lh.narcissusinchains-第68部分

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　〃Losing　her；〃　Jacob　said；　〃this　is　the　first　time　I've　ever　seen　her。　I've　been　with　this　pack　for　five　months　and　this　is　the　first　time　I've　set　eyes　on　your　precious　lupa。　We　can't　lose　something　we　never　had。〃
　There　was　a　lot　of　support　for　that；　a　lot　of　howls；　cries　of　yeah；　applause　even。　I　couldn't　blame　them　on　this　one。　I　stepped　forward；　moving　until　I　stood　alone　between　my　allies　and　the　throne。　Silence　fell　around　the　clearing；　until　you　could　hear　the　torches　sizzling。
　Richard　stared　down　at　me。　I　could　meet　his　eyes　now。　I　made　sure　my　voice　carried　when　I　said；　〃Jacob's　right。〃
　Sylvie　looked　startled。　So　did　Jacob。　And　there　was　movement　behind　me　as　people　startled。　〃I　haven't　been　much　of　a　lupa　to　the　Thronnos　Rokke　Clan；　but　I　didn't　know　I　was　supposed　to　be。　I　was　just　the　Ulfric's　girlfriend。　I　had　my　hands　full　with　the　wereleopards；　and　I　trusted　Richard　to　take　care　of　the　wolves。　The　leopards　had　no　one　but　me。〃　I　turned　and　faced　the　crowd。　〃I　was　human；　not　fit　to　be　lupa；　or　Nimir…Ra。〃　The　crowd's　murmur　was　louder　this　time。
　〃I　don't　know　if　you've　all　heard；　but　there　was　an　accident　in　the　fight　that　saved　the　swanmanes。　I　may　be　Nimir…Ra　for　real　in　a　few　weeks。　We　won't　know　for　sure；　but　it　seems　likely。〃
　They　were　quiet　now；　watching　me；　human　eyes；　wolf　eyes；　rats；　leopards；　but　every　face　held　intelligence；　a　burning　concentration。　〃There's　nothing　I　can　do　about　that。　We'll　just　have　to　wait　and　see；　but　my　leopard　did　not　injure　me　on　purpose。　I　will　stake　my　word　of　honor　on　that。　I'm　told　that　Gregory　stands　accused　of　killing　your　lupa。〃　I　raised　my　hands　out　from　my　body。　〃Here　I　stand；　alive　and　well。　If　you　lose　me　as　your　lupa；　it　won't　be　because　Gregory　took　me　from　you；　it　will　be　because　you　choose　to　let　me　go。　If　that's　what　you　want；　fine。　I　don't　blame　you。　Until　tonight；　until　just　a　few　minutes　ago；　I　didn't　think　I　was　doing　a　very　good　job　as　Nimir…Ra；　let　alone　trying　to　be　human　lupa。　Now；　I　think　maybe　I　was　wrong。　Maybe　if　I'd　stayed　around　more；　things　would　be　better。　I　did　what　I　thought　was　right　at　the　time。　If　you　don't　want　me　as　lupa；　that's　your　right；　but　don't　punish　a　fellow　shapeshifter　for　an　accident　that　happened　during　a　fight　where　he　saved　me　from　getting　my　heart　dug　out　of　my　chest。〃
　〃A　pretty　speech；〃　Jacob　said；　〃but　we've　already　voted；　and　your　leopard　has　to　pay　the　price；　unless　you're　shapeshifter　enough　to　win　him　back。〃
　I　looked　back；　not　at　Jacob；　but　at　Richard。　〃Richard；　please。〃
　He　shook　his　head。　〃I　can't　undo　the　vote；　Anita。　I　would　if　I　could。〃　He　sounded　tired。
　I　sighed。　〃Fine；　how　do　I　win　Gregory　back？〃
　〃She　needs　to　stop　being　lupa；　before　she　can　be　Nimir…Ra。〃　This　from　Paris；　who　though　back　in　the　crowd；　still　managed　to　make　her　voice　ring　over　the　clearing。
　〃I　thought　you　voted　me　out　as　lupa；〃　I　said。
　〃They　have；〃　Richard　said；　〃but　to　make　it　official　by　our　laws；　there's　a　ceremony　that　will　sever　your　ties　to　us。〃
　〃Is　it　a　long　ceremony？〃　I　asked。
　〃It　can　be；〃　he　said。
　〃Let　me　get　Gregory　out　first；　then　I'll　do　whatever　lukoi　ceremony　you　want　me　to　do。〃
　〃You　have　the　right　to　refuse　to　step　down；〃　Sylvie　said。
　I　looked　at　Richard。
　〃You　have　that　right。〃　His　face；　his　voice；　were　neutral　as　he　said　it。　I　couldn't　tell　if　he　was　happy　or　sad　about　the　idea。
　〃What　happens　if　I　refuse？〃
　〃You'd　have　to　defend　your　right　to　be　lupa；　either　by　one…on…one　bat　with　any　dominant　that　wants　the　job　。。。　〃　And　he　stopped　there。
　Sylvie　looked　at　him；　but　it　was　Jacob　who　finished。　〃Or　you　can　prove　that　you're　lupa　enough　to　keep　the　job　by　annointing　the　throne。〃
　I　just　looked　at　him　and　shrugged。　〃Annointing　the　throne　　what　does　that　mean？〃
　〃You　fuck　the　Ulfric　on　the　throne　in　front　of　all　of　us。〃
　I　was　already　shaking　my　head。　〃Somehow　I　don't　think　either　Richard　or　I　are　up　to　public　sex。〃
　〃It's　a　little　more　plicated　than　that；〃　Richard　said。　He　looked　at　me　and　there　was　so　much　in　his　eyes　　anger；　pain　　that　it　hurt　to　hold　his　gaze。
　〃Sex　alone　isn't　enough。　We'd　have　to　have　a　mystical　connection　between　our　beasts。〃　He　was　quiet；　and　I　thought　he'd　finished；　but　he　hadn't。　〃Like　you　have　with　your　Nimir…Raj。〃
　We　stared　at　each　other。　I　couldn't　think　of　anything　good　to　say；　but　I　had　to　say　something。　〃I'm　sorry。〃　My　voice　came　out　soft；　almost　sad。
　〃Don't　apologize；〃　he　said。
　〃Why　not？〃
　〃It's　not　your　fault；　it's　mine。〃
　That　made　me　widen　my　eyes　at　him。　〃How　so？〃
　〃I　should　have　known　you'd　have　that　kind　of　bond　with　your　mate。　You're　more　powerful　as　a　human　than　most　true　lupas。〃
　I　looked　at　him。　〃What　are　you　saying；　Richard？　That　you　wish　you'd　made　me　one　of　you　while　you　had　the　chance？〃
　He　lowered　his　eyes　as　if　he　couldn't　bear　for　me　to　see　his　expression　anymore。　I　stepped　closer；　close　enough　to　touch　him；　close　enough　so　that　his　vibrating　energy　spilled　like　a　march　of　insects　across　my　skin。　It　made　me　shiver。　But　I　felt　something　else；　something　I'd　never　felt　before；　not　with　Richard。
　My　beast　spilled　over　my　skin　and　reached　out　like　a　playful　kitten　to　swat　at　Richard's　power。　The　energies　sparked　against　each　other；　and　I　could　almost　see　the　play　of　colors　in　my　head；　like　flint　and　steel　being　struck　against　one　another；　except　in　technicolor。
　I　heard　Richard　catch　his　breath；　his　eyes　were　very　wide。　His　voice　came　hoarse；　almost　strangled。　〃Did　you　do　that　on　purpose？〃
　I　shook　my　head。　I　didn't　trust　myself　to　speak。　The　sparks　had　quieted；　and　it　was　as　if　I　were　leaning　against　a　nearly　solid　wall　of　power；　his　and　mine；　as　if　I　could　have　leaned　against　that　energy　and　it　alone　would　have　kept　us　from　touching。　I　finally　found　my　voice；　but　it　was　a　whisper。　〃What's　happening？〃
　〃The　marriage　of　the　marks；　I　think；〃　he　said；　voice　almost　equally　soft。
　I　wanted　so　badly　to　reach　through　that　power　and　touch　him；　to　see　if　the　beasts　would　roll　through　each　other　like　they　did　for　Micah　and　me。　I　knew　it　was　silly；　he　was　wolf；　and　apparently　I　was　leopard；　so　our　beasts　wouldn't　recognize　each　other。　But　I'd　loved　Richard　for　so　long；　and　we　were　bound　to　each　other　by　Jean…Claude's　marks；　and　I　carried　a　piece　of　his　beast　inside　me。　I　had　to　know。　I　had　to　know　if　I　could　have　with　Richard　what　I　had　with　Micah。
　My　hand　moved　through　the　power；　and　it　was　like　shoving　it　into　an　electric　socket。　The　energy　was　so　strong；　it　bit　along　my　skin。　I　was　reaching　for　his　shoulder；　a　nice　neutral　place　to　touch　someone；　when　he　rolled　off　the　side　of　the　throne　and　was　suddenly　standing　beside　it。　He'd　moved　so　fast　I　couldn't　follow　with　my　eyes。　I'd　seen　the　beginning　of　the　movement　and　the　end；　but　the　middle　　I'd　blinked　and　missed　it。
　〃No；　Anita；〃　he　said；　〃no；　if　we　can't　ever　touch　again；　I　don't　want　to　feel　your　beast。　We　may　not　be　the　same　animal；　but　it　will　be　more　than　anything　we've　ever　had　between　us。　I　couldn't　bear　it。〃
　I　let　my　hand　fall　to　my　side　and　stepped　back　far　enough　from　the　throne　for　him　to　regain　his　seat。　I　wasn't　apologizing　again；　but　I　wanted　to。　I　wanted　to　cry　for　both　of　us；　or　scream。　I　know　the　universe　has　a　sense　of　irony；　and　sometimes　you　get　reminded　just　how　sadistic　that　can　be。
　I　would　finally　have　to　accept　his　furry　half；　because　I'd　have　one　of　my　own。　I　could　be　Richard's　nearly　perfect　lover；　at　long　last；　and　we　could　never　touch　each　other　again。
　
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　RICHARD　WAS　SITTING　on　his　throne　again；　and　I　was　standing　back　far　enough　for　him　to　feel　safe。　Rafael；　Micah；　and　Reece　had　all　moved　up　beside　me；　a　half…circle　of　kings　at　my　back。　It　should　have　made　me　feel　secure。　It　didn't。　I　was　tired；　so　terribly　tired；　so　terribly　sad。　Even　with　Micah　at　my　back；　I　couldn't　stop　looking　at　Richard；　couldn't　stop　wondering；　what　if。　Oh；　I　knew；　I'd　never　have　allowed　him　to　make　me　a　werewolf　on　purpose；　but　a　small　part　of　me　wondered。　But　I　told　that　small　part　to　shut　up；　and　I　got　down　to　business。
　〃I　want　Gregory　back　unharmed。　How　do　I　do　that；　according　to　lukoi　law？〃
　Richard　said；　〃Jacob。〃　That　one　word　sounded　as　tired　as　I　felt。
　Jacob　stepped　forward；　obviously　pleased　with　himself。　〃Your　leopard　is　here　on　our　land；　and　we've　done　nothing　to　hide　his　scent　trail。　If　you　can　track　him；　you　can　take　him　home。〃
　I　raised　my　eyebrows　at　him。　〃I　have　to　follow　a　scent　trail　like　a　dog？〃
　〃If　you　were　a　true　shapeshifter；　you　could　do　it；〃　Jacob　said。
　〃This　isn't　a　fair　test；〃　Rafael　said。　〃She　hasn't　had　her　first　change。　Most　of　our　secondary　powers　don't　appear　until　after　our　first　full　moon。〃
　〃It　doesn't　have　to　be　scenting；〃　Richard　said；　〃but　it　must　be　something　that　only　a　shapeshifter　could　do。　Something　that　only　a　shifter　powerful　enough　to　truly　be　Nimir…Ra；　or　lupa；　could　do。〃　He　was　looking　at　me　when　he　said　it；　and　there　was　something　in　his　eyes；　something　he　was　trying　to　tell　me。
　〃That　doesn't　sound　very　fair　either；〃　Micah　said。
　Richard　kept　looking　at　me；　willing　me　to　understand　him。　I　didn't　know　why　he　didn't　just　drop　his　shields　and　let　me　see　his　mind。
　Almost　as　if　Richard　had　read　my　mind；　he　said；　〃No　werewolf　or　wererat　or　wereleopard；　no　one　can　aid　y