sidneysheldon.astrangerinthemirror-第41部分
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d hold it up so he could see it。
〃There we are with the Queen。 Do you remember; how they all cheered you that night? That's the way it's going to be again。 You're going to be bigger than ever; Toby; bigger than ever。〃 She tucked him in at night and crawled into the cot she had put next to his bed; drained。 In the middle of the night; she would be awakened by the noisome stench of Toby's bowel movement in bed。 She would drag herself from her cot and change Toby's diaper and clean him。 By then it would be time to start fixing his breakfast and begin another day。 And another。 In an endless march of days。 Each day Jill pushed Toby a little harder; a little further。 Her nerves were so frayed that; if she felt Toby was not trying; she would slap him across the face。
〃We're going to beat them;〃 she said fiercely。 〃You're going to get well。〃
Jill's body was exhausted from the punishing routine she was putting herself through; but when she lay down at night; sleep eluded her。 There were too many visions dancing through her head; like scenes from old movies。 She and Toby mobbed by reporters at the Cannes Festival。。。 The President at their Palm Springs home; telling Jill how beautiful she was。。。 Fans crowding around Toby and her at a premiere 。。。 The Golden Couple。。。 Toby stepping up to receive his medal and falling。。。 falling 。。。 Finally; she would drift off to sleep。 Sometimes; Jill would awaken with a sudden; fierce headache that would not go away。 She would lie there in the loneliness of the dark; fighting the pain; until the sun would e up; and it was time to drag herself to her feet。 And it would begin all over again。 It was as though she and Toby were the lone survivors of some long…forgotten holocaust。 Her world had shrunk to the dimensions of this house; these rooms; this man。 She drove herself relentlessly from dawn until past midnight。 And she drove Toby; her Toby imprisoned in hell; in a world where there was only Jill; whom he must blindly obey。 The weeks; dreary and painful; dragged by and turned into months。 Now; Toby would begin to cry when he saw Jill ing toward him; for he knew he was going to be punished。 Each day Jill became more merciless。 She forced Toby's flopping; useless limbs to move; until he was in unbearable agony。 He made horrible gurgling pleas for her to stop; but Jill would say;
〃Not yet。 Not until you're a man again; not until we show them all。〃 She would go on kneading his exhausted muscles。 He was a helpless; full…grown baby; a vegetable; a nothing。 But when Jill looked at him; she saw him as he was going to be; and she declared;
〃You're going to walk!〃 She would lift him to his feet and hold him up while she forced one leg after the other; so that he was moving in a grotesque parody of motion; like a drunken; disjointed marionette。 Her headaches had bee more frequent。 Bright lights or a loud noise or sudden movement would set them off。 I must see a doctor; she thought。 Later; when Toby is well again。 Now there was no time or room for herself。 Only Toby。 It was as though Jill were possessed。 Her clothes hung loosely on her; but she had no idea of how much weight she had lost or how she looked。 Her face was thin and drawn; her eyes hollow。 Her once beautiful shiny black hair was lusterless and stringy。 She did not know; nor would she have cared。
One day Jffl found a telegram under the door asking her to phone Dr。 Kaplan。 No time。 The routine must be kept。 The days and nights became a blur of bathing Toby and exercising him and changing him and shaving him and feeding him。 And then starting all over again。 She got a walker for Toby and fastened his fingers around it and moved his legs; holding him up; trying to show him the motions; walking him back and forth across the room until she was asleep on her feet; not knowing any longer where or who she was; or what she was doing。 Then; one day; Jill knew that it had all e to an end。
She had been up with Toby half the night and had finally gone into her own bedroom; where she had fallen into a dazed slumber just before dawn。 When Jill awakened; the sun was high in the sky。 She had slept long past noon。 Toby had not been fed or bathed or changed。 He was lying in his bed; helpless; waiting for her; probably panicky。 Jill started to rise and found that she could not move。 She was filled with such a bottomless; bone…deep weariness that her exhausted body would no longer obey her。 She lay there; helpless; knowing that she had lost; that it had all been wasted; all the days and nights of hell; the months of agony; none of it had meant anything。 Her body had betrayed her; as Toby's had betrayed him。 Jill had no strength left to give him anymore; and it made her want to weep。 It was finished。 She heard a sound at her bedroom door and she raised her eyes。 Toby was standing in the doorway; by himself; his trembling arms clutching his walker; his mouth making unintelligible slobbering noises; working to say something。 〃Jiiuiugb。。。 Jiiiiiigh。。。〃 He was trying to say 〃Jill〃。 She began to sob uncontrollably; and she could not stop。
From that day on; Toby's progress was spectacular。 For the first time; he knew he was going to get well。 He no longer objected when Jill pushed him beyond the limits of his endurance。 He weled it。 He wanted to get well for her。 Jill bad bee his goddess; if he had loved her before; he worshiped her now。 And something had happened to Jill。 Before; it had been her own life she was fighting for; Toby was merely the instrument she was forced to use。 But somehow; that had changed。 It was as though Toby had bee a part of her。 They were one body and one mind and one soul; obsessed with the same purpose。 They had gone through a purging crucible。 His life bad been in her hands; and she had nurtured it and strengthened it; and saved it; and out of that had grown a kind of love。 Toby belonged to her; just as she belonged to him。
Jill changed Toby's diet; so that he began to regain the weight he had lost。 He spent time in the sun every day and took long walks around the grounds; using the walker; then a cane; building up his strength。 When the day came that Toby could walk by himself; the two of them celebrated by having a candlelight dinner in the dining room。 Finally; Jill felt that Toby was ready to be seen。 She telephoned Dr。 Kaplan; and his nurse put him on the phone immediately。
〃Jill! I've been terribly worried。 I've tried to telephone you and there was never any answer。 I sent a telegram; and when I didn't hear; I assumed you had taken Toby away somewhere。 Is hehas he ?〃
〃e and see for yourself; Eli。〃
Dr。 Kaplan could not conceal his astonishment。
〃It's unbelievable;〃 he told Jill。 〃It's it's like a miracle。〃
〃It is a miracle;〃 Jill said。 Only in this life you made your own miracles; because God was busy elsewhere。
〃People still call me to ask about Toby;〃 Dr。 Kaplan was saying。 〃Apparently they've been unable to get through to you。 Sam Winters calls at least once a week。 Clifton Lawrence has been calling。〃
Jill dismissed Clifton Lawrence。 But Sam Winters! That I was good。 Jill had to find a way to let the world know that Toby Temple was still a superstar; that they were still the Golden Couple。
Jill telephoned Sam Winters the next morning and asked him if he would like to e and visit Toby。 Sam arrived at the house an hour later。 Jill opened the front door to let him in; and Sam tried to conceal his shock at her appearance。 Jill looked ten years older than when he had last seen her。 Her eyes were hollow brown pools and her face was etched with deep lines。 She had lost so much weight that she looked almost skeletal。
〃Thank you for ing; Sam。 Toby will be pleased to see you。〃
Sam had been prepared to see Toby in bed; a shadow of the man he had once been; but he was in for a stunning surprise。 Toby was lying on a pad alongside the pool and; as Sam approached; Toby rose to his feet; a little slowly; but steadily; and held out a firm hand。 He appeared tanned and healthy; better than he had looked before his stroke。 It was as though through some arcane alchemy; Jill's health and vitality had sowed into Toby's body; and the sick tides that had ravaged Toby had ebbed into Jill。
〃Hey! It's great to see you; Sam。〃 Toby's speech was a little slower and more precise than before; but it was clear and strong。 There was no sign of the paralysis Sam had heard about。 There was still the same boyish face with the bright blue eyes。 Sam gave Toby a hug and said;
〃Jesus; you really had us scared。〃
Toby grinned and said; 〃You don't have to call me 'Jesus' when we're alone。〃
Sam looked at Toby more closely and marveled。
〃I honestly can't get over it。 Damn it; you look younger。 The whole town was making funeral arrangements。〃
〃Over my dead body;〃 Toby smiled。
Sam said; 〃It's fantastic what the doctors today can …〃
〃No doctors。〃 Toby turned to look at Jill and naked adoration shone from his eyes。 〃You want to know who did it? Jill。 just Jill。 With her two bare hands。 She threw everybody out and made me get on my feet again。〃
Sam glanced at Jill; puzzled。 She had not seemed to him the kind of girl capable of such a selfless act。 Perhaps he had misjudged her。
〃What are yo