雨果 悲惨世界 英文版1-第60部分

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　that　perhaps　he　should　not　be　more　unhappy　after　doing　his　duty　than　after　having　avoided　it；　that　if　he　allowed　things　to　take　their　own　course；　if　he　remained　at　M。　sur　M。；　his　consideration；　his　good　name；　his　good　works；　the　deference　and　veneration　paid　to　him；　his　charity；　his　wealth；　his　popularity；　his　virtue；　would　be　seasoned　with　a　crime。　And　what　would　be　the　taste　of　all　these　holy　things　when　bound　up　with　this　hideous　thing？　while；　if　he　acplished　his　sacrifice；　a　celestial　idea　would　be　mingled　with　the　galleys；　the　post；　the　iron　necklet；　the　green　cap；　unceasing　toil；　and　pitiless　shame。
　　At　length　he　told　himself　that　it　must　be　so；　that　his　destiny　was　thus　allotted；　that　he　had　not　authority　to　alter　the　arrangements　made　on　high；　that；　in　any　case；　he　must　make　his　choice：
　　virtue　without　and　abomination　within；　or　holiness　within　and　infamy　without。
　　The　stirring　up　of　these　lugubrious　ideas　did　not　cause　his　courage　to　fail；　but　his　brain　grow　weary。
　　He　began　to　think　of　other　things；　of　indifferent　matters；　in　spite　of　himself。
　　The　veins　in　his　temples　throbbed　violently；　he　still　paced　to　and　fro；　midnight　sounded　first　from　the　parish　church；　then　from　the　town…hall；　he　counted　the　twelve　strokes　of　the　two　clocks；　and　pared　the　sounds　of　the　two　bells；　he　recalled　in　this　connection　the　fact　that；　a　few　days　previously；　he　had　seen　in　an　ironmonger's　shop　an　ancient　clock　for　sale；　upon　which　was　written　the　name；　Antoine…Albin　de　Romainville。
　　He　was　cold；　he　lighted　a　small　fire；　it　did　not　occur　to　him　to　close　the　window。
　　In　the　meantime　he　had　relapsed　into　his　stupor；　he　was　obliged　to　make　a　tolerably　vigorous　effort　to　recall　what　had　been　the　subject　of　his　thoughts　before　midnight　had　struck；　he　finally　succeeded　in　doing　this。
　　〃Ah！　yes；〃　he　said　to　himself；　〃I　had　resolved　to　inform　against　myself。〃
　　And　then；　all　of　a　sudden；　he　thought　of　Fantine。
　　〃Hold！〃　said　he；　〃and　what　about　that　poor　woman？〃
　　Here　a　fresh　crisis　declared　itself。
　　Fantine；　by　appearing　thus　abruptly　in　his　revery；　produced　the　effect　of　an　unexpected　ray　of　light；　it　seemed　to　him　as　though　everything　about　him　were　undergoing　a　change　of　aspect：
　　he　exclaimed：
　　〃Ah！　but　I　have　hitherto　considered　no　one　but　myself；　it　is　proper　for　me　to　hold　my　tongue　or　to　denounce　myself；　to　conceal　my　person　or　to　save　my　soul；　to　be　a　despicable　and　respected　magistrate；　or　an　infamous　and　venerable　convict；　it　is　I；　it　is　always　I　and　nothing　but　I：　but；　good　God！　all　this　is　egotism；　these　are　diverse　forms　of　egotism；　but　it　is　egotism　all　the　same。　What　if　I　were　to　think　a　little　about　others？
　　The　highest　holiness　is　to　think　of　others；　e；　let　us　examine　the　matter。　The　_I_　excepted；　the　_I_　effaced；　the　_I_　forgotten；　what　would　be　the　result　of　all　this？
　　What　if　I　denounce　myself？
　　I　am　arrested；　this　Champmathieu　is　released；　I　am　put　back　in　the　galleys；　that　is　well　and　what　then？
　　What　is　going　on　here？
　　Ah！　here　is　a　country；　a　town；　here　are　factories；　an　industry；　workers；　both　men　and　women；　aged　grandsires；　children；　poor　people！
　　All　this　I　have　created；　all　these　I　provide　with　their　living；　everywhere　where　there　is　a　smoking　chimney；　it　is　I　who　have　placed　the　brand　on　the　hearth　and　meat　in　the　pot；　I　have　created　ease；　circulation；　credit；　before　me　there　was　nothing；　I　have　elevated；　vivified；　informed　with　life；　fecundated；　stimulated；　enriched　the　whole　country…side；　lacking　me；　the　soul　is　lacking；　I　take　myself　off；　everything　dies：　and　this　woman；　who　has　suffered　so　much；　who　possesses　so　many　merits　in　spite　of　her　fall；　the　cause　of　all　whose　misery　I　have　unwittingly　been！
　　And　that　child　whom　I　meant　to　go　in　search　of；　whom　I　have　promised　to　her　mother；　do　I　not　also　owe　something　to　this　woman；　in　reparation　for　the　evil　which　I　have　done　her？　If　I　disappear；　what　happens？
　　The　mother　dies；　the　child　bees　what　it　can；　that　is　what　will　take　place；　if　I　denounce　myself。　If　I　do　not　denounce　myself？　e；　let　us　see　how　it　will　be　if　I　do　not　denounce　myself。〃
　　After　putting　this　question　to　himself；　he　paused；　he　seemed　to　undergo　a　momentary　hesitation　and　trepidation；　but　it　did　not　last　long；　and　he　answered　himself　calmly：
　　〃Well；　this　man　is　going　to　the　galleys；　it　is　true；　but　what　the　deuce！　he　has　stolen！
　　There　is　no　use　in　my　saying　that　he　has　not　been　guilty　of　theft；　for　he　has！
　　I　remain　here；　I　go　on：　in　ten　years　I　shall　have　made　ten　millions；　I　scatter　them　over　the　country；　I　have　nothing　of　my　own；　what　is　that　to　me？　It　is　not　for　myself　that　I　am　doing　it；　the　prosperity　of　all　goes　on　augmenting；　industries　are　aroused　and　animated；　factories　and　shops　are　multiplied；　families；　a　hundred　families；　a　thousand　families；　are　happy；　the　district　bees　populated；　villages　spring　up　where　there　were　only　farms　before；　farms　rise　where　there　was　nothing；　wretchedness　disappears；　and　with　wretchedness　debauchery；　prostitution；　theft；　murder；　all　vices　disappear；　all　crimes：
　　and　this　poor　mother　rears　her　child；　and　behold　a　whole　country　rich　and　honest！
　　Ah！
　　I　was　a　fool！　I　was　absurd！　what　was　that　I　was　saying　about　denouncing　myself？　I　really　must　pay　attention　and　not　be　precipitate　about　anything。　What！　because　it　would　have　pleased　me　to　play　the　grand　and　generous；　this　is　melodrama；　after　all；　because　I　should　have　thought　of　no　one　but　myself；　the　idea！　for　the　sake　of　saving　from　a　punishment；　a　trifle　exaggerated；　perhaps；　but　just　at　bottom；　no　one　knows　whom；　a　thief；　a　good…for…nothing；　evidently；　a　whole　country…side　must　perish！　a　poor　woman　must　die　in　the　hospital！　a　poor　little　girl　must　die　in　the　street！　like　dogs；　ah；　this　is　abominable！　And　without　the　mother　even　having　seen　her　child　once　more；　almost　without　the　child's　having　known　her　mother；　and　all　that　for　the　sake　of　an　old　wretch　of　an　apple…thief　who；　most　assuredly；　has　deserved　the　galleys　for　something　else；　if　not　for　that；　fine　scruples；　indeed；　which　save　a　guilty　man　and　sacrifice　the　innocent；　which　save　an　old　vagabond　who　has　only　a　few　years　to　live　at　most；　and　who　will　not　be　more　unhappy　in　the　galleys　than　in　his　hovel；　and　which　sacrifice　a　whole　population；　mothers；　wives；　children。　This　poor　little　Cosette　who　has　no　one　in　the　world　but　me；　and　who　is；　no　doubt；　blue　with　cold　at　this　moment　in　the　den　of　those　Thenardiers；　those　peoples　are　rascals；　and　I　was　going　to　neglect　my　duty　towards　all　these　poor　creatures；　and　I　was　going　off　to　denounce　myself；　and　I　was　about　to　mit　that　unspeakable　folly！　Let　us　put　it　at　the　worst：
　　suppose　that　there　is　a　wrong　action　on　my　part　in　this；　and　that　my　conscience　will　reproach　me　for　it　some　day；　to　accept；　for　the　good　of　others；　these　reproaches　which　weigh　only　on　myself；　this　evil　action　which　promises　my　soul　alone；　in　that　lies　self…sacrifice；　in　that　alone　there　is　virtue。〃
　　He　rose　and　resumed　his　march；　this　time；　he　seemed　to　be　content。
　　Diamonds　are　found　only　in　the　dark　places　of　the　earth；　truths　are　found　only　in　the　depths　of　thought。
　　It　seemed　to　him；　that；　after　having　descended　into　these　depths；　after　having　long　groped　among　the　darkest　of　these　shadows；　he　had　at　last　found　one　of　these　diamonds；　one　of　these　truths；　and　that　he　now　held　it　in　his　hand；　and　he　was　dazzled　as　he　gazed　upon　it。
　　〃Yes；〃　he　thought；　〃this　is　right；　I　am　on　the　right　road；　I　have　the　solution；　I　must　end　by　holding　fast　to　something；　my　resolve　is　taken；　let　things　take　their　course；　let　us　no　longer　vacillate；　let　us　no　longer　hang　back；　this　is　for　the　interest　of　all；　not　for　my　own；　I　am　Madeleine；　and　Madeleine　I　remain。
　　Woe　to　the　man　who　is　Jean　Valjean！
　　I　am　no　longer　he；　I　do　not　know　that　man；　I　no　longer　know　anything；　it　turns　out　that　some　one　is　Jean　Valjean　at　the　present　moment；　let　him　look　out　for　himself；　that　does　not　concern　me；　it　is　a　fatal　name　which　was　floating　abroad　in　the　night；　if　it　halts　and　descends　on　a　head；　so　much　the　worse　for　that　head。〃
　　He　looked　into　the　little　mirror　which　hung　above　his　chimney…piece；　and　said：
　　〃Hold！　it　has　relieved　me　to　e　to　a　decision；　I　am　quite　another　man　now。〃
　　He　proceeded　a　few　paces　further；　then　he　stopped　short。
　　〃e！〃　he　said；　〃I　must　not　flinch　before　any　of　the　consequences　of　the　resolution　which　I　have　once　adopted；　there　are　still　threads　which　attach　me　to　that　Jean　Valjean；　they　must　be　broken；　in　this　very　room　there　are　objects　which　would　betray　me；　dumb　things　which　would　bear　witness　against　me；　it　is　settled；　all　these　things　must　disappear。〃
　　He　fumbled　in　his　pocket；　drew　out　his　purse；　opened　it；　and　took　out　a　small　key；　he　inserted　the　key　in　a　lock　whose　aperture　could　hardly　be　seen；　so　hidden　was　it　in　the　most　sombre　tones　of　the　design　which　covered　the　wall…paper；　a　secret　receptacle　opened；　a　sort　of　false　cupboard　constructed　in　the　angle　between　the　wall　and　the　chimney…piece；　in　this　hiding…place　there　were　some　rags　a　blue　linen　blouse；　an　old　pair　of　trousers；　an　old　knapsack；　and　a　huge　thorn　cudgel　shod　with　iron　at　both　ends。
　　Those　who　had　seen　Jean　Valje