简爱(英文版)-第57部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


　liberty。
“Mrs。　Reed？　Ah！　mama；　you　mean；　she　is　extremely　poorly：　I　doubt　if　you　can　see　her　to…night。”
“If；”　said　I；　“you　would　just　step　upstairs　and　tell　her　I　am　e；　I　should　be　much　obliged　to　you。”
Georgiana　almost　started；　and　she　opened　her　blue　eyes　wild　and　wide。　“I　know　she　had　a　particular　wish　to　see　me；”　I　added；　“and　I　would　not　defer　attending　to　her　desire　longer　than　is　absolutely　necessary。”
“Mama　dislikes　being　disturbed　in　an　evening；”　remarked　Eliza。　I　soon　rose；　quietly　took　off　my　bon　and　gloves；　uninvited；　and　said　I　would　just　step　out　to　Bessie—who　was；　I　dared　say；　in　the　kitchen—and　ask　her　to　ascertain　whether　Mrs。　Reed　was　disposed　to　receive　me　or　not　to…night。　I　went；　and　having　found　Bessie　and　despatched　her　on　my　errand；　I　proceeded　to　take　further　measures。　It　had　heretofore　been　my　habit　always　to　shrink　from　arrogance：　received　as　I　had　been　to…day；　I　should；　a　year　ago；　have　resolved　to　quit　Gateshead　the　very　next　morning；　now；　it　was　disclosed　to　me　all　at　once　that　that　would　be　a　foolish　plan。　I　had　taken　a　journey　of　a　hundred　miles　to　see　my　aunt；　and　I　must　stay　with　her　till　she　was　better—or　dead：　as　to　her　daughters’　pride　or　folly；　I　must　put　it　on　one　side；　make　myself　independent　of　it。　So　I　addressed　the　housekeeper；　asked　her　to　show　me　a　room；　told　her　I　should　probably　be　a　visitor　here　for　a　week　or　two；　had　my　trunk　conveyed　to　my　chamber；　and　followed　it　thither　myself：　I　met　Bessie　on　the　landing。
“Missis　is　awake；”　said　she；　“I　have　told　her　you　are　here：　e　and　let　us　see　if　she　will　know　you。”
I　did　not　need　to　be　guided　to　the　well…known　room；　to　which　I　had　so　often　been　summoned　for　chastisement　or　reprimand　in　former　days。　I　hastened　before　Bessie；　I　softly　opened　the　door：　a　shaded　light　stood　on　the　table；　for　it　was　now　getting　dark。　There　was　the　great　four…post　bed　with　amber　hangings　as　of　old；　there　the　toilet…　table；　the　armchair；　and　the　footstool；　at　which　I　had　a　hundred　times　been　sentenced　to　kneel；　to　ask　pardon　for　offences　by　me　unmitted。　I　looked　into　a　certain　corner　near；　half…expecting　to　see　the　slim　outline　of　a　once　dreaded　switch　which　used　to　lurk　there；　waiting　to　leap　out　imp…like　and　lace　my　quivering　palm　or　shrinking　neck。　I　approached　the　bed；　I　opened　the　curtains　and　leant　over　the　high…piled　pillows。
Well　did　I　remember　Mrs。　Reed’s　face；　and　I　eagerly　sought　the　familiar　image。　It　is　a　happy　thing　that　time　quells　the　longings　of　vengeance　and　hushes　the　promptings　of　rage　and　aversion。　I　had　left　this　woman　in　bitterness　and　hate；　and　I　came　back　to　her　now　with　no　other　emotion　than　a　sort　of　ruth　for　her　great　sufferings；　and　a　strong　yearning　to　forget　and　forgive　all　injuries—to　be　reconciled　and　clasp　hands　in　amity。
The　well…known　face　was　there：　stern；　relentless　as　ever—there　was　that　peculiar　eye　which　nothing　could　melt；　and　the　somewhat　raised；　imperious；　despotic　eyebrow。　How　often　had　it　lowered　on　me　menace　and　hate！　and　how　the　recollection　of　childhood’s　terrors　and　sorrows　revived　as　I　traced　its　harsh　line　now！　And　yet　I　stooped　down　and　kissed　her：　she　looked　at　me。
“Is　this　Jane　Eyre？”　she　said。
“Yes；　Aunt　Reed。　How　are　you；　dear　aunt？”
I　had　once　vowed　that　I　would　never　call　her　aunt　again：　I　thought　it　no　sin　to　forget　and　break　that　vow　now。　My　fingers　had　fastened　on　her　hand　which　lay　outside　the　sheet：　had　she　pressed　mine　kindly；　I　should　at　that　moment　have　experienced　true　pleasure。　But　unimpressionable　natures　are　not　so　soon　softened；　nor　are　natural　antipathies　so　readily　eradicated。　Mrs。　Reed　took　her　hand　away；　and；　turning　her　face　rather　from　me；　she　remarked　that　the　night　was　warm。　Again　she　regarded　me　so　icily；　I　felt　at　once　that　her　opinion　of　me—her　feeling　towards　me—was　unchanged　and　unchangeable。　I　knew　by　her　stony　eye—opaque　to　tenderness；　indissoluble　to　tears—that　she　was　resolved　to　consider　me　bad　to　the　last；　because　to　believe　me　good　would　give　her　no　generous　pleasure：　only　a　sense　of　mortification。
I　felt　pain；　and　then　I　felt　ire；　and　then　I　felt　a　determination　to　subdue　her—to　be　her　mistress　in　spite　both　of　her　nature　and　her　will。　My　tears　had　risen；　just　as　in　childhood：　I　ordered　them　back　to　their　source。　I　brought　a　chair　to　the　bed…head：　I　sat　down　and　leaned　over　the　pillow。
“You　sent　for　me；”　I　said；　“and　I　am　here；　and　it　is　my　intention　to　stay　till　I　see　how　you　get　on。”
“Oh；　of　course！　You　have　seen　my　daughters？”
“Yes。”
“Well；　you　may　tell　them　I　wish　you　to　stay　till　I　can　talk　some　things　over　with　you　I　have　on　my　mind：　to…night　it　is　too　late；　and　I　have　a　difficulty　in　recalling　them。　But　there　was　something　I　wished　to　say—let　me　see—”
The　wandering　look　and　changed　utterance　told　what　wreck　had　taken　place　in　her　once　vigorous　frame。　Turning　restlessly；　she　drew　the　bedclothes　round　her；　my　elbow；　resting　on　a　corner　of　the　quilt；　fixed　it　down：　she　was　at　once　irritated。
“Sit　up！”　said　she；　“don’t　annoy　me　with　holding　the　clothes　fast。　Are　you　Jane　Eyre？”
“I　am　Jane　Eyre。”
“I　have　had　more　trouble　with　that　child　than　any　one　would　believe。　Such　a　burden　to　be　left　on　my　hands—and　so　much　annoyance　as　she　caused　me；　daily　and　hourly；　with　her　inprehensible　disposition；　and　her　sudden　starts　of　temper；　and　her　continual；　unnatural　watchings　of　one’s　movements！　I　declare　she　talked　to　me　once　like　something　mad；　or　like　a　fiend—no　child　ever　spoke　or　looked　as　she　did；　I　was　glad　to　get　her　away　from　the　house。　What　did　they　do　with　her　at　Lowood？　The　fever　broke　out　there；　and　many　of　the　pupils　died。　She；　however；　did　not　die：　but　I　said　she　did—I　wish　she　had　died！”
“A　strange　wish；　Mrs。　Reed；　why　do　you　hate　her　so？”
“I　had　a　dislike　to　her　mother　always；　for　she　was　my　husband’s　only　sister；　and　a　great　favourite　with　him：　he　opposed　the　family’s　disowning　her　when　she　made　her　low　marriage；　and　when　news　came　of　her　death；　he　wept　like　a　simpleton。　He　would　send　for　the　baby；　though　I　entreated　him　rather　to　put　it　out　to　nurse　and　pay　for　its　maintenance。　I　hated　it　the　first　time　I　set　my　eyes　on　it—a　sickly；　whining；　pining　thing！　It　would　wail　in　its　cradle　all　night　long—not　screaming　heartily　like　any　other　child；　but　whimpering　and　moaning。　Reed　pitied　it；　and　he　used　to　nurse　it　and　notice　it　as　if　it　had　been　his　own：　more；　indeed；　than　he　ever　noticed　his　own　at　that　age。　He　would　try　to　make　my　children　friendly　to　the　little　beggar：　the　darlings　could　not　bear　it；　and　he　was　angry　with　them　when　they　showed　their　dislike。　In　his　last　illness；　he　had　it　brought　continually　to　his　bedside；　and　but　an　hour　before　he　died；　he　bound　me　by　vow　to　keep　the　creature。　I　would　as　soon　have　been　charged　with　a　pauper　brat　out　of　a　workhouse：　but　he　was　weak；　naturally　weak。　John　does　not　at　all　resemble　his　father；　and　I　am　glad　of　it：　John　is　like　me　and　like　my　brothers—he　is　quite　a　Gibson。　Oh；　I　wish　he　would　cease　tormenting　me　with　letters　for　money？　I　have　no　more　money　to　give　him：　we　are　getting　poor。　I　must　send　away　half　the　servants　and　shut　up　part　of　the　house；　or　let　it　off。　I　can　never　submit　to　do　that—yet　how　are　we　to　get　on？　Two…thirds　of　my　ine　goes　in　paying　the　interest　of　mortgages。　John　gambles　dreadfully；　and　always　loses—poor　boy！　He　is　beset　by　sharpers：　John　is　sunk　and　degraded—his　look　is　frightful—I　feel　ashamed　for　him　when　I　see　him。”
She　was　getting　much　excited。　“I　think　I　had　better　leave　her　now；”　said　I　to　Bessie；　who　stood　on　the　other　side　of　the　bed。
“Perhaps　you　had；　Miss：　but　she　often　talks　in　this　way　towards　night—in　the　morning　she　is　calmer。”
I　rose。　“Stop！”　exclaimed　Mrs。　Reed；　“there　is　another　thing　I　wished　to　say。　He　threatens　me—he　continually　threatens　me　with　his　own　death；　or　mine：　and　I　dream　sometimes　that　I　see　him　laid　out　with　a　great　wound　in　his　throat；　or　with　a　swollen　and　blackened　face。　I　am　e　to　a　strange　pass：　I　have　heavy　troubles。　What　is　to　be　done？　How　is　the　money　to　be　had？”
Bessie　now　endeavoured　to　persuade　her　to　take　a　sedative　draught：　she　succeeded　with　difficulty。　Soon　after；　Mrs。　Reed　grew　more　posed；　and　sank　into　a　dozing　state。　I　then　left　her。
More　than　ten　days　elapsed　before　I　had　again　any　conversation　with　her。　She　continued　either　delirious　or　lethargic；　and　the　doctor　forbade　everything　which　could　painfully　excite　her。　Meantime；　I　got　on　as　well　as　I　could　with　Georgiana　and　Eliza。　They　were　very　cold；　indeed；　at　first。　Eliza　would　sit　half　the　day　sewing；　reading；　or　writing；　and　scarcely　utter　a　word　either　to　me　or　her　sister。　Georgiana　would　chatter　nonsense　to　her　canary　bird　by　the　hour；　and　take　no　notice　of　me。　But　I　was　determined　not　to　seem　at　a　loss　for　occupation　or　amusement：　I　had　brought　my　drawing　materials　with　me；　and　they　served　me　for　both。
Provided　with　a　case　of　pencils；　and　some　sheets　of　paper；　I　used　to　take　a　seat　apart　from　them；　near　the　window；　and　busy　myself　in　sketching　fancy　vigtes；　representing　any　scene　that　happened　momentarily　to　shape　itself　in　the　ever…shifting　kaleidoscope　of　imagination：　a　glimpse　of　sea　between　two　rocks；　the　rising　moon；　and　a　ship　crossing　its　disk；　a　group　of　reeds　and　water…flags；　and　a