璇玑之心刃·冷血悍将-第104部分

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ut　speed；　and　frantically　blowing　his　diesel　hom。　Oh　God；　oh　God；　please　don‘t　…
She　never　saw　it　ing。　Her　head　never　turned。　The　station　wagon　just　jumped　light　through　the　intersection；　and　the　driver‘s　lingering　memory　would　be　of　the　young　woman‘s　profile　disappearing　under　the　hood　of　his　diesel　tractor；　and　then　the　awful　lurch　and　shuddering　surge　upwards　as　the　truck　crushed　the　wagon　under　his　front　wheels。
The　worst　part　of　all　was　not　feeling。　Helen　was　her　friend。　Helen　was　dying；　and　Pam　knew　she　should　feel　something；　but　she　couldn‘t。　The　body　was　gagged；　but　that　didn‘t　stop　all　the　sounds　as　Billy　and　Rick　did　what　they　were　doing。　Breath　found　its　way　out；　and　though　her　mouth　couldn‘t　move；　the　sounds　were　those　of　a　woman　soon　to　leave　her　life　behind；　but　the　trip　had　a　price　which　had　to　be　paid　first；　and　Rick　and　Billy　and　Burt　and　Henry　were　doing　the　collecting。　She　tried　to　tell　herself　that　she　was　really　in　another　place；　but　the　awful　choking　sounds　kept　bringing　her　eyes　and　her　consciousness　back　to　what　reality　had　bee。　Helen　was　bad。　Helen　had　tried　to　run　away；　and　they　couldn‘t　have　that。　It　had　been　explained　to　them　all　more　than　once；　and　was　now　being　explained　again　in　a　way；　Henry　said；　that　they　would　be　sure　to　remember。　Pam　felt　where　her　ribs　had　once　been　broken；　remembering　her　lesson。　She　knew　there　was　nothing　she　could　do　as　Helen‘s　eyes　fixed　on　her　face。　She　tried　to　convey　sympathy　with　her　eyes。　She　didn‘t　dare　do　more　than　that；　and　presently　Helen　stopped　making　noise；　and　it　was　over；　for　now。　Now　she　could　close　her　eyes　and　wonder　when　it　would　be　her　turn。
The　crew　thought　it　was　pretty　funny。　They　had　the　American　pilot　tied　up　right　outside　their　sandbagged　emplacement　so　he　could　see　the　guns　that　had　shot　him　down。　Less　funny　was　what　their　prisoner　had　done；　and　they‘d　expressed　their　displeasure　for　it　with　fists　and　boots。　They　had　the　other　body；　too；　and　they　set　it　right　next　to　him；　enjoying　the　look　of　sorrow　and　despair　on　his　face　as　he　looked　at　his　fellow　bandit。　The　intelligence　officer　from　Hanoi　was　here　now；　checking　the　man‘s　name　against　a　list　he‘d　brought　along；　bending　down　again　to　read　off　the　name。　It　must　have　been　something　special；　the　gunners　all　thought；　from　the　way　he　reacted　to　it；　an　the　urgent　phone　call　he‘d　made。　After　the　prisoner　passed　out　from　his　pain；　the　intelligence　officer　had　swabbed　some　blood　from　the　dead　body　and　covered　the　live　one‘s　face　with　it。　Then　he‘d　snapped　a　few　photos。　That　puzzled　the　gun　crew。　It　was　almost　as　though　he　wanted　the　live　one　to　look　as　dead　as　the　body　next　to　him。　How　very　odd。
It　wasn‘t　the　first　body　he‘d　had　to　identify；　but　Kelly　had　thought　that　aspect　of　his　life　was　a　thing　left　far　behind。　Other　people　were　there　to　support　him；　but　not　falling　down　wasn‘t　the　same　thing　as　surviving；　and　there　was　no　consolation　at　a　moment　such　as　this。　He　walked　out　of　the　emergency　room；　people‘s　eyes　on　him；　doctors　and　nurses。　A　priest　had　been　called　to　perform　his　last　duty；　and　had　said　a　few　things　that　he　knew　were　unheard。　A　police　officer　explained　that　it　hadn‘t　been　the　driver‘s　fault。　The　brakes　had　failed。　Mechanical　defect。　Nobody‘s　fault；　really。　Just　one　of　those　things。　All　the　things　he‘d　said　before；　on　other　such　occasions；　trying　to　explain　to　some　innocent　person　why　the　main　part　of　his　world　had　just　ended；　as　though　it　mattered。　This　Mr　Kelly　was　a　tough　one；　the　officer　saw；　and　all　the　more　vulnerable　because　of　it。　His　wife　and　unborn　child；　whom　he　might　have　protected　against　any　hazard；　were　dead　by　an　accident。　Nobody　to　blame。　The　trucker；　a　family　man　himself；　was　in　the　hospital；　under　sedation　after　having　gone　under　his　rig　in　the　hope　of　finding　her　alive。　People　Kelly　had　been　working　with　sat　with　him；　and　would　help　him　make　arrangements。　There　was　nothing　else　to　be　done　for　a　man　who　would　have　accepted　hell　rather　than　this；　because　he‘d　seen　hell。　But　there　was　more　than　one　hell；　and　he　hadn‘t　seen　them　all　quite　yet。
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　　　　WithoutRemors
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Enfant　perdu
May
He‘d　never　know　why　he　stopped。　Kelly　pulled　his　Scout　over　to　the　shoulder　without　a　conscious　thought。　She　hadn‘t　had　her　hand　out　soliciting　a　ride。　She‘d　just　been　standing　at　the　side　of　the　road；　watching　the　cars　speed　past　in　a　spray　of　highway　grit　and　a　wake　of　fumes。　Her　posture　was　that　of　a　hitchhiker；　one　knee　locked；　the　other　bent。　Her　clothes　were　clearly　well　used　and　a　backpack　was　loosely　slung　over　one　shoulder。　Her　tawny；　shoulder…length　hair　moved　about　in　the　rush　of　air　from　the　traffic。　Her　face　showed　nothing；　but　Kelly　didn‘t　see　that　until　he　was　already　pressing　his　right　foot　on　the　brake　pedal　and　angling　onto　the　loose　rock　of　the　shoulder。　He　wondered　if　he　should　go　back　into　the　traffic；　then　decided　that　he　was　already　mitted；　though　to　what　he　didn‘t　know；　exactly。　The　girl‘s　eyes　followed　the　car　and；　as　he　looked　in　his　rearview　mirror；　she　shrugged　without　any　particular　enthusiasm　and　walked　towards　him。　The　passenger　window　was　down　already；　and　in　a　few　seconds　she　was　there。
‘Where　you　goin‘？‘　she　asked。
That　surprised　Kelly。　He　thought　the　first　question　…Need　a　ride？　…　was　supposed　to　be　his。　He　hesitated　for　a　second　or　two；　looking　at　her。　Twenty…one；　perhaps；　but　old　for　her　years。　Her　face　wasn‘t　dirty；　but　neither　was　it　clean；　perhaps　from　the　wind　and　dust　on　the　interstate。　She　wore　a　man‘s　cotton　shirt　that　hadn‘t　been　ironed　in　months；　and　her　hair　was　knotted。　But　what　surprised　him　most　of　all　were　her　eyes。　Fetchingly　gray…green；　they　stared　past　Kelly　into　。。。　what？　He‘d　seen　the　look　before　often　enough；　but　only　on　weary　men。　He‘d　had　the　look　himself；　Kelly　remembered；　but　even　then　he‘d　never　known　what　his　eyes　saw。　It　didn‘t　occur　to　him　that　he　wore　a　look　not　so　different　now。
‘Back　to　my　boat；‘　he　answered　finally；　not　knowing　what　else　to　say。　And　that　quickly；　her　eyes　changed。
‘You　have　a　boat？‘　she　asked。　Her　eyes　lit　up　like　a　child‘s；　a　smile　started　there　and　radiated　down　the　remainder　of　her　face；　as　though　he‘d　just　answered　an　important　question。　She　had　a　cute　gap　between　her　front　teeth；　Kelly　noticed。
‘Forty…footer　…　she‘s　a　diesel　cruiser。‘　He　waved　to　the　back　of　the　Scout；　whose　cargo　area　was　pletely　filled　with　cartons　of　groceries。　‘You　want　to　e　along？‘　he　asked；　also　without　thinking。
‘Sure！‘　Without　hesitation　she　yanked　open　the　door　and　tossed　her　backpack　on　the　floor　in　front　of　the　passenger　seat。
Pulling　back　into　traffic　was　dangerous。　Short　of　wheel…base　and　short　of　power；　the　Scout　wasn‘t　built　for　interstate…highway　driving；　and　Kelly　had　to　concentrate。　The　car　wasn‘t　fast　enough　to　go　in　any　other　lane　than　the　right；　and　with　people　ing　on　and　off　at　every　interchange；　he　had　to　pay　attention　because　the　Scout　wasn‘t　nimble　enough　to　avoid　all　the　idiots　who　were　heading　out　to　the　ocean　or　wherever　the　hell　people　went　on　a　three…day　weekend。
You　want　to　e　along？　he‘d　asked；　and　she‘d　said　Sure；　his　mind　reported　to　him。　What　the　hеll？　Kelly　frowned　in　frustration　at　the　traffic　because　he　didn‘t　know　the　answer；　but　then　there　were　a　lot　of　questions　to　which　he　hadn‘t　known　the　answers　in　the　last　six　months。　He　told　his　mind　to　be　quiet　and　watched　the　traffic；　even　though　it　kept　up　its　inquiries　in　a　nagging　sort　of　background　noise。　One‘s　mind；　after　all；　rarely　obeys　its　own　mands。
Memorial　Day　weekend；　he　thought。　The　cars　around　him　were　filled　with　people　rushing　home　from　work；　or　those　who‘d　already　made　that　trip　and　picked　up　their　families。　The　faces　of　children　stared　out　of　the　rear…seat　windows。　One　or　two　waved　at　him；　but　Kelly　pretended　not　to　notice。　It　was　hard　not　having　a　soul；　most　especially　when　you　could　remember　having　had　one。
Kelly　ran　a　hand　across　his　jaw；　feeling　the　sandpaper　texture。　The　hand　itself　was　dirty。　No　wonder　they‘d　acted　that　way　at　the　grocery　warehouse。　Letting　yourself　go；　Kelly。
Well；　who　the　hell　cares？
He　turned　to　look　at　his　guest　and　realized　that　he　didn‘t　know　her　name。　He　was　taking　her　to　his　boat；　and　he　didn‘t　know　her　name。　Amazing。　She　was　staring　forward；　her　face　serene。　It　was　a　pretty　face　in　profile。　She　was　thin　…　perhaps　willowy　was　the　right　word；　her　hair　halfway　between　blonde　and　brown。　Her　jeans　were　worn　and　torn　in　a　few　places；　and　had　begun　life　at　one　of　those　stores　where　they　charged　you　extra　to　sell　jeans　that　were　pre…faded　…　or　whatever　they　did　with　them。　Kelly　didn‘t　know　and　cared　less。　One　more　thing　not　to　care　about。
Christ；　how　did　you　ever　get　this　screwed　up？　his　mind　demanded　of　him。　He　knew　the　answer；　but　even　that　was　not　a　full　explanation。　Different　segments　of　the　organism　called　John　Terrence　Kelly　knew　different　parts　of　the　whole　story；　but　somehow　they‘d　never　all　e　together；　leaving　the　separate　fragments　of　what　had　once　been　a　tough；　smart；　decisive　man　to　blunder　about　in　confusion　…　and　despair？　There　was　a　happy　thought。
He　remembered　what　he‘d　once　been。　He　remembered　all　the　things　that　he　had　survived；　amazed　that　he　had　done　so。　And　perhaps　the　worst　torment　of　all　was　that　he　d