sidneysheldon.astrangerinthemirror-第36部分

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　〃Are　you　gonna　see　her　again？〃　
　〃Are　you　demented？　You　bet　your　sweet　ass　I　am！〃　
　
　After　that；　Toby　and　Jill　were　together　almost　every　night。　When　Jill　would　tell　Toby　she　could　not　see　him　because　she　was　busy　or　had　an　early　morning　call；　Toby　would　be　in　despair。　He　telephoned　Jill　a　dozen　times　a　day。　He　took　her　to　the　most　glamorous　restaurants　and　the　most　exclusive　private　clubs　in　town。　In　return；　Jill　took　him　to　the　old　boardwalk　in　Santa　Monica　and　the　Trancas　Inn　and　the　little　French　family　restaurant　called　Taix　and　to　Papa　DeCarlos　and　all　the　other　out…of…the…way　places　a　struggling　actress　with　no　money　learns　about。　Toby　did　not　care　where　he　went；　as　long　as　Jill　was　with　him。　She　was　the　first　person　he　had　ever　known　who　made　his　feeling　of　loneliness　vanish。　
　Toby　was　almost　afraid　to　go　to　bed　with　Jill　now；　for　fear　the　magic　might　disappear。　And　yet　he　wanted　her　more　than　he　had　ever　desired　any　woman　in　his　life。　Once；　at　the　end　of　an　evening；　when　Jill　was　giving　him　a　light　good　night　kiss；　Toby　reached　between　her　legs　and　said；　
　〃God；　Jill；　I'll　go　crazy　if　I　can't　have　you。〃　
　She　pulled　back　and　said　coldly；　〃If　that's　all　you　want；　you　can　buy　it　anywhere　in　town　for　twenty　dollars。〃　
　She　slammed　the　door　in　his　face。　Afterward；　she　leaned　against　the　door；　trembling；　afraid　that　she　had　gone　too　far。　She　lay　awake　all　night；　worrying。　The　next　day　Toby　sent　her　a　diamond　bracelet；　and　Jill　knew　that　everything　was　all　right。　She　returned　the　bracelet　with　a　carefully　thought…out　note。　
　〃Thank　you；　anyway。　You　make　me　feel　very　beautiful。〃　
　〃It　cost　me　three　grand；〃　Toby　told　Clifton　proudly；　〃and　she　sent　it　back！〃　He　shook　his　head　incredulously。　〃What　do　you　think　of　a　girl　like　that？〃　
　Clifton　could　have　told　him　exactly　what　he　thought；　but　all　he　said　was；　〃She's　certainly　unusual；　dear　boy。〃　
　〃Unusual！〃　Toby　exclaimed。　〃Every　broad　in　this　town　is　on　the　make　for　everything　they　can　get　their　hot　little　hands　on。　Jill　is　the　first　girl　I've　ever　met　who　doesn't　give　a　damn　about　material　things。　Do　you　blame　me　for　being　crazy　about　her？〃　
　〃No；〃　Clifton　said。　But　he　was　beginning　to　get　worried。　He　knew　all　about　Jill；　and　he　wondered　if　he　should　not　have　spoken　up　sooner。　〃I　wouldn't　object　if　you　wanted　to　take　Jill　on　as　a　client；〃　Toby　said　to　Clifton。　〃I'll　bet　she　could　be　a　big　star。〃　
　Clifton　parried　it　deftly　but　firmly。　〃No；　thanks；　Toby。　One　superstar　on　my　hands　is　enough。〃　
　He　laughed。　That　night　Toby　repeated　the　remark　to　Jill。　
　After　his　unsuccessful　attempt　with　Jill；　Toby　was　careful　not　to　broach　the　subject　of　their　going　to　bed　together。　Toby　was　actually　proud　of　Jill　for　refusing　him。　All　the　other　girls　he　had　gone　with　had　been　doormats。　But　not　Jill。　When　Toby　did　something　Jill　thought　was　out　of　line；　she　told　him　so。　One　night　Toby　tongue…lashed　a　man　who　was　pestering　him　for　an　autograph。　Later；　Jill　said；　
　〃It's　funny　when　you're　sarcastic　on　stage；　Toby；　but　you　hurt　that　man's　feelings。〃　
　Toby　had　gone　back　to　the　man　and　apologized。　Jill　told　Toby　that　she　thought　his　drinking　so　much　was　not　good　for　him。　He　cut　down　on　his　consumption。　She　made　a　casually　critical　remark　about　his　clothes；　and　he　changed　tailors。　Toby　allowed　Jill　to　say　things　that　he　would　not　have　tolerated　from　anyone　else　in　the　world。　No　one　had　ever　dared　boss　him　around　or　criticize　him。　Except；　of　course；　his　mother。　
　Jill　refused　to　accept　money　or　expensive　gifts　from　Toby；　but　he　knew　that　she　could　not　have　much　money；　and　her　courageous　behavior　made　Toby　even　more　proud　of　her。　One　evening　at　Jill's　apartment；　while　Toby　was　waiting　for　her　to　finish　dressing　before　dinner；　he　noticed　a　stack　of　bills　in　the　living　room。　Toby　slipped　them　into　his　pocket　and　the　next　day　ordered　Clifton　to　pay　them。　Toby　felt　as　though　he　had　scored　a　victory。　But　he　wanted　to　do　something　big　for　Jill；　something　important。　And　he　suddenly　knew　what　it　was　going　to　be。　
　〃SamI'm　going　to　do　you　a　great　big　favor！〃　Beware　of　stars　bearing　gifts；　Sam　Winters　thought　wryly。　〃You've　been　going　crazy　looking　for　a　girl　for　Keller's　picture；　right？〃　Toby　asked。　〃Well；　I　got　her　for　you。〃　
　〃Anyone　I　know？〃　Sam　inquired。　
　〃You　met　her　at　my　house。　Jill　Castle。〃　
　Sam　remembered　Jill。　Beautiful　face　and　figure；　black　hair。　Far　too　old　to　play　the　teen…ager　in　the　Keller　movie。　But　if　Toby　Temple　wanted　her　to　test　for　the　part；　Sam　was　going　to　oblige。　
　〃Have　her　e　in　to　see　me　this　afternoon；〃　he　said。　
　
　Sam　saw　to　it　that　Jill　Castle's　test　was　carefully　handled。　She　was　given　one　of　the　studio's　top…cameramen；　and　Keller　himself　directed　the　test。　Sam　looked　at　the　rushes　the　following　day。　As　he　had　guessed；　Jill　was　too　mature　for　the　part　of　the　young　girl。　Aside　from　that；　she　was　not　bad。　What　she　lacked　was　charisma；　the　magic　that　leaped　out　from　the　screen。　He　telephoned　Toby　Temple。　
　〃I　looked　at　Jill's　test　this　morning；　Toby。　She　photographs　well；　and　she　can　read　lines；　but　she's　not　a　leading　lady。　She　could　earn　a　good　living　playing　minor　roles；　but　if　she　has　her　heart　set　on　being　a　star；　I　think　she's　in　the　wrong　business。〃　
　Toby　picked　up　Jill　that　evening　to　take　her　to　a　dinner　being　given　for　a　celebrated　English　director　who　had　just　arrived　in　Hollywood。　Jill　had　been　looking　forward　to　it。　She　opened　the　door　for　Toby　and　the　moment　he　entered　she　knew　that　something　was　wrong。　
　〃You　heard　some　news　about　my　test；〃　she　said。　
　He　nodded　reluctantly。　〃I　talked　to　Sam　Winters。〃　He　told　her　what　Sam　had　said；　trying　to　soften　the　blow。　Jill　stood　there　listening；　not　saying　a　word。　She　had　been　so　sure。　The　part　had　felt　so　right。　Out　of　nowhere　came　the　memory　of　the　gold　cup　in　the　department…store　window。　The　little　girl　had　ached　with　the　wanting　and　the　loss；　Jill　felt　the　same　feeling　of　despair　now。　Toby　was　saying；　
　〃Look；　honey；　don't　worry　about　it。　Winters　doesn't　know　what　he's　talking　about。〃　
　But　he　did　know！　She　was　not　going　to　make　it。　All　the　agony　and　the　pain　and　the　hope　had　been　for　nothing。　It　was　as　though　her　mother　had　been　right　and　a　vengeful　God　was　punishing　Jill　for　she　knew　not　what。　She　could　hear　the　preacher　screaming。　See　that　little　girl？　She　will　burn　in　Hell　for　her　sins　if　she　does　not　give　her　soul　up　to　God　and　repent。　She　had　e　to　this　town　with　love　and　dreams；　and　the　town　had　degraded　her。　She　was　overe　with　an　unbearable　feeling　of　sadness　and　she　was　not　even　aware　that　she　was　sobbing　until　she　felt　Toby's　arm　around　her。　
　〃Sh！　It's　all　right；〃　he　said；　and　his　gentleness　made　her　cry　still　the　harder。　She　stood　there　while　he　held　her　in　his　arms　and　she　told　him　about　her　father　dying　when　she　was　born；　and　about　the　gold　cup　and　the　Holy　Rollers　and　the　headaches　and　the　nights　filled　with　terror　while　she　waited　for　God　to　strike　her　dead。　She　told　him　about　the　endless；　dreary　jobs　she　had　taken　in　order　to　bee　an　actress　and　the　series　of　failures。　Some　deep…rooted　instinct　kept　her　from　mentioning　the　men　in　her　life。　Although　she　had　started　out　playing　a　game　with　Toby；　she　was　now　beyond　pretense。　It　was　in　this　moment　of　her　naked　vulnerability　that　she　reached　him。　She　touched　a　chord　deep　within　him　that　no　one　else　had　ever　struck。　He　took　out　his　pocket　handkerchief　and　dried　her　tears。　
　〃Hey；　if　you　think　you　had　it　tough；〃　he　said；　〃listen　to　this。　My　old　man　was　a　butcher　and。。。〃　
　They　talked　until　three　o'clock　in　the　morning。　It　was　the　first　time　in　his　life　Toby　had　talked　to　a　girl　as　a　human　being。　He　understood　her。　How　could　he　not；　she　was　him。　Neither　of　them　ever　knew　who　made　the　first　move。　What　had　started　as　a　gentle；　understanding　forting　slowly　became　a　sensual；　animal　wanting。　They　were　kissing　hungrily；　and　he　was　holding　her　tightly。　She　could　feel　his　maleness　pressing　against　her。　She　needed　him　and　he　was　taking　off　her　clothes；　and　she　was　helping　him　and　then　he　was　naked　in　the　dark　beside　her；　and　there　was　an　urgency　in　both　of　them。　They　went　to　the　floor。　Toby　entered　her　and　Jill　moaned　once　at　the　enormous　size　of　him；　and　Toby　started　to　withdraw。　She　pulled　him　closer　to　her；　holding　him　fiercely。　He　began　to　make　love　to　her　then；　filling　her；　pleting　her；　making　her　body　whole。　It　was　gentle　and　loving　and　it　kept　building　and　became　frantic　and　demanding　and　suddenly　it　was　beyond　that。　It　was　an　ecstasy；　an　unbearable　rapture；　a　mindless　animal　coupling；　and　Jill　was　screaming；　〃Love　me；　Toby！　Love　me；　love　me！〃　His　pounding　body　was　on　her；　in　her；　was　part　of　her；　and　they　were　one。　
　They　made　love　all　night　and　talked　and　laughed；　and　it　was　as　though　they　had　belonged　together　always。　If　Toby　had　thought　he　cared　for　Jill　before；　he　was　insane　about　her　now。　They　lay　in　bed；　and　he　held　her　in　his　arms　protectively；　and　he　thought　wonderingly。　This　is　what　love　is。　He　turned　to　gaze　at　her。　She　looked　warm　and　disheveled　and　breathtakingly　beautiful；　and　he　had　never　loved　anyone　so　much。　He　said；　
　〃I　want　to　marry〃you。〃　It　was　the　most　natural　thing　in　the　world。　
　She　hugged　him　tightly　and　said；　〃Oh；　yes；　Toby。〃　
　She　loved　him　and　she　was　going　to　marry　him。