lmb.shardsofhonor-第37部分

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　〃Oh；　dear。　I'm　so　sorry。〃
　〃Huh？　No；　damn　it。　Vorkosigan's　no　rapist。　He's　got　this　thing　about　prisoners。　Wouldn't　touch　one　with　a　stick。　He　asked　me。。。〃　she　trailed　off；　looking　into　the　kind；　concerned；　and　loving　wall　of　her　mother's　face。　〃We　talked　a　lot。　He's　all　right。〃
　〃He　doesn't　have　a　very　good　reputation。〃
　〃Yeah；　I've　seen　some　of　it。　It's　all　lies。〃
　〃He's…not　a　murderer；　then？〃
　〃Well。。。〃　Cordelia　foundered　on　the　truth。　〃He　has　k…killed　a　lot　of　people；　I　suppose。　He's　a　soldier；　you　know。　It's　his　job。　It　can't　help　spilling　over　a　bit。　I　only　know　about　three　that　weren't　in　the　line　of　duty；　though。〃
　〃Only　three？〃　repeated　her　mother　faintly。　There　was　a　pause。　〃He's　not　a；　a　sex　criminal；　then？〃
　〃Certainly　not！　Although　I　gather　he　went　through　a　rather　strange　phase；　after　his　wife　mitted　suicide…I　don't　think　he　realizes　how　much　I　know　about　it；　not　that　that　maniac　Vorrutyer　should　be　trusted　as　a　source　of　information；　even　if　he　was　there。　I　suspect　it's　partly　true；　at　least　about　their　relationship。　Vorrutyer　was　clearly　obsessed　with　him。　And　Aral　went　awfully　vague　when　I　asked　him　about　it。〃
　Looking　at　her　mother's　appalled　face；　Cordelia　thought；　it's　a　good　thing　I　never　wanted　to　be　a　defense　lawyer。　All　my　clients　would　be　in　therapy　forever；　〃It　all　makes　a　lot　more　sense　if　you　meet　him　in　person；〃　she　offered　hopefully。
　Cordelia's　mother　laughed　uncertainly。　〃He　surely　seems　to　have　charmed　you。　What　does　he　have；　then？　Conversation？　Good　looks？〃
　〃I'm　not　sure。　He　mostly　talks　Barrayaran　politics。　He　claims　to　have　an　aversion　to　them；　but　it　sounds　more　like　an　obsession　to　me。　He　can't　leave　them　alone　for　five　minutes。　It's　like　they're　in　him。〃
　〃Is　that…a　very　interesting　subject？〃
　〃It's　awful；〃　said　Cordelia　frankly。　〃His　bedtime　stories　can　keep　you　awake　for　weeks。〃
　〃It　can't　be　his　looks；〃　sighed　her　mother。　〃I've　seen　a　holovid　of　him　in　the　news。〃
　〃Oh；　did　you　save　it？〃　asked　Cordelia；　instantly　interested。　〃Where　is　it？〃
　〃I'm　sure　there's　something　in　the　vid　files；〃　her　mother　allowed；　staring。　〃But　really；　Cordelia…your　Reg　Rosemont　was　ten　times　better　looking。〃
　〃I　suppose　he　was；〃　Cordelia　agreed；　〃by　any　objective　standard。〃
　〃So　what　does　the　man　have；　anyway？〃
　〃I　don't　know。　The　virtues　of　his　vices；　perhaps。　Courage。　Strength。　Energy。　He　could　run　me　into　the　ground　any　day。　He　has　power　over　people。　Not　leadership；　exactly；　although　there's　that　too。　They　either　worship　him　or　hate　his　guts。　The　strangest　man　I　ever　met　did　both　at　the　same　time。　But　nobody　falls　asleep　when　he's　around。〃
　〃And　which　category　do　you　fall　in；　Cordelia？〃　asked　her　mother；　bemused。
　〃Well；　I　don't　hate　him。　Can't　say　as　I　worship　him；　either。〃　She　paused　a　long　time；　and　looked　up　to　meet　her　mother's　eyes　squarely。　〃But　when　he's　cut；　I　bleed。〃
　〃Oh；〃　said　her　mother；　whitely。　Her　mouth　smiled；　her　eyes　flinched；　and　she　busied　herself　with　unnecessary　vigor　in　getting　Cordelia's　meager　belongings　settled。
　On　the　fourth　afternoon　of　her　leave；　Cordelia's　manding　officer　brought　a　disturbing　visitor。
　〃Captain　Naismith；　this　is　Dr。　Mehta；　from　the　Expeditionary　Force　Medical　Service；〃　modore　Tailor　introduced　them。　Dr。　Mehta　was　a　slim；　tan…skinned　woman　about　Cordelia's　age；　with　dark　hair　drawn　back；　cool　and　antiseptic　in　her　blue　uniform。
　〃Not　another　psychiatrist；〃　Cordelia　sighed。　Her　muscles　knotted　up　the　back　of　her　neck。　More　interrogations…more　twisting；　more　evasions；　ever…shakier　webs　of　lies　to　cover　the　gaps　in　her　story　where　Vorkosigan's　bitter　truths　dwelt。。。
　〃modore　Sprague's　reports　finally　caught　up　with　your　file；　a　little　late；　it　seems。〃　Tailor's　lips　thinned　sympathetically。　〃Ghastly。　I'm　sorry。　If　we'd　had　them　earlier；　we　might　have　been　able　to　spare　you　last　week。　And　everybody　else。〃
　Cordelia　flushed。　〃I　didn't　mean　to　kick　him。　He　kind　of　ran　into　me。　It　won't　happen　again。〃
　modore　Tailor　suppressed　a　smile。　〃Well；　I　didn't　vote　for　him。　Steady　Freddy　is　not　my　main　concern。　Although；〃　he　cleared　his　throat；　〃he　has　taken　a　personal　interest　in　your　case。　You're　a　public　figure　now；　like　it　or　not。〃
　〃Oh；　nonsense。〃
　〃It's　not　nonsense。　You　have　an　obligation。〃
　Who　are　you　quoting；　Bill？　thought　Cordelia。　That's　not　your　voice。　She　rubbed　the　back　of　her　neck。　〃I　thought　I'd　discharged　all　my　obligations。　What　more　do　they　want　from　me？〃
　Tailor　shrugged。　〃It　was　thought…I　was　given　to　understand…that　you　could　have　a　future　as　a　spokesman　for…for　the　government。　Due　to　your　war　experience。　Once　you're　well。〃
　Cordelia　snorted。　〃They've　got　some　awfully　strange　illusions　about　my　soldierly　career。　Look…as　far　as　I'm　concerned；　Steady　Freddy　can　put　on　falsies　and　go　woo　the　hermaphrodite　vote　in　Quartz。　But　I'm　n…not　going　to　play　the　part　of　a；　a　propaganda　cow；　to　be　milked　by　any　party。　I've　an　aversion　to　politics；　to　quote　a　friend。〃
　〃Well。。。〃　He　shrugged；　as　though　he　too　had　discharged　a　duty；　and　went　on　more　firmly。　〃Be　that　as　it　may；　getting　you　fit　for　work　again　is　my　concern。〃
　〃I'm…I'll　be　all　right；　after　m…my　month's　leave。　I　just　need　a　rest。　I　want　to　go　back　to　Survey。〃
　〃And　so　you　can。　Just　as　soon　as　you're　medically　cleared。〃
　〃Oh。〃　The　implications　of　that　took　a　moment　to　sink　in。　〃Oh；　no…wait　a　minute。　I　had　a　little　p…problem　with　Dr。　Sprague。　Very　nice　lady；　her　reasoning　was　sound；　but　her　premises　were　wrong。〃
　modore　Tailor　gazed　at　her　sadly。　〃I　think　I'd　better　turn　you　over　to　Dr。　Mehta；　now。　She'll　explain　everything。　You　will　cooperate　with　her；　won't　you；　Cordelia？〃
　Cordelia　pursed　her　lips；　chilled。　〃Let　me　get　this　straight。　What　you're　saying　is；　if　I　can't　make　your　shrink　happy；　I'll　never　set　foot　on　a　Survey　ship　again。　No　c…mand…no　job；　in　fact。〃
　〃That's…a　very　harsh　way　of　putting　it。　But　you　know　yourself；　for　Survey；　with　small　groups　of　people　isolated　together　for　extended　periods　of　time；　the　psych　profiles　are　of　the　utmost　importance。〃
　〃Yes；　I　know。。。〃　She　twitched　her　mouth　into　a　smile。　〃I'll　c…cooperate。　S…sure。〃
　
　CHAPTER　THIRTEEN
　〃Now；〃　said　Dr。　Mehta　cheerfully；　setting　up　her　box　on　a　table　in　the　Naismiths'　apartment　next　afternoon；　〃this　is　a　pletely　non…invasive　method　of　monitoring。　You　won't　feel　a　thing；　it　won't　do　a　thing　to　you；　except　give　me　clues　as　to　which　subjects　are　of　subconscious　importance　to　you。〃　She　paused　to　swallow　a　capsule；　remarking；　〃Allergy。　Excuse　me。　Think　of　it　as　an　emotional　dowsing　rod；　looking　for　those　buried　streams　of　experience。〃
　〃Telling　you　where　to　drill　the　well；　eh？〃
　〃Exactly。　Do　you　mind　if　I　smoke？〃
　〃Go　ahead。〃
　Mehta　lit　an　aromatic　cigarette　and　set　it　casually　in　an　ashtray　she　had　brought　with　her。　The　smoke　drifted　toward　Cordelia。　She　squinted　at　its　acridity。　Odd　perversion　for　a　doctor；　well；　we　all　have　our　weaknesses。　She　eyed　the　box；　suppressing　irritation。
　〃Now　for　a　baseline；〃　said　Mehta。　〃July。〃
　〃Am　I　supposed　to　say　August；　or　something？〃
　〃No；　it's　not　a　free…association　test…the　machine　will　do　the　work。　But　you　may；　if　you　wish。〃
　〃That's　all　right。〃
　〃Twelve。〃
　Apostles；　thought　Cordelia。　Eggs。　Days　of　Christmas。
　〃Death。〃
　Birth；　thought　Cordelia。　Those　upper…class　Barrayarans　put　everything　into　their　children。　Name；　property；　culture；　even　their　government's　continuity。　A　huge　burden；　no　wonder　the　children　bend　and　twist　under　the　strain。
　〃Birth。〃
　Death；　thought　Cordelia。　A　man　without　a　son　is　a　walking　ghost　there；　with　no　part　in　their　future。　And　when　their　government　fails；　they　pay　the　price　in　their　children's　lives。　Five　thousand。
　Mehta　moved　her　ashtray　a　little　to　the　left。　It　didn't　help；　made　it　worse；　in　fact。
　〃Sex。〃
　Not　likely；　with　me　here　and　him　there。。。
　〃Seventeen。〃
　Canisters；　thought　Cordelia。　Wonder　how　those　poor　desperate　little　scraps　of　life　are　doing？
　Dr。　Mehta　frowned　uncertainly　at　her　readouts。　〃Seventeen？〃　she　repeated。
　Eighteen；　Cordelia　thought　firmly。　Dr。　Mehta　made　a　note。
　〃Admiral　Vorrutyer。〃
　Poor　butchered　toad。　You　know；　I　think　you　spoke　the　truth…you　must　have　loved　Aral　once；　to　have　hated　him　so。　What　did　he　do　to　you；　I　wonder？　Rejected　you；　most　likely。　I　could　understand　that　pain。　We　have　some　mon　ground　after　all；　perhaps。。。
　Mehta　adjusted　another　dial；　frowned　again；　turned　it　back。　〃Admiral　Vorkosigan。〃
　Ah　love；　let　us　be　true　to　one　another。。。　Cordelia　focused　wearily　on　Mehta's　blue　uniform。　She'll　get　a　geyser　if　she　drills　her　well　there…probably　knows　it　already；　she's　making　another　note。。。
　Mehta　glanced　at　her　chronometer；　and　leaned　forward　with　increased　attention。　〃Let's　talk　about　Admiral　Vorkosigan。〃
　Let's　not；　thought　Cordelia；　〃What　about　him？〃
　〃Does　he　work　much　in　their　Intelligence　section；　do　you　know？〃
　〃I　don't　think　so。　His　main　line　seems　to　be　Staff　tactician；　when…when　he　isn't　on　patrol　duty。〃
　〃The　Butcher　of　Komarr。〃
　〃That's　a　damned　lie；〃　said　Cordelia　automatically；　then　wished　she　hadn't　spoken。
　〃Who　told　you　that？〃　asked　Mehta。
　〃He　did。〃
　〃He　did。　Ah。〃
　I'll　get　you　for　that　〃Ah〃…no。　Cooperation。　Calm。　I　do　feel　calm。。。　Wish　that　woman　would　either　finish　smok