lh.narcissusinchains-第45部分

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zed　up　at　me；　and　the　look　in　his　eyes　was　enough。　I　knew　he　felt　the　hunger；　too。
　〃It　feels　hot；〃　I　said。　〃Always　before　your　power　has　felt　cool；　or　cold　even。　It's　Richard's　beast　that　holds　the　heat。〃
　〃Lust　is　warm；　ma　petite；　even　among　the　cold…blooded。〃
　I　turned　towards　the　bed　and　was　suddenly　very　aware　that　I　was　nude；　I　was　really　going　to　have　to　get　a　robe。　It　wasn't　Jean…Claude's　gaze　that　made　me　look　away；　it　was　Nathaniel　and　Jason。　Everyone　in　this　room　responded　to　me；　in　different　ways；　for　very　different　reasons。　But　it　was　all　fodder　for　this　。。。　need　inside　me。
　Asher　made　some　small　movement　that　drew　my　attention　back　to　him。　I　started　to　reach　for　him；　to　push　his　robe　from　his　shoulders；　to　watch　it　fall　to　the　floor。　I　hugged　my　arms　to　me；　as　if　I　was　cold；　but　I　wasn't　cold。　It　was　my　turn　not　to　trust　where　my　hands　were。　The　temptation　was　so　thick　every　where　I　looked　that　there　seemed　no　place　to　walk　in　safety。　I　felt　trapped。　Trapped；　not　in　the　room；　but　in　the　desire。
　When　I　was　sure　I　could　talk　without　sounding　as　confused　as　I　felt；　I　asked　〃Is　this　thing　permanent；　or　will　it　go　away　when　we　all　adjust　to　the　marks　being　married？〃
　〃I　do　not　know；　ma　petite。　I　wish　I　could　tell　you　something　more　certain。　If　you　were　truly　of　my　get；　truly　vampire；　then　I　would　say；　yes；　it　is　permanent。　But　you　are　my　human　servant。　You　have　manifested　powers　in　the　past；　and　some　have　e　and　gone。〃　He　raised　his　hands。　〃There　is　no　way　to　be　sure。〃
　〃Is　it　always　like　this；　never　satisfied；　never　finished？〃
　〃No；　you　can　sate　yourself；　but　it　takes　much　to　do　it。　Usually；　one　must　be　content　with　enough　to　keep　the　desire　from　overwhelming　you。〃
　〃And　you　haven't　fed　like　this　in　months；　because　you　thought　I　would　disapprove？〃
　〃Years。　And　yes。〃
　I　stared　at　him　across　the　room　with　Asher　still　kneeling　in　front　of　me。　I'd　always　thought　of　Jean…Claude　as　the　weaker…willed　of　the　three　of　us　　Richard；　him；　and　me。　Now　I　stood　there　afraid　to　move；　afraid　not　to　move；　wanting　to　do　things　that　were　not　me；　not　mine；　not　even　Jean…Claude's。　I'd　known　that　the　lycanthropes　spoke　of　their　animal　half　as　something　separate　from　them　　their　beast　　but　I'd　never　understood　that　some　of　the　vampires'　powers　were　the　same　way。　Desires；　hungers；　so　strong　and　overwhelming　that　they　were　like　separate　beings　trapped　inside　your　head；　your　body；　your　blood。
　Asher　made　a　small　movement；　and　I　turned　to　him。　My　hand　reached　out　to　stroke　his　hair　before　I'd　turned　pletely　to　face　him；　as　if　my　body　had　been　moving　without　my　eyes　or　my　brain。　His　hair　was　thicker　textured；　more　like　mine；　not　the　baby…fine　curls　of　Jean…Claude　or　Jason；　or　the　velvet　silk　of　Nathaniel。　I　bundled　my　hands　into　Asher's　hair　as　if　I'd　memorize　the　feel　of　it。　Somewhere　between　mine　and　Richard's；　somewhere　in　the　middle；　but　not　warm　like　Richard's　was　to　the　touch。　Asher　hadn't　fed　today；　and　he　had　no　warmth　to　give。　His　skin　was　cool　under　my　fingertips　as　I　traced　his　cheek。
　I　spoke　without　looking　at　Jean…Claude。　〃How　have　you　stood　it？　How　could　you　fight　the　need　all　this　time？〃
　〃You　are　a　fledgling；　ma　petite。　Your　control　will　never　be　weaker　than　now。　I　have　had　centuries　to　practice　my　control。〃
　I　made　myself　stop　petting　Asher。　But　he　took　my　hand　as　I　moved　it　back　and　laid　a　gentle　kiss　on　my　knuckles。　Even　that　small　touch　made　me　catch　my　breath。　My　voice　came　out　weak。　〃So　you　can　go　without　feeding　the　desire。〃
　〃No；　ma　petite。〃
　I　turned　and　stared　at　him；　and　Asher　rubbed　his　thumb　in　small　circles　on　my　hand。　I　remembered　that　small　touch　as　precious；　a　habit　he　had　no　matter　which　of　us　he　held　hands　with。　〃You　said　you　hadn't　fed　like　this。〃
　〃I　have　had　no　sex；　nor　touched　anyone　in　such　a　plete　manner　as　you　have　done　with　Nathaniel。　But　I　must　feed　the　desire；　just　as　I　must　take　blood。〃
　〃What　happens　if　you　don't？〃
　〃You　remember　what　happened　to　Sabin　when　he　stopped　taking　human　blood？〃
　I　nodded。　Asher's　thumb　continued　its　small　circle　on　my　hand；　and　it　made　things　low　in　my　body　tighten。　〃Sabin　started　to　rot　while　he　was　still　alive。〃　I　stared　into　Jean…Claude's　perfect　face。　〃Is　that　what　would　happen　to　you？〃
　He　sat　back　on　the　bed　in　his　black　robe。　Jason　had　moved　against　the　headboard　as　if　watching　a　show；　and　Nathaniel　still　lay　on　his　stomach　where　I'd　left　him；　watching　us　with　pale　eyes。　〃There　was　a　vampire　of　Belle's　lineage　who　renounced　the　lust。　He　took　only　animals；　as　well；　and　I　believe　would　have　rotted　as　Sabin　did；　but　he　did　not　have　the　time。　He　began　to　age　in　a　matter　of　days。　When　he　was　a　wizened　thing；　Belle　had　him　killed。〃
　〃But　you　haven't　aged；　what　have　you　been　doing？〃　It　wasn't　accusatory。　I　simply　wanted　to　know；　because　I　could　feel　Asher　on　the　end　of　my　hand　like　something　huge　and　。。。　like　something　I　couldn't　live　without。　I'd　wanted　Nathaniel；　I'd　wanted　Jason；　I'd　wanted　Micah；　but　not　like　this。　I　think　it　was　Jean…Claude's　feelings　that　made　this　so　much　more。
　〃It　is　possible　to　feed　from　a　distance　without　touching；〃　Jean…Claude　said。
　〃That's　why　a　strip　club　was　your　first　business。　You　were　feeding　off　the　lust。〃
　〃Oui；　ma　petite。〃
　〃Teach　me　to　feed　from　a　distance。〃　Even　as　I　said　distance　Asher　drew　my　hand　to　his　cheek　and　rubbed　against　it　like　a　cat。　I　had　to　close　my　eyes　for　a　second；　but　I　didn't　tell　him　to　stop。
　〃Feeding　from　a　distance　is　a　poor　substitute　for　a　true　feeding。〃
　I　opened　my　eyes　and　stared　at　him　across　the　room；　and　now　I　could　feel　him。　I　could　feel　his　need　　for　blood；　sex；　love；　and　the　touch　of　our　flesh　against　his。　He　wrapped　his　arms　around　his　body；　as　if　he　were　cold；　or　didn't　trust　himself　not　to　leave　the　bed　and　e　to　us。
　〃Teach　me　anyway；〃　I　said。
　〃I　cannot；　not　this　soon。　In　a　few　nights　I　will　instruct　you；　but　your　control　is　not　。。。　plete　enough　yet。〃
　I　started　to　say；　〃try　me；〃　but　Asher　drew　my　finger　into　his　mouth　in　one　long；　wet　line；　and　I　suddenly　couldn't　think。
　〃e　to　bed；　ma　petite；〃　Jean…Claude　said。　〃If　you　feed　here；　there　is　a　chance　you　may　be　sated　enough　that　you　will　not　press　our　so…stubborn　Richard。〃
　The　thought　was　enough　to　dim　the　desire　for　a　moment　or　two。　I　drew　my　hand　away　from　Asher；　and　he　didn't　protest。　The　sheer　horror　of　what　I'd　be　like　around　Richard　with　this　inside　me　helped　me　think。　Being　around　him　normally　made　me　want　sex；　but　now　。。。　〃My　God；　I'll　be　lucky　if　I　don't　just　strip　down　and　do　him　in　the　lupanar。〃　I　stared　at　Jean…Claude。　〃What　do　I　do？〃
　〃I　say　again；　ma　petite；　if　you　feed　now　off　of　such　rich　fare；　you　may　be　too　full　to　need　to　feed　again　so　soon。　It　is　all　I　can　offer　you　for　tonight。　You　could　simply　delay　the　meeting　for　a　few　nights。〃
　I　shook　my　head。　〃They'll　kill　Gregory。　I　have　to　get　him　out　tonight。〃
　〃Then　e　and　feed。〃
　〃Define　feed？〃
　〃Drink　their　lust；〃　he　said。
　I　looked　at　Jason　and　Nathaniel；　and　they　weren't　even　trying　for　neutral。　The　looks　on　their　faces　brought　heat　in　a　rush　up　my　face。　I　shook　my　head。
　〃You　do　not　have　to　have　intercourse　to　feed　from　them；　as　you　have　discovered。〃
　〃Aww；〃　Jason　said；　but　the　look　on　his　face　didn't　match　the　light　teasing　of　his　voice。　They　were　responding　to　my　need；　the　way　I'd　responded　for　so　long　to　Jean…Claude's；　drawn　like　a　moth　to　a　flame。　You　just　couldn't　help　wanting　to　touch　it；　even　when　you　knew　it　would　burn。
　Asher　stood。　〃I　will　leave　you　alone。　But　with　permission；　I　would　feed　on　Nathaniel　as　my　pomme　de　sang　for　the　day。〃
　〃No；〃　I　said。
　His　eyes　widened　just　a　touch；　face　going　neutral；　eyes　empty　and　cool　as　a　spring　sky。　I　felt　him　draw　away　from　me。　〃As　you　wish。〃　He　turned　for　the　door。
　I　grabbed　his　hand；　slid　my　fingers　between　his。　〃e　to　bed；　Asher。〃
　I'd　thought　his　face　was　as　blank　and　careful　as　it　could　get。　I　was　wrong。　His　voice　held　nothing　when　he　asked；　〃What　do　you　mean？〃
　〃I　can't　give　you　back　what　you　had。　I　can't　even　give　you　。。。　〃　I　stopped　and　tried　again。　〃But　I　can　let　you　feed　together　again。〃
　〃How？〃
　〃If　Nathaniel　says　it's　okay；　you　can　take　blood　from　him；　and　Jean…Claude　will　take　blood　from　Jason。　You　can　feed　together。〃
　〃Do　you　know　how　intimate　a　thing　it　is　to　feed　together　on　your　pomme　de　sang？　A　pomme　de　sang　is　not　a　casual　feeding；　it　is　intimate；　to　be　shared　only　with　intimate　panions。〃
　I　entwined　my　fingers　around　his　hand。　〃I　know。〃　I　took　a　step　towards　the　bed；　drawing　him　with　me。　〃Let　us　feed　on　your　lust；　Asher；　as　in　days　of　old。〃
　Asher　stared　past　me　at　Jean…Claude。　〃The　last　time　two　fed　from　my　desire；　it　was　Belle　and　you。〃
　〃I　remember；〃　Jean…Claude　said　softly。
　He　held　his　hand　out　to　Asher　from　across　the　room；　and　I　was　reminded　of　him　reaching　for　Asher　all　those　centuries　ago。　〃Let　it　be　again　as　it　was　before；　but　better　this　time。　Anita　loves　you　as　you　are　now；　not　as　some　ideal　thing　like　a　butterfly　on　a　pin　to　be　tossed　aside　if　a　wing　falls　away。　e　to　us；　Asher；　e　to　us　both。〃
　Asher　smiled；　then　took　a　step　to　be　beside　me。　He　offered　me　his　arm　in　a　very　old…fashioned　gesture。　I　wanted　to　take　his　arm；　to　have　an　excuse　to　rub　my　body　against　his　as　we　walked；　and　that　was　why　I