　Of　course　he　wants　me　to　try；　but　I'm　not　sure　he's　thinking　clearly。〃
　〃So　you're　ing　to　me　like　you'd　go　to　a　parent　for　a　child；〃　I　said。
　〃I　need　someone　who　is　thinking　clearly　to　make　a　decision　on　Gregory　behalf。〃
　〃He　has　a　brother。〃　I　frowned；　because　I　realized　I　hadn't　seen　Stephen　at　the　lupanar。　〃Where　is　Stephen？〃
　〃I've　been　told　that　the　Ulfric　ordered　Gregory's　brother　not　to　attend　tonight。　Something　about　it　being　unfair　for　him　to　watch　his　own　brother　executed。　Vivian　has　gone　to　get　him。〃
　〃My；　that　was　big　of　Richard。〃
　〃You　sound　bitter。〃
　〃Do　I？〃　And　that　sounded　bitter　even　to　me。　I　sighed。　〃I'm　just　frustrated；　Lillian。　Richard　is　going　to　get　people　I　care　about　slaughtered；　not　to　mention　himself。〃
　〃Which　risks　both　you　and　the　Master　of　the　City。〃
　I　frowned　at　her。　〃I　guess　everyone　does　know　that　part。〃
　〃I　think　so；〃　she　said。
　〃Yeah；　he's　risking　us　all　for　his　high　moral　ideals。〃
　〃Ideals　are　worth　sacrifice；　Anita。〃
　〃Maybe；　but　I'm　not　a　hundred　percent　sure　I've　ever　held　an　ideal　close　enough　to　trade　the　people　I　love　for　it。　Ideals　can　die；　but　they　don't　breathe；　they　don't　bleed；　they　don't　cry。〃
　〃So　you　would　trade　all　your　ideals　for　the　people　you　care　about？〃　she　asked。
　〃I'm　not　sure　I　have　any　ideals　anymore。〃
　〃You're　still　Christian；　aren't　you？〃
　〃My　religion　isn't　an　ideal。　Ideals　are　abstract　things　that　you　can't　touch　or　see。　My　religion　isn't　abstract；　it's　very　'stract；'　very　real。〃
　〃You　can't　see　God；〃　she　said。　〃You　can't　hold　Him　in　your　hand。〃
　〃How　many　angels　can　dance　on　the　head　of　a　pin；　huh？〃
　She　smiled。　〃Something　like　that。〃
　〃I've　held　a　cross　while　it　flared　so　bright　it　blinded　me　until　all　the　world　was　just　white　fire。　I've　seen　a　copy　of　the　Talmud　go　up　in　flames　in　a　vampire's　hands；　and　even　after　the　book　had　burned　to　ash；　the　vampire　kept　burning　until　it　died。　I've　stood　in　the　presence　of　a　demon　and　recited　holy　script；　and　the　demon　could　not　touch　me。〃　I　shook　my　head。　〃Religion　isn't　an　abstract　thing；　Dr。　Lillian；　it　is　a　living；　breathing；　growing；　organic　thing。〃
　〃Organic　sounds　more　Wiccan　than　Christian；〃　she　said。
　I　shrugged。　〃I've　been　studying　with　a　psychic　and　some　of　her　Wiccan　friends　for　about　a　year；　hard　not　to　soak　some　of　it　up。〃
　〃Doesn't　studying　Wicca　put　you　in　an　awkward　position？〃
　〃You　mean　because　I'm　a　monotheist？〃
　She　nodded。
　〃I　have　God…given　abilities　and　not　enough　training　to　control　those　abilities。　Most　denominations　of　the　church　frown　on　psychics；　let　alone　someone　who　raises　the　dead。　I　need　training；　so　I've　found　people　to　train　me。　The　fact　that　they're　not　Christian　I　see　as　a　failing　of　the　church；　not　a　failing　of　theirs。〃
　〃There　are　Christian　witches；〃　she　said。
　〃I've　met　some　of　them。　They　all　seem　to　be　zealots；　as　if　they　have　to　be　more　Christian　than　anyone　else　to　prove　that　they're　good　enough　to　be　Christian　at　all。　I　don't　like　zealots。〃
　〃Neither　do　I；〃　she　said。
　We　looked　at　each　other　in　the　darkened　kitchen。　She　raised　her　coffee　mug。　I'd　given　her　the　one　with　a　tiny　knight　and　a　large　dragon　that　said；　〃No　guts；　no　glory。〃
　Lillian　said；　〃Down　with　zealots。〃
　I　raised　my　own　mug　in　the　air。　It　was　the　baby　penguin　mug；　still　a　favorite。　〃Down　with　zealots。〃
　We　drank。　She　set　her　mug　on　the　coaster　and　said；　〃Do　I　have　your　permission　to　try　the　drugs　on　Gregory？〃
　I　took　a　deep　breath　and　let　it　out　slowly；　then　nodded。　〃If　he　agrees；　do　it。〃
　She　pushed　back　from　the　table　and　stood。　〃I'll　get　everything　ready。〃
　I　nodded；　but　stayed　sitting。　I　was　praying　when　I　felt　someone　e　into　the　room。　Without　opening　my　eyes；　I　knew　it　was　Micah。
　He　waited　until　I　raised　my　head；　opened　my　eyes。　〃I　didn't　mean　to　interrupt；〃　he　said。
　〃I'm　finished；〃　I　said。
　He　nodded　and　gave　that　smile　of　his　that　was　part　amusement；　part　sorrow；　and　part　something　else。　〃You　were　praying？〃　He　made　it　a　question。
　〃Yes。〃
　Some　trick　of　the　light　made　his　eyes　gleam　in　the　dark；　like　there　was　a　spark　of　hidden　fire　down　deep　in　their　green　gold　depths。　The　illusion　lost　his　eyes　and　most　of　his　face　to　shadow　and　darkness。　Only　that　shimmering　gleam　remained；　as　if　the　color　dancing　in　his　eyes　was　more　real　than　the　rest　of　him。
　Without　seeing　his　face；　I　knew　he　was　upset。　I　could　feel　it　like　a　tension　down　my　spine。　〃What's　wrong？〃　I　asked。
　〃I　can't　remember　the　last　time　I　prayed。〃
　I　shrugged。　〃A　lot　of　people　don't　pray。〃
　〃Why　does　it　surprise　me　that　you　do？〃　he　asked。
　I　shrugged　again。
　He　took　a　step　forward；　and　the　light　fell　upon　his　face　and　that　odd；　mixed　smile　of　his。
　〃I　have　to　go。〃
　〃What's　wrong？〃　I　asked。
　〃What　makes　you　think　anything's　wrong？〃
　〃Tension　level　between　you　and　your　cats。　What's　up；　Micah？〃
　He　pressed　his　thumb　and　forefinger　against　his　eyes；　rubbing；　as　if　he　were　tired。　He　blinked　those　jewel…like　eyes　at　me。　〃A　pard　emergency。　We've　got　one　member　that　couldn't　e　tonight；　and　she's　got　herself　in　trouble。〃
　〃What　kind　of　trouble？〃
　〃Violet　is　our　version　of　your　Nathaniel；　the　least　dominant　of　us。〃　He　left　it　at　that；　as　if　it　explained　everything。　It　did；　and　it　didn't。
　〃And？〃　I　said。
　〃And　I　have　to　go　help　her。〃
　〃I　don't　like　secrets；　Micah。〃
　He　sighed；　running　his　fingers　through　his　hair。　He　ripped　the　ponytail　hol