the hunger games-饥饿游戏(英文版)-第58部分

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with　the　door；　I　canˇt　shake　the　feeling　that　Iˇm　being　watched　constantly。
The　interview　takes　place　right　down　the　hall　in　the　sitting　room。　A　space　has　been　cleared　and　the　love　seat　has　been　moved　in　and　surrounded　by　vases　of　red　and　pink　roses。　There　are　only　a　handful　of　cameras　to　record　the　event。　No　live　audience　at　least。
Caesar　Flickerman　gives　me　a　warm　hug　when　I。　e　in。　¨Congratulations；　Katniss。　How　are　you　faring？〃
¨Fine。　Nervous　about　the　interview；〃　I　say。
¨Donˇt　be。　Weˇre　going　to　have　a　fabulous　time；〃　he　says；　giving　my　cheek　a　reassuring　pat。
¨Iˇm　not　good　at　talking　about　myself；〃　I　say。
¨Nothing　you　say　will　be　wrong；〃　he　says。
And　I　think；　Oh；　Caesar；　if　only　that　were　true。　But　actually；　President　Snow　may　be　arranging　some　sort　of　¨accident〃　for　me　as　we　speak。
Then　Peetaˇs　there　looking　handsome　in　red　and　white；　pulling　me　off　to　the　side。　¨I　hardly　get　to　see　you。　Haymitch　seems　bent　on　keeping　us　apart。〃　
Haymitch　is　actually　bent　on　keeping　us　alive；　but　there　are　too　many　ears　listening；　so　I　just　say；　¨Yes；　heˇs　gotten　very　responsible　lately。〃
¨Well；　thereˇs　just　this　and　we　go　home。　Then　he　canˇt　watch　us　all　the　time；〃　says　Peeta。
I　feel　a　sort　of　shiver　run　through　me　and　thereˇs　no　time　to　analyze　why；　because　theyˇre　ready　for　us。　We　sit　somewhat　formally　on　the　love　seat；　but　Caesar　says；　¨Oh；　go　ahead　and　curl　up　next　to　him　if　you　want。　It　looked　very　sweet。〃　So　I　tuck　my　feet　up　and　Peeta　pulls　me　in　close　to　him。
Someone　counts　backward　and　just　like　that；　weˇre　being　broadcast　live　to　the　entire　country。　Caesar　Flickerman　is　wonderful；　teasing；　joking；　getting　choked　up　when　the　occasion　presents　itself。　He　and　Peeta　already　have　the　rapport　they　established　that　night　of　the　first　interview；　that　easy　banter；　so　I　just　smile　a　lot　and　try　to　speak　as　little　as　possible。　I　mean；　I　have　to　talk　some；　but　as　soon　as　I　can　I　redirect　the　conversation　back　to　Peeta。
Eventually　though；　Caesar　begins　to　pose　questions　that　insist　on　fuller　answers。　¨Well；　Peeta；　we　know；　from　our　days　in　the　cave；　that　it　was　love　at　first　sight　for　you　from　what；　age　five？〃　Caesar　says。
¨From　the　moment　I　laid　eyes　on　her；〃　says　Peeta。
¨But；　Katniss；　what　a　ride　for　you。　I　think　the　real　excitement　for　the　audience　was　watching　you　fall　for　him。　When　did　you　realize　you　were　in　love　with　him？〃　asks　Caesar。
¨Oh；　thatˇs　a　hard　one　。　。　。〃　I　give　a　faint；　breathy　laugh　and　look　down　at　my　hands。　Help。
¨Well；　I　know　when　it　hit　me。　The　night　when　you　shouted　out　his　name　from　that　tree；〃　says　Caesar。
Thank　you；　Caesar！　I　think；　and　then　go　with　his　idea。　¨Yes；　I　guess　that　was　it。　I　mean；　until　that　point；　I　just　tried　not　to　think　about　what　my　feelings　might　be；　honestly；　because　it　was　so　confusing　and　it　only　made　things　worse　if　I　actually　cared　about　him。　But　then；　in　the　tree；　everything　changed；〃　I　say。
¨Why　do　you　think　that　was？〃　urges　Caesar。
¨Maybe　。　。　。　because　for　the　first　time　。　。　。　there　was　a　chance　I　could　keep　him；〃　I　say。
Behind　a　cameraman；　I　see　Haymitch　give　a　sort　of　huff　with　relief　and　I　know　Iˇve　said　the　right　thing。　Caesar　pulls　out　a　handkerchief　and　has　to　take　a　moment　because　heˇs　so　moved。　I　can　feel　Peeta　press　his　forehead　into　my　temple　and　he　asks；　¨So　now　that　youˇve　got　me；　what　are　you　going　to　do　with　me？〃
I　turn　in　to　him。　¨Put　you　somewhere　you　canˇt　get　hurt。〃　And　when　he　kisses　me；　people　in　the　room　actually　sigh。
For　Caesar；　this　is　a　natural　place　to　segue　into　all　the　ways　we　did　get　hurt　in　the　arena；　from　burns；　to　stings；　to　wounds。　But　itˇs　not　until　we　get　around　to　the　mutts　that　I　forget　Iˇm　on　camera。　When　Caesar　asks　Peeta　how　his　¨new　leg〃　is　working　out。
¨New　leg？〃　I　say；　and　I　canˇt　help　reaching　out　and　pulling　up　the　bottom　of　Peetaˇs　pants。　¨Oh；　no；〃　I　whisper；　taking　in　the　metal…and…plastic　device　that　has　replaced　his　flesh。
¨No　one　told　you？〃　asks　Caesar　gently。　I　shake　my　head。
¨I　havenˇt　had　the　chance；〃　says　Peeta　with　a　slight　shrug。
¨Itˇs　my　fault；〃　I　say。　¨Because　I　used　that　tourniquet。〃
¨Yes；　itˇs　your　fault　Iˇm　alive；〃　says　Peeta。
¨Heˇs　right；〃　says　Caesar。　¨Heˇd　have　bled　to　death　for　sure　without　it。〃
I　guess　this　is　true；　but　I　canˇt　help　feeling　upset　about　it　to　the　extent　that　Iˇm　afraid　I　might　cry　and　then　I　remember　everyone　in　the　country　is　watching　me　so　I　just　bury　my　face　in　Peetaˇs　shirt。　It　takes　them　a　couple　of　minutes　to　coax　me　back　out　because　itˇs　better　in　the　shirt；　where　no　one　can　see　me；　and　when　I　do　e　out；　Caesar　backs　off　questioning　me　so　I　can　recover。　In　fact；　he　pretty　much　leaves　me　alone　until　the　berries　e　up。
¨Katniss；　I　know　youˇve　had　a　shock；　but　Iˇve　got　to　ask。　The　moment　when　you　pulled　out　those　berries。　What　was　going　on　in　your　mind　。　。　。　hm？〃　he　says。
I　take　a　long　pause　before　I　answer；　trying　to　collect　my　thoughts。　This　is　the　crucial　moment　where　I　either　challenged　the　Capitol　or　went　so　crazy　at　the　idea　of　losing　Peeta　that　I　canˇt　be　held　responsible　for　my　actions。　It　seems　to　call　for　a　big；　dramatic　speech；　but　all　I　get　out　is　one　almost　inaudible　sentence。　¨I　donˇt　know；　I　just　。　。　。　couldnˇt　bear　the　thought　of　。　。　。　being　without　him。〃
¨Peeta？　Anything　to　add？〃　asks　Caesar。
¨No。　I　think　that　goes　for　both　of　us；〃　he　says。
Caesar　signs　off　and　itˇs　over。　Everyoneˇs　laughing　and　crying　and　hugging；　but　Iˇm　still　not　sure　until　I　reach　Haymitch。　¨Okay？〃　I　whisper。
¨Perfect；〃　he　answers。
I　go　back　to　my　room　to　collect　a　few　things　and　find　thereˇs　nothing　to　take　but　the　mockingjay　pin　Madge　gave　me。　Someone　returned　it　to　my　room　after　the　Games。　They　drive　us　through　the　streets　in　a　car　with　blackened　windows；　and　the　trainˇs　waiting　for　us。　We　barely　have　time　to　say　good…bye　to　Cinna　and　Portia；　although　weˇll　see　them　in　a　few　months；　when　we　tour　the　districts　for　a　round　of　victory　ceremonies。　Itˇs　the　Capitolˇs　way　of　reminding　people　that　the　Hunger　Games　never　really　go　away。　Weˇll　be　given　a　lot　of　useless　plaques；　and　everyone　will　have　to　pretend　they　love　us。
The　train　begins　moving　and　weˇre　plunged　into　night　until　we　clear　the　tunnel　and　I　take　my　first　free　breath　since　the　reaping。　Effie　is　acpanying　us　back　and　Haymitch；　too；　of　course。　We　eat　an　enormous　dinner　and　settle　into　silence　in　front　of　the　television　to　watch　a　replay　of　the　interview。　With　the　Capitol　growing　farther　away　every　second；　I　begin　to　think　of　home。　Of　Prim　and　my　mother。　Of　Gale。　I　excuse　myself　to　change　out　of　my　dress　and　into　a　plain　shirt　and　pants。　As　I　slowly；　thoroughly　wash　the　makeup　from　my　face　and　put　my　hair　in　its　braid；　I　begin　transforming　back　into　myself。　Katniss　Everdeen。　A　girl　who　lives　in　the　Seam。　Hunts　in　the　woods。　Trades　in　the　Hob。　I　stare　in　the　mirror　as　I　try　to　remember　who　I　am　and　who　I　am　not。　By　the　time　I　join　theothers；　the　pressure　of　Peetaˇs　arm　around　my　shoulders　feels　alien。
When　the　train　makes　a　brief　stop　for　fuel；　weˇre　allowed　to　go　outside　for　some　fresh　air。　Thereˇs　no　longer　any　need　to　guard　us。　Peeta　and　I　walk　down　along　the　track；　hand　in　hand；　and　I　canˇt　find　anything　to　say　now　that　weˇre　alone。　He　stops　to　gather　a　bunch　of　wildflowers　for　me。　When　he　presents　them；　I　work　hard　to　look　pleased。　Because　he　canˇt　know　that　the　pink…and…white　flowers　are　the　tops　of　wild　onions　and　only　remind　me　of　the　hours　Iˇve　spent　gathering　them　with　Gale。
Gale。　The　idea　of　seeing　Gale　in　a　matter　of　hours　makes　my　stomach　churn。　But　ind。　I　only　know　that　I　feel　like　Iˇve　been　lying　to　someone　who　trusts　me。　Or　more　accurately；　to　two　people。　Iˇve　been　getting　away　with　it　up　to　this　point　because　of　the　Games。　But　there　will　be　no　Games　to　hide　behind　back　home。
¨Whatˇs　wrong？〃　Peeta　asks。
¨Nothing；〃　I　answer。　We　continue　walking；　past　the　end　of　the　train；　out　where　even　Iˇm　fairly　sure　there　are　no　cameras　hidden　in　the　scrubby　bushes　along　the　track。　Still　no　words　e。
Haymitch　startles　me　when　he　lays　a　hand　on　my　back。　Even　now；　in　the　middle　of　nowhere；　he　keeps　his　voice　down。　¨Great　job；　you　two。　Just　keep　it　up　in　the　district　until　the　cameras　are　gone。　We　should　be　okay。〃　I　watch　him　head　back　to　the　train；　avoiding　Peetaˇs　eyes。
¨Whatˇs　he　mean？〃　Peeta　asks　me。
¨Itˇs　the　Capitol。　They　didnˇt　like　our　stunt　with　the　berries；〃　I　blurt　out。
¨What？　What　are　you　talking　about？〃　he　says。
¨It　seemed　too　rebellious。　So；　Haymitch　has　been　coaching　me　through　the　last　few　days。　So　I　didnˇt　make　it　worse；〃　I　say。
¨Coaching　you？　But　not　me；〃　says　Peeta。
¨He　knew　you　were　smart　enough　to　get　it　right；〃　I　say。
¨I　didnˇt　know　there　was　anything　to　get　right；〃　says　Peeta。　¨So；　what　youˇre　saying　is；　these　last　few　days　and　then　I　guess　。　。　。　back　in　the　arena　。　。　。　that　was　just　some　strategy　you　two　worked　out。〃
¨No。　I　mean；　I　couldnˇt　even　talk　to　him　in　the　arena；　could　I？〃　I　stammer。
¨But　you　knew　what　he　wanted　you　to　do；　didnˇt　you？〃　says　Peeta。　I　bite　my　lip。　¨Katniss？〃　He　drops　my　hand　and　I　take　a　step；　as　if　to　catch　my　balance。
¨It　was　all　for　the　Games；〃　Peeta　says。　¨How　you　acted。〃
¨Not　all　of　it；〃　I　say；　tightly