sidneysheldon.astrangerinthemirror-第13部分

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'm　going　to　tell　you　what　you　need　to　bee　a　star。〃　
　Toby　sat　there。　
　〃Let's　start　with　your　material；〃　Clifton　said。　〃You　could　put　butter　and　salt　on　it　and　peddle　it　in　theater　lobbies。〃　
　〃Yes；　sir。　Well；　some　of　it　might　be　a　little　corny；　but　〃　
　〃Next。　You　have　no　style。〃　
　Toby　felt　his　hands　begin　to　clench。　〃The　audience　seemed　to〃　
　〃Next。　You　don't　know　how　to　move。　You're　a　lox。〃　Toby　said　nothing。　The　little　agent　walked　over　to　him；　looked　down　and　said　softly；　reading　Toby's　mind；　〃If　you're　so　bad；　what　are　you　doing　here？　You're　here　because　you've　got　something　that　money　can't　buy。　When　you　stand　up　on　that　stage；　the　audience　wants　to　eat　you　up。　They　love　you。　Do　you　have　any　idea　how　much　that　could　be　worth？〃　
　Toby　took　a　deep　breath　and　sat　back。　〃Tell　me。〃　
　〃More　than　you　could　ever　dream。　With　the　right　material　and　the　proper　kind　of　handling；　you　can　be　a　star。〃　Toby　sat　there；　basking　in　the　warm　glow　of　Clifton　Lawrence's　words；　and　it　was　as　though　everything　Toby　had　done　all　his　life　had　led　to　this　moment；　as　though　he　were　already　a　star；　and　it　had　all　happened。　Just　as　his　mother　had　promised　him。　
　〃The　key　to　an　entertainer's　success　is　personality；〃　Clifton　Lawrence　was　saying。　〃You　can't　buy　it　and　you　can't　fake　it。　You　have　to　be　born　with　it。　You're　one　of　the　lucky　ones；　dear　boy。〃　He　glanced　at　the　gold　Piaget　watch　on　his　wrist。　〃I've　set　up　a　meeting　for　you　with　O'Hanlon　and　Rainger　at　two　o'clock。　They're　the　best　edy　writers　in　the　business。　They　work　for　all　the　top　ics。〃　
　Toby　said　nervously；　〃I'm　afraid　I　haven't　much　mon　〃　Clifton　Lawrence　dismissed　it　with　a　wave　of　his　hand。　〃Not　to　worry；　dear　boy。　You'll　pay　me　back　later。〃　
　Long　after　Toby　Temple　had　left；　Clifton　Lawrence　sat　there　thinking　about　him；　smiling　to　himself　at　that　wide…eyed　innocent　face　and　those　trusting；　guileless　blue　eyes。　It　had　been　many　years　since　Clifton　had　represented　an　unknown。　All　his　clients　were　important　stars；　and　every　studio　fought　for　their　services。　The　excitement　had　long　since　gone。　The　early　days　had　been　more　fun；　more　stimulating。　It　would　be　a　challenge　to　take　this　raw；　young　kid　and　develop　him；　build　him　into　a　hot　property。　Clifton　had　a　feeling　that　he　was　really　going　to　enjoy　this　experience。　He　liked　the　boy。　He　liked　him　very　much　indeed。　
　The　meeting　took　place　at　the　Twentieth　Century…Fox　studios　on　Pico　Boulevard　in　West　Los　Angeles；　where　O'Hanlon　and　Rainger　had　their　offices。　Toby　had　expected　something　lavish；　on　the　order　of　Clifton　Lawrence's　suite；　but　the　writers'　quarters　were　drab　and　dingy；　located　in　a　small　wooden　bungalow　on　the　lot。　An　untidy；　middle…aged　secretary　in　a　cardigan　ushered　Toby　into　the　inner　office。　The　walls　were　a　dirty　applegreen；　and　the　only　adornment　was　a　battered　dart　board　and　a　〃plan　ahead〃　sign　with　the　last　three　letters　squeezed　together。　A　broken　Venetian　blind　partially　filtered　out　the　sun's　rays　that　fell　across　a　dirty　brown　carpet　worn　down　to　the　canvas。　There　were　two　scarred　desks；　back　to　back；　each　littered　with　papers　and　pencils　and　half…empty　cartons　of　cold　coffee。　
　〃Hi；　Toby。　Excuse　the　mess。　It's　the　maid's　day　off；〃　O'Hanlon　greeted　him。　〃I'm　O'Hanlon。〃　He　indicated　his　partner。　〃This　is　　er　…〃
　〃Rainger。〃　
　〃Ah；　yes。　This　is　Rainger。〃　
　O'Hanlon　was　large　and　rotund　and　wore　horn…rimmed　glasses。　Rainger　was　small　and　frail。　Both　men　were　in　their　thirties　and　had　been　a　successful　writing　team　for　ten　years。　In　all　the　time　that　Toby　was　to　work　with　them；　he　always　referred　to　them　as　〃the　boys〃。　
　Toby　said；　〃I　understand　you　fellas　are　going　to　write　some　jokes　for　me。〃　
　O'Hanlon　and　Rainger　exchanged　a　look。　Rainger　said；　〃Cliff　Lawrence　thinks　you　might　be　America's　new　sex　symbol。　Let's　see　what　you　can　do。　Have　you　got　an　act？〃　
　〃Sure；〃　Toby　replied。　He　remembered　what　Clifton　had　said　about　it。　Suddenly；　he　felt　diffident。　The　two　writers　sat　down　on　the　couch　and　crossed　their　turns。　
　〃Entertain　us；〃　O'Hanlon　said。　
　Toby　looked　at　them。　〃Just　like　that　？〃　
　〃What　would　you　like？〃　Rainger　asked。　
　〃An　introduction　from　a　sixty…piece　orchestra？〃　
　He　turned　to　O'Hanlon。　〃Get　the　music　department　on　the　phone。〃　
　You　prick；　thought　Toby。　You're　on　my　shit　list；　both　of　you。　He　knew　what　they　were　trying　to　do。　They　were　trying　to　make　him　look　bad　so　they　could　go　back　to　Clifton　Lawrence　and　say；　we　can't　help　him。　He's　a　stiff。　Well；　he　was　not　going　to　let　them　get　away　with　it。　He　put　on　a　smile　he　did　not　feel；　and　went　into　his　Abbott　and　Costello　routine。　
　〃Hey；　Lou；　ain't　you　ashamed　of　yourself？　You're　turnin'　into　a　bum。　Why　don't　you　go　out　and　get　yourself　a　job？〃　'I　got　a　job。〃　〃Certainly。　It　keeps　me　busy　all　day；　I　got　regular　hours；　and　I'm　home　in　time　for　dinner　every　night。〃　The　two　of　them　were　studying　Toby　now；　weighing　him；　analyzing　him；　and　in　the　middle　of　his　routine　they　began　talking；　as　though　Toby　were　not　in　the　room。　
　〃He　doesn　t　know　how　to　stand。〃　
　〃He　uses　his　hands　like　he's　chopping　wood。　Maybe　we　could　write　a　woodchopper　act　for　him。〃　
　〃He　pushes　too　hard。〃　
　〃Jesus；　with　that　materialwouldn't　you？〃　
　Toby　was　getting　more　upset　by　the　moment。　He　did　not　have　to　stay　here　and　be　insulted　by　these　two　maniacs。　Their　material　was　probably　lousy　anyway。　Finally；　he　could　stand　it　no　longer。　He　stopped；　his　voice　trembling　with　rage。　
　〃I　don't　need　you　bastards！　Thanks　for　the　hospitality。〃　He　started　for　the　door。　Rainger　stood　up　in　genuine　amazement。　
　〃Hey！　What's　the　matter　with　you？〃　
　Toby　turned　on　him　in　fury。　〃What　the　fuck　do　you　think　is　the　matter？　Youyou〃　He　was　so　frustrated；　he　was　on　the　verge　of　tears。　
　Rainger　turned　to　look　at　O'Hanlon　in　bewilderment。　〃We　must　have　hurt　his　feelings。〃　
　〃Golly。〃　
　Toby　took　a　deep　breath。　〃Look；　you　two；　I　don't　care　if　you　don't　like　me；　but　〃　
　〃We　love　you！　〃　O'Hanlon　exclaimed。　
　〃We　think　you're　darling！〃　Rainger　chimed　in。　
　Toby　looked　from　one　to　the　other　in　plete　bafflement。　〃What？　You　acted　like　〃　
　〃You　know　your　trouble；　Toby？　You're　insecure。　Relax。　Sure；　you've　got　a　lot　to　learn；　but　on　the　other　hand；　if　you　were　Bob　Hope　you　wouldn't　be　here。〃　
　O'Hanlon　added；　〃And　do　you　know　why？　Because　Bob's　up　in　Carmel　today。〃　
　〃Playing　golf。　Do　you　play　golf？〃　Rainger　asked。　
　〃No。〃　
　The　two　writers　looked　at　each　other　in　dismay。　〃There　go　all　the　golf　jokes。　Shit！〃　　
　O'Hanlon　picked　up　the　telephone。　〃Bring　in　some　coffee；　will　you；　Zsa　Zsa？〃　He　put　down　the　phone　and　turned　Toby。　
　〃Do　you　know　how　many　would…be　ics　there　are　this　quaint　little　business　we're　in？〃　Toby　shook　his　head。　〃I　can　tell　you　exactly。　Three　billion　seven　hundred　and　sixty…eight　million；　as　of　six　o'clock　last　night。　And　that's　lot　including　Milton　Berle's　brother。　When　there's　a　full　noon；　they　all　crawl　out　of　the　woodwork。　There　are　only　half　a　dozen　really　top　ics。　The　others　will　never　make　it。　edy　is　the　most　serious　business　in　the　world。　It's　god　damned　hard　work　being　funny；　whether　you're　a　ic　or　a　edian。〃　
　〃What's　the　difference？〃　
　〃A　big　one。　A　ic　opens　funny　doors。　A　edian　opens　doors　funny。〃　
　Rainger　asked；　〃Did　you　ever　stop　to　think　what　makes　one　edian　a　smash　and　another　one　a　failure？〃　
　〃Material；〃　Toby　said；　wanting　to　flatter　them。　
　〃Buffalo　shit。　The　last　new　joke　was　invented　by　Aristophanes。　Jokes　are　basically　all　the　same。　George　Burns　can　tell　six　jokes　that　the　guy　on　the　bill　ahead　of　him　just　told；　and　Burns　will　get　bigger　laughs。　Do　you　know　why？　Personality。〃　It　was　what　Clifton　Lawrence　had　told　him。　〃Without　it；　you're　nothing；　nobody。　You　start　with　a　personality　and　you　turn　it　into　a　character。　Take　Hope。　If　he　came　out　and　did　a　Jack　Benny　monologue；　he'd　bomb。　Why？　Because　he's　built　up　a　character。　That's　what　the　audiences　expect　from　him。　When　Hope　walks　out；　they　want　to　hear　those　rapid…fire　jokes。　He's　a　likeable　smart…ass；　the　big　city　fellow　who　gets　his　lumps。　Jack　Bennyjust　the　opposite。　He　wouldn't　know　what　to　do　with　a　Bob　Hope　monologue；　but　he　can　take　a　two…minute　pause　and　make　an　audience　scream。　Each　of　the　Marx　Brothers　has　his　own　character。　Fred　Alien　is　unique。　That　brings　us　to　you。　Do　you　know　your　problem；　Toby？　You're　a　little　of　everybody。　You're　mutating　all　the　big　boys。　Well；　that's　great　if　you　want　to　play　Elks　smokers　for　the　rest　of　your　life。　But　if　you　want　to　move　up　into　the　big　time；　you've　got　to　create　a　character　of　your　own。　When　you're　out　on　that　stage；　before　you　even　open　your　mouth；　them　has　to　know　that　Toby　Temple　is　up　there。　Do　you　
　
　took　over。　〃Do　you　know　what　you've　got；　Toby　…　angel　face。　If　I　weren't　already　engaged　to　Clark　Gable　I　would　be　crazy　about　you。　There's　a　naive　sweetness　about　you。〃　
　〃That's　right；　it　could　be　worth　a　fucking　fortune；　and　nothing　of　a　fortune　in　fucking；〃　Rainger　chimed。　〃You'll　get　away　with　things　that　the　other　boys　can't。　It's　like　you　saying　four…letter　words　　it's　cute　because　you　do　believe　he　really　understands　what　he's　saying。　When　you　got　in　here；　you　asked　if　we　were　the　fellows　who　are　going　to　write　your　Jokes。　The　answer　is　no。　This　isn't　a　jokes。　What