lh.narcissusinchains-第5部分

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　jumped　and　answered　it　with　my　pulse　in　my　throat。　I　was　really　dreading　this　conversation。
　〃Hello；〃　I　said。
　〃Narcissus　will　see　to　your　cats'　safety。　Now；　where　were　we？〃　He　was　silent　for　a　heartbeat。　〃Oh；　yes；　would　you　ever　have　called　if　you　had　not　needed　my　help？〃
　〃The　woman　I'm　studying　with　。。。　〃
　〃Marianne；〃　he　said。
　〃Yes；　Marianne。　Anyway；　she　says　that　I　can't　keep　blocking　the　holes　in　my　aura。　That　the　only　way　to　be　safe　from　preternatural　creepy…crawlies　is　to　fill　the　holes　with　what　they　were　meant　to　hold。〃
　Silence　on　the　other　end　of　the　phone。　Silence　for　so　long　that　I　said；　〃Jean…Claude；　you　still　there？〃
　〃I　am　here。〃
　〃You　don't　sound　happy　about　this。〃
　〃Do　you　know　what　you　are　saying；　Anita？〃　It　was　always　a　bad　sign　when　he　used　my　real　name。
　〃I　think　so。〃
　〃I　want　this　very　clear　between　us；　ma　petite。　I　do　not　want　you　ing　back　to　me　later；　crying　that　you　did　not　understand　how　tightly　this　would　bind　us。　If　you　allow　Richard　and　me　to　truly　fill　the　marks　upon　your　。。。　body；　we　will　share　our　auras。　Our　energy。　Our　magic。〃
　〃We're　already　doing　that；　Jean…Claude。〃
　〃In　part；　ma　petite；　but　those　are　side　effects　of　the　marks。　This　will　be　a　willing；　knowledgeable　joining。　Once　done；　I　do　not　think　it　can　be　undone　without　great　damage　to　all　of　us。〃
　It　was　my　turn　to　sigh。　〃How　many　vampire　challenges　to　your　authority　have　there　been　while　I've　been　off　meditating？〃
　〃A　few；〃　he　said；　voice　cautious。
　〃More　than　a　few　I'd　bet；　because　they　sensed　that　your　defenses　are　not　plete。　You　had　trouble　backing　them　down　without　killing　them；　didn't　you？〃
　〃Let　us　say　that　I　am　glad　that　there　were　no　serious　challengers　over　the　last　year。〃
　〃You'd　have　lost　without　Richard　and　me　to　back　you　up；　and　you　couldn't　shield　yourself　without　us　there　to　touch。　That　worked　when　I　was　in　town　with　you。　Touching；　being　with　each　other　helped　us　plug　in　to　each　other's　power。　It　offset　the　problem。〃
　〃Oui；〃　he　said；　softly。
　〃I　didn't　know；　Jean…Claude。　I'm　not　sure　it　would　have　made　a　difference；　but　I　didn't　know。　God；　Richard　must　be　desperate　　he　doesn't　kill　like　we　do。　His　bluff　is　all　that　keeps　the　werewolves　from　tearing　each　other　apart；　and　with　two　gaping　holes　in　his　most　intimate　defenses　。。。　〃　I　let　my　voice　trail　off；　but　I　still　remembered　the　cold　horror　I'd　felt　when　I　realized　how　much　I'd　endangered　all　of　us。
　〃Richard　has　had　difficulties；　ma　petite。　But　we　each　have　only　one　chink　in　our　armor；　the　one　that　only　you　can　heal。　He　was　driven　to　merge　his　energies　with　mine。　As　you　say；　his　bluff　is　very　important　to　him。〃
　〃I　didn't　know；　and　I'm　sorry　for　that。　All　I've　been　thinking　about　was　how　scared　I　was　of　being　overwhelmed　by　the　two　of　you。　Marianne　told　me　the　truth　when　she　thought　I　was　ready　to　hear　it。〃
　〃And　are　you　done　being　frightened　of　us；　ma　petite？〃　His　voice　was　careful　when　he　asked；　as　if　he　were　carrying　a　very　full　cup　of　very　hot　liquid　up　a　long　and　narrow　staircase。
　I　shook　my　head；　realized　he　couldn't　see　it；　and　said；　〃I'm　not　brave。　I'm　pretty　much　terrified。　Terrified　that　if　I　do　this；　there　is　no　going　back；　that　maybe　I'm　fooling　myself　about　a　choice。　Maybe　there　is　no　choice　and　hasn't　been　for　a　long　time。　But　however　we　end　up　arranging　the　bedrooms；　I　can't　let　us　all　go　around　with　gaping　metaphysical　wounds。　Too　many　things　will　sense　the　weakness　and　exploit　it。〃
　〃Like　the　creature　you　met　in　New　Mexico；〃　he　said；　voice　still　as　cautious　as　I'd　ever　heard　it。
　〃Yeah；〃　I　said。
　〃Are　you　saying　that　tonight　you　will　agree　to　letting　us　merge　the　marks；　that　we　will　at　last　close　these；　as　you　so　colorfully　put　it；　wounds？〃
　〃If　it　doesn't　endanger　my　leopards；　yeah。　We　need　to　do　it　as　soon　as　possible。　I'd　hate　to　make　the　big　decision　and　then　have　one　of　us　get　killed　before　we　could　batten　down　the　hatches。〃
　I　heard　him　sigh；　as　if　some　great　tension　had　left　him。　〃You　do　not　know　how　long　I　have　waited　for　you　to　understand　all　this。〃
　〃You　could　have　told　me。〃
　〃You　would　not　have　believed　me。　You　would　have　thought　it　was　another　trick　to　bind　you　closer　to　me。〃
　〃You're　right；　I　wouldn't　have　believed　you。〃
　〃Will　Richard　be　meeting　us　at　the　club；　as　well？〃
　I　was　quiet　for　a　heartbeat。　〃No；　I'm　not　going　to　call　him。〃
　〃Why　ever　not？　It　is　a　shapeshifter　difficulty　more　than　a　vampire　one。〃
　〃You　know　why　not。〃
　〃You　fear　he　will　be　too　squeamish　to　allow　you　to　do　what　needs　doing　to　save　your　leopards。〃
　〃Yeah。〃
　〃Perhaps；〃　Jean…Claude　said。
　〃You　aren't　going　to　tell　me　to　call　him？〃
　〃Why　would　I　ask　you　to　invite　my　chief　rival　for　your　affections　to　this　little　tête…á…tête？　That　would　be　foolish。　I　am　many　things；　but　foolish　is　not　one　of　them。〃
　That　was　certainly　true。　〃Okay；　give　me　directions；　and　I'll　meet　you　and　your　people　at　the　club。〃
　〃First；　ma　petite；　what　are　you　wearing？〃
　〃Excuse　me？〃
　〃Clothes；　ma　petite；　what　clothes　are　you　wearing？〃
　〃Is　this　a　joke？　Because　I　don't　have　time　。。。　〃
　〃It　is　not　an　idle　question；　ma　petite。　The　sooner　you　answer；　the　sooner　we　can　all　leave。〃
　I　wanted　to　argue；　but　if　Jean…Claude　said　he　had　a　point　he　probably　did。　I　told　him　what　I　was　wearing。
　〃You　surprise　me；　ma　petite。　With　a　little　effort　it　should　do　nicely。〃
　〃What　effort？〃
　〃I　suggest　you　add　boots　to　your　ensemble。　The　ones　I　purchased　for　you　would　do　very　well。〃
　〃I　am　not　wearing　five…inch　spikes　anywhere；　Jean…Claude。　I'd　break　an　ankle。〃
　〃I　planned　on　you　wearing　those　boots　just　for　me；　ma　petite。　I　was　thinking　of　the　other　boots　with　the　milder　heels　that　I　bought　when　you　were　so　very　angry　about　the　others。〃
　Oh。　〃Why　do　I　have　to　change　shoes？〃
　〃Because；　delicate　flower　that　you　are；　you　have　the　eyes　of　a　policeman；　and　so　it　would　be　better　if　you　wore　leather　boots　instead　of　high　heels。　It　would　be　better　if　you　remember　that　you　are　trying　to　move　through　the　club　as　quickly　and　smoothly　as　possible。　No　one　will　help　you　find　your　leopards　if　they　think　you　are　an　outsider；　especially　a　policeman。〃
　〃Nobody　ever　mistakes　me　for　a　cop。〃
　〃No；　but　they　begin　to　mistake　you　for　something　that　smells　of　guns　and　death。　Look　harmless　tonight；　ma　petite；　until　it　is　time　to　be　dangerous。〃
　〃I　thought　this　friend　of　yours；　this　Narcissus；　would　just　escort　us　in。〃
　〃He　is　not　my　friend；　and　I　told　you　the　club　is　neutral　ground。　Narcissus　will　see　that　no　great　harm　es　to　your　cats；　but　that　is　all。　He　will　not　let　you　e　barging　in　to　his　world　like　the　proverbial　bull　in　the　china　shop。　That；　he　will　not　allow；　nor　will　he　allow　us　to　bring　in　a　small　army　of　our　own。　He　is　the　leader　of　the　werehyenas；　and　they　are　the　only　army　allowed　inside　the　club。　There　is　no　Ulfric；　or　Master　of　the　City；　within　its　walls。　You　have　only　the　dominance　you　bring　with　you　and　your　body　to　see　you　through。〃
　〃I'll　have　a　gun；〃　I　said。
　〃But　a　gun　will　not　get　you　into　the　upper　rooms。〃
　〃What　will？〃
　〃Trust　me；　I　will　find　a　way。〃
　I　didn't　like　the　sound　of　that　at　all。　〃Why　is　it　that　most　of　the　time　whenever　I　ask　you　for　help；　it's　never　a　case　where　we　can　just　run　in　and　start　shooting？〃
　〃And　why　is　it；　ma　petite；　that　when　you　do　not　invite　me　that　it　is　almost　always　a　case　where　you　run　in　and　shoot　everything　that　moves？〃
　〃Point　taken；〃　I　said。
　〃What　are　your　priorities　for　the　night？〃　he　asked。
　I　knew　what　he　meant。　〃I　want　the　wereleopards　safe。〃
　〃And　if　they　have　been　harmed？〃
　〃I　want　vengeance。〃
　〃More　than　their　safety？〃
　〃No；　safety　first；　vengeance　is　a　luxury。〃
　〃Good。　And　if　one；　or　more；　is　dead？〃
　〃I　don't　want　any　of　us　going　to　jail；　but　eventually　if　not　tonight；　another　night；　they　die。〃　I　listened　to　myself　say　it；　and　knew　that　I　meant　it。
　〃There　is　no　mercy　in　you；　ma　petite。〃
　〃You　say　that　like　it's　a　bad　thing。〃
　〃No；　it　is　merely　an　observation。〃
　I　stood　there；　holding　the　phone；　waiting　to　be　shocked　at　what　I　was　proposing。　But　I　wasn't。　I　said；　〃I　don't　want　to　kill　anyone　if　I　don't　have　to。〃
　〃That　is　not　true；　ma　petite。〃
　〃Fine；　if　they've　killed　my　people；　I　want　them　dead。　But　I　decided　in　New　Mexico　that　I　didn't　want　to　be　a　sociopath；　so　I'm　trying　to　act　as　if　I'm　not。　So　let's　try　to　keep　the　body　count　low　tonight；　okay？〃
　〃As　you　wish；〃　he　said。　Then　he　added；　〃Do　you　really　think　that　you　can　change　the　nature　of　what　you　are　merely　by　wishing　it？〃
　〃Are　you　asking　if　I　can　stop　being　a　sociopath；　since　I　already　am　one？〃
　A　moment　of　silence；　then；　〃I　think　that　is　what　I'm　asking。〃
　〃I　don't　know；　but　if　I　don't　pull　myself　back　from　the　brink　soon；　Jean…Claude；　there　won't　be　any　going　back。〃
　〃I　hear　fear　in　your　voice；　ma　petite。〃
　〃Yeah；　you　do。〃
　〃What　do　you　fear？〃
　〃I　fear　that　by　giving　in　to　you　and　Richard　that　I'll　lose　myself。　I　fear　that　by　not　giving　in　to　you　and　Richard　I'll　lose　one　of　you。　I　fear　that　I'll　get　us　killed　because　I'm　thinking　too　much。　I　fear　that　I'm　already　a　sociopath　and　there　is　no　going　back。　Ronnie　said　that　one　of　the　reasons　that　I　can't　give　you　up　and　just　settle　down　with　Richard　is　that　I　can't　give　up　a　boyfriend　who's　colder　than　I