lh.narcissusinchains-第66部分
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though that will burn。 It's that you gave us a glimpse of what we are all striving for； for our clans。 Richard believes his moral rightness will get him where your leopards already are。〃
I looked up at him。 〃My pard is not a democracy； and I have a hell of a lot more than just presidential veto when it es to decisions。〃
〃Richard knows that； better probably than anyone； and that will gall him； Anita。 It will make him doubt himself。〃
I shook my head。 〃Richard always doubts himself when it es to the lukoi。 He'll never have surety about them until he has surety about who and what he is。〃
〃First I have to accept the fact that you're kindhearted； now I have to accept the fact that you're insightful as well。 I knew you were powerful； ruthless； and pretty； but that you have a mind and a heart besides is going to take some getting used to。〃
〃Does everyone pretty much think I'm just a sociopath who happens to have magical abilities？〃
〃It's all you let people see；〃 he said； 〃until now。〃 He gazed out towards the circle of faces still turned to us。 I saw a kind of hunger in their faces； and I knew that they had felt what I'd felt； a sense of true belonging； of being home within the circle not of bricks or mortar but of flesh； of hands to grasp； arms to hold； smiles to share。 So simple； so rare。
All these months I'd been worried I'd fail the wereleopards。 I thought failure meant them dying； or getting hurt。 What I realized suddenly was that the true failure would have been if I hadn't given a damn。 You can bandage a wound； set a broken bone； but not caring 。。。 you can't cure that； and you can't recover from it。
23
THE LUPANAR WAS a large clearing 100 yards by 150 yards。 The clearing appeared to be flat； but actually it sat in a large smooth valley between hills。 You couldn't notice it at night； but I knew that just beyond the trees that ringed the far side of the lupanar were steep hills。 It had taken me more than one visit to find what lay beyond the trees。
Now all vision stopped at the far edge of the clearing。 Torches that rose man…high were stuck into the ground on either side of the stone throne。 The throne was a huge chair carved of rock； so old that there were places on the arms where countless generations of Ulfrics had touched it and worn away the stone。 Probably the back and seat of the chair were worn as well； but they were covered by a spill of purple silk； suitably royal。 There was something very primitive about the huge stone chair and its spill of cloth caught between the wavering golden light of the torches。 It looked like a throne for some ancient barbaric king； someone who should wear animal skins and a crown of iron。
Werewolves； most but not all in human form； stood or crouched in a huge circle。 There was one opening in the circle； which we walked through。 The werewolves flowed behind us； like a door of flesh closing。 The wererats spread around behind us and to either side； but we all knew if it came to a fight； we were outmatched； and outflanked。
Rafael and two very large wererats stood to one side of me。 Donovan Reece； the swan king； was on the other side。 Rafael had kindly given him a quartet of bodyguards。 Micah stood just a little behind me； and my newly acquired bodyguards were just behind him。 Our leopards had spilled out in a rough knot behind us； like a line of defense； before the main show of wererats。
Someone had hung cloth in the trees to one side of the throne。 Black cloth； like a curtain； and it took a movement of the wind to draw my attention to it。 It was held aside； and Sylvie came through； followed by a tall man I didn't know。 Her face was less refined with no makeup； less soft。 Her short hair curled neatly； but carelessly。 She was dressed in the first pair of jeans I'd ever seen her in； with a pale blue tanktop and white jogging shoes。
The tall man was thin the way basketball players are thin all arms and legs and lanky muscle。 Most of that lanky muscle showed because all he wore was a pair of cutoff jean shorts。 But he； like Richard； didn't need finery。 He moved in a circle of his own grace and power； like a tiger stalking into view。 Except there were no bars to hide behind； and I'd had to leave my gun at home。
He had short； dark hair that curled a little thicker than Sylvie's。 His face was one of those that you couldn't decide was attractive or plain。 It was made up of strong bones； long lines； thin lips on a wide mouth。 I'd just about decided he was plain when he looked at me； and the moment I saw those dark eyes I knew I was wrong。 Intelligence burned in there； intelligence and dark emotion。 He let anger flow over his face； and I realized the very force of his personality made him so striking that he was handsome； though it was the kind of handsome that would never e across in a still photo； because it needed movement； his vibrating energy to make it work。
I knew without being told that this was Jacob； and I knew something else。 We were in trouble。
Richard came next； and he moved in his own vibrating spill of power。 He glided as gracefully； filled with as much anger as Jacob； but he still lacked something； some edge that the other man had。 An edge of darkness； maybe。 All I knew for sure was that Jacob was ruthless。 I could almost smell it on him。 And Richard； for better； or worse； still was not。
I sighed。 I'd thought if he could just once embrace his beast he'd be alright。 He sat on the throne with the firelight playing in the loose waves of his hair； turning it to spun copper and burnished gold； the fire shadows playing on the muscles of his chest； shoulders； arms。 He looked the part of the barbarian king； but there was still something in him； something 。。。 soft。 And if I could taste it； then so could Jacob。
I had one of those moments of clarity that es sometimes。 There was nothing that any of us could do to Richard to make him truly harsh。 He might act in anger； like he'd taken Gregory； but no matter what the world did to him； there would still be something in him that flinched。 His only hope for survival was to surround himself with loyal people who wouldn't flinch。
Jamil and Shang…Da stood together to one side of the throne； not too close； but not too far either。 Shang…Da was back in his usual monochrome black business dress： black slacks； black shirt； black suit jacket； and the polished black shoes。 He always looked very GQ； even in the woods。
Jamil could dress up with the best of them； but he tried to be appropriate to the situation。 He had on jeans that looked freshly pressed and a red muscle tank top that looked splendid against the darkness of his skin。 He'd changed the beads in his waist…length cornrowed hair to red and black。 The beads gleamed softly in the torchlight； as if they might be made of semiprecious stones。
Jamil caught my glance。 He didn't exactly nod； but he acknowledged me with his eyes。 Shang…Da avoided my gaze； searching the crowd； but never quite looking at me。 I think if Richard would have allowed it the two of them would have done whatever was necessary to secure his throne。 But they were hamstrung by Richard； and the best they could do was work within his honorable trap。
Sylvie and I stared at each other for a few heartbeats。 I'd seen her collection of bones of her enemies。 She got them out periodically and handled them。 She said it was forting to run her hands over them。 I personally liked a good stuffed toy and some really fine coffee； but； hey； whatever makes you feel better。 Sylvie would do whatever needed doing； if Richard would only let her。
And if I'd still been lupa； hell； we had enough ruthless people to get the job done； if Richard would just get out of our way。 We were so close； and at the time we weren't even in the ballpark。 It was more than frustrating。 It was like watching a train race towards Richard； and we were all yelling； 〃Get off the tracks； get off the tracks！〃 Hell； we were trying to drag him off the tracks； and he was fighting us。
If Jacob was the train； then I could kill him and Richard would be safe。 But Rafael was right。 If it wasn't Jacob； it'd be someone else。 Jacob wasn't the train hurtling to destroy Richard。 Richard was。
His voice filled the clearing。 〃We gather here tonight to say good…bye to our lupa and to choose another。〃
There was a rash of howls and applause from about half of the pack。 But dozens of the werewolves stood silent； watching。 It didn't mean they were on my side。 Maybe they were neutral； but it was good to notice who wasn't a rousing supporter of my being kicked out of the pack。
〃We are here to stand in final judgment for one who has wronged our pack by taking our lupa from us。〃
There was less applause； fewer howls。 It looked like the vote to condemn Gregory had been a close one。 That made me feel better； not much； but a little。 Though if Gregory died； I guess it really didn't matter。
〃We are also here to give the leopards' Nimir…Ra a last chance to win back her cat。〃
The howls and applause stayed at about fifty…fifty； but the general atmosphere was definitely cooler。 The pack wasn't lost； and it certainly wasn't wholeheartedly on Jacob's side。 I said a little prayer for guidance； because this was more a political problem； and
