lh.narcissusinchains-第37部分

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　〃e　on；　Nathaniel；　we've　got　to　go。〃
　He　stood　instantly　but　tossed　a　smile　towards　Detective　Arnet　that　made　her　eyes　sparkle。　Nathaniel's　real…life　job　was　as　a　stripper；　so　he　flirted　instinctively。　He　seemed　both　aware　and　unaware　of　his　effect　on　women。　When　he　concentrated；　he　understood　what　he　was　doing。　But　when　he　simply　walked　into　a　room　and　heads　turned；　he　was　oblivious。
　I　touched　his　arm。　〃Say　good…bye　to　the　nice　detectives。　We've　got　to　hurry。〃
　He　said；　〃Good…bye；　nice　detectives。〃　I　gave　him　a　small　push　towards　the　doors。
　Zerbrowski　followed　us　out。　I　think　if　Nathaniel　hadn't　been　with　us　he'd　have　asked　more　questions。　But　he'd　never　met　Nathaniel　and　wasn't　sure　of　him。　So　we　moved　in　silence　to　the　Prisoner　Processing　Area；　where　Jean…Claude　was　sitting　on　one　of　the　three　chairs。　Normally　the　processing　area　was　full　of　people　ing　in；　going　out；　and　since　it's　the　size　of　a　walk…in　closet；　that　makes　it　seem　crowded。　The　two　vending　machines　took　up　room；　but　except　for　the　prisoner　processing　clerk　　the　new　name　since　turnkey　fell　out　of　fashion　　behind　his　little　barred　bankteller　window；　the　place　was　deserted。　But　it　was　3：30　in　the　morning。
　Jean…Claude　rose　when　he　saw　me；　his　white　shirt　was　stained；　torn　on　one　sleeve。　He　didn't　look　like　he'd　been　beaten；　or　hurt。　But　he　was　usually　a　fanatic　about　his　clothes。　Only　something　drastic　would　have　changed　that。　A　struggle　perhaps？
　I　did　not　run　to　him；　but　I　did　wrap　my　arms　around　him；　press　my　ear　to　his　chest；　hold　on　to　him　as　if　he　were　the　last　solid　thing　in　the　world。　He　stroked　my　hair　and　murmured　to　me　in　French。　I　understood　enough　to　know　he　was　glad　to　see　me　and　that　he　thought　I　looked　beautiful。　But　beyond　that　it　was　just　pretty　noise。
　It　wasn't　until　I　felt　Zerbrowski　behind　me　that　I　pulled　away；　but　when　Jean…Claude's　hand　found　mine；　I　weled　it。
　Zerbrowski　was　looking　at　me　as　if　he'd　never　seen　me　before。　〃What？〃　It　came　out　hostile。
　〃I've　never　seen　you　be　that　。。。　soft　with　anyone　before。〃
　It　startled　me。　〃You've　seen　me　kiss　Richard　before。〃
　He　nodded。　〃That　was　lust。　This　is　。。。　〃　He　shook　his　head；　glancing　up　at　Jean…Claude；　then　back　to　me。　〃He　makes　you　feel　safe。〃
　I　realized　with　a　jolt　that　he　was　right。　〃You're　smarter　than　you　look；　Zerbrowski。〃
　〃Katie　reads　self…help　books　to　me。　I　just　look　at　the　pictures。〃　He　touched　my　right　hand。　〃I'll　talk　to　Dolph。〃
　〃I　don't　think　it's　going　to　help；〃　I　said。
　He　shrugged。　〃If　Orlando　King　can　have　a　conversion　experience　where　the　monsters　are　concerned；　anybody　can。〃
　〃What　do　you　mean？〃　I　asked。
　〃Have　you　ever　read；　or　seen；　any　of　his　interviews　before　his　accident？〃　Zerbrowski　made　little　quote　marks　with　his　fingers　when　he　said　accident。
　〃No。　That　was　before　I　was　interested　in　the　topic；　I　think。〃
　He　frowned　at　me。　〃I　keep　forgetting；　you　were　still　in　diapers　then。〃
　I　just　shook　my　head。　〃So　tell　me。〃
　〃King　was　one　of　the　shining　lights　behind　trying　to　get　lycanthropes　declared　nonhuman；　so　they　could　be　executed　just　for　existing；　without　a　trial。　Then　he　got　cut　up；　and；　lo　and　behold；　he　mellowed。〃
　〃Nearly　dying　will　do　that　to　you；　Zerbrowski。〃
　He　grinned　at　me。　〃It　didn't　make　me　a　better　man。〃　I'd　held　my　hands　over　his　stomach；　kept　his　insides　from　spilling　out；　while　we　waited　for　an　ambulance。　It　had　happened　just　before　Christmas　about　two　years　ago。　Zerbrowski　live　and　well　had　been　all　I　put　on　my　list　to　Santa　that　year。
　〃If　Katie　couldn't　make　you　a　better　man；　then　nothing　could；〃　I　said。
　He　grinned　wider；　then　his　face　sobered。　〃I'll　talk　to　the　boss　for　you；　see　if　I　can　get　him　to　mellow　without　a　near…death　experience。〃
　I　looked　up　into　his　serious　face。　〃Just　because　you　saw　me　hug　Jean…Claude？〃
　〃Yeah。〃
　I　gave　Zerbrowski　a　quick　hug。　〃Thank　you。〃
　He　pushed　me　back　towards　Jean…Claude。　〃Better　get　him　under　wraps　before　dawn。〃　He　looked　past　me　to　the　vampire。　〃Take　care　of　her。〃
　Jean…Claude　gave　a　small　bow　from　his　neck。　〃I　will　take　care　of　her　as　much　as　she　allows　it。〃
　Zerbrowski　laughed。　〃Oh；　he　does　know　you。〃
　We　left　with　Zerbrowski　laughing；　the　clerk　staring；　and　the　night　growing　soft　around　us。　Dawn　was　ing；　and　I　had　so　many　questions。　Nathaniel　drove。　Jean…Claude　and　I　rode　in　back。
　
　13
　
　I　BUCKLED　MY　seat　belt　out　of　habit；　but　Jean…Claude　stayed　pressed　to　my　side；　arm　around　my　shoulders。　I'd　started　to　shake　and　couldn't　seem　to　stop。　It　was　as　if　I'd　been　waiting　for　him　so　I　could　finally　fall　apart。　I　didn't　cry；　just　let　him　hold　me　while　I　shook。
　〃It　is　alright；　ma　petite。　We　are　both　safe　now。〃
　I　shook　my　head　against　the　stained　front　of　his　shirt。　〃It's　not　that。〃
　He　touched　my　face；　raised　it　to　look　at　him　in　the　soft…lighted　darkness　of　the　car。　〃Then　what　is　it？〃
　〃I　had　sex　with　Micah。〃　I　watched　his　face；　waited　for　the　anger；　jealousy；　something　to　flash　through　his　eyes。　What　I　saw　was　sympathy；　and　I　didn't　understand　it。
　〃You　are　like　a　vampire　newly　risen。　Even　those　of　us　who　will　be　masters　cannot　fight　our　hunger　the　first　night；　or　the　first　few　nights。　It　is　overwhelming。　It　is　why　many　vampires　feed　on　their　nearest　kin　when　they　first　rise。　It　is　who　they　are　thinking　of　in　their　hearts；　and　they　are　drawn　to　them。　It　is　only　with　the　aid　of　a　master　vampire　that　the　hunger　can　be　directed　elsewhere。〃
　〃You're　not　angry？〃　I　asked。
　He　laughed　and　hugged　me。　〃I　thought　you　would　be　angry　with　me　for　giving　you　the　ardeur；　the　fire；　the　burning　hunger。〃
　I　pushed　back　enough　to　see　his　face。　〃Why　didn't　you　warn　me　that　I　couldn't　control　it？〃
　〃I　never　underestimate　you；　ma　petite。　If　anyone　I　have　ever　known　in　all　these　centuries　could　have　withstood　such　a　test；　it　was　you。　So　I　did　not　tell　you　you　would　fail；　because　I　no　longer　try　to　predict　what　power　will　do　to　you；　or　through　you。　You　are　a　law　unto　yourself　so　much　of　the　time。〃
　〃I　was　。。。　helpless。　I　。。。　I　didn't　want　to　control　it。〃
　〃Of　course　not。〃
　I　shook　my　head。　〃Is　the　ardeur　permanent？〃
　〃I　do　not　know。〃
　〃How　long　until　I　can　control　it？〃
　〃A　few　weeks。　But　even　after　you　have　control；　you　will　have　to　be　careful　around　those　you　most　lust　after。　They　will　make　the　hunger　flare　like　fire　raging　in　your　veins。　There　is　no　shame　to　it。〃
　〃So　you　say。〃
　He　held　my　face　between　his　hands。　〃Ma　petite；　it　has　been　over　four　hundred　years　since　I　first　woke　with　the　ardeur　raging　in　me；　but　I　remember。　All　these　years；　and　I　still　remember　that　the　cry　for　flesh　was　almost　worse　than　the　cry　for　blood。〃
　I　held　his　wrists；　pressed　his　hands　against　my　face。　〃I'm　scared。〃
　〃Of　course　you　are。　You　should　be。　But　I　will　help　you　through　this。　I　will　be　your　guide。　It　may　pass　away　in　a　few　days；　or　e　and　go；　I　simply　do　not　know。　But　I　will　help　you　through　it；　whatever　happens。〃
　Nathaniel　pulled　into　the　Circus　of　the　Damned　parking　lot；　beside　the　back　door。　It　was　still　dark　as　we　got　out；　but　the　air　had　that　soft　feel　of　predawn。　You　could　taste　the　ing　morning　on　the　tip　of　your　tongue。
　Jason　opened　the　outer　door　as　if　he'd　been　waiting　for　us。　He　probably　had。　Jean…Claude　hurried　past　him　to　the　door　that　led　to　the　stairs。　We　followed；　but　Jean…Claude　called　back　over　his　shoulder；　〃I　must　shower　before　dawn。〃　With　that　he　left　us；　running　in　a　blur　of　motion。　The　rest　of　us　walked　more　sedately　down　the　stairs；　able　to　walk　three　abreast；　because　none　of　us　were　large　people。
　〃How　are　you　feeling？〃　Jason　asked。
　I　shrugged。　〃I'm　pretty　much　healed。〃
　〃You　look　shook。〃
　I　shrugged；　again。
　〃Okay；　I　can　take　a　hint。　You　don't　want　to　talk　about　it。〃
　〃No；　I　don't。〃
　Jason　glanced　around　me　at　Nathaniel。　〃You　staying　the　night？〃
　〃Am　I？〃　I　knew　the　question　was　directed　at　me。
　〃Sure；　you　may　need　to　drive　me　home　tomorrow；　or　rather；　later　today。〃
　〃Yes；　I　am　staying。〃
　〃You　can　bunk　with　me　then。　God　knows　the　bed　is　big　enough　and　doesn't　see　many　visitors。〃
　I　glanced　at　Jason。　〃Does　Jean…Claude　limit　your　social　activities？〃
　He　laughed。　〃No；　not　exactly；　but　the　women　who　e　down　here　are　vampire　freaks。　They　want　to　sleep　in　a　bed　under　the　ground　at　the　Circus　of　the　Damned。　They　don't　want　me；　they　want　Jean…Claude's　pet　werewolf。〃
　〃I　wouldn't　think　。。。　〃　I　stopped　myself　because　I　realized　it　was　an　insult。
　〃Go　ahead　and　say　it。〃
　〃I　wouldn't　think　that　you'd　be　that　picky；〃　I　said。
　〃I　wasn't　when　I　first　got　here。　But　lately　I　just　don't　want　to　be　with　someone　who　just　wants　me　so　she　can　brag　to　her　friends　that　she　slept　with　a　shapeshifter；　or　got　to　sleep　where　the　vampires　sleep。　No　matter　how　good　it　feels　for　a　few　minutes；　it　still　makes　me　feel　like　they've　just　e　to　look　at　one　of　the　freaks。〃
　I　slipped　my　arm　through　his；　squeezed　his　arm。　〃Don't　let　anybody　make　you　feel　like　that；　Jason。　You're　not　a　freak。〃
　He　patted　my　hand。　〃Look　who's　talking。〃
　I　pulled　away　from　him。　〃What's　that　supposed　to　mean？〃
　〃Nothing；　I'm　sorry　I　said　it。〃
　〃No；　I　want　you　to　explain　it。〃
　He　sighed　and　hurried　down　the　steps；　but　I　was　in　Nikes　and　could　keep　up。　Nathaniel　followed　a　few　steps　behind　without　saying　a　word。　〃Explain　it；　J