cb.damnationgame-第35部分
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
His innards shook。 Beneath his gaze； the paint on the wall seemed to blister。 Venereal eruptions disfigured its emptiness。 Illusions； but horribly real to him nevertheless。 Very well： if he couldn't dislodge the obscenities； he would transform them。 It wasn't difficult to smudge sexuality into violence； turn sighs into screams； thrusts into convulsions。 The grammar was the same； only the punctuation differed。 Picturing the lovers in death together； the nausea he'd felt receded。
In the face of that void what was their substance？ Transitory。 Their promises？ Pretension。
He began to calm。 The sores on the wall had started to heal； and he was left； after a few minutes； with an echo of the nothingness he had e to need so much。 Life came and went。 But absence； he knew； went on forever。
33
〃Oh； by the way； there was a telephone call for you。 From Bill Toy。 Day before yesterday。〃 Marty looked up at Pearl from his plate of steak； and pulled a face。
〃Why didn't you tell me？〃 She looked contrite。
〃It was the day I lost my wick with those damn people。 I left a message for you…〃 〃I didn't get it。〃
〃…on the pad beside the telephone。〃 It was still there： 〃Call Toy；〃 and a number。 He dialed； and waited a full minute before the phone was picked up at the other end。 It wasn't Toy。 The woman who repeated the number had a soft； lost voice； slurred as if by too much drink。
〃Can I speak to William Toy； please？〃 he asked。
〃He's gone；〃 the woman replied。
〃Oh。 I see。〃 〃He won't be ing back。 Not ever。〃 The quality of the voice was eerie。 〃Who is this？〃 it asked of him。
〃It doesn't matter；〃 Marty replied。 His instinct rebelled against giving his name。
〃Who is this？〃 she asked again。
〃I'm sorry to have bothered you。〃 〃Who is this？〃 He put the receiver down on the slushing insistence at the other end。 Only when he had did he realize that his shirt was clinging to a cold sweat that had suddenly sprung from his chest and spine。
In the love nest in Pimlico； Yvonne asked the vacated line 〃Who is this？〃 for half an hour or more before letting the telephone drop。 Then she went to sit down。 The couch was damp： large； sticky stains were spreading on it from the place where she always sat。 She assumed it was something to do with her； but she couldn't work out how or why。 Nor could she explain the flies that congregated all over her； in her hair； in her clothes； whining away。
〃Who is this？〃 she asked again。 The question remained perfectly pertinent； though she was no longer speaking to the stranger on the phone。 The rotting skin of her hands； the blood she left in the tub after bathing； the horrid look the mirror gave her…all inspired the same hypnotic inquiry： 〃Who is this？〃 〃Who is this？ Who is this？ Who is this？〃
VI The Tree
34
Breer hated the house。 It was cold； and the natives in this part of the city were inhospitable。 He was regarded with suspicion as soon as he stepped out of the front door。 There were； he had to concede； reasons for this。 In recent weeks a smell had begun to linger around him； a sickly； syrupy smell that made him almost ashamed to get too close to the pretty ones along the schoolyard railing； for fear they would put their fingers to their noses； making a 〃poo…poo〃 sound； and run off calling him names。 When they did that； it made him want to die。
Though there was no heating in the house； and he had to bathe in cold water； he nevertheless washed from head to foot three or four times a day； hoping to dislodge the smell。 When that didn't work he bought perfume…sandalwood in particular…and doused his body with it after each ablution。 Now the ments they called after him weren't about excreta but about his sex life。 He took the brunt of their remarks with equanimity。
Nevertheless； dull resentments festered in him。 Not just about the way he was treated in the district。 The European； after a courtship that had been polite； was more and more treating him with contempt： as a lackey rather than an ally。 It irritated him； the way he was sent to this haunt or that looking for Toy…asked to b a city of millions in search of a shriveled old man whom Breer had last seen scrambling over a wall stark naked； his scrawny buttocks white in the moonlight。 The European was losing his sense of proportion。 Whatever crimes this Toy had mitted against Mamoulian they could scarcely be profound； and it made Breer weak with tiredness to contemplate another day wandering the streets。
Despite his weariness； the capacity for sleep seemed to have deserted him almost entirely。 Nothing； not even the fatigue that killed his nerves； could persuade his body to close down for more than a few eye…fluttering minutes； and even then his mind dreamed such things； such dreadful things； it was scarcely possible to call the slumber blissful。 The only fort remaining to him was his pretties。
That was one of the few advantages in this house： it had a cellar。 Just a dry； cool space； which he was systematically clearing of the rubbish left by the previous owners。 It was a long job； but he was gradually getting the place the way he wanted it； and though he had never much liked enclosed spaces there was something about the darkness； and the sense of being underground； that answered an unarticulated need in him。 Soon he would have it all scrubbed。 He would put colored paper chains around the walls； and flowers in vases on the floor。 A table maybe； with a cloth on it； smelling of violets； fortable chairs for his guests。 Then he could begin to entertain friends in the manner to which he hoped they would bee accustomed。
All his arrangements could be effected much more quickly if he weren't forever interrupted by the damn…fool errands the European sent him on。 But the time for such servitude； he'd decided； had e to an end。 Today； he would tell Mamoulian that he wouldn't be blackmailed or bullied into playing this game。 He'd threaten to leave if it came to the worst。 He'd go north。 There were places north where the sun didn't e up for five months of the year…he'd read about such places…and that seemed fine to him。 No sun； and deep caves to live in； holes where not even moonlight could stray。 The time had e to lay his cards on the table。
If the air in the house was cold； it was even colder in Mamoulian's room。 The European seemed to exhale a breath that was mortuary…chilled。
Breer stood in the doorway。 He'd only been in this room once before； and he had a niggling fear of it。 It was too plain。 The European had asked Breer to nail boards across the window： this he had done。 Now； by the light of a single wick； burning in a dish of oil on the floor； the room looked bleak and gray； everything in it seemed insubstantial； even the European。 He sat in the dark wood chair that was the only furnishing…and looked at Breer with eyes so glazed he could have been blind。
〃I didn't call you up here；〃 Mamoulian said。
〃I wanted 。 。 。 to talk to you。〃 〃Close the door； then。〃 Though this was against his better judgment； Breer obeyed。 The lock clicked at his back； the room was now centered on that single flame and the fitful luminosity it offered。 Sluggishly Breer looked around the room for someplace to sit； or at least lean。 But there was no fort here： its austerity would have shamed an ascetic。 Just a few blankets on the bare boards in the corner； where the great man slept； some books stacked against the wall； a pack of cards； a jug of water and a cup； little else。； The walls； except for the rosary that hung from a hook； were naked。
〃What do you want； Anthony？〃 All Breer could think was： I hate this room。
〃Say what you have to say。〃 〃I want to go 。 。 。〃 〃Go？〃 〃Away。 The flies bother me。 There are so many flies。〃 〃No more than there are in any other May。 It is perhaps a little warmer than usual。 All the signs are that the summer will be blistering。〃 The thought of heat and light made Breer sick。 And that was another thing： the way his belly revolted if he put food into it。 The European had promised him a new world…health； wealth and happiness…but he was suffering the torments of the damned。 It was a cheat： all a cheat。
〃Why didn't you let me die？〃 he said； without thinking what he was saying。
〃I need you。〃 〃But I feel ill。〃 〃The work will soon be over。〃 Breer looked straight at Mamoulian； something he very rarely mustered the courage to do。 But desperation was a rod at his back。
〃You mean finding Toy？〃 he said。 〃We won't find him。 It's impossible。〃 〃Oh； but we will； Anthony。 That I insist upon。〃 Breer sighed。 〃I wish I was dead；〃 he said。
〃Don't say that。 You've got all the freedom you want； haven't you？ You feel no guilt now； do you？〃 〃Most people would happily suffer your minor disforts to be guiltless； Anthony： to mit their heart's desire to flesh and never be called to regret it。 Rest today。 Tomorrow we're going to be busy； you and I。〃 〃Why？〃 〃We're going to visit Mr。 Whitehead。〃 Mamoulian had told him about Whitehead and the house and the dogs。 The damage they'd done to the European was conspicuous。 Though his torn hand had healed quickly； the tissue damage was irreparable。 A finger and a half missing； ugly scars raking palm an
