sidneysheldon.astrangerinthemirror-第20部分

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　In　April；　when　Toby　came　back　from　a　ten…week　tour　in　the　Midwest；　Millie　was　waiting　at　the　airport　for　him。　Her　first　words　were；　
　〃Darling　　I'm　going　to　have　a　baby！　〃　
　He　stared　at　her；　stunned。　She　mistook　his　expression　for　happiness。　
　〃Isn't　it　wonderful？〃　she　exclaimed。　〃Now；　when　you're　away；　I'll　have　the　baby　to　keep　me　pany。　I　hope　it's　a　boy　so　that　you　can　take　him　to　baseball　games　and　。。。〃　
　Toby　did　not　hear　the　rest　of　the　stupidities　she　was　mouthing。　It　was　as　though　her　words　were　being　filtered　from　far　away。　Somewhere　in　the　back　of　his　mind；　Toby　had　believed　that　someday；　somehow；　there　would　be　an　escape　for　him。　They　had　been　married　two　years；　and　it　seemed　like　an　eternity。　Now　this。　Millie　would　never　let　him　go。　Never。　
　
　The　baby　was　due　around　Christmas　time。　Toby　had　made　arrangements　to　go　to　Guam　with　a　troupe　of　entertainers；　but　he　had　no　idea　whether　Al　Caruso　would　approve　of　his　being　away　while　Millie　was　having　the　baby。　There　was　'only　one　way　to　find　out。　Toby　called　Las　Vegas。　Caruso's　cheerful；　familiar　voice　came　on　the　line　immediately　and　said；　
　〃Hi；　kid。　Good　to　hear　your　voice。〃　
　〃It's　good　to　hear　yours；　Al。〃　
　〃I　hear　you're　gonna　be　a　father。　You　must　be　real　excited。〃　
　〃Excited　isn't　the　word　for　it；〃　Toby　said　truthfully。　He　let　his　voice　take　on　a　note　of　careful　concern。　〃That's　the　reason　I'm　calling　you；　Al。　The　baby's　going　to　be　born　around　Christmas；　and〃　He　had　to　be　very　careful。　〃I　don't　know　what　to　do。　I　want　to　be　here　with　Millie　when　the　kid's　born；　but　they　asked　me　to　go　back　to　Korea　and　Guam　to　entertain　the　troops。〃　
　There　was　a　long　pause。　〃That's　a　tough　spot。〃　
　〃I　don't　want　to　let　our　boys　down；　but　I　don't　want　to　hurt　Millie　down；　either。〃　
　〃Yeah。〃　There　was　another　pause。　Then；　〃I'll　tell　you　'what　I　think；　kid。　We're　all　good　Americans；　right？　Those　kids　are　out　there　fighting　for　us；　right？〃　
　Toby　felt　his　body　suddenly　relax。　〃Sure。　But　I　hate　to〃　
　〃Millie'll　be　okay；〃　Caruso　said。　〃Women　have　been　havin'　babies　a　hell　of　a　long　time。　You　go　to　Korea。〃　
　Six　weeks　later；　on　Christmas　Eve；　as　Toby　walked　off　a　stage　to　thunderous　applause　at　the　army　post　in　Pusan；　he　was　handed　a　cable；　informing　him　that　Millie　had　died　while　giving　birth　to　a　stillborn　son。　
　
　
　〃Marco！　〃　she　called　out。　There　was　a　chorus　of　〃Polo！〃　Josephine　made　a　dive　for　the　nearest　voice。　She　felt　around　in　the　water。　There　was　no　one　there。　〃Marco！〃　she　called。　Again；　a　chorus　of　〃Polo！〃　She　made　a　blind　grab　but　reached　only　thin　air。　It　did　not　matter　to　Josephine　that　they　were　faster　than　she　she　wanted　this　game　to　go　on　forever；　as　she　wanted　this　day　to　last　until　eternity。　She　stood　still；　straining　to　hear　a　splash；　a　giggle；　a　whisper。　She　moved　around　in　the　pool；　eyes　closed；　hands　outstretched；　and　reached　the　steps。　She　took　a　step　up　to　quiet　the　sound　of　her　own　movements。　〃Marco！　〃　she　called　out。　And　there　was　no　answer。　She　stood　there；　still。　〃Marco！〃　Silence。　It　was　as　though　she　were　in　a　warm；　wet　deserted　where　were　no　one。　They　were　playing　a　trick　on　her。　They　had　decided　that　no　one　would　answer　her。　Josephine　smiled　and　opened　her　eyes。　She　was　alone　on　the　pool　steps。　Something　made　her　look　down。　The　bottom　of　her　white　bathing　suit　was　stained　with　red；　and　there　was　a　thin　trickle　of　blood　ing　from　between　her　thighs。　The　children　were　all　standing　on　the　sides　of　the　pool；　staring　at　her。　Josephine　looked　up　at　them；　stricken。　
　〃I　　〃　She　stopped；　not　knowing　what　to　say。　She　quickly　moved　down　the　steps　into　the　water；　to　cover　her　shame。　
　〃We　don't　do　that　in　the　swimming　pool；〃　Mary　Lou　said。　
　〃Polacks　do；〃　someone　giggled。　
　〃Hey；　let's　go　take　a　shower。〃　
　〃Yeah。　I　feel　icky。〃　
　〃Who　wants　to　swim　in　that〃　
　Josephine　closed　her　eyes　again　and　heard　them　all　moving　toward　the　poolhouse；　leaving　her。　She　stayed　there；　keeping　her　eyes　squeezed　closed；　pressing　her　legs　together　to　try　to　stop　the　shameful　flow。　She　had　never　had　her　period　before。　It　had　been　totally　unexpected。　They　would　all　e　back　in　a　moment　and　tell　her　that　they　had　only　been　teasing；　that　they　were　still　her　friends；　that　the　happiness　would　never　stop。　They　would　return　and　explain　that　it　was　all　a　game。　Perhaps　they　were　back　already　ready　to　play。　Eyes　tightly　shut；　she　whispered；　〃Marco〃；　and　the　echo　died　on　the　afternoon　air。　
　She　had　no　idea　how　long　she　stood　there　in　the　water　with　her　eyes　closed。　We　don't　do　that　in　the　swimming　pool。　Polacks　do。　Her　head　had　begun　pounding　violently。　She　felt　nauseous；　and　her　stomach　was　suddenly　cramping。　But　Josephine　knew　that　she　must　keep　standing　there　with　her　eyes　tightly　shut。　Just　until　they　returned　and　told　her　it　was　a　joke。　
　She　heard　footsteps　…　and　a　rustling　sound　above　her　and　she　suddenly　knew　that　everything　was　all　right。　They　had　e　back。　She　opened　her　eyes　and　looked　up。　David；　Mary　Lou's　older　brother；　was　standing　at　the　side　of　the　pool；　a　terrycloth　robe　in　his　hands。　
　〃I　apologize　for　all　of　them；〃　he　said；　his　voice　tight。　He　held　out　the　robe。　〃Here。　e　out　and　put　this　on。〃　
　But　Josephine　closed　her　eyes　and　stayed　there；　rigid。　She　wanted　to　die　as　quickly　as　possible。　
　
　
　It　was　one　of　Sam　Winters's　good　days。　The　rushes　on　the　Tessie　Brand　picture　were　wonderful。　Part　of　the　reason；　of　course；　was　that　Tessie　was　breaking　her　neck　to　vindicate　her　behavior。　But　whatever　the　reason；　Barbara　Carter　was　going　to　emerge　as　the　hottest　new　producer　of　the　year。　It　was　going　to　be　a　terrific　year　for　costume　designers。　The　television　shows　produced　by　Pan…Padfic　were　doing　well；　and　〃My　Man　Friday〃　was　the　biggest　of　them　all。　The　network　was　talking　to　Sam　about　a　new　five…year　contract　for　the　series。　Sam　was　preparing　to　leave　for　lunch　when　Lucille　hurried　in　and　said；　〃They　just　caught　someone　setting　a　fire　in　the　prop　department。　They're　bringing　him　over　here　now。〃　
　The　man　sat　in　a　chair　facing　Sam　in　silence；　two　studio　guards　standing　behind　him。　His　eyes　were　bright　with　malice。　Sam　had　still　not　gotten　over　his　shock。　
　〃Why？〃　he　asked。　〃For　God's　sake　　why？〃　
　〃Because　I　didn't　want　your　fucking　charity；〃　Dallas　Burke　said。　〃I　hate　you　and　this　studio　and　the　whole　rotten　business。　I　built　this　business；　you　son　of　a　bitch。　I　paid　for　half　the　studios　in　this　lousy　town。　Everybody　got　rich　off　me。　Why　didn't　you　give　me　a　picture　to　direct　instead　of　trying　to　pay　me　off　by　pretending　to　buy　a　bunch　of　fucking　stolen　fairy　tales？　You　would　have　bought　the　phone　book　from　me；　Sam。　I　didn't　want　any　favors　from　you　　I　wanted　job。　You're　making　me　be　a　failure；　you　prick；　and　I'll　not　forgive　you　for　that。〃　
　Long　after　they　had　taken　Dallas　Burke　away；　Sam。　sat　thinking　about　him；　remembering　the　great　things　he　has　done；　the　wonderful　movies　he　had　made。　In　any　other　business；　he　would　have　been　a　hero；　the　chairman　of　board　or　would　have　been　retired　with　a　nice；　fat　pension。　But　this　was　the　wonderful　world　of　show　business。　
　
　
　In　the　early　1950s；　Toby　Temple's　success　was　growing。　He　played　the　top　nightclubs　　the　Chez　Paree　in　Chicago；　the　Latin　Casino　in　Philadelphia；　the　Copacabana　in　New　York。　He　played　benefits　and　children's　hospitals　and　charity　affairs　　he　would　play　for　anybody；　anywhere；　at　any　time。　The　audience　was　his　lifeblood。　He　needed　the　applause　and　the　love。　He　was　totally　absorbed　in　show　business。　Major　events　were　occurring　around　the　world；　but　to　Toby　they　were　merely　grist　for　his　act。　
　In　1951；　when　General　MacArthur　was　fired　and　said；　〃Old　soldiers　don't　diethey　just　fade　away；〃　Toby　said；　〃Jesus　　we　must　use　the　same　laundry。〃　In　1952；　when　the　hydrogen　bomb　was　dropped；　Toby's　response　was；　〃That's　nothing。　You　should　have　caught　my　opening　in　Atlanta。〃　When　Nixon　made　his　〃Checkers〃　speech；　Toby　said；　〃I'd　vote　for　him　in　a　minute。　Not　Nixon　　Checkers。〃　Then　President　and　Stalin　died　and　young　America　was　wearing　Davy　Crockett　hats　and　there　was　a　bus　boycott　in　Montgomery。'　And　everything　was　material　for　Toby's　act。　When　he　delivered　his　zingers　with　that　wide…eyed　look　of　baffled　innocence；　the　audiences　screamed。　Toby's　whole　life　consisted　of　punch　lines。　〃。。。　so　he　said；　'Wait　a　minute；　I'll　get　my　hat　and　go　with　you　。。。'　〃　and　〃。。　。　to　tell　the　truth；　it　looked　so　good　I　ate　it　myself！　〃　and　〃。。。　it's　a　candystore；　but　they'll　call　me　。。。〃　and　would　have　been　a　shamus　。。　。〃　and　〃。。。　now　I've　you　and　there's　no　ship。。　。〃　and　on　and　on；　with　the　audiences　laughing　until　they　cried。　His　audiences　loved　him；　and　he　fed　on　their　love　and　battened　on　it　and　climbed　ever　higher。　But　there　was　a　deep；　wild　restlessness　in　Toby。　He　was　always　looking　for　something　more。　He　could　never　enjoy　himself　because　he　was　afraid　he　might　be　missing　a　better　party　somewhere；　or　playing　to　a　better　audience；　or　kissing　a　prettier　girl。　
　He　changed　girls　as　frequently　as　he　changed　his　shirts。　After　the　experience　with　Millie；　he　was　afraid　to　bee　deeply　involved　with　anyone。　He　remembered　when　he　had　played　the　Toilet　Circuit　and　envied　the　ics　with　the　big　limousines　and　the　beautiful　women。　He　had　made　it；　and　he　was　as　lonely　now　as　he　had　been