sidneysheldon.astrangerinthemirror-第45部分

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　〃We've　got　some　fine　doctors　in　Houston；〃　he　said。　〃Some　of　the　best　in　the　world。　I　could　fly　them　down　to　him。〃　
　Jill　could　feel　her　throat　tightening。　Oh；　how　she　wanted　to　ask　David　to　e　to　her；　to　take　her　away　from　this　place！　But　she　could　not。　She　was　bound　to　Toby；　and　she　knew　that　she　could　never　leave　him。　Not　while　he　was　alive。　
　Dr。　Kaplan　had　pleted　his　examination　of　Toby。　Jill　was　waiting　for　him　in　the　library。　She　turned　to　face　him　as　he　walked　through　the　door。　He　said；　with　a　clumsy　attempt　at　humor；　
　〃Well；　Jill；　I　have　good　news　and　I　have　bad　news。〃　
　〃Tell　me　the　bad　news　first。〃　
　〃I'm　afraid　Toby's　nervous　system　is　damaged　too　heavily　to　be　rehabilitated。　There's　no　question　about　it。　Not　this　time。　He'll　never　walk　or　talk　again。〃　
　She　stared　at　him　a　long　time；　and　then　said；　
　〃What's　the　good　news？〃　
　Dr。　Kaplan　smiled。　〃Toby's　heart　is　amazingly　'strong。　With　proper　care；　he　can　live　for　another　twenty　years。〃　
　Jill　looked　at　him；　unbelievingly。　Twenty　years。　That　was　the　good　news！　She　thought　of　herself　saddled　with　the　horrible　gargoyle　upstairs；　trapped　in　a　nightmare　from　which　there　was　no　escape。　She　could　never　divorce　Toby。　Not　as　long　as　he　lived。　Because　no　one　would　understand。　She　was　the　heroine　who　had　saved　his　life。　Everyone　would　feel　betrayed；　cheated；　if　she　deserted　him　now。　Even　David　Kenyon。　David　telephoned　every　day　now；　and　he　kept　talking　about　her　wonderful　loyalty　and　her　selflessness；　and　they　were　both　aware　of　the　deep　emotional　current　flowing　between　them。　The　unspoken　phrase　was；　when　Toby　dies。　
　Three　nurses　attended　Toby　around　the　clock　in　shifts。　They　were　crisp　and　capable　and　as　impersonal　as　machines。　Jill　was　grateful　for　their　presence；　for　she　could　not　bear　to　go　near　Toby。　The　sight　of　that　hideous；　grinning　mask　repelled　her。　She　found　excuses　to　stay　away　from　his　room。　When　she　did　force　herself　to　go　to　him；　Jill　could　sense　a　change　in　him　immediately。　Even　the　nurses　could　feel　it。　Toby　lay　motionless　and　impotent；　frozen　in　his　spastic　cage。　Yet　the　moment　Jill　entered　the　room；　a　vitality　began　to　blaze　from　those　bright　blue　eyes。　Jill　could　read　Toby's　thoughts　as　clearly　as　if　he　were　speaking　aloud。　Don't　let　me　die。　Help　me。　Help　me！　Jill　stood　looking　down　at　his　ruined　body　and　thought；　I　can't　help　you。　You　don't　want　to　live　like　this。　You　want　to　die。　
　The　idea　began　to　grow　in　Jill。　The　newspapers　were　full　of　stories　about　terminally　ill　husbands　whose　wives　had　released　them　from　their　pain。　Even　some　doctors　admitted　that　they　deliberately　let　certain　patients　die。　Euthanasia；　it　was　called。　Mercy　killing。　But　Jill　knew　that　it　could　also　be　called　murder；　even　though　nothing　lived　in　Toby　anymore　but　those　damned　eyes　that　would　not　stop　following　her　around。　
　In　the　weeks　that　followed；　Jill　never　left　the　house。　Most　of　the　time；　she　shut　herself　away　in　her　bedroom。　Her　headaches　had　returned；　and　she　could　find　no　relief。　
　Newspapers　and　magazines　carried　human…interest　stories　about　the　paralyzed　superstar　and　his　devoted　wife；　who　had　once　nursed　him　back　to　health。　All　the　periodicals　speculated　about　whether　Jill　would　be　able　to　repeat　the　miracle。　But　she　knew　that　there　would　be　no　more　miracles。　Toby　would　never　be　well　again。　Twenty　years；　Dr。　Kaplan　had　said。　And　David　was　out　there　waiting　for　her。　She　had　to　find　a　way　to　escape　from　her　prison。　
　It　began　on　a　dark；　gloomy　Sunday。　It　rained　in　the　morning　and　continued　all　day；　drumming　against　the　roof　and　the　windows　of　the　house　until　Jill　thought　she　would　go　mad。　She　was　in　her　bedroom；　reading；　trying　to　get　the　vicious　tattoo　of　the　falling　rain　out　of　her　mind；　when　the　night　nurse　walked　in。　Her　name　was　Ingrid　Johnson。　She　was　starched　and　Nordic。　
　〃The　burner　upstairs　isn't　working；〃　Ingrid　announced。　〃Ill　have　to　go　down　to　the　kitchen　to　prepare　Mr。　Temple's　dinner。　Could　you　stay　with　him　for　a　few　minutes？〃　
　Jill　could　sense　the　disapproval　in　the　nurse's　voice。　She　thought　it　strange　for　a　wife　not　to　go　near　her　husband's　sickbed。　
　〃I'll　look　after　him；〃　Jill　said。　She　put　down　her　book　and　went　down　the　hall　to　Toby's　bedroom。　The　moment　Jill　walked　into　the　room；　her　nostrils　were　assailed　by　the　familiar　stench　of　sickness。　In　an　instant；　every　fiber　of　her　being　was　flooded　with　memories　of　those　long；　dreadful　months　when　she　had　fought　to　save　Toby。　Toby's　head　was　propped　up　on　a　large　pillow。　As　he　watched　Jill　enter；　his　eyes　suddenly　came　alive；　flashing　out　frantic　messages。　Where　have　you　been？　Why　have　you　stayed　away　from　me？　I　need　you。　Help　me！　It　was　as　though　his　eyes　had　a　voice。　Jill　looked　down　at　the　loathsome；　twisted　body　with　the　grinning　death's　mask　and　she　felt　nauseated。　You'll　never　get　well；　damn　you！　You've　got　to　die！　I　want　you　to　die！　As　Jill　stared　at　Toby；　she　watched　the　expression　in　his　eyes　change。　They　registered　shock　and　disbelief　and　then　they　began　to　fill　with　such　hatred；　such　naked　malevolence；　that　Jill　involuntarily　took　a　step　away　from　the　bed。　She　realized　then　what　had　happened。　She　had　spoken　her　thoughts　aloud。　She　turned　and　fled　from　the　room。　
　In　the　morning；　the　rain　stopped。　Toby's　old　wheelchair　had　been　brought　up　from　the　basement。　The　day　nurse；　Frances　Gordon；　was　wheeling　Toby　out　in　his　chair　to　the　garden　to　get　some　sun。　Jill　listened　to　the　sound　of　the　wheelchair　moving　down　the　hall　toward　the　elevator。　She　waited　a　few　minutes；　then　she　went　downstairs。　She　was　passing　the　library　when　the　phone　rang。　It　was　David；　calling　from　Washington。　
　〃How　are　you　today？〃　He　sounded　warm　and　caring。　She　had　never　been　so　glad　to　hear　his　voice。　
　〃I'm　fine；　David。〃　
　〃I　wish　you　were　with　me；　darling。〃　
　〃So　do　I。　I　love　you　so　much。　And　I　want　you。　I　want　you　to　hold　me　in　your　arms　again。　Oh；　David。。。〃　
　Some　instinct　made　Jill　turn。　Toby　was　in　the　hallway；　strapped　in　the　wheelchair　where　the　nurse　had　left　him　for　a　moment。　His　blue　eyes　blazed　at　Jill　with　such　loathing；　such　malice　that　it　was　like　a　physical　blow。　His　mind　was　speaking　to　her　through　his　eyes；　screaming　at　her；　I'm　going　to　kill　you！　Jill　dropped　the　telephone　in　panic。　She　ran　out　of　the　room　and　up　the　stairs；　and　she　could　feel　Toby's　hatred　pursuing　her；　like　some　violent；　evil　force。　She　stayed　in　her　bedroom　all　day；　refusing　food。　She　sat　in　a　chair；　in　a　trancelike　state；　her　mind　going　over　and　over　the　moment　at　the　telephone。　Toby　knew。　He　knew。　She　could　not　face　him　again。　Finally；　night　came。　It　was　the　middle　of　July；　and　the　air　still　held　the　heat　of　the　day。　Jill　opened　her　bedroom　windows　wide　to　catch　whatever　faint　breeze　there　might　be。　
　In　Toby's　room　Nurse　Gallagher　was　on　duty。　She　tiptoed　in　to　take　a　look　at　her　patient。　Nurse　Gallagher　wished　she　could　read　his　mind；　then　perhaps　she　might　be　able　to　help　the　poor　man。　She　tucked　the　covers　around　Toby。　
　〃You　get　a　good　night's　sleep　now；〃　she　said；　cheerily。　〃I'll　be　back　to　check　on　you。〃　There　was　no　reaction。　He　did　not　even　move　his　eyes　to　look　at　her。　Perhaps　its　just　as　well　I　can't　read　his　mind。　Nurse　Gallagher　thought。　She　took　one　last　look　at　him　and　retired　to　her　little　sitting　room　to　watch　some　late…night　television。　Nurse　Gallagher　enjoyed　the　talk　shows。　She　loved　to　watch　movie　stars　chat　about　themselves。　It　made　them　terribly　human；　just　like　ordinary；　everyday　people。　She　kept　the　sound　low；　so　that　it　would　not　disturb　her　patient。　But　Toby　Temple　would　not　have　heard　it　in　any　case。　His　thoughts　were　elsewhere。　
　The　house　was　asleep；　safe　in　the　guarded　fastness　of　the　Bel…Air　woods。　A　few　faint　sounds　of　traffic　drifted　up　from　Sunset　Boulevard　far　below。　Nurse　Gallagher　was　watching　a　late　night　movie。　She　wished　they　would　run　an　old　Toby　Temple　film。　It　would　be　so　exciting　to　watch　Mr。　Temple　on　television　and　know　that　he　was　here　in　person；　just　a　few　feet　away。　At　four　a。m。。　Nurse　Gallagher　dozed　off　in　the　middle　of　a　horror　film。　In　Toby's　bedroom　there　was　a　deep　silence。　In　Jill's　room；　the　only　sound　that　could　be　heard　was　the　ticking　of　the　bedside　clock。　Jill　lay　in　her　bed；　naked；　sound　asleep；　one　arm　hugging　a　pillow；　her　body　dark　against　the　white　sheets。　The　street　noises　were　muffled　and　far　away。　Jill　turned　restlessly　in　her　sleep　and　shivered。　She　dreamed　that　she　and　David　were　in　Alaska　on　their　honeymoon。　They　were　on　a　vast　frozen　plain　and　a　sudden　storm　had　e　up。　The　wind　was　blowing　the　icy　air　into　their　faces；　and　it　was　difficult　to　breathe。　She　turned　toward　David；　bat　he　was　gone。　She　was　alone　in　the　frigid　Arctic；　coughing；　fighting　to　get　her　breath。　
　It　was　the　sound　of　someone　choking　that　woke　Jill　up。　She　heard　a　horrid；　gasping　wheeze；　a　death　rattle；　and　she　opened　her　eyes；　and　the　sound　was　ing　from　her　own　throat。　She　could　not　breathe。　An　icy　cloak　of　air　covered　her　like　some　obscene　blanket；　caressing　her　nude　body；　stroking　her　breasts；　kissing　her　lips　with　a　frigid；　malodorous　breath　that　reeked　of　the　grave。　Jill's　heart　was　pounding　wildly　now；　as　she　fought　for　air。　Her　lungs　felt　seared　from　the　cold。　She　tried　to　sit　up；　and　it　was　as　though　there　was　an　invisible　weight　holding　he